Have you ever had a sexual partner that was a better lover than your spouse?

[Spoomonkey]

No...

No one has been better - no one has been close. But we are comparing apples to oranges, IMHO.

The first time I seduced Mrs Spoo, we were way past casual acquaintances. We had been friends for a few years and there had always been an underlying sexual tension. So - the first time was an explosion of yearning that had built for quite some time.

It was - and I apologize for the cliché - magical.

Being with her was like being home - and I had been with plenty of women before. There was just something perfect about it - even if we were still new at finding each others' buttons.

Since that time - it has only gotten better.

And it is impossible to compare the love making we have to the sex I have with others; as good as that may be. It is not even the same thing - and this is a topic we discuss often.

I have had some incredible playmates! And I have had some mind-blowing sex. I've learned tricks and been left barely coherent, except to whisper "wow." But while sex is measured by the physical feelings - what I have with Mrs Spoo is hard to measure at all.

Spoomonkey

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by Sexyasian

Have you ever found a partner that was a better lover than your spouse from a tecnical and experience stand point?

There are always going to be things that you will find are different, or even better, than what your SO gives you...not every time, but it will happen. I'm most satisfied when I've been with a partner with an imagination. Someone who isn't afraid to try something new for me or them. That's how we grow. Expand your horizons, I always say. To say that I'm looking for a partner who is better than my wife...well I'm usually let down. That's why it's nice to have her there so I can enjoy her too and enhance the whole occaision.

Originally Posted by Sexyasian

Did that make you prefer him or her over your spouse or does the love your share with your spouse make the love making "better"?

To say I don't look forward to seeing someone again that clicked with me would be a lie. I do think it makes things better in our own bedroom when that happens.

Originally Posted by Sexyasian

Now for the question that requires real honesty.
Even considering how the love for ones spouse factors into the enjoyment of sex, have your ever prefered another partner over your spouse?

No (and I wouldn't tell you if I did!) But...In combination with her, YES!!! facelick

Male D

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by Sexyasian

Have you ever found a partner that was a better lover than your spouse from a tecnical and experience stand point?

There were women before my spouse that were more experienced or more sexually open, but over the years Mrs. WS has opened-up sexually as she shed allot of the guilt surrounding sex that was instilled in her when she was younger. Now she is definitely the best lover I've ever known.

Did that make you prefer him or her over your spouse or does the love your share with your spouse make the love making "better"?

The sex I have with Mrs. WS is by far the best. It is like comparing apples and oranges. Sex with others is like one night stands: good physically but nothing there emotionally. For me the soul sex I have with Mrs. WS is the best, hands down. I would choose a five minute quickie with Mrs. WS over the best sex with any woman I have ever been with, in and out of the lifestyle.

Now for the question that requires real honesty.
Even considering how the love for ones spouse factors into the enjoyment of sex, have your ever prefered another partner over your spouse?

No. Sex between Mrs. WS and I is flat better then anything I've had outside our relationship. Why? Well first the aforementioned soul sex, but also because we are both most comfortable with each other - nothing is taboo between us, and we know which buttons to push for each other to make it really happen.

Mrs. WS and I have talked about this even recently. There is no fear that someone may have better technique then one of us. In fact, if some guy did something to her that she really like I would want it shared with me so I can do it too. She feels the same way. Use all the talent you have and all you can borrow. If either of us were given the chance to choose having sex with each other or a playmate on any given night, it would always be with each other.

Mr. WS

[EvilMJ]

I like to think of it as different. Everyone has different techniques, the sex is different.

I may enjoy something they do a little better, often I will share it with Mr. Evil as he is always willing to try something new, and I will do the same for him.

There is always the excitement of the 'newness' of being with someone for the first time. But then there is always the comfort of knowing that there is no one who knows me better than my husband.

So yup..just different.

[NandTfromCA]

Originally Posted by Sexyasian

Have you ever found a partner that was a better lover than your spouse from a tecnical and experience stand point?

Better at specific things?…definitely. We both just had our worlds rocked this weekend. Me by a super sexy sexual dynamo, and N by a guy who must be a relative of Mr. Ed (or Secretariat or whatever equine reference that resonates with you )…

…what was the original question? Oh yeah, “were they better lovers?”…not even close.

