Has Swinging Improved Your Self-Image?

[JustAskJulie]

A couple of things that we see a lot from folks who are new to swinging is a fear that they will be rejected due to what they perceive as some personal flaw, whether it be looks, weight or just not being forward enough. For those of you who have been swinging for a while, have you found that swinging has improved your self-image? Do you feel better about yourself? Or have you found that your early fears were well-founded?

[LikeMinds321]

As an adult - these past 35 years - my self-image has always been good; I have felt confident with people, capable in my abilities in business, and most important, I have been married to the same man who has always made me feel good about myself.

Through all those years there was one area that I really hadn't a clue about and that was how I was viewed by others on a sexual level. Everything about our life was business. We have never been social creatures so didn't have vanilla friends to test my flirting skills on or discover if someone was interested in me sexually. You could say that the sexual side of me, beyond what I had with Mr LM, had been in storage.

When we decided to swing, my first concern was whether I would have any appeal to people; was I too old, was I attractive enough compared to other swingers, would I have the skills required to be good at flirting and conversing with swingers, would I be good enough in bed?

I discoverd - with the help of the Swingers Board and getting out to meet swingers - that I did just fine. Learning that people accepted me as a "sexy person" was very exciting and taught me something new about myself. For this reason I answered the poll, Yes, I believe swinging has improved my self-image because it provided a way to see an image of myself I previously hadn't the opportunity to view.

LM

[sweet_tna]

Short answer: Absofrigginlutely!

Longer answer: I never had very high self esteem, and never saw myself as the kinda' gal any guy would look take a second look at. As I've gotten older & wiser, I've come to accept myself for who and what I am. But I still never saw myself as a sexy woman--after all, my husband was supposed to think that. Swinging has changed that for me--how can you not feel sexy and self confident when you realize that other men desire you?

=)

[aklovers]

We just happened to be talking about this same subject. I have never thought of myself as "beautiful" or even "sexy". Sure I can put on a nice bra and low cut shirt and show some cleavage, but thinking of my self as sexy... no! Since we started swinging I have definately been forced to realize there are plenty of people who in fact do find me very attractive.
So to answer your question.... It has totally boosted my self Image. There are people out there who like a bigger girl!

MrsAK

[good times]

I think it probably has improved my self image somewhat, although, I have always been a pretty self confident guy. It has had a definite impact on how I take care of myself physically though. Prior to swinging I never gave much thought to my weight or how I dressed. Now days, I tend to pay a lot more attention to those things than I did before, and I think that is a good thing that also has a positive impact on my self image.

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

For those of you who have been swinging for a while, have you found that swinging has improved your self-image? Do you feel better about yourself? Or have you found that your early fears were well-founded?

I think so. I've never thought of myself as particularly attractive, just pretty average. But hanging out in the alternative side certainly has been interesting. It's a bit insulting to argue with someone when they tell you that you are attractive or sexy or whatever, so I've decided that I must not look all that bad because not everybody can be lying. But it's a work in progress, and while I'm pretty happy with myself and my quirks, there is always more I could do to feel even better with myself - work out more to feel even more comfortable in my skin, work on my self-confidence and assertiveness in the bedroom, quit worrying so much about some of this stuff, etc.

[Texasfuncouple]

It has been amazing what the lifestyle has done for Mrs. Texasfun. She never had low self esteem or issues with how she looked, but the attention she gets when we go out has finally made her get a small taste of just how beautiful she is.

It has been so fun to watch her, as her whole mindset vanilla and "darkside" has changed.

As for me I am still ugly......just kidding! I have never had self confidence issues either....probably to my detriment sometimes!

~Texasfun

[WesternSwing]

Has swinging improved my self-image? Well, personally, no, it's the same as it was before we started swinging. But than again, I've never been one to be self-conscious, either.

Now for Mrs. WS it has improved it. After kids and a few years and pounds she wasn't feeling as sexy as she did at say, 22. Swinging has showed her that she is still as a sexy as ever to more people than just me, which has been very empowering for her.

[Tia Vampire]

It's has improved my attitude, but I have always been an out going person. A little shy when getting familier with a new crowd or scene, but not for long, I just have to feel the crowd out to see what I can say and not say to certain people.

[Spoomonkey]

I've always had a self-esteem problem. But I will say that swinging has changed that some what. Mostly because my "self loathing" has led me to work out madly, change my eating habits and drop 45 pounds...

