How open about swinging are you?

[bear_and_babe]

On my side of the family, my one brother knows we are in the lifestyle, he is also. But I will never tell my other brother, he would not understand and really get on my case about it. My step-mom knows. She figured it out on her own. She even wants to come to the club with us. That would be too strange! And I never want my dad knowing. He still thinks I am a virgin. My best friend knows, and would really like to get into the lifestyle also, but she just lives it through me.

On Bears side of the family, his sister knows and she also wants to try our club, but her new husband is not ready for that. They had a lot of questions, and were supportive of our choice to be in the lifestyle. No one else in his family knows, and that is how it will stay. It would just cause me problems as they have never liked me from the start.

Bear did tell his best friend that we are in the lifestyle and he did not speak to us for a year. He asked a few questions, then just stopped listening to the answers. Instead of trusting us and listening to what we had to say, he just believed all the vanilla misconceptions about swinging. He said some very nasty things to us, so losing him as a friend was not all that hard. He has since tried to come back into our lives, but I am just not ready to forgive.

If a vanilla friend were to ask me if I was in the lifestyle, then I would not lie, but I don't feel the need to come out to everyone.

[Mr. Truelove]

Well so far the results are very interesting. I expected a lot more people to have told friends. As of this post 40% don't tell anyone vanilla at all about their swinging.

We already told two of our friends. One just flat out guessed and we didn't cover too well, we started laughing. Not a big deal, I knew he would be accepting, we just didn't want to make him feel awkward around us. I think he is comfortable with it, just isn't comfortable talking about it. So I still don't say too much. Only time will tell.

Mr. Truelove

[JacobSky]

My family knows. Only my brothers know that I'm still interested and involved here.

On one hand, it aleviates a shame of holding a secret, but on the other hand, they have been against my choice.

I practically got chewed out the other night by one of my brothers. He swares that I will never find a good wife, or "true love" by being in this lifestyle and looking at porn. My mom and dad are conservative protestant christians, and so "were" my brothers and I. They have not been living religiously, but still have our initial beliefs. They don't claim to be perfect though. So my brother told me that he doesn't care about this regarding my "religious beliefs", but that I'm going to die young, or grow old all alone.

I was quite shook up by it this. I started to write a thread about my situation, but I canceled it. I like being open, but I do wish that my family didn't know, or even better if I'm "wishing", I wish that they'd support me.

I don't tell my new vanilla friends, but I did in college. Most of my lifelong friends from my home state know that I have been into swinging. Some of them think that I quit, I guess, or some of them just don't care (I don't see them often anymore). The closest friends like me just the same, but the "not so close" friends that heard about it through a girl that I dated, do judge me a bit. I have felt some shame at times. I still deal with this once in a while, but it is mixed in with religious issues, and my desire for a LTR with a woman that is very open-minded.

Telling others can help and hurt you, but I'd still tell those that I trust if I had to do it all again.
__________________
Live life to the fullest!

[Jamie&Kieth]

Well, our two oldest children know, they caught us (spied on us, separate occasions) and when they asked us about it we told them the truth, they both are ok with this. Our children know we love each other and our swinging is for sex and we only do it amongst a very small group of friends.

My mom knows, think she is jealous, she to grew up in the 60's, went to Woodstock in '69 and has a fairly liberal attitude.

Finally, a close husband/wife know about our extra-curricular lifestyle and once in a while play 20 questions with us out of curiousity. Husband's parents have no clue, we have often thought we should tell them because of the 4 kids in his family we are the only one's not divorced. Still together over 20 years

[Tia Vampire]

i don't care who knows. i'm not ashamed at all. only if i'm asked though, then i would say if we are or are'nt. it would have to be an adult though, i don't share anything with children.

[willyoats]

The only time I really worried about it was when I still needed security clearance for my consulting business.

Now my kids know. They probably have known since they were in high school. I'm pretty sure they went through a box in our closet that had swinger literature and correspondence. Let that be a warning to all parents!

I'm pretty sure one of my kids and her husband are also swingers within a very tight circle of friends. We have discussed our swinging but they have not volunteered specific info about their activites.

Our best friends now are nudists but do not know of our history in swinging.

[havefuninsun]

We're just not interested in kissing and telling. One of my sisters would probably be very cool with it if she knew ... I've thought about telling my vanilla girlfriends (two of them), but I'm afraid they might lock me in a closet until I came back to my senses. Or maybe they wouldn't -- I guess because I'm so closed mouthed that I wouldn't want to answer a parade of questions.

Would I flat out lie if asked? I guess that depends on who asked ...

[rebelnangel]

about most everyone that knows us knows the truth,with the exception of our family.we try not to let them know anything....they are too prudish about things

[cubnamy1995]

We have one set of friends who are sorta-vanilla (they have threesomes w/ single women, but nothing else). They know because she and the mrs. have played before. Otherwise, absolutely, positively NOBODY in the vanilla world knows, and we have no plans to change that.

It wouldn't matter if we were swingers or not, we still wouldn't tell our family anything about our sex life period. It's none of their business.

Now, admittedly, it sucks to not have vanilla friends you can you can gloat around, but really, I don't wanna be the guy that brags about all his "conquests" to everybody. While not all our play-partners are as secretive about their part in the lifestyle, we would still rather keep it discreet out of respect for others we meet in the lifestyle. We appreciate the discretion.

[shecansquirt99]

We considered telling our good vanilla friends who actually have fooled around with another friend of ours a few years ago. But so far, nobody knows. Sometimes though, I just about bust to tell the things that go on when the lights are dim, as well as the things that we would like to do.
Mr

[fun4Ds]

so far we have never been asked by anyone we couldn't be honest with.

we just hope someone we couldn't be honest with ever asks

[sweet_tna]

I've told one vanilla friend. We're very close and she pretty much knew "something was up" anyway. But we've no intentions of telling anyone else.

=)

[LFM2]

I've never told a soul. Yet, our oldest daughter found our profile on AFF. She's 26 and pretty wild herself. I really think she had a hard time with it at first -- imagining her parents messing around with another couple. After I sat down with her and threatened her life about telling her siblings and grandmother, I think she understood a little bit better.

[Vjklander]

I don't flaunt it, but I don't hide it either. I really don't care what anyone else thinks.

[MIbbwcpl]

We have told some of our friends, no negative reactions really. I don't mind people knowing, it actually helps put a positive light on swinging, I think. I actually had one friend completely shocked that we have an open relationship because he had never seen one work. All of the ones he'd been around turned out badly.

Mr.MIbbwcpl's sister and bf know too. I forget how it came about, but I told them last summer, with the explicit instructions not to tell their (SIL's and hubbys) mother. I don't think she'd respond well. She's clearly anti-alternative lifestyle. She dumped a guy because he liked to cross dress; has chastised me for telling our kids that love is love, doesn't matter if its a boy or a girl that you love (thats encouraging homosexuality, doncha know?); and is against interracial relationships. I don't think she'd be thrilled with us having an open relationship.