Originally Posted by Sexyasian

Did that make you prefer him or her over your spouse or does the love your share with your spouse make the love making "better"?

As good as the sex is with anyone else, I always want to come “home”. The love makes it better and so does the fact that we know each other so well.

Originally Posted by Sexyasian

Even considering how the love for ones spouse factors into the enjoyment of sex, have your ever prefered another partner over your spouse?

Think about the friends that you hang out with (vertically). If you had to choose one person in the world to spend your life with, and never spend time with anyone else, who would that be? For me, N (wife) wins hands down. There are times though when we want to hang out with our friends because they have certain qualities that make them enjoyable to be around. Maybe they are smarter, wittier, better at telling stories, more compassionate, more visionary, or better psychologists than either of us are. There is always someone out there that is “better” in one way or another, but N’s own uniqueness is what makes her my favorite person in the world.

Now just add “in bed” to the end of each sentence, and you have your answer.

Mr.

[DBL D]

May I add something I maybe should've said before? (Let me know if I shouldn't have... )

I keep hearing stuff like "no one ever comes close to my SO" or whatever. So why do we swing? To convince ourselves that we have found our life's mate? Most of us already knew that.

Why do we say we want friendship? What is so great about being with people who Don't rock your world? Who are people you desire to see again? What is the big deal (with swinging) if none of us is really happy with our play partners. Is it that we hold back our praise because it comes too close to getting too close to someone else? We're supposed to be mature enough to deal with this aspect. Both Fem D and I are looking for at least one couple that we can almost mesh totally with...ethically, sexually and platonically. I thought we were almost to that place with a couple, but the looks dept. seemed to take on such a large importance that all was lost. What a shame. Why would we ever look past a couple we are with if it's just never going to be as good as with each other. It's almost like if we found those people we'd be embarrassed to admit it. I know about poly relationships too but I can't understand what the big deal is if no one is ever truly satisfied with someone else.

A playmate once told me that I was the best she'd had as a swinging partner. Did that make me feel like not seeing her again because I fear that she would like me better than her Hubby, who I like just as much (but with out the sex?) I think not. Have we been on the phone with her because of her revelation? No. We'll see them again in due time and I hope next time it will be even better.

Sorry to go off on a rant like that.

Male D

[NandTfromCA]

Originally Posted by DBL D

May I add something I maybe should've said before? (Let me know if I shouldn't have... )

I keep hearing stuff like "no one ever comes close to my SO" or whatever. So why do we swing?

It's great that you posted that. It actually took me a while to write the last post because of the point that you bring up, but I don’t think we are contradicting each other. We swing because we want variety. We want bigger, smaller, funnier, smarter, faster, slower, etc. All of those things don’t add up to “better” though. They are just a change of pace.

Steak is my favorite food. I would eat steak several days a week if N wanted to. It is the best. I like steak better than any food out there. Sometimes though, I enjoy a hotdog (let’s keep this rated G) or microwaved burrito or kung pao chicken. If I had my way, I would have a steak every other night and then mix it up with 100 other foods on the nights in between...spicey, vegi, doughy, healthy, greasy...variety.

Now substitute “steak” for “N”, and then “hotdog” “burrito” “other foods” for all the hot women on here, and you have the answer.

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by NandTfromCA

It's great that you posted that. It actually took me a while to write the last post because of the point that you bring up, but I don’t think we are contradicting each other. We swing because we want variety. We want bigger, smaller, funnier, smarter, faster, slower, etc. All of those things don’t add up to “better” though. They are just a change of pace.

Steak is my favorite food. I would eat steak several days a week if N wanted to. It is the best. I like steak better than any food out there. Sometimes though, I enjoy a hotdog (let’s keep this rated G) or microwaved burrito or kung pao chicken. If I had my way, I would have a steak every other night and then mix it up with 100 other foods on the nights in between...spicey, vegi, doughy, healthy, greasy...variety.

Now substitute “steak” for “N”, and then “hotdog” “burrito” “other foods” for all the hot women on here, and you have the answer.

