How have you changed since entering the lifestyle?

[Mistral Wind]

I was shy at first and Tim helped me find my true sexuality. I believe that most women are capable of having great sex and can be multiple orgasmic.

What we women find hard to accept is accepting ourselves and not feeling guilty about enjoying sex. When you get down to the nitty gritty we women can out-fuck our men and finish off half the men in the room without breaking into a sweat. That is how nature built us.

To cover this we make out we only do it for our men folk. Once you can be honest and say to yourself “I love to fuck!” you are halfway there. Tim has been wonderful in encouraging me and making sure I have always been safe and cared for so we swing together and very seldom on our own and both have absolute trust and love in the other half so we know it enhances our relationship rather than damaging it.

Swinging has definitely enhanced our marriage.

[FunCalifCple]

Interesting topic, for us the lifestyle and the swing club environment has helped us over the years develop confidence in meeting and communicating with new people which has carried over into our everyday business life. There is much more to be gainded from this 'swing' evnironmnet than just sex, as we both found out. Just our 2 cents worth.

[HotMoCpl]

We haven't even started. We're still in the planning stages and considering what our signals will be and so forth. Has it changed our lives...YES! We're more open in our communication then ever over the past fifteen years we've been together.

Cheers.

[HotMoCpl]

Let me add a couple more comments here. Have dabbled in loosing weight for several years now. After I started having serious discussions with my wife I made a more intense effort and will soon be on an exercise regimin. I'm also working harder with the V.A. to get new dentures. She has her bunyun surgery scheduled for next month. It might be a while before we attend a dance at Springfield Social Club, but we're going to look good and feel better when we do.

[RippleCpl]

After only two months in the lifestyle, I've noticed some rather big changes in myself (Mr. RippleCpl) and in my relationship with my wife. Aside from some of the ones everyone talks about (better sex between us, stronger relationship, etc.) here are some others:


1. LESS MASTERBATION - I used to masterbate 3-4 times a week. In the two months we've been lifestylers, I've only done it once. It's not that I am trying to avoid it, it's just that I haven't really felt like it. Yes, we are having more sex, but not enough to make up the difference. I think I used to masterbate out of sexual frustration. I desired variety, and I couldn't have it, so I'd beat off to help me stop thinking about it. Now that I have fully sanctioned variety, there is no frustration.

2. PORN - Much less/different interest now. Porn doesn't seem as "dirty" or "foreign" to me now. I guess it used to appeal to me because I wanted to do all those things, but couldn't. Now we are doing those things, so porn seems redundant.

3. GIRL WATCHING - There's a street near our house filled with bars that cater to college aged kids. When we'd drive down that street, I used to give myself whiplash going from cute girl to cute girl. Now I hardly notice them. In my mind I'm thinking "They're probably not swingers, so I'm not interested".

I guess all these things point to my sex drive going down, and in a sense it has. I was obsessed by what I couldn't have (other women), so I constantly thought about it, driving myself crazy. Now that Mrs. RippleCpl and I have begun swinging, I'm more relaxed and I know that in time, all my fantasies could come true.

Mr. RippleCpl

[ALilOEverything]

I have found that I'm more confident in myself, inside and out. We didn't have a lot of friends before and now we have a couple couples who are really becoming good friends. It's really helped me loosen up a lot. And also knowing I'm still desirable to others after 3 kiddos.

I'm more relaxed about sex issues. Not that I was uptight before but now nothing really phases me.

As for watching those of the opposite (or same for that matter) sex, I find I do a lot more looking than I did before

[intuition897]

Mr. Ripple, I think it's true. When people try to ignore sex or pretend like they don't enjoy it or think about it - when it's taboo and forbidden - it becomes an obsession. It's just human nature to want the very thing one is denied. So... after your spouse says, "Well? Go find out! See if the grass really IS greener on the other side and get back to me about it.", you start to realize sex is basically just a physical act. Pussy is just pussy. Dick is just dick. (Pardon my crudeness) It's not this mystical magical experience we've built it up to be in our restricted minds. It's fun, it feels good, it gets the blood pumping... but in the end, it's not as satisfying as the mind-blowing sex with each other when you get home. THAT's where it's at.

[good times]

I agree with a lot of whats been said so far as far as I have seen some of the same things.

My self image has probably changed the most, I never considered myself very attractive before we started swinging. While I don't have to fight the women off with a stick or anything I was quite surprised at how many women have said that they find me attractive. I have to confess that I thought I got my wife in large part because she had poor eye sight.

