What's your preference for 1st meets?

[jimnjan]

We're just curious, what is your preference for meeting people/person for the first time? What is your reason for your preference?

We used to love dinner/drinks, but after 5 cancellations in a row (single males & couples) we've now decided to only meet at M&G's and clubs (on or off premises). It's just a matter of Jan is tired of getting all dressed up & then having the plans cancelled (one time was so bad, we got an email 5 minutes before we were to leave!!! and boy did they miss out, Jan looked hot!)

Jim

[rpu3]

We are at the point we'd prefer to meet at a club, but would consider a drink or two at a pub/bar/restaurant lounge. We don't have a huge cancellation rate, but personally, I'm tired of spending the money - I'd rather meet people we actually knew at restaurants, and save the first meets for a location in which it doesn't matter if they show or not.

[ShellyM]

I would honestly prefer a "neutral" location such as dinner. This way there is no pressure. When you meet at a swingers club there is alot of pressure, almost an expectation of sex. Even meeting at a vanilla bar is cool, but I would prefer not a swinging location for the first time.

[gatorvol64]

I had to choose the dinner/drinks option. It really is our only choice. The closest club is 3-4 hours away. We'll make it there one day but, just like everyone else, we have a limited amount of time. We use what we have to. It has worked better for us than others we have talked to. We are lucky.

Vol

[flkeyscouple]

Dinner and/or drinks works best for us. As Shelly says - no pressure; and it's a great way to find out about them as a person/couple, with little to no conversation about sex. The sex talk comes later!

Sarah

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by ShellyM

I would honestly prefer a "neutral" location such as dinner. This way there is no pressure. When you meet at a swingers club there is alot of pressure, almost an expectation of sex.

Have you had an experience of doing a first meet at a club in which there was the pressure or expectation of sex? In our experience, it has actually alleviated a lot of pressure because we all know that if we don't hit it off, both couples have the evening at the club to do as they wish, as opposed to walking away thinking, "Well, there's 2 hours and $40 we can't get back."

As always, to each their own and whatever works best for them.

[good times]

I had to edit this to Dito what Rpu3 said, we were writing our posts at the same time.

Originally Posted by ShellyM

I would honestly prefer a "neutral" location such as dinner. This way there is no pressure. When you meet at a swingers club there is alot of pressure, almost an expectation of sex. Even meeting at a vanilla bar is cool, but I would prefer not a swinging location for the first time.

Actually, in our experience their is much more pressure with a one-on-one meeting at dinner or a bar than if we meet at a club. At dinner, if it is obvious you aren't going to make the connection you are still stuck with them until dinner is over and you can tactfully make a departure. At the club, on the other hand, if after talking with them for a few minutes you can see their is no connection you can easily part company right away.

The way we normally do it is if someone contacts us wanting to meet we will say something like, "We are planning on going to 'fill in club name here' on Friday night, why don't you stop by there and we will meet and see if we are all compatible." This approach has worked well for us, and more often than not we find out we aren't compatible for some reason but the night is not wasted as we can all still have a good time at the club.

By the way, we have been going to on-premise swingers clubs regularly for about five years and I have never experienced, "an expectation of sex" or any pressure to have sex with anyone.

[TwoLittleBirds]

See, we're the oppostibe of RPU3 because even if we don't hit it off, we got to do our favorite thing; go out to dinner!
My suggestion (to my wife) is to find something besides a dinner date, because as somewhat shy people (to start with, at least) there's a lot of pressure to have a non-stop conversation with two strangers. I know a movie or play is too far in the opposite direction. What's something in the middle where the entertainment can take some of the pressure off of conversation?

Last time (which was also our first time!) dinner worked out fine, though. I have to admit when we got there first, I started thinking, "Oh God. They're not going to show up." But they did, and we had a nice time. But there were moments I was thinking, "Um. Now what do we talk about..."

Mr. Bird

[wpafuncpl]

Originally Posted by rpu3

Have you had an experience of doing a first meet at a club in which there was the pressure or expectation of sex? In our experience, it has actually alleviated a lot of pressure because we all know that if we don't hit it off, both couples have the evening at the club to do as they wish, as opposed to walking away thinking, "Well, there's 2 hours and $40 we can't get back."

As always, to each their own and whatever works best for them.

We agree with you. The club alleviates a lot of pressure for us. No connection? No problem. Enjoy the evening at the club and socialize with others. Just because we meet at a club does not mean that we expect sex.

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by rpu3

Have you had an experience of doing a first meet at a club in which there was the pressure or expectation of sex? In our experience, it has actually alleviated a lot of pressure because we all know that if we don't hit it off, both couples have the evening at the club to do as they wish, as opposed to walking away thinking, "Well, there's 2 hours and $40 we can't get back."

As always, to each their own and whatever works best for them.

Yep, we've had much more pressure in one on one meetings. Meeting people at a club holds no expectations, as most of the time, you didn't plan to meet anyone there. With a one-on-one meeting, you've usually swapped a few emails for at least a few days, talked about some stuff preliminarily, and so meeting for drinks feels so much more like an audition or an interview. It's a lot harder to get up from a dinner table saying that it was nice meeting you and we'll be leaving now, versus talking to a couple at a club, not feeling any sparks, and excusing yourself to go to the restroom, or to smoke a cigarette, to talk to someone else, etc.

I suppose it's how you look at it, but we've found clubs much easier.

Pepper

[blondie77]

Well, meet and greets and clubs all sound so much fun, but we live in an area that has no such things within reasonable driving distance to us, so we usually opt for the dinner and drinks. It's less expensive than driving two hours to a club and getting a hotel room. We've never been stood up (yet), but if we were, at least we'd still be able to salvage the night and enjoy a nice quiet dinner with drinks with the two of us, close to home.

[oddcouple2841]

This is K

I picked other because I am just not sure. We talked to one single who likes to meet in motel / hotel bar because if you do hit it off someone can slip off and get a room. I like his thinking on this. It takes a lot of pressure off everyone having to get into seperate cars and drive somewhere and it shows at least an intention to play.

For me at least and I think for S, we like to get to know a lot about the others from emails, pics and chatting online. By the time we agree to meet someone then there is about a 95% chance we will be willing to play before we even meet face to face. Meetings can go two ways though. I know the with the one couple we have met, S went into it very apprehensive about the other female, S was intimidated by her from their pics, online chats and emails. When they actually got to sit down and talk S found she was not intimidated by her at all.

[DGrey]

We prefer Meet & Greets or off-premise locations. It's just more of a relaxed atmosphere and everyone involved seems more at ease.

E

[getnit2gethr]

I put off-premise clubs because that's where we've always met people in the past. We've never been to an on-premise club or a M&G. The one couple that we met for dinner didn't really click for everyone but it was fun (they even showed up, lol). Lately we've been trying to set up more dinner/drink dates for a change. Hopefully we won't have the same problem you had.

[JacobSky]

I selected dinner/drinks at a resteraunt. I did see mention of meeting at a bookstore on another thread. I'd try that in the future also, but your conversation can be drowned out more easily in a resteraunt.

The first couple that I met with met me in a western store's parking lot, before leading me to their home. They trusted me possibly a bit more than I'd trust others.