Couples swinging individually

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by ShellyM

I'm also with you on the separate room play, I prefer that at least for the initial play.

Shelly, I'm curious to know, what do you prefer about separate room play over same room?

Hugs, TS

[rpu3]

I chose "maybe". But not right now. We are open to the possibility, but certainly not looking for it. It was considered more seriously when I travelled more for business, and he went to conferences far more often. Business travel for is mostly limited to 4 hours away or less, and he only gets funding to go to one conference a year, so we pick a good one and both of us go. So I don't see much opportunity to consider it further at this time.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

Shelly, I'm curious to know, what do you prefer about separate room play over same room?

Hugs, TS

Straight up, no shit?

Having his fricking attention lol.

[ShellyM]

Sorry Tybee, forgive me for being so blunt. I honestly don't try to be.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by ShellyM

Straight up, no shit?

Having his fricking attention lol.

Honey, no apologies, I recall what your most recent situation was with your playmate -- and I realize why you'd want his undivided attention, after that!

[JTcamp05]

Should have that "yes" option....and well BOTH of us voted the same way...go figgure

[crazycatz]

I don't get playing alone...to me that's just an alien concept. The thrill for us is sharing these experiences together....being part of the fantasy and helping each other fulfill our fantasies.

[JacobSky]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

I voted maybe, but the question doesn't really fit what we'd do if the situation was right for it.

We're a swing-together couple, but we're both open to the idea of me having a friendship with a woman/women in which we could have sex alone, sometimes. We see this as happening with a couple we're already with as a couple, and have become friends with - so the "relationship" part would be all of us as friends. Letting the girls be alone sometimes for sex, would be just an extension of that friendship. It wouldn't be me out forging separate relationships, so to speak. Make sense? By the way, my husband's the one that brought it up, that he'd like for me to have a friend like that.

So, your husband brought it up, I don't blame him. I've been turned on by the idea of my girlfriend having a girlfriend since I've reached adulthood.

I voted probably. I'd certainly be OK with girl/girl going on alone if I got to know the girl personally first. I'd also consider my partner doing m/f alone on some occassions. The male would have to be a trusted friend, and have had sex in front of me a few times first.

I would prefer to be present most of the time, but I do understand the thrill of having them come back home to you. I'd love for a creampie to be brought home to me.

I'd select play together most of the time, with occassional seperate play with trusted friends. Girl/Girl would be encouraged to be experienced alone.

[oddcouple2841]

This is K


I know the thread is getting old but the issue really came up last night and ended up in a very rare fight for us. Of the one couple we have met face to face the "he" chats with S pretty much daily. I had noticed several things he had been saying bothered me a bit but last night S was chatting with "him" and turned to me and asked what I though about just her meeting with them to play. Well, I did not say absolutely no right off the bat but she did make a snide remark and things went down hill from there. The more I thought about it the madder I became. We ended up talking about things for awhile later but it did not get any better (in fact they got worse). We did end up making up last night and things are much better and clearer this morning.

On my part, 1) I may be a bit more open to solo but our profile and previous disscussions make it clear that the first time will be with both of us except the possibility of playing solo with a same sex partner after a face to face meeting with both of us. 2) Much of my anger was because S asked me instead of just immediatly repling no and reiterating the statement from our profile. 3) I know from this particuar couple the "she" and I did not really click and I felt a lot like they were trying to "leave me out" or "split" S away so they could enjoy her while not having to be bothered with me.

Now I realize I may be somewhat jealous because she receives a lot more attention than I do. I am also not someone who chats much, so often I will turn down her offer to conference. but......

What do you all think? Has this issue ever come up for any of you with another couple?

[Beaverbumper]

I personally think (and this is from a male point of view) that you have a valid point and it sould be taken seriously since its in your ad and profile. We made an agreement from the start that we play together and leave together..

[LakeLuvers]

I read that some are comfortable swinging without their SO/partner/spouse, but I wouldn't be comfortable alone. I like knowing Mr. Lake is there. We swing together.
Mrs. Lake

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by oddcouple2841

This is K


I know the thread is getting old but the issue really came up last night and ended up in a very rare fight for us. Of the one couple we have met face to face the "he" chats with S pretty much daily. I had noticed several things he had been saying bothered me a bit but last night S was chatting with "him" and turned to me and asked what I though about just her meeting with them to play. Well, I did not say absolutely no right off the bat but she did make a snide remark and things went down hill from there. The more I thought about it the madder I became. We ended up talking about things for awhile later but it did not get any better (in fact they got worse). We did end up making up last night and things are much better and clearer this morning.

On my part, 1) I may be a bit more open to solo but our profile and previous disscussions make it clear that the first time will be with both of us except the possibility of playing solo with a same sex partner after a face to face meeting with both of us. 2) Much of my anger was because S asked me instead of just immediatly repling no and reiterating the statement from our profile. 3) I know from this particuar couple the "she" and I did not really click and I felt a lot like they were trying to "leave me out" or "split" S away so they could enjoy her while not having to be bothered with me.