Thank you NandT...I'm not trying to change anyone's mind regarding this. I understand about the variety aspect. I understand about the food analogy.
My point is and will be that it seems like we actually try to not enjoy our partners as much as we could. We go home and even if we had a great time we still have to say something that's negative about someone we've just been with to maybe make sure that the SO doesn't get to feeling a certain way about what happened. Hey we just had great sex. That is what we're looking for.

Why is so hard to say, "Honey, I had the best time with them and can't wait to see them again! I'm glad you had a great time too!" and leave it at that?

M.D.

[NandTfromCA]

Originally Posted by DBL D

Thank you NandT...I'm not trying to change anyone's mind regarding this. I understand about the variety aspect. I understand about the food analogy.
My point is and will be that it seems like we actually try to not enjoy our partners as much as we could. We go home and even if we had a great time we still have to say something that's negative about someone we've just been with to maybe make sure that the SO doesn't get to feeling a certain way about what happened. Hey we just had great sex. That is what we're looking for.

D- I gotcha now. Maybe I didn't get your exact point at first because we haven't even though about hunting for negatives.

I told N that Mrs. Saturday night was AMAZING. N told me that she loved riding Mr. Saturday’s huge cock. No caveats...to your point...there shouldn't be a need for them. We are both in this to have fun, and to see each other have fun.

Did I understand you correctly this time?

Originally Posted by DBL D

Why is so hard to say, "Honey, I had the best time with them and can't wait to see them again! I'm glad you had a great time too!" and leave it at that?

Yes, I'd like to add an, "Ok, now tell me all about it while I ____ you silly"...well, you get the idea

[Tantra]

Apples and oranges. Sex may be mind blowing with any number of people but living with and loving someone and being loved is another league altogether. My wife and I are a family - our partners in the lifestyle are playmates for fun - we do things like watch movies, talk, have dinner, play sports, and sometimes have sex. These are simply activities, fun activities.

Now regarding why people sometimes can't just admit that some play partner they were just with is "better" - well that's just human nature. People have emotions and insecurities all tied up with things that are sexual. This is obviously a result of growing up in a society where these negativities are absorbed by us at an early age. People don't want to cause undue worry in their mate when the encounter really doesn't matter all that much in the long run. Sure it was fun. Sure we'll do it again. But living a life together is what matters. Sure we'll screw up once or twice, but so what ... it's the totality of a life lived that makes the difference. This is what's real. This is what has real meaning.

[WesternSwing]

DBL D, I see what you are saying, and for us at least, we are not afraid to say we had a great time with someone else. I want Mrs. WS to get her world rocked and she wants the same for me, that is the point. But it's rocking our world in a different way.

Has she ever been with someone better then me? I don't know. Probably. She wasn't a virgin when I met her so it would be pretty arrogant of me to believe she hadn't had great sex, probably better sex, with someone else at some time in her life. But that obviously wasn't enough to keep those relationships together.

I know I've seen her cum double digit times with other men, I've heard her scream with some like she never has with me. I'm sure she is having great sex with them and she has told me unabashedly that she likes having sex with so-and-so.

Does all this mean she likes it less with me or longs for sex with someone other then me? No. Keeping it in reality, allot of it is because of the circumstances: the naughtiness of swinging adds a different dimension to the sex you're having at that moment. I'm sure that if either of us were to have sex on a regular basis in a less erotically charged atmosphere with the same people (like in a relationship) I'm sure the sex would not be as good as it is swinging with them.

It's the best sex we're having at that moment in time.

Same with me, other women, and her. At the end of the day she still rocks my world the best of anyone, even if it is being blinded by love that makes it that way.

Also, it would be pretty selfish of me to prevent her from having a great time just to protect my ego. "I'm sorry honey, I don't want you to experience this because, well... I'm insecure." Wow, I couldn't tell her that.

So I don't think it's really that "it's better with someone else" but more of "it's really good at the time with someone else." On a daily basis I'm still the king and she's still the queen in our lives.

I think the original question posed by SexyAsian is one that puts too much weight on the sexual aspect of a relationship. It's a question fueled by an insecurity about a spouse having better sex with someone else and thus leaving the relationship over a piece of ass. It's the most basic insecurity in the Lifestyle and a question that gets asked again and again in different ways on this board.

