Who has more pressure to perform?

curious24 · 01-06-2003, 07:57 PM

I just had an interesting thought. When a couple gets together with another couple for a full swap who usually has "performance anxioity" the male or the female and why?

IMO being a male here I would feel pretty presured to give a good performance and making the woman I'm with happy. However, from my point of view (maybe from my lack of experience) it seems to me that women would have it easy and pleasing a man would be easy?

I really don't have a clue that's why I pose this question

OhioCouple · 01-07-2003, 08:36 AM

I think most people are going to agree that a male has a harder time when it comes to performance. A man needs to get and maintain an erection and that is pretty difficult for many at times. Especially when you are new to a couple many have had this problem. I can't imagine though a woman getting too uspet, especially if the male tries to please in other ways. I would have to think that most women would be considerate when this happens and not turn it into something humilitating for the male unless they themsevles are insecure people and feel that the inability for a man to have or maintain an erection is a reflection of their desireability.

Women can disguise their inablilty for the most part since they generally don't have anything that becomes visably erect except the nipples on the breasts and even then some women's may not ever do that. If we are having trouble with lubrication we can grab the bottle of astrolube and fake our way through it.

Guys defenitely have the tougher job in my opinion.

Lori

TeamSoBe · 01-07-2003, 10:56 AM

Oh definitely, it's horrifying for some guys. I'm not the kind of guy that normally finds myself in bed with women that I don't already know very well, so I'm a special kind of disoriented in full swap situations. I still haven't really gotten over that newbie anxiety and had a good full-swap. I'm hoping that after one or two decent experiences I'll have more confidence and it won't be such a big deal but that's just theory, I'll let you know how it works out.

For me the worst part is that the other guy is generally far more experienced than me with both sex and with swinging. I get intimidated, and if I'm already having problems getting it up and then I look over and he just springs to action and starts into my wife, that just doesn't help me. More pressure, I start to feel self-conscious, it really sucks. The only thing that I could imagine that could make the pressure any more unbearable is if the whole thing were in public with a bunch of video cameras pointed at me or something, but I feel as anxious as if that were the case, and anxiety does not get along well with Mr Boner.

Handyman69 · 01-07-2003, 09:54 PM

My husband and I agree.....pressure is more on him than me. I know at times I need to use lube but when he has problems with getting an erection...well anxiety goes up and worse it becomes. Each experience is new and anxiety plays a key, whether it is bad or good.

Rhonda

J & K · 01-07-2003, 10:58 PM

Men---of course!!!! Women have it too, but slap some lube and she can still perform while being nervous. It sure would be great to slap some astroglide on and bamm---a hard-on!!! The day they make that work I want to have some stock in that company!!!

TeamSoBe · 01-07-2003, 11:15 PM

You would have made much better margins on Pfizer.

***JustAskJulie*** · 01-14-2003, 05:31 PM

Need to be able to choose both. But I really think it depends on the people. I think that most of the pressure a person feels to perform is put on by themselves and not by those they think they need to perform for.

Granted with a guy "performance issues" are a much more visible thing. But on the same note a female may not be into it and may feel like she needs to pretend she is... it's just not as obvious if she isn't into it.

enzo_corona · 08-12-2007, 09:59 AM

I think it depends on the people, but in Indonesia .. male does.

ShellyM · 08-12-2007, 10:02 AM

DEFINATELY male across the board. No doubt about it. With women, even if we are dry you just slap on some gel and your good to go. Yes, we have it easy compared to the gentlemen.....I have no idea how you men have the patience to put up with that thing that does whatever it wants to do! I tell Jay there is a reason why God didn't give women a penis...one bout of PMS and we'd cut the damn thing off lol!!
Shelly

cubnamy1995 · 08-12-2007, 03:23 PM

I agree with julie. While a man having performance issues is much more visible, that does not mean that women have it easy. Correct me if I'm wrong ladies, but you have the new person anxiety as much as men. Granted, you are still able to function fairly normally, but the feelings are still there. I know of close couples where the female half gets so nervous before playing with someone new, she gets sick to her stomach.

I too have had my share of performance anxiety. I now carry the little blue pill with me. Even if I dont need it, its nice to know its there.

