Couples swinging individually

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by oddcouple2841

This is K


I know the thread is getting old but the issue really came up last night and ended up in a very rare fight for us. Of the one couple we have met face to face the "he" chats with S pretty much daily. I had noticed several things he had been saying bothered me a bit but last night S was chatting with "him" and turned to me and asked what I though about just her meeting with them to play. Well, I did not say absolutely no right off the bat but she did make a snide remark and things went down hill from there. The more I thought about it the madder I became. We ended up talking about things for awhile later but it did not get any better (in fact they got worse). We did end up making up last night and things are much better and clearer this morning.

On my part, 1) I may be a bit more open to solo but our profile and previous disscussions make it clear that the first time will be with both of us except the possibility of playing solo with a same sex partner after a face to face meeting with both of us. 2) Much of my anger was because S asked me instead of just immediatly repling no and reiterating the statement from our profile. 3) I know from this particuar couple the "she" and I did not really click and I felt a lot like they were trying to "leave me out" or "split" S away so they could enjoy her while not having to be bothered with me.

Now I realize I may be somewhat jealous because she receives a lot more attention than I do. I am also not someone who chats much, so often I will turn down her offer to conference. but......

What do you all think? Has this issue ever come up for any of you with another couple?

Okay, I can see a few areas of concern here. The main one, I think, is that you feel like the other couple is trying to split you apart from S for playtime. Whether or not that is actually the case is (to a point) irrelevant, because it's how you FEEL. You need to make this clear to S. You might also remind her (in case, for some reason she's missed it) that you didn't click with the other wife. Right there is a good enough reason to reconsider playing with this couple. If you're not both enjoying playtime, there's really no point.

Now here's where things get tricky. You aren't comfortable with S and the other guy chatting all day. While most would say that's a problem, I'd be hypocritical to do so. I've been known to have frequent chat sessions with one of our (male) playmates. My hubby and I know him and his wife (who I also chat with) outside of the lifestyle, and half the time we talk about kids, work, etc. And I save all my chats, so my hubby can see them for himself--though I tell him everything anyway. BUT my honey is okay with all this, whereas you are not. This is something else that you need to clarify for S.

I also cannot really "fault" S for not giving an automatic NO to playing alone when asked. She DID discuss it with you, for which she should be given credit. It's very common for couples to revise their rules as they go. The key is that both parties agree on the changes. That said, a snide remark (whatever it was) isn't the best way to convince someone to change their mind, imo. (Even though I can guess she was frustrated with your response)

Lastly, as far as her receiving more attention than you, that seems to be pretty common if the women are bi/bi curious. She has the potential to play with both the hubby and the wife, whereas you only get to play (forgive the assumption) with the wife.

So TALK 'till you're blue, and hopefully ya'll will sort this one out.

=)

[sweet_tna]

Too late for me to vote, but I thought I'd chime in with my answer anyway. My honey and I would [I]consider[I] playing alone with the right couple (someone we knew well and felt safe with).

=)

[7under]

I would say Maybe. I've been in the lifestyle for a few years now however my partner have only been together for a year and she is just becoming comfortable with exploring the lifestyle together. Should we meet another couple where they ask her to be involed in a FMF party I'd be cool with that if that was what she wanted.

[CXXC]

there is a missing option in this poll. "YES"

I would and do let Mrs. CXXC play solo. She lets me do as I wish as well. We encourage each other in these pusuits.

As our schedules are, at times, polar oposites, we are often without the ability to be together for months at a time. During these times, especially, we take separate and solo play mates to ease the sexual tensions that come from such delayed absences.

We understand that each of us are not being replaced emotionally. We knwo quite well that the individuals we are enjoying are not filling any void save that widh isphysically impossible.

I grant her a hall pass at all times as she give the same, equally to me.

[mysticon]

I would have answered yes also. From the start, I've been fine with either us playing as a couple, or playing seperately; which we have both done.

[metroman]

Originally Posted by oddcouple2841

Perhaps I should have been a little clearer. Myself I would consider letting S meet with couple, woman or even a single male if I knew them and trusted them not to hurt her or force her into something she did not want to do or try to come between us. We really have not had time to discuss this issue but I would like to think she would do the same for me.

With schedules and such sometimes it is just not possible to meet with people that often. Alone it would really be easier for us. There is also the issue of getting four people to all hit it off so to speak though that would be our preference. I also know she would have a much easier time attracting people without me for an anchor but we could take turns babysitting which would allow the other to get away more. These are the only reasons that I am even considering this.

We will really have to discuss this between ourselves before we make any decisions but I would like everyone's input because someone might just point out something that we would not have considered otherwise.

Playing together is one thing but I see a couple potential issues. One, it sounds good but going out single with another person or couple could end up making you "single" - one person could feel "given away" and of less value or self esteem after a while. Two, why did you get into swinging? wasn't it to play & enjoy as a couple? Revisit your original decision of how you got in to begin with - think and talk about it. Babysitting, time, money, connecting - sounds like somebody is talking themselves into this. Just an opinion.

[HappyCpl]

Mrs. Happy and I have one non-negotiable rule when it comes to play..


" Not without me, not without my permission.."




Other than that, it depends on the situation.

[M1F2KTJ]

I voted Probably but I would have voted Yes if it were an option with the condition that we all have spent some time together. I/we wouldn't just go off alone with someone we just met.

[Wailea07]

My wife and I have been discussing this a lot lately. We have one couple that all 4 of us have great chemistry together. We have a "date" set up in a few weeks where I (male) will go out to dinner and drinks with the other woman while my wife is doing the same with the other hubby. At a the agreed upon time we will all return to our house for playtime. We have discussed taking this to the next level if all goes well and playing separately on future dates. Or when only one of the other half is available allowing just completely solo play time--not a 3 way. Our rules have changed as they seem to do in the LS. And we never gave this a thought before we met this couple. We are great friends and everything just seems to fit so nicely.

[GerdOEvert]

Yes, we both have played seperately. We both traveled a lot. Also, my wife sometimes
got the hots for an instructor at work, and after taking him home, would take him to a club when I was out of town. Not a big deal. I had the same priveleges.

Also, swining together or in separate rooms, or in a big group are three different chemestries. The separate room with just a partner is much more intimate. The others
seem to be more "show" and "drama" and faster.

Otto & Eileen

[mikeandjenn2001]

I'm in the military so I deploy quite a bit. Jen has played with some people that we already knew for a long time. Before I left for my deployment, I told her that it would be ok if she did. Also, a few months ago, we had planned on going to a club but she got sick and told me to go without her.

Is it for everybody, no, we are just secure in our relationship that we know each other will return. As far as just meeting people and setting up play plans alone, we have talked about it and while I am comfortable with doing that, Jen is not so we don't, lol.