Couples swinging individually

[crazyfics]

We Vote Propbable but yes would be our answer. I have no problem with her stepping out as long as I know about it. Actually the thought is a little thrilling to me. Only concern is for her safety after that anything goes. facelick

[oddcouple2841]

This is S (the female)

Since this thread is about me, I should put my .02 in.

Now since K put "What's good for the goose is good for the gander" in the signature, I'll try to stay close to that as possible. Of course since we just go into the lifestyle, what I/we want now will change in the future as we experience things, so keep that in mind too.

Myself I would consider letting S meet with couple, woman or even a single male if I knew them and trusted them not to hurt her or force her into something she did not want to do or try to come between us.

With schedules and such sometimes it is just not possible to meet with people that often. Alone it would really be easier for us. There is also the issue of getting four people to all hit it off so to speak though that would be our preference. I also know she would have a much easier time attracting people without me for an anchor but we could take turns babysitting which would allow the other to get away more. These are the only reasons that I am even considering this.

I was thinking about this last night and this is how I stand on the issue. The only way I would be willing to do this is if we both met the couple/single person first, since I didn't have a good experience meeting by myself. I'm lucky that nothing bad happened to me and it's a good life lesson. We wouldn't have to set a play date for the three/four of us, but of course every situation is different, so it just all depends on how well the meeting went.

I would have no problem with having him or I playing alone with a couple, because there is three people there at all times and if something happens, there is no he said/she said bullshit to deal with. Of course, the couple would have to agree on this and if they don't, it's a no go. We will always put our foot down on this one. People know where the door is if they don't like it.

As for meeting singles, this is where it gets complicated. I don't want to come across as a complete bitch for what I'm about to say and I don't want different rules for the both of us. I have no problem with him having a m/m without me if that's what he chooses too. I'm not going to look at him any different and my love isn't going to change for him. He's made it perfectly clear that he has no problem with me having a f/f or a m/f with him not there, but the only way I would consider have a m/f on my part or a m/f on his part is one of us was there for security, but wouldn't have to particapate, but actually going out without the partner being there, no I just couldn't do it. We've both been hurt by our ex's and I just can't take the chance of something happening and breaking us apart. Some people might say it's a trust/jealousy issue on my part and maybe it is. I understand when you agree to be in this lifestyle, you must always trust your partner and you can't be jealous and if there there is any of that, then maybe this isn't for you as a couple.

Please understand that I'm not stereotyping all singles as setting out to breake up a couple, but "fatal attraction" does happen in real-life.

[oddcouple2841]

This is K (the male)

Actually we are in almost 100% agreement on this. I too have very serious reservations about you meeting anyone alone the first time because of what happend.

FYI - Because of time contraints S was just supposed to make contact with a couple and then tell me what she thought of them and tell them about us. I was at work and advised against it but she went ahead anyway. The "he" was the only one of them that showed up and came on real strong and luckily she was not physically assaulted.

We discussed the MM or FF solo meetings as being seen as okay by more couples because the other partner does not feel as threatened by or the need to compete with a person of the opposite sex. We would need to both meet this person together for safety reasons. There are obvious reasons in the case of S but true even for me because there are just too many cases in the news of homophobes luring out someone they seen as a "gay" male for a rendevouz and then attacking and beating or killing him. Believe me the area where we live is chock full of homophobes, racists and all manner of hateful people.

Solo meetings with couples, while they may offer somewhat more of a "threat factor" do not bother the other partner quite a much as a strictly MF because there is the regulating factor of the opposite sex partner of the other couple. For me it would be the trust that the other woman in the couple to keep S and the "he" from becoming too close or the "he" from becoming phyisically forceful.

As for Lone or single MF I could see this one after we both had played with them several times and built trust. For me at least I would feel better if this person was married but swinging solo with their partner's consent. I guess it is about having that regulating factor of the opposite sex partner again. Once more we would need to both meet this person because there are just too many males out there pretending to be a couple.

In the end I think this all boils down to a matter of trust. Not just the trust between us because that is there but the need to build some level of trust for the others involved also.

[BradAndJanet]

It's not easy to give a straight answer; it depends on the circumstances...

Would I be happy with her running off to a room at a club? Probably, yes. Would I be happy with her meeting separately with someone we know and have swung with? Probably 'yes' again, so long as I get to hear the sexy details in either case.

Would I be happy with her meeting someone I don't know? Probably not. That would feel too much like cheating to me and would make me feel insecure about our relationship.

