Would you play with soft swingers?

[good times]

Originally Posted by JTcamp05

Thast ok if that is your type of swinging, just please be forthright about your expectations to others...no last minute suprises.

This is so important, most people don't realize how important it is to tell the other couple if you have any out of the ordinary rules or limitations before you get to the playroom. It can be very uncomfortable and embarrassing for all involved if you don't.

An example (sorry, a bit long),

We met a couple at the club that were pretty new, but they came to the club almost every weekend and we got to know them pretty well after several months, but since we go real slow with newbie’s, it took that long before we all decided we wanted to play together.

On the night we finally decided to get a room, they approached us and suggested we play and we agreed. Since we had known each other for some time and it is no secret that we are a straight full swap couple that is what we were expecting. As we were going to the room one of our friends asked what we were doing, and when I told her we were going to a room she jokingly said, "See you in two minutes". My wife and the other couple proceeded to go to the room but I stopped to use the restroom on the way. A couple minutes later I walk into the room to see my wife saying to the guy, "No way, we aren't doing that”, she then headed out of the room collecting a very surprised me on the way saying, "we are going to the hot tub". When we showed up in the hot tub room, our friend was very surprised that we had indeed been gone for around two minutes.

Turns out that when my wife and the other couple got in the room and started preparing for some play, the guy said to her, "Oh, by the way, your husband can go all the way with my wife, but you and I can only soft swap". Funny thing is if they had discussed this with us ahead of time, it probably would have been fine with us if they just played with me, turns out they prefer MFM. But as it was, what he said to my wife took her so by surprise that in retrospect we could have handled it better than we did, and it was extremely embarrassing and uncomfortable for all involved.

As a footnote, in case anyone has read this far and wonders how it all turned out. We have since had a chance to clear the air with this couple and remain good friends, and they have even said that should they change their minds and decide that he is allowed to play in the future, they wood like another chance with us.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by good times

should they change their minds and decide that he is allowed to play in the future, they wood like another chance with us.

Am I the only one that this bothers? I mean, I read your post and I agree with everything your wife did, they should have been more forthcoming. But I don't understand how one is "allowed" to go all the way, and the other may be "allowed" if they decide. I don't know, but that always seems selfish to me.
However, thats jmo.

[Mr. Hump alot]

where new to this so that's fine for us

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by ShellyM

Am I the only one that this bothers? I mean, I read your post and I agree with everything your wife did, they should have been more forthcoming. But I don't understand how one is "allowed" to go all the way, and the other may be "allowed" if they decide. I don't know, but that always seems selfish to me.
However, thats jmo.

Yea and nay. It would be nice to know up front. We've run into the same with newbies but it has been the other way around for us. Since we do play solo as well, we don't have to be with the same couple or both members of the couple for that matter. So there have been times when Mrs. WS has been with another man and down the road I have been blocked from playing with his wife even though she really wants to play with me.

Sometimes it's just preference, other times it's newbie insecurity. Either way, it's annoying, and from what I can see it builds resentment in the member of the couple that is not allowed to play with those of the opposite sex. It all seems fine at first, but down the road they finally want the playing field level.

Mr. WS

[SouthBond]

We became friends with this really nice and attractive virgin married couple. We had been sharing XXX movies for several weeks when they brought up the idea of doing soft swing. All they wanted to do was give everybody massages. We invited them over to our house. Spread blankets out in front of the fireplace, turned the lights down low, had a few glasses of wine and got naked. We massaged everything but no oral or intercourse. We ended the evening with the girls jerking off the guys. We agreed that we would meet them for another session in two weeks. Two days before we were to meet them the other wife called and said that they couldn't wait to see us and tell about their adventure. We met and they began telling us about how they had gone to a lifestyle convention in Nevada and had done full swap with 2 different couples. The kicker was that the wife said that they didn't use condoms with total strangers and now they were ready to do full swap with us. My wife got mad and said no because she didn't want to take a chance of getting an STD and two she wanted to pop the cherry of a new couple. Since we had introduced them to swinging, they could have at least been loyal enough to give us their first full swap. For me, I sure missed not getting to score that good looking wife. So we don't play soft swing.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by SouthBond

For me, I sure missed not getting to score that good looking wife. So we don't play soft swing.

Hello. Now, I want to tell you that I agree with most of your post. It would have probably irritated me that they are soft only with us and go full throttle with strangers.

However, I have to tell you that I don't like the "score" comment. I KNOW you meant nothing demeaning about it. But I'm not a score on a tally. I am a woman, and I would hate to think of a man thinking of me as just a "score", something that was just conquered.