Now I realize I may be somewhat jealous because she receives a lot more attention than I do. I am also not someone who chats much, so often I will turn down her offer to conference. but......

What do you all think? Has this issue ever come up for any of you with another couple?

It's come up one time for us, where we met a couple, and they wanted to play with me, but not Mr. Tybee. They went into an explanation before they asked if I'd play alone, saying that Mr. Tybee reminded her of an ex-husband of hers, in appearance only. They waited to have this conversation with me alone when Mr. Tybee excused himself to go to the men's room. My immediate reaction was to feel pissed off that they tried to "corral" me separately from my husband, because our profile CLEARLY says that we don't play separate, and they knew that. Personally, there was no WAY that I wanted to play separately, especially not under those circumstances. This was a first date, by the way. We really didn't know them.

In your situation, I would have been peeved for these reasons: The other man and your wife's daily chats. Personally, that much chatty contact is too much, for our taste (too much intimacy, too friendly). I get a sense that maybe you do, too? You don't say what was said, but things he's said to your wife don't sit right with you. Next, your wife probably knows that you and that other man's wife didn't really click, right? That would mean, for us, not pursuing the couple any longer - we'd have to let that go, just based on that. Next, you felt like this other couple is deliberately trying to leave you out, so they can have S to themselves. (That's what I felt that one time that couple told me away from my husband that they just wanted to play with me.). Yuck. However, it's your job to express all of these things to your wife, sooner than later, if that's how you feel. In marriage, stewing on things that bother you doesn't solve anything, only makes them worse, especially if you're swingers. You've got to be really open and clear about how you feel about everything.

On the issue of your wife asking you about separate play, sort of like an inquiry of possibly revising your swinging agreement - personally, I have no problem with this, because hopefully couples do talk about their rules and sometimes do revise them, according to their needs and how things can change over time. I would hope that my husband is comfortable enough to come to me with any thoughts he has about things he might want to try differently, and I hopefully can be comfortable to come to him with thoughts and be open with him, too. We may not move forward on venturing into new territory if we don't both agree it's a good idea after we mull it over, but at least we have the right to talk about the ideas.

Of course, these conversations should only happen between the two of us privately, not in front of others. (You two were alone when she was in chat and asked you, right?) The only problem I'd have in your case, is what you said about your vibe about this other guy (things he's said that bothered you), you don't click with the other wife, and the feeling that they're maneuvering to get her to play separately and to leave you out.

Although we're a stay-together swing couple, I think that given very special circumstances, with the right people, very trusted friends, we could play separately sometimes. Let's say one husband is traveling for work, and the wife who's alone goes to join the other couple one evening...or vice versa. Situations like that. In other words, I'm saying I'd be open to the idea if the situation felt 100% comfortable all the way around. As Mr. Tybee says, "If the moon is in the 7th house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars.". LOL

Maybe you two just need to have a talk about all of these things: duration/frequency of chats with others (if that concerns you at all), the vibes you get about others, things that bother you about what they say (VERY important to always discuss), openness in being allowed to freely talk about ideas/revisions (or not - however you feel), and when to ditch a couple that you don't both really enjoy.

[autumn528]

We said no to a relationship, however an encounter is not out of the question as long as everything is up front and we're all on the same page.

[here2play]

We are a probably, but would have been a yes. We have talked about this numerous times. Primarily with me(her), being the play alone. He likes the idea and likes to hear about it. Also, he is out of town alot sometimes, and let's face it, I don't do well without it! We also entertain the idea of me playing alone with couples, however the she in the other couples would need to return the favor to us at times. But yes, we think it's pretty fun!

[willyoats]

Unequivocal YES.

Both of us have done this in the past. Usually, it happened when one of us is away on a trip. Then we would burn up the phone lines next time we talked as we describe the meeting in great detail to the poor one who wasn't there. She loved it when I got to do it alone. She did it alone only a couple of times, mostly out of simple disinterest.

Until recently, none of these meetings were with people that we had an on-going relationship with. Now, I meet with a long-time swinging partner about every two months for a morning of sex. So far, we schedule these mornings when my wife going to be out of the house doing something else while the sex is going on. She has said several times that it would be OK even if she were here. Just keep the bedroom door closed, she says. Sometimes my friend stays for lunch after my wife comes home and the three of us visit while we have a nice meal or go for a boat ride or do something else together. The women know each other well and like each other, so it's working out nicely.

The only caveat is that we can't do it more than about a half dozen times a year. I guess that if it were more frequent, my wife would intepret the relationship to be getting too emotionally intimate, as opposed to mainly sex. Although my sex partner and I are fond of each other, there is no possibility that it could develop into anything more than a good time in bed.