Is "LOVER" a no-no word in Swingerland?

[jnbsmokin]

I'm a southern girl and grew up using and being called many different terms of endearment, and I still do it. Sugar, sweety, and honey are normally the ones I use. Men do tend to take it as flirting, but it's not, it's just a habit. I save Daddy, sexy man-meat, and sexy man-beast for J. And no, you will never hear me yelling either of those last two in public.... I wonder how many people would stare????? I might attempt that in an adult store soon...lol I'm sorry, I'm feeling just a little silly today...
On to the topic:
The only time I ever use lover, is when I add boy to it, normally I'll pull it when I want something... lol It's J's cue to hide his wallet...
This is going to sound bad, but we really only think of the others as human sex toys...

[rpu3]

I just don't care for the word "lover" in any context, myself. Just one of those "ick" words for me.

[sweet_tna]

I'm not one to use words indiscriminately. The word "lover" for me carries an illicit connotation to it. I refer to my playmates as just that . . . playmates or play friends to others "in the know." To vanilla friends/family, they're just friends.

That said, I'm a Southern gal and tend to address playmates (or potential playmates) as Darlin', Sweetie, Babe, or Honey. That's actually part of my litmus test--if those endearments slip out unbidden, the chemistry is there.

=)

[gatorvol64]

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

That's actually part of my litmus test--if those endearments slip out unbidden, the chemistry is there.

=)

I can definitely see how this works for you. Even being from the south, I don't call everyone "honey" or such. The chemistry makes things like that natural.

About the word lover. I don't use it at all really. I don't have an explanation for that. It just isn't a natural, easy flowing, word for me.

Vol

[NumbskullsX2]

Considering that you've just inserted your fingers, tongue, and penis into one or more of the other persons bodily orifices and that at some level you've shared bodily fluids, I don't think it's inappropriate to refer to them as "lover."

It has a much nicer ring to it than the other word which would apply..."fucker"

[rachan]

Actually, I'm not crazy about a lot of terms associated with "the lifestyle". "swinger" is kind of stupid to me. But that's just my opinion and it's like my asshole.

[BiloxiCouple]

Lover is for my love, the wonderful Elaine.

Anyone else is less than that in our terminology. Hell, boyfriend or girlfriend is okay. Fuckbuddy in the right circumstances. I like the quickie and to hell with the naming of whoever it was we just did.

We will have our own opinions on this, so what does it really matter in the long term?

[bellady]

I don't like the term "lover" for any situation. Especially in swingerland. Lover, to me, means you love the other person, but even with my husband that term just is kinda "icky" IMHO.

[havefuninsun]

We just use "playmate" -- frankly, I had never thought about using lover before.

[Bama0468]

We prefer to use the terms Playmate, girlfriend, or boyfriend ... Lover for us is to intimate

[jama42guns]

Originally Posted by good times

I try to take everything in context and would have no problem with a playmate calling me a lover or anything else for that matter as long as it is in the proper context. Now if someone was calling me that in the context that they were actually falling in love with me, I would have a problem with that.
So, for me anyway, I can't think of any words that are automatically a no-no in my swingerland.

I think good times hit it right on the head. But also every person in this lifestyle has a different perspective (why else have these forums). For us we have come to the conclusion that sex is intimate to us, and therefor we get more out of it accepting the emotional connection.

[Pepper & Drew]

The word lover doesn't bother me, but it's such a Harlequin Romance, movie theater, soap opera kind of word to me. I don't think I've referred to anyone as my lover...not even Drew.

Pepper

[Chris&Amelia]

I don't like the word "LOVER" for two big reasons...

1) The only person I make love to is Amelia. With women, it's just sex. Sure, sometimes it's really passionate and intense sex... but sex none the less.

2) "Lover", in my mind, imparts an aura of dishonesty or illicit behavior. I've always considered "Lover" to the male equivalent of "Mistress". A woman having an affair has a lover. A man having an affair has a mistress.

We use "Playmate", "Playfriends" or "Friends-With-Benefits" when speaking with each other or those in the loop. To our vanilla friends, we simply refer to them as "Friends".

[sereneiders]

I wouldn't use it, but because I am aware it could make the other party unconfortable.

Even when we're poly friendly... or preciselly because we are, there are certain words we take seriously. Even more when the people around us, knowing we're poly friendly, could make a wrong guess.

Lover implies some relationship, often hidden, going on along time. We wouldn't use this word, even when we may tell people "I love you" (and yet, this wouldn't be said to one half of a couple without the other half being aware of this).

So, even when I may love you, and have sex with you, we're not "lovers".

[LFM2]

Can you believe I read that question as "Is "LOVER" a no-no word in Switzerland?" DUH!!

Dave and I don't use the word lover. We do with each other, but not with our playmates. They are partners. That's pretty much it.

Holly