But, thats jmo.

[MrsVan]

For MrVan and I, we both realize that there are going to be couples we meet that are going to be new like we once were and that sometimes you have to be patient. If we met a couple that it was their first time, we will let them know that we are not into soft swap all the time and that we would like to see things progress with no pressure to a full swap. If they do not feel like this would happen for them and that soft swap is all they could do, then we would not play.

We do not mind the first meet up or second to be a soft but after that, there needs to be more. I find the full swap more exciting for many reasons facelick and if I cannot finish what I started with that person then it doesn't have that same excitement for me. I can be a very flirtatious woman and when I start something with a play partner I want to be able to finish it all and being able to get the guy turned on, keep him interested and then being able to totally please him is the hightlight for me and if I cannot do that then why bother playing?

MrsVan

[Chip_n_Muffy]

I voted "maybe" in this poll simply because I have learned never to say never in the lifestyle. I am constantly surprised by the twists and turns in the road. Soft swap would certainly not be our first choice however. Our play times are so infrequent now that school is back in session that we want to maximize every opportunity.

Chip

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by SouthBond

We met and they began telling us about how they had gone to a lifestyle convention in Nevada and had done full swap with 2 different couples. The kicker was that the wife said that they didn't use condoms with total strangers and now they were ready to do full swap with us. My wife got mad and said no because she didn't want to take a chance of getting an STD and two she wanted to pop the cherry of a new couple. Since we had introduced them to swinging, they could have at least been loyal enough to give us their first full swap. For me, I sure missed not getting to score that good looking wife. So we don't play soft swing.

Hi there,

I agree with your wife about the STD risk with them after their convention adventure. We don't ride bareback with anybody, anyway. But even moreso, after what they'd just done with strangers. You said your wife nixed it because of that. Didn't you agree? Or, were you willing to go ahead, anyway?

Originally Posted by SouthBond

...and two she wanted to pop the cherry of a new couple. Since we had introduced them to swinging, they could have at least been loyal enough to give us their first full swap.

On the other point, getting mad because you two didn't get to be the ones to "pop their cherry", that seems selfish. Were you with them to swing, or were you with them just because they're newbies? That sounds like the boys in high school who only dated virgins because they were virgins, just to nail them (cold). I can understand some disappointment over that if that's why you were mainly interested in them, but to cut them off because you two weren't there first seems kind of weird to me. They don't have to be "loyal" to anybody but each other in swinging. They didn't owe you their cherry. A lifestyle convention is a really fast track, they were there, they went with it. It's their prerogative to choose when, where and with whom they'll start full swinging.

[havefuninsun]

We don't mind soft swap ... I think a lot of soft swap couples evenually become full-swap couples. It's just their way of easing into their comfort zone, and making sure there's no green headed monster hiding under the sheets.

Goodtimes, we would have played if we had known the rules ahead of time as well. I'm fine with different play "rules" if we know them up front; it's when they come as a surprise people's feelings may become "hurt" (for lack of a better word). I love to see Mr. Fun having fun ... and vice versa. So I wouldn't have felt "jaded" not to have played fully with the other Mr. Mr. Fun would gladly fulfill that need for me

[SouthBond]

OK girls, beat me, whip me. Pop their cherry and score were very unsensitive words to use. I should have said my wife wanted to share one of the most wonderful moments in the sexual experience and I should have said that I was extremely attracted to the other wife and wanted give her the gift of love. I just slipped off into the gutter of basic emotions and desire. It's really good to see that the participants on this forum have such lofty standards of sexual encounters. I would have been more than happy to have used a super deluxe all weather condom and bonded with the other very attractive wife.

[good times]

Originally Posted by ShellyM

But I don't understand how one is "allowed" to go all the way, and the other may be "allowed" if they decide. I don't know, but that always seems selfish to me.

Yep, that is what we think about it too, and those are their words not mine. They said they tried full swap once and they were uncomfortable with him being with another woman so he was no longer "allowed" to do that.

[Edison Carter]

Susan here--Here's what I just find odd about soft swapping: Sucking a guy's cock in my mouth is fine, but having it inside my pussy is crossing some personal 'line' ? I don't get it . The truth is, if I think a man's cock is worth sucking, it's certainly worth fucking with.

[DGrey]

We prefer not to play with soft swingers. The thrill for both of us is watching one another have sex with someone else.

E

[HappyPeople]

We'd do it if it "just happened" because we're not shy about having sex.

Would we seek it out? No.
Would we meet with a couple just for it? No.
Would we turn it down at a club? Yes.