ShellyM · 08-12-2007, 04:27 PM

Thats true, women get nervous. I get nervous over stupid stuff lol like do I look like my pictures, do I look fat, etc. etc. lol. Not really over meeting someone. However, I have to admit that women have it easier when it comes to physical mechanics. If I'm nervous I can still do my thing and work through it. A man can as well, but when he is nervous and has erection issues everyone knows about it, which makes it worse.
Shelly

Tybee Swing · 08-13-2007, 07:08 AM

Who has more pressure to perform?

The one who who imposes the most pressure on himself or herself. I think that in most cases, the pressure is all in one's own head - not coming from an outside source, but coming from within. In a lot of ways,
"pressure" = lack of self confidence. Calling it "pressure" can be kind of an excuse, something to blame.

Tenatious · 08-13-2007, 02:24 PM

This is something that has concerned me since my other hasn't been in the situation yet. He has a beautiful cock that is both long and fat. I wonder more if his concern over wether i'm having fun or not will cause that beauty to go limp. Then of course that would just compound everything. I guess whatever the reason we should all be ready to accept that it's more then possible

spamcatcher · 12-10-2008, 12:13 PM

The consensus seems to be 'the male'. I'll throw out another choice: the OLDER male!

With personal experience to serve as a reference!

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View Poll Results: Who has more pressure to perform?
Male	159	92.98%
Female	12	7.02%
Voters: 171. You may not vote on this poll

01-06-2003, 07:57 PM	#1 (permalink)
curious24 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 696 Location: austin, tx Status: Single Male	Who has more pressure to perform? I just had an interesting thought. When a couple gets together with another couple for a full swap who usually has "performance anxioity" the male or the female and why? IMO being a male here I would feel pretty presured to give a good performance and making the woman I'm with happy. However, from my point of view (maybe from my lack of experience) it seems to me that women would have it easy and pleasing a man would be easy? I really don't have a clue that's why I pose this question

01-07-2003, 08:36 AM	#2 (permalink)
OhioCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 6,619 Location: Ohio Status: Married Female	I think most people are going to agree that a male has a harder time when it comes to performance. A man needs to get and maintain an erection and that is pretty difficult for many at times. Especially when you are new to a couple many have had this problem. I can't imagine though a woman getting too uspet, especially if the male tries to please in other ways. I would have to think that most women would be considerate when this happens and not turn it into something humilitating for the male unless they themsevles are insecure people and feel that the inability for a man to have or maintain an erection is a reflection of their desireability. Women can disguise their inablilty for the most part since they generally don't have anything that becomes visably erect except the nipples on the breasts and even then some women's may not ever do that. If we are having trouble with lubrication we can grab the bottle of astrolube and fake our way through it. Guys defenitely have the tougher job in my opinion. Lori
	__________________ Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

01-07-2003, 10:56 AM	#3 (permalink)
TeamSoBe Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 507 Location: South Beach, Florida Status: M. Half of Couple	Oh definitely, it's horrifying for some guys. I'm not the kind of guy that normally finds myself in bed with women that I don't already know very well, so I'm a special kind of disoriented in full swap situations. I still haven't really gotten over that newbie anxiety and had a good full-swap. I'm hoping that after one or two decent experiences I'll have more confidence and it won't be such a big deal but that's just theory, I'll let you know how it works out. For me the worst part is that the other guy is generally far more experienced than me with both sex and with swinging. I get intimidated, and if I'm already having problems getting it up and then I look over and he just springs to action and starts into my wife, that just doesn't help me. More pressure, I start to feel self-conscious, it really sucks. The only thing that I could imagine that could make the pressure any more unbearable is if the whole thing were in public with a bunch of video cameras pointed at me or something, but I feel as anxious as if that were the case, and anxiety does not get along well with Mr Boner.
	__________________ i love everybody. you're next.

