Does swinging and friendship mix?

[dragonfly_nc]

Just curious on what others take are on swinging and friendship. Is it really possibly for a couple to have a true friendship with another couple, if you play with others.

We have found that we have swinger friends that we do not swing with yet it is difficult to maintain a true friendship with people that you play with, due to emotions (jealousy etc), if you are not exclusive with them.

What's everyone's take on this?

[OhioCouple]

Great poll and question!

I voted for it having it's ups and downs. We do prefer to become friends first but have found that it hasn't worked out well in a couple of relationships. Specifically one that can't let go of the fact that we don't want to take it to a sexual level and they can't understand why since "we are friends " in areas that have no sexual meaning.

I am interested to hear others opinons on this and see how the poll turns out.

Lori

[Handyman69]

My husband and I discussed this...trying to see what we would vote and came up with "not able to vote". We have gone for the friendship part but as of yet are still looking for that. Seems the couple that we know fairly well....get togethers are on a sexual nature (due to distance). We currently are corresponding with a couple that looks promising in both areas but only time will tell.

We did soft swap with one couple that looked good on both ends but they ended up backing out of the lifestyle and the friendship ended...we think it is due to them not being able to trust each other in a non-sexual way.

Lots of couples that we have known and corresponded with..seems to be to say they want a friendship but don't pursue it. example: getting to gether when kids are home for playing cards, or going out for dinner, etc.

I know we are pretty new at this so are hopeful to have a couple on both levels.


Rhonda and John

[BiloxiCouple]

We see having friends as pretty difficult due to work and kids. When we do get out we try to make the most of it.

We have friends that don't swing. But it's hard to visit with them due to time constraints.

We have friends that are swingers but we don't party with. Just the way it is. We have friends that are swingers and party with regular.

You will run across swingers (new?) who may party one time and don't want the lifestyle after that for a multitude of reasons. Or more experienced swingers may have a change in their lives (financial, family etc.) that may cause them to get out of the lifestyle permanently or temporarily.

We've never had any luck using e-mail. And normally don't pursue e-mails. We are listed on a couple of sites with the stipulation if you want to meet it will be at a swingers club. If they can't meet you there then they probably aren't ready.

And I digress again.

[bimrdcpl]

We have met two couples that we have played with and became great friends with. One no longer is in the lifestyle but we are still friends with and the other one we are currently "seeing" if thats what you want to call it. We have done the dinner and card thing with all the kids running around like mad men screaming and yelling and having a great time. We have done birthday parties and housewarmings, and so on. We pretty much hang out but we set aside nights where its just adults when we want to play. Which is not that often do to kids wanting to run around like mad men and scream and yell. Which is ok with us because when we do get our time its that much better because there are no more awkward moments. Just a lot of fun.

[Handyman69]

Thanks for that reply bimrdcpl, Yes, that is exacly what we are looking for. I guess maybe it is able to find friends after all, we will just have fun while our quest continues.
John

[2New2it]

We have yet to find a couple with which we have 4-way comfort/attraction, so haven't done a full swap yet.

We do have a few men and women who have been in threesomes with us and we consider them friends, though not as close as our "normal" friends for daily activities. We do things with them outside the bedroom, but more often than not, we eventually end up there.

[dave_susie2001]

Whenever we get together with a couple, we never have any expectations. I’ve said that before. If we all hit it off and end up playing, that’s great. If not, that’s great too. We haven’t met too many people in this lifestyle that we don’t like. We have met many that we aren’t attracted to, but those are two different things.

Most of our friends are in the lifestyle. We love to meet new couples and we do as often as we can. Some we clique with, some we don’t. Some we do play with, but we don’t have sex every time we’re together. Some are great people and we become casual friends, but we never play with. Some (like your example Lori) can’t understand why we don’t want to play with them. Either the attraction is there for everyone, or it’s not. Just because you aren’t sexually attracted to someone, doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends. One couple we know we meet ONLY to have sex. Of course, dinner can and often is a part of our “date,” we only meet them when we all want to party.