[ohash01]

I chose "probably". This has already actually come up between J. and myself. Long story short, crazy weekend with a group of my best friends, made out with one, came home, being an honest girl I told J, he goes "So what? You didn't fly off to Omaha and leave me, did you?" My face had to have been priceless. I know I walked around the house for the rest of the weekend with a look of utter confusion on my face.

Finally when it sank in, we talked about it and it's weird...because we'd definately rather be playing together...but if an interesting sexual situation arose for one of us...we're both okay with the other taking it. Now - we most definately have restrictions on it. It WILL be sex only...it WILL be done as safely as possible...we WILL both know about it and be okay with it. If one is not okay, nothing happens. I think J. has a weird fascination with me hooking up with someone else.

[EvilMJ]

I chose probably but it should have been yes.

We have played separately from time to time. Usually with people we have spent time with in the past and are comfortable with, and generally not singles. For the most part it is a case by case basis and we make sure everyone has spoken and are all on the same page about the ground rules. It works fine for us. In fact I prefer separate room play, i just find I can focus more on what I am doing, rather than get distracted by why my husband is doing, and you don't have that ackward time period when one couple finsihed before the other. But as I said before that is also a case by case basis, depending on the couple we are with and their preferences.

Playing separately is definately not for everyone but that's pretty much the way swinging goes, its different for everyone and you do what works for you

[MrXxotic]

Maybe. It would depend on the circumstances. We have always been a same room couple but I have left her alone with a trusted single friend to play while I was our for a few hours. She has also hooked up with women for solo girl/girl play.

[Beaverbumper]

We came into the lifestyle as a couple and if we swung separately then we might as well be single.

[Chicup]

We would not have sexual relationships alone, that to me is an open marriage.

We have both played alone, me much more than she, but only with couples we both know and are already friends we have played with prior to going alone.

We both like the 4somes over the 3somes and we like being together while we swing. Its about us as a couple not me and her as singles.

[Tia Vampire]

i won't go into all of the details, it would take up two pages, but my fiance did go off with a girl alone,that was so jumpy because i was there that she could not get into it. so even with them being alone, she was so worried about me, that they spent two hours together doing nothing but her asking about me, wondering if anyone else was coming into the room, and where was her sister and was she alright. her sister, sister's boyfriend, myself and another dude ended up in the room with them because they were taking too long. the situation just got worst from there, but she wanted to be with my fiance and asked him for another try, but alone again. :surrender i ended up telling him that i didn't think that the girl was ready and i felt that the sister talked her into it.

[wifes_sex_slave]

For us - we decided to try this to enhance "our sex lives together". Mrs wants to see me please and be pleased by another woman and visa versa. As far as we are concerned if we are not together on this, then there is no sense.

If we wanted to cheat (which we don't) we feel that would damage our trust, and without trust..... you're always going to be looking over your shoulder, and what fun would that be?

[blondie77]

I voted probably, but would have voted yes if that was an option. We have played seperatly on many occasions, but not with just anyone. We have a close "friendship" with a single lady we've known and played with for a long time. At first, it was mainly threesomes and one on one encounters with us gals. The three of us are so close now, that if I happen to be at work, she'll stop by and keep hubby company till I get home. I'm always asked in advance by both of them, and usually it's my idea. I don't think I'd be comfortable with playing alone with anyone else, though. We're close with this gal and there is trust there that there wouldn't be with anyone new.

[bill&sabrina]

Yes should be an option, and both members should be able to vote. I voted yes, but Sabrina would vote no.

[novabicple]

This is a team sport for us - never go out alone, but we respect those that see it differently.

We don't have fun with a 'single' part of a couple until we've gotten to know both of them and learned that it is actually OK with both of them.

Nova

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

I chose probably but it should have been yes.

We have played separately from time to time. Usually with people we have spent time with in the past and are comfortable with, and generally not singles. For the most part it is a case by case basis and we make sure everyone has spoken and are all on the same page about the ground rules. It works fine for us. In fact I prefer separate room play, i just find I can focus more on what I am doing, rather than get distracted by why my husband is doing, and you don't have that ackward time period when one couple finsihed before the other. But as I said before that is also a case by case basis, depending on the couple we are with and their preferences.

Playing separately is definately not for everyone but that's pretty much the way swinging goes, its different for everyone and you do what works for you

You know you are right, that time when one couple is done and the other is still going IS awkward! I'm also with you on the separate room play, I prefer that at least for the initial play.