I could have done that without swinging, but swinging definitely added motivation.

Spoomonkey

[NWGA_Couple]

With us it wasn't swinging per say that help us, but our trip to The Grove last year. I've always been heavy and self conscious about it. It never was a major issue for me, but I was ashamed of how I looked at times. After spending the whole weekend running around nude, and having fun together I was amazed. I couldn't believe how nice people were and how well we were treated. It made me realize people will accept me for more than my looks.

My wife on the other hand was even more affected. She was always shy, self conscious, really low self esteem, and very low confidence. After that weekend she has done a complete 180 and hit the gas. It's like she's a whole new person. She's now out spoken, she'll go right up to people and talk to them, she tries new things, and has made more friends. I love the change in her. I'm proud of her for coming out of her shell.

Like I said ours wasn't so much swinging, we did do a little soft-swinging together with another couple, it was the acceptance we had in general.

[ncmd_couple]

I am the other half of ncmd_couple.

I have always had very low self esteem, honestly since childhood. I remember having to wear corrective shoes and have always worn glasses. I was made fun of for most of my elementary ears.

Junior High was much different. I have let’s say, a well endowed chest and it didn’t go unnoticed.



Boyfriends came easily. I really only had 2 boyfriends before marrying, both long term relationships. I was married for 7 years.

After ending the marriage I just never seemed to be able to get it together. I had many “partners” some being married men. I always enjoyed sex and fantasized about being with a woman and also having multiple partners.

But my insecurities kept me from fulfilling my desires.

Until I met S.

He made me feel beautiful. He was the first man to ever tell me how sexy I was. He invited me to shower with him, something I’d never done. He shaved me, also something I never experienced before. When we went to sleep, he’d rub my butt. Seems like a minor thing but also something I’d never had done before and it is very special to me.

We started swinging just about a year ago. I feel very sexy in the clubs. I totally enjoy going whether we met anyone or we’re just by ourselves.

S is still my rock. He has and is helping me overcome my being uncomfortable with my body.

Has swinging improved my self image, you bet it has!

[cubnamy1995]

For us, yes and yes.

For her: Amy never felt attractive. When guys would show interest, to her it was because she was "handy and available" or "fuckable" but not desired. Swinging has helped realize that she is pretty damn hot, and lots of guys and gals think so.

For him: I was self conscious that having a schlong of average size and girth, I would not be desired, but have found out quite pleasantly that women do find me desirable, and even prefer me at times. That really helps me a lot.

[havefuninsun]

I never thought of myself as hot and desirable. I felt a lot like Amy (cubnamy1995). It still surprises me to learn that I am a WANTED woman. LOL!!

I don't think I've ever had low self esteem, but never really thought too highly of myself either. So that's why I still get surprised.

An aside: The men I've met through this venture have all been awesome and such gentlemen. Wow.

[LFM2]

Can I give you the long version? I can? Ok.... Hang on.

With Dave, I'd say no. He's always had this unbelievable aura that spells confidence and strength. Women have always been attracted to him. He's the rugged cowboy (Yes, we really did cowboy on a ranch for years. Horses and cattle are all he's ever known) type who's never been short on humor or charm. I just can't believe I was lucky enough to catch him!

I have always thought of myself as so-so. I've never thought myself as attractive and certainly not someone who would turn their heads if they passed me on the streets. As I've gotten older (and wiser), I think I've gotten prettier and easier to talk to.

When Dave brought up the idea of swinging, it of course crushed me and I, in my most lowest self-esteem, thought he was tired of me, didn't want to be with just me anymore, might as well divorce me now because he doesn't love me anymore type of feeling. Not until we talked and talked and talked and talked did I really understand what he was talking about. The research I did and the talking and more talking and more talking only helped me build my self-image. It's amazing what it does for a person's psyche to really know what it's like to be loved so deeply and so unselfishly.

I would have to say yes, swinging has improved my self-image.

Now, I'd have to say that my self-concept changes daily. It depends on my hair, how fat I think I look in those particular pants and how stupid I think my shoes look.

Swinging however, lets me know that I am still attractive to other men. I've been married to Dave for four thousand years and not a day goes by that he doesn't tell me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am. I know he's biased. (Ya think?) How am I supposed to know what others think? Swinging precisely lets me know what others think.

Holly