Have your rules changed over time?

[northindycpl]

We used to have a whole list when we first started but the majority of them have been thrown out. We have decided that simple is better, not for everybody I guess, but works for us.


This comment by GT, in another thread, prompted me to ask:

Now that you have been swinging for awhile, have your rules fallen by the wayside?

I know ours have changed substaintially since we started and I don't think that is bad. I know of a lot of couples that have also changed. I am curious about everyone else.

I also wanted to see who changed the rules, so this poll accepts multiple options.

[looking2swing]

Now that you have been swinging for awhile, have your rules fallen by the wayside?

Many of our rules have changed slightly, but our main principles are still there. It is all due to the experiences that we have gone through as a couple.

[trublujo]

We have recently changed our rules to allow eachother to play alone from time to time if it ever arose mostly because the hubby works alot of hours leaving me home alone. Before if company ever popped by I would have had to pass it up mind you i am not going out to search for fun without him either its more fun together.

[BodyScape02]

Our rules have not change drastically ...they have been modified as we become more comfortable with the lifestyle and ourselves in it... that and as we run into things we never even thought of that have to be addressed.

I think at first there are more rules to help you feel "safe" in a new enviorment , so you know your loved one has your back. Then after you know... you relax

The example with us that comes first to mind is when we began the deal was we stayed close to each other at the club... now we get in give each other a kiss and I am off to the dance floor...lol...

[curiousduo30]

Our experiences have led us to changing our rules together, we pretty much agree on what they should be and anything that is still questionable is a "no" until we discuss it together and agree on whatever it may be.

However our rules are constantly changing as new situations arise.

[Carol_Danny]

We never really had rules to begin with. We just believed in doing as we like as long as it isn't something that hurts the other. In our relationship, when one of us is satisfied and happy, the other is happy for them.

Carol xoxoxo

[good times]

Ah, it’s great to see that I inspired a good thread, good job northindycpl.

As I have said before, our rules have pretty much been reduced to a minimum. We started out with a quite a few but found out pretty quick that most of them were really unworkable in practice and often caused hurt feelings when they were accidentally breached. So now we don't have many rules and actually what we do have are more guidelines on what we are both comfortable with than rules and it seems to work best for us. Currently our rules are similar to what Carol_Danny said.

We always talk about these things and work them out together.

[VegasLee]

We have only had one rule from the start.

When we are done, at the end of the night/party we leave together.

Laura does who/what she wants and I do who/what I want. When we are done we go home together.

Keeping it simple keeps us from having hurt feelings.

[xxoticangel]

In the begining we had a lot of rules. We talked and talked about them, wrote them down, debated the pros and cons and whys and why nots. Over the years the rules started to slowly erode away. The only hard and unbreakable rule we have left is that we always sleep/leave together after. We also have some guidelines in place but they are more flexable than rules and subject to change depending on the situation.

[northindycpl]

Originally Posted by good times

Ah, it’s great to see that I inspired a good thread, good job northindycpl.

Mr. Indy and I have been re-evaluating our rules lately. I thought you made a very timely comment and really wnated to see what others thought.

I have often wondered, in general, about our rules. When we first started swinging, I distinctly remember us sitting down with pen and paper, going to town.

After our first play date, nothing seemed to apply

We have made changes, but our main rules still apply:

-We each have absolute VETO power
-No kissing passionately
-No bi-men
-We finish together

It is interesting how we will add rules depending on the situation, or take them away, depending on the situation.

All and all I think we have come a long way.

[DBL D]

I don't want to treat this poll casually so I will try to answer carefully.

We do still have rules, but we have changed them together. The ones we keep are ones we need to have, like leaving with each other. Others have fallen by the wayside as we came to realize that things weren't as threatening as we had thought they would be, like knowing where the other is every second. I may leave a dance and have a smoke with the smokers by myself, but she may want me to go with her when she needs to go to the ladies room. I stand outside most of the time.

I had an opportunity to let Fem D go to a fellow playmates hotel room recently but went along because they would be doing something I wanted to do...420! I wouldn't have a problem with her being alone with him, even if they decided to do something. Now a guy or gal that she just met...no way! At least...not yet. See what I mean?

Rules are for our comfort and security. I don't ever want her to feel like she is without something to fall back on, nor me either. Rules can give you a way out of tricky situations. When things get dicey you can always ask them about rules and if they say something you don't like you can say "well we have this rule..."

I think we can always just say that we aren't comfy with something whether we do or don't have a rule that addresses a situation.

Yes, each of us has VETO power. That is probably the #1 rule.

Male D

[ohhandahh]

What rules have gone by the wayside since you first started swinging ?

[pumpkins1970]

None, all still intact, 1 1/2 yrs in the lifestyle.

[Mr. Truelove]

We didn't start with many. Same room, condoms for intercourse, don't do anything the other isn't comfortable with.

After 1 week all are still intact.

Mr. Truelove

[gatorvol64]

None, but we didn't have that many to begin with.

Vol