What do you expect on the first meet?

[good times]

Another thread got me thinking about something we have sarted to run across a lot lately. That is people that contact us through our profile and when we decide to meet they have the expectation that we are going to have sex on the first meet. We don't have any problem having sex on the first meet if everyone is compatible, but we never go into a first meet expecting to have sex. Just like when we go to the club we don't expect to hook up, even if we know some of our regular play partners will be there. We go prepared to hook up, but we never expect to. This way we are always pleasantly surprised rather than often disappointed.

My question is, what do you expect when you first meet someone new?

[Randies']

Mrs. Randies' here. We also have never gone into any meet Planning on sex. One must be prepared for anything but we prefer to make sure that we will get along before taking the jump so to speak.

[EvilMJ]

I plan for something but don't expect it. We are like you, if it clicks we do it, if not then hey we just make the best of things.

[2jersey]

We have met with couples who, for whatever reason, have strict rules against first date sex. We have also met people who are open to the idea of first date play, assuming the overall chemistry and mood is conducive.

We like to know in advance if first meet play is not an option - but this has never effected our willingness to meet - it merely helps us calibrate our state of mind. We have noticed that the conversation is usually a bit more relaxed when play is not an option - although we have never used this as a reson to rule out the possibility of first date play.

We assume that "expecting" play is not the same as "requiring" play. As such, there are certain scenarios in which we might "expect" (but certainly not require) first date play. We might expect play, for example - If we had spent alot of time communicating with a couple before our first meeting, we have observed a successful meshing of personalities, and all parties have agreed in advance that first date play is an option. Naturally, our expectations have been thwarted at times - often because we uncover something which we hadn't expected.

[WesternSwing]

good times, we are just like you. We never expect to hook-up, even with regular playmates, but if we do, GREAT! We also have no problems with sex on a first date if all the chemistry is there, but we too get annoyed when there is expectations for us to bang someone right as we meet. I am very much a "go with the flow" type of guy. I don't like to force anything. I like spontaneity, not planned sex. For us planning it takes the excitement out of it and makes it feel routine. And this lifestyle is about anything except routine.

Mr. WS

[good times]

The reason I asked this is because in the last couple of months we have had several couples contact us through our Swing Lifestyle profile and after exchanging a couple of emails we get something like "Want to meet tomorrow night for sex?” We respond with "we would be happy to get together tomorrow night and meet, if we all are compatible then we can play but we don't make play commitments without meeting in person first. Let us know if you would like to meet". So far, every time we have done this we never hear from them again. This leads me to believe that unless sex is guaranteed, they aren’t interested in meeting, or wasting their time with us. It made me wonder how common this is.

[biblonde]

Originally Posted by good times

The reason I asked this is because in the last couple of months we have had several couples contact us through our Swing Lifestyle profile and after exchanging a couple of emails we get something like "Want to meet tomorrow night for sex?” We respond with "we would be happy to get together tomorrow night and meet, if we all are compatible then we can play but we don't make play commitments without meeting in person first. Let us know if you would like to meet". So far, every time we have done this we never hear from them again. This leads me to believe that unless sex is guaranteed, they aren’t interested in meeting, or wasting their time with us. It made me wonder how common this is.

This has happened more than once to us also. Or the very first email is something to the effect...hey lets fuck tonight. without even knowing anything about us. Although we will play on the first date and we are "ready" for that we dont plan on it. We have found if we dont think it through and play on the second or so date than we usually end up regreting it. So far we have only found one time that we played on the first date and didnt leave saying.."what the hell did we do that for"

[Amanda69]

EvilMJ's Avatar I plan for something but don't expect it. We are like you, if it clicks we do it, if not then hey we just make the best of things.

Dito

If you expect I find it seems forced, planned at least covers many contingents.

[xxoticangel]

I guess I should have used different words in my other post. When I said "We actually expect to play on the first date unless something goes bad" I really ment that we plan to play (shave etc). Things can always change during a first meeting that totally turns one person or the other off. What I reall mean is that we don't "date" and we don't meet with couples that have a rule against playing on the first meet.

This is more of a guideline than a rule. For instance, this Sunday a group of us are taking our bikes out for a few hours in the morning. We have chatted with a couple we would like to play with but up to now our schedules have not been able to mesh. Our planned trip takes us near their home so after we have finished with our biker buddies we are planning to meet with them for a late lunch. Everyone is aware that we are not playing since we have to be home to relieve the sitter by 5 pm. No expectations. However, if we were meeting them tonight for drinks/dancing I would be in the tub right now getting ready fully expecting/planning that at some point the 4 of us would be naked somewhere

[2jersey]

Originally Posted by xxoticangel

I guess I should have used different words in my other post. When I said "We actually expect to play on the first date unless something goes bad" I really ment that we plan to play (shave etc). Things can always change during a first meeting that totally turns one person or the other off. What I reall mean is that we don't "date" and we don't meet with couples that have a rule against playing on the first meet.

You only have one post on this particular thread.

In this context, we certainly understand the difference between the terms "expecting" and "planning". Like you, we like to know if we should be ready for play. And it is nice to know ahead of time if we are meeting a couple who is either prepared or unprepared for this option.

This poll is a dud, most people seem to agree...

[Sweet_Candy]

This is from our profile;

" Our motto, "Always with intent, never with expectation." "

The door is always open but there needs to be a connection before we or others can step thru.

[VANudistcpl]

We never expect to have sex on the first date. Because of several bad experiences we prefer to just meet then decide if we will meet them again. However, the door is always open if everyone clicks and we can progress to the next stage.

[jnbsmokin]

Considering how much our sitter charges and the struggle of finding an opening of time for both couples, we only meet those we are ready to play with. We do im, email, pic exchange, and phone calls to decide if we click. But then again, we're just looking for a good time--not to get married. I have the trusty gagball if one of them is annoying......lol

[Bama0468]

We plan for activities to progress ahead of time ( the ole moto Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it) ... cause being we have kids if we are meeting we must have clicked a lil already, and if it still clicks in person.... things could get fun!!

[Hot Raleigh Cpl]

We meet with folks who seem compatible and who seem to be interested in getting together for sex. Naturally, everyone has the opportunity to nix it at the last moment for whatever reason (vibes aren't right, etc.), but our going-in assumption is that we're meeting to play. No pressure one way or the other, as we try to work out the expectations/understandings/assumptions in advance. We know this isn't what all couples want, but so far, that's worked well for us and the folks we've met for play.

S and L, Hot Raleigh Cpl