Married Males - What's your Status?

[Dryon]

what about a swing together and apart option?

[charms123]

I used to be bothered if a married man hit on me and his wife did not know. I am less and less concerned with that anymore. If fact, married men, on a few levels, are downright easier to deal with. (ending a sentence with a preposition.)

Married men tend to be less clingy. They tend to understand the rules more. They tend to more discreet and certainly more "clean." Note the word "tend". Single guys want way too much. I have an excellent, loving relationship with my husband M. I do not crave another!

Married men tend to get out less. That is the biggest problem.

Do not think me a bad women or us a bad couple. And you married guys, that is not carte blanc to contact us. All I am saying is that if he wants to cheat, that home is broken long before we have our encounter. I would never overtly HIT on a married man first. I have the respect for a married couple and for marriage.

We do not play that often so its not like we do this all the time. My current "friend" is married, swings, but his wife does not like us. I really dont care if she knows or not. But if another married guy happened by, and we clicked, we would at least check it out.

Does that make me bad? Sorry if it does. Hey, I can change me mind later right?

N (& M)

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I am just curious to know how many married males we have around these parts who aren't actively swinging yet but hoping to use what they learn here as a springboard to either figure out how to bring it up to their partner, or have brought it up and are still trying to figure out how to get their wives to go for the idea.

I can't say, I'm the one that brought it up lol.
How we did it was we took it veeery slowly, at a rate that Jay was comfortable with. You can only move as slow as the slowest partner, you can't drag them into it. He read a book on the lifestyle, and we met people in the lifestyle. Once he saw that swingers are really "normal" (whatever "normal" is, lol) people who have children, careers and lives (and boats. Jay loves fishing, so people with boats always get his attention lol....I swear, he looks at the boat before looking at the woman! jk) he became more comfortable. We have now played a little with a few couples, and are ready for our first full swing experience. I think patience is the absolute key in this.

[louie_st]

Originally Posted by ShellyM

I can't say, I'm the one that brought it up lol.
How we did it was we took it veeery slowly, at a rate that Jay was comfortable with. You can only move as slow as the slowest partner, you can't drag them into it. He read a book on the lifestyle, and we met people in the lifestyle. Once he saw that swingers are really "normal" (whatever "normal" is, lol) people who have children, careers and lives (and boats. Jay loves fishing, so people with boats always get his attention lol....I swear, he looks at the boat before looking at the woman! jk) he became more comfortable. We have now played a little with a few couples, and are ready for our first full swing experience. I think patience is the absolute key in this.

Sounds like a good thing but a slow and steady pressure is still pressure. Did he buy the book or you? What I mean is after talking did he go looking for couples or buy the books? Or was it your books that you were reading and accidentaly left them laying around. I have seen alot times were you see the man out hunting for sex then trying to convince the wife lets just try it. Well looks like the tables are turned in your favor. If you gave him the choice tomorrow and said lets stop swinging do you think he would argue or say some thing like what ever you want to do.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by louie_st

Sounds like a good thing but a slow and steady pressure is still pressure. Did he buy the book or you? What I mean is after talking did he go looking for couples or buy the books? Or was it your books that you were reading and accidentaly left them laying around. I have seen alot times were you see the man out hunting for sex then trying to convince the wife lets just try it. Well looks like the tables are turned in your favor. If you gave him the choice tomorrow and said lets stop swinging do you think he would argue or say some thing like what ever you want to do.

Absolutely yes. We have discussed this many times. The reason why we have not played still after being in the lifestyle for 4 months now is because we are taking everything one step at a time and are not rushing into anything. Before we think about playing with another couple we have to be comfortable with them...in playing I mean full swap. We have "played" before, but have never fully swapped. But yes, Jay is very aware of this. Had we just been in it to screw we would have swapped with a couple in June.

[VanHlebar]

MrsVan brought the idea up to me while we were dicussing fantasies. She said she had a fantasy of being with two guys at the same time.

It took me less than a day to run with it. I was on here and I was looking at Swing Lifestyle and talking with her what she thought she wanted. At the very beginning, we were actually opposite of probably most couples. We were looking for single guys only, no couple or single females. At that stage MrsVan was not willing/ready or comfortable with me being with other ladies. Yes that was very hypocritical, but it was what we had agreed to and more importantly, I was fine with it. Then after both of us reading the board and talking with people that we met, we decided we really did want to be full swap and everything in between. Well the rest has just been plain fun.

-Van

[fifty4x2]

First of all it depends on the married male and at what stage he is in the realation ship with his wife. If they have sex pattern that they both enjoy he will not stray far. Males as a norm are always looking I know I am. Its ironic the grass alwasy looks better on the other side. I think a married male would be more descreet and know more about what to do. It's just an opinion.

[socolais]

I didn't read all the comments in this thread.

There wasn't an option that described exactly how I feel. Yes I'm the married male that is bringing the swinging option up in our discussion and I have no intention of any "persuasion tactics". I'm still exploring the various flavors of swinging to try to find my own internal comfort zone. After I think I understand myself, She and I will discuss more and come to a mutual decision - perhaps to explore the common denominator in more detail through experimenting.

[celtic239]

Julie, I fit the original description to a T. We are in our 50's married 25 years and a year or so ago the Mrs stated that she wasn't interested in sex anymore. I hit the internet hard and got some valuable information from this site. I did some soul searching and figured that if I wasn't satisfying her then she could have sex with another and that it would be OK with me and I told her so. Since that time we have visited a clothing optional resort and I have learned that I could very well seperate sex from love and that a MFM threesome would be highly erotic. We have't swung yet but I believe that if it does happen it will be on her timetable and not mine.

[warrencouple]

I went with "Married but trying to get her to go for it," although we're going to a Meet-n-Greet tomorrow night (some confusion on the scheduling of our last planned attempt)

Likely we will take a long time to get to even soft-swap...

[MrkLin]

Never say never, Warren (yes, I know that's not your name.) Lin was so scared during her first trip to a swing club, she basically tucked into the fetal position while sitting upright, and would have whimpered if she hadn't thought it would have brought her that much more attention. A scant 6 years later she's ready to not only dance on the pole, she'll give the janitors a few tips on how to keep it polished.

My point is, you've planted the seed. You can't make it grow any faster than it wants to grow. Oh, you can check back here and there, but no matter how loudly or how often you say, "GROW FASTER!" It's gonna grow the way it wants to. Don't push - let her mull it over for a while. And if it takes 5 years, it takes 5 years....

[warrencouple]

That's the one thing I keep bringing up to her. Yes, I've got fantasies, all the way up to full swap, but we're going to go at *her* pace, regardless how slow it is.

If I feel I'm pushing, I apologize, and she reminds me if I start to push, she'll tell me. Of course, I think my threshold for "am I pushing" is lower than hers, so I end up apologizing more than I need too...

Even she's not saying "never," just "not yet."


Yeah, we were / are a little paranoid about using our names here... She pointed out I had used mine in my first post, actually...

Mr.

[jumpmaster74]

I brought the topic with my wife, but i don't she was to receptive to the idea.

[soulman08]

Well I am a married male who is still trying to figure out how to get into this.I have bought this up to my wife and has mentioned to her how I would love for us to try it together,but she says that this is something that she is not interested in doing,but if I wants to I could go ahead,But if I do.I need to promise her that I would use precausions so that I won't bring anything back to her.

[ncmd_couple]

Guys,

You have to do it as a couple, her on your arm. Have fun as a couple, whether anything else happens at all. Or nothing.

S