Would You Knowingly Play With A Couple With Herpes

[lookingfornow]

We are new to swinging and have had only one experience. We've noted a lot of discussion about STDs and safe sex. Candidly, we assume that everyone has something unless we really get to know them. This seems to be a particularly appropriate assumption with herpes where many couples apparently feel that disclosure is unnecessary so long as there is no outbreak. That being said, we are wondering...would you knowingly play with a couple where one or both of the members has told you up front that they have herpes (though no outbreaks at the time of the play)?

[Spoomonkey]

We would pass if a couple had anything. We don't and aren't looking to catch something. Do we run a risk as swingers? Absolutely. But we can still take precautions and do our best to keep ourselves safe.

Spoomonkey

[txduo2000]

My cousin has herpes. My cousin is an idiot. She has sex with unsuspecting men without first informing them of her disease. I am sure that there are MANY who do this, however, we would not knowingly play with anyone who has herpes or any other STD.

Just going by my cousin, it is alarming to think how many people actually do knowingly have the disease and out of their own personal embarrassment, do not tell their sex partners.

[pumpkins1970]

With this lifestyle you always are at risk for disease, but on another note it doesn't make a difference you can still contract the disease from someone who has it even if they do not have any blisters. Thats why safe sex is always a good idea. There is always going to be someone who is not very honest.

[lookingfornow]

I guess I am a bit puzzled --but not surprised.

Everyone seems to know that herpes can be contracted even when a condom is used and even when there is not a visable outbreak. Most people seem to take it for granted that something like 25% of the population has herpes (many without even knowing it). Therefore, if you are an active swinger, you have likely partnered with someone with herpes without being aware of it (and possibly without them being aware of it). Yet, the honest and up front person or couple gets shunned thereby encouraging the dishonesty and adding to the stigma. <EG>

I was initially shocked to find a Toronto sex columnist actually advising a would be swinger with herpes not to be honest so long as they did not have an outbreak. That column was the motivation for this poll. I really thought she was wrong. Swingers would (I thought), by their very nature, have to do research and really understand the disease, how it is contracted, how it is controlled, and how spread is prevented (and accept the risk of contracting it and recognize that the risk can be minimized greatly when all parties are aware of it). Wrong. I really do not understand the logic. Surrender I'd rather know the risk and trust the honest couple or person to be truthful about their health status (suppressive therapy, etc.) since you are essentially assuming the risk anyway. I guess I will need to ask another question.....

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by lookingfornow

the honest and up front person or couple gets shunned thereby encouraging the dishonesty and adding to the stigma. <EG>

You're assuming that a percentage of folks who say they don't have it are lying - just as we assume that they are telling the truth...

I am not naive enough to think that 100% of the folks in the lifestyle are 100% honest, but I will say that if we were approached by someone who immediately listed off their ailments, it would put me off.

To be honest, if someone sat us down and told us, upon first meet that they had diabetes, foot fungus, high cholesterol and a case of the shits, I wouldn't be too interested in playing with them either.

We take our precautions for us - and just as we have probably played with folks who haven't told us everything, we have emerged unscathed. Should we ever test positive for an STD, regardless of how benign, we would quit the lifestyle.

Spoomonkey

[BradAndJanet]

Every time this topic comes up, I think, "If it's true that so many people have it and don't even know, how bad can it really be?"

From Herpes.com: Some 22% of adult Americans from all backgrounds, income levels, and ethnic groups have HSV-2. Like HSV-1, type 2 is usually mild-so mild that two-thirds of infected people don't even know they have it. Type 2 rarely causes complications or spreads to other parts of the body.

Yes, there are extremely rare instances in which it can become herpes encephalitis or can infect the eye, and pregnant women need to take precautions not to infect their child during birth, but I think people make more fuss about herpes than it really deserves.

-B

[CuriousHCouple]

We have HSV2 and it's very hard to find other couples that we are attracted to that also have it. Being honest is the only way to go with it...I have never felt like we had a right to chose to tell or not to tell. It's sad that others either don't know or just don't tell.
M/E

[Chicup]

This is a big part of why we look for low circulation boring couples like ourselves.

Sure its not 100% safe but its safer.

[HappyPeople]

No, we would not play with a couple or person with herpes. Since there is no cure, we'd prefer to not take any unnessary chances. But chances are, when another couple with herpes comes along, they will probably choose another couple with herpes... What makes it difficult to find playmates can also make you stand out from the crowd.

[dave110256]

absolutely not.

[DRnMR]

This is amazing. The first forum I go to in the first site I visit on swinging I find the exact same question I asked my wife when we were approached with the opportunity to swing. However not the question would we play with someone but would some one play with us knowing we have herpes. I too feel that honesty is only fair. When we found out we had herpes at first we were torn, angry, and sad. Since then we have studied the topic and have become very comfortable with the fact that we have it. In all honesty it really isn't that bad. I have had it for long time and it merely shows up in my blood tests but I have never had a break out. My wife however has and has since treated with valtrax and not experienced an outbreak. Do I recommend someone playing with someone that has any STD? No, not unless you have it too. I most likely would not have slept with my wife if she would have known she had. That being said I am glad she did not know because I would have most likely not have met the soul mate of my life.


FYI We contracted it by having oral sex. She had a cold sore. Oral then vaginal sex then a check up at the doctor revealed that simplex1 can turn into simplex2 if passed from the facial area to the vaginal or penal area.


BE OPEN, BE CAREFUL AND HAVE FUN!!!

[jdavisauto]

If a couple told us that one of them has herpes but is ok now then yes that would be a deal breaker. Now I know that people have made mistakes and have gotten STD’s and had to get the shot to get rid of it but with herpes , that’s a life long problem and you can only control not cure at this time. I have been very lucky over the years that I been sexually activity. Never had any STD’s so far. Now my brother caught Std’s about 5 difference times that I know of before he past away. My sister had Chlamydia twice before she got married. It don’t matter if you in the lifestyle or not the bottom line is every time you have sex with or without protection you are taking a risk. You just do what you can to keep the risk at a minimum.

[spamcatcher]

We would rather not be put into the position of having to make this decision, but the answer is most likely "No".

I appreciate the honesty of anyone who would offer that information up-front, and it would make it more difficult to decline play, but you have to look out for yourself first, when it comes to life-changing disease.

[JTcamp05]

Not a chance, we prefer to be cautious.....