We enjoy hanging out with our swing friends. Dinners, drinks, watching DVD’s, playing cards…what ever. We are more comfortable with swingers than “regular” people. We can talk about anything. Let’s face it, you can’t eat lunch with your average co-worker and tell him/her how your wife had 8 orgasms the night before at a friendly cocktail party. An evening of good fellowship is almost as much fun as an evening of playing.

As far as the kid goes, ours is grown (18) and can be more trouble than a toddler. Where you would have to watch what you say in front of a younger child, with an 18-year-old, you have to watch HOW you say it. They aren’t dumb. I’m sure our daughter has suspicions about why we go out overnight sometimes, or have friends over for dinner. But I know that she doesn’t even like to think about Susie and I having sex together. She’d NEVER believe that we have sex with other people. At least, I hope she wouldn’t.

[JustAskJulie]

For us, definately. Most of the couples we have swung with I would consider good friends and one or two I would put in the best friend category. The greatest thing about these relationships is that you can get together and talk about swinging and flirt and have fun but it takes the pressure off. There is no pressure to have sex and if you do it's just a bonus to a great friendship.

[Michcouple]

We have met many new and different friends in the lifestyle. Although, I do consider many of them friends I find it hard to consider them best friends. This hasn't been by choice...just seems to happen that way.

[Atlphotog]

We met this couple, it was our first couple about 8 months ago. This was first time I just didnt watch. We clicked with the couple really liked them,they liked us. They had never swung and were very emotional people. You would talk to the hubby and he would say she is not ready to full swing but I am. You would talk to the wife and she would say he is not ready to full swing but I am. It was a emotional roller coaster and because we liked them as people we stayed around alot longer then we would if we didnt see them as friends. Then they were gone for awhile came back to visit and hang out nothing sexually. Then two days later we get a email that they were saved and we were commiting the greatest sin in the world swinging. Now they are writing us wanting to hang out and just be friends, its just to weird.

[d and K]

A while back i would have thought that it was impossible to keep swinging and friendships toghther......After nearly a year, I have played with partied with traveled etc with the same couples....Sometimes its great jsut to go out or BBQ. Although a short time ago we did go out to a montreal bar and blow a few heads off ( 4 couples interchaning was a lot of fun , yet satsifying). I have run into a few folks that off at a party are gr4eat to play with yet if you run into them on the street or store, they wont aknoledge you

[Vjklander]

We belong to a few different 'lifestyle' groups, ie Swingers, BDSM, Nudists, Heathens, Libertarians ... and most of our friends are in one or more of those groups. A few 'nilla's here and there. But it seems natural to be friends with people who share our outlook on life. We happen to enjoy sharing pleasures with others and accept other people for who they are. We find that is a fairly common view in the kinky communities. We also have a very stable relationship that is a whole lot more like dating than marriage. We don't take anything for granted, especially each other. If you take a look around, you realize that every time I walk out the door in the morning it might be for the last time, every time we lay down in bed at night it might be the last time. Not to be morbid, but you never know, so we treat every moment of every day as special.
Jamie

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by Vjklander
We also have a very stable relationship that is a whole lot more like dating than marriage. We don't take anything for granted, especially each other. If you take a look around, you realize that every time I walk out the door in the morning it might be for the last time, every time we lay down in bed at night it might be the last time. Not to be morbid, but you never know, so we treat every moment of every day as special.
Jamie

Jamie that is one of the better written assesments regarding relationships that I have read in a long time. Very well put and very true. I think that it is the foundation on which good relationships are built and that by having such you can enter into whatever activities that you enjoy without feeling pressure or worried about your love for each other.

Lori

[BradAndJanet]

Originally posted by Vjklander
...If you take a look around, you realize that every time I walk out the door in the morning it might be for the last time, every time we lay down in bed at night it might be the last time. Not to be morbid, but you never know, so we treat every moment of every day as special.
Jamie

I know exactly what you mean. I always give J a kiss and tell her I love her before we leave for work, 'cause you never really know...

-B