Sex wasn't the reason Mrs. WS and I got married. Sex is great between us, but it's everything else PLUS the great sex that makes our relationship work, and all the ones before we met not work. And it's the reason that at the end of the night we always happily return to each other.

Mr. WS

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by DBL D

I keep hearing stuff like "no one ever comes close to my SO" or whatever. So why do we swing?

Because sex is fun...

And sex in a group of people is fun...

Sex with two women is great - giving Mrs Spoo the joy of having sex with two men is great. I get to experience women of different body types, techniques, theatrics - Mrs Spoo gets the same things.

But - still - "no one ever comes close to my SO."

Call me weird, but I don't swing for "better". In fact, I don't expect that I will ever experience that. And that's okay. At the end of every swing experience, I get the "best" - and that good enough for me

Let me ask you - do you swing because you feel your wife isn't the best? Are you out looking for "better"?

Originally Posted by DBL D

TWhat is so great about being with people who Don't rock your world?

Never said that I haven't had my world rocked... Good lord have I ever! There was this one time...

Well - actually a few times...

Details aren't really necessary...

But - just a few hours ago - I got my world rocked by Mrs Spoo - and that is a regular occurance. I am not saying that for brownie points - I am saying it because it is simply the truth. She is, by far, the best I have had. But - like I said - in my mind we are comparing two completely different things.

Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by DBL D

We go home and even if we had a great time we still have to say something that's negative about someone we've just been with to maybe make sure that the SO doesn't get to feeling a certain way about what happened.

I have said negative things about playmates - because frankly some were lousy. But if someone was good, Mrs Spoo knows it - and visa versa. Good playmates are something we grin about for days on end... And when we find a couple who are BOTH good - WOW!

Why would you think we would have to say something negative?

I have been told that I was the best playmate for someone before. But I realize that means "excluding hubby". I realize that I was a good (maybe great) time - but I also know how intense love making with your soul mate can be.

Originally Posted by DBL D

Why is so hard to say, "Honey, I had the best time with them and can't wait to see them again! I'm glad you had a great time too!" and leave it at that?

That is what we do...

Spoomonkey

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

I have said negative things about playmates - because frankly some were lousy....Why would you think we would have to say something negative?

You guys are (one of) the last I would suspect of this. When I said "we" I was referring to Fem D and myself.

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

I have been told that I was the best playmate for someone before. But I realize that means "excluding hubby". I realize that I was a good (maybe great) time - but I also know how intense love making with your soul mate can be.
Spoomonkey

Which is really my point. Don't we all know that our SO is the best, latest and greatest of all? So my thought was that we (us personally) seem to want to break things down like we're having roast preacher sometimes..."Well he was larger than I expected", "She didn't want to do doggie style." etc., etc. We come up with all these little negative criticisms, for no reason that I can see. I've been guilty myself, not trying to single out my wife in this.

Which is why I'd think that when we did meet couple that we both really enjoyed, that we could just live with that. I know I couldn't live with my partners the way I live with my wife, but I try to relish each encounter like it was my last.

Male D

[NandTfromCA]

Sorry to be a thread hog but I just had to post again.

Originally Posted by Tantra

Now regarding why people sometimes can't just admit that some play partner they were just with is "better" - well that's just human nature. People have emotions and insecurities all tied up with things that are sexual.

Sex is one thing, love is another, and sex with someone you love is something else. The intimacy that I have with my wife makes our sex transcend any fucking that we might do with someone else. (I’ll continue to stew on this to make sure I am being truthful with myself)

But maybe that’s your point. We can’t compare fucking, lovemaking, and companionship. We can’t even truly compare sex with someone you love (even when it is fucking) to sex with someone you don’t love (even if it's slow and tender).

Someone might be a “better” fuck, but the overall experience is still “better” with my wife since I also happen to love her. All that being said, aside from the fact that I love her, she is an awesome lay too. Rest assured, that is not insecurity or conditioning that tells me that. facelick

Mr.

(My word choice wasn’t for crudeness but to more easily illustrate a point)