01-07-2003, 09:54 PM	#4 (permalink)
Handyman69 Here to Stay Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 553 Location: MI..God's country.so we thought. Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:handyman69	My husband and I agree.....pressure is more on him than me. I know at times I need to use lube but when he has problems with getting an erection...well anxiety goes up and worse it becomes. Each experience is new and anxiety plays a key, whether it is bad or good. Rhonda

01-07-2003, 10:58 PM	#5 (permalink)
J & K Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 192 Location: Middle GA Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:OKC_CPL	Men---of course!!!! Women have it too, but slap some lube and she can still perform while being nervous. It sure would be great to slap some astroglide on and bamm---a hard-on!!! The day they make that work I want to have some stock in that company!!!

01-07-2003, 11:15 PM	#6 (permalink)
TeamSoBe Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 507 Location: South Beach, Florida Status: M. Half of Couple	You would have made much better margins on Pfizer.
	__________________ i love everybody. you're next.

01-14-2003, 05:31 PM	#7 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,294 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	Need to be able to choose both. But I really think it depends on the people. I think that most of the pressure a person feels to perform is put on by themselves and not by those they think they need to perform for. Granted with a guy "performance issues" are a much more visible thing. But on the same note a female may not be into it and may feel like she needs to pretend she is... it's just not as obvious if she isn't into it.
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

08-12-2007, 09:59 AM	#8 (permalink)
enzo_corona Registered User Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 1 Location: Indonesia Status: Couple	Re: Who has more pressure to perform? I think it depends on the people, but in Indonesia .. male does.

08-12-2007, 10:02 AM	#9 (permalink)
ShellyM Jay's Bumper Buddy Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 2,299 Location: San Marcos, TEXAS Status: On the prowl for man meat Swing Lifestyle Name:lost_j1	Re: Who has more pressure to perform? DEFINATELY male across the board. No doubt about it. With women, even if we are dry you just slap on some gel and your good to go. Yes, we have it easy compared to the gentlemen.....I have no idea how you men have the patience to put up with that thing that does whatever it wants to do! I tell Jay there is a reason why God didn't give women a penis...one bout of PMS and we'd cut the damn thing off lol!! Shelly
	__________________ Merry Christmas and a Ho Ho Ho Shelly

08-12-2007, 03:23 PM	#10 (permalink)
cubnamy1995 Amateur Naked Acrobats Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 541 Location: East TX Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:cubnamy1995	Re: Who has more pressure to perform? I agree with julie. While a man having performance issues is much more visible, that does not mean that women have it easy. Correct me if I'm wrong ladies, but you have the new person anxiety as much as men. Granted, you are still able to function fairly normally, but the feelings are still there. I know of close couples where the female half gets so nervous before playing with someone new, she gets sick to her stomach. I too have had my share of performance anxiety. I now carry the little blue pill with me. Even if I dont need it, its nice to know its there.
	__________________ *Aspiring Amateur Pornstars*

08-12-2007, 04:27 PM	#11 (permalink)
ShellyM Jay's Bumper Buddy Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 2,299 Location: San Marcos, TEXAS Status: On the prowl for man meat Swing Lifestyle Name:lost_j1	Re: Who has more pressure to perform? Thats true, women get nervous. I get nervous over stupid stuff lol like do I look like my pictures, do I look fat, etc. etc. lol. Not really over meeting someone. However, I have to admit that women have it easier when it comes to physical mechanics. If I'm nervous I can still do my thing and work through it. A man can as well, but when he is nervous and has erection issues everyone knows about it, which makes it worse. Shelly
	__________________ Merry Christmas and a Ho Ho Ho Shelly

08-13-2007, 07:08 AM	#12 (permalink)
Tybee Swing Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 1,845 Location: Georgia Status: single female	Re: Who has more pressure to perform? Who has more pressure to perform? The one who who imposes the most pressure on himself or herself. I think that in most cases, the pressure is all in one's own head - not coming from an outside source, but coming from within. In a lot of ways, "pressure" = lack of self confidence. Calling it "pressure" can be kind of an excuse, something to blame.

08-13-2007, 02:24 PM	#13 (permalink)
Tenatious Here to Stay Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 12 Location: Canada Status: Couple	Re: Who has more pressure to perform? This is something that has concerned me since my other hasn't been in the situation yet. He has a beautiful cock that is both long and fat. I wonder more if his concern over wether i'm having fun or not will cause that beauty to go limp. Then of course that would just compound everything. I guess whatever the reason we should all be ready to accept that it's more then possible

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