The other thing I've noticed is that if we would go to a vanilla club before we started swinging, I would be oogling all the hot looking women and then when we got home be hornier than a three balled monkey and have to have a marathon sex session with my wife. On new years eve we went to a vanilla function and their were many young scantily clad women there, and while I did notice them, it didn't have the same effect as it used to. I don't know if that is good or bad but we did decide that in the future we will be spending new years eve at the swingers clubs.

[northindycpl]

Yes.. we have changes too. We both have become more relaxed and more free in our thinking, and with the conversations we have with each other.

We are also both a lot more self assured, and willing to do what feels good for us. Like looking at girls.... Before Mr. Indy wasn't sure where to put his eyes, or would look away hoping I wouldn't catch him... Now I poiint them out and ask him. It is really hot to discuss that with him.

We clean up and party. With kids and all of the responsibilites we have sometimes it was just easier to throw on comfy clothes and stay in to watch movies. Now we are dressing up, having fun with each other shopping for new clothes and we are going out on the town!

[two4youinswva]

Her: She has become more self-confident. Lost 35 pounds and started dressing up almost every day. She was always sexually liberated, but really is now! Just like NorthIndy said, we look at the girls together too!

Him: He has become more outgoing socially. He now holds hands and kisses in public more often (gasp!) He shows his affection for her more often in sweet little ways.

Both: The one-on-one sex was great before, but is now incredible! And we have become avid readers of The Swinger's Board!

[mrs good times]

I think the biggest change for me is that we now have a social life. Before swinging we worked and stayed home but now we go out almost every weekend and have met some great people.

[tazzie_n_truck]

(Tazzie typing for a change y'all..lol) Truck has definately become more open minded through all of our expirences. When we married he was more of the "walk the straight and narrow path thing" and I was the "wild one" -still am to his family LOL. With the lifestyle we've certainly had many expirences (most good) and I think our marriage has lasted longer in the sense that we didn't get into a rut as far as sex goes.
Every expirence with a new person is just a fun as the first time was. I've become even more open minded , much to the chargrin of other family members..lol! I know I've just become a better person all around I've felt better about myself even though I am a bigger person. That makes Truck happy.

[NotsoNew]

Great post!!

While we had a great relationship before swinging, it is more intense now. And we really seem to be more in tune with each other - this is kind of hard to explain. We really go into this together as a team and as we have gotten more into the Lifestyle, a glance between us can speak volumes.

We have always been pretty open about talking about sex, but now it is even more so. And while our sex life has always been good, it is now on a different level and hard to believe but even better than it was before.

We are more secure about who we are (although there will always be the times of self doubt by me [she] ) but come less often now. Not obsessed with it any more.

Also, many things do not phase me anymore (never phased hubby lol) - previous post examples are good ones. But as I stated in another post, I do find myself having to be careful with what I say recognizing that much of the world is not as open as we now are.

[dutch51]

Originally Posted by ALilOEverything

I have found that I'm more confident in myself, inside and out. We didn't have a lot of friends before and now we have a couple couples who are really becoming good friends. It's really helped me loosen up a lot. And also knowing I'm still desirable to others after 3 kiddos.

I'm more relaxed about sex issues. Not that I was uptight before but now nothing really phases me.

As for watching those of the opposite (or same for that matter) sex, I find I do a lot more looking than I did before

Wifey here- I agree with everything ALilOEverything wrote, except I was more uptight about sex before, lol. Now when hubby and I talk, I don't get embarrassed like I used to.

The increase in self-confidence has been a big boost for me, and it has carried over into all parts of my life, not just at the clubs. I've been a mommy for so long and been in that mindset that it's nice to be reminded by other people that I'm a woman too (hubby's always made me feel pretty womanly).

Great topic by the way, RippleCpl!

M.

[CowboyBob]

1. We talk about sex more. A lot more.

2. Porn. I used to hide it. Now I share it. Sometimes we get it together and talk about it.

3. the sex has always been good. These days we've been more prone to experimenting, including when it's just us.

4. We've noticed the friends we circulate with tend to be fellow swingers more than non-swingers. Even when we don't do anything, the people we have contact with are people we've met in the lifestyle. I think it's a matter of who we feel comfortable with and you've gotta admit when you've been making the beast with two backs with your buddy's wife while he was diddling your own wife, that's a great way to get over uncomfortable feelings.

5. We've been out to a few non-swinging clubs and I find them boring these days. Yeah, there's a lot of dancing and sexually-charged rubbing up against each other, but I keep expecting them to get more graphic. I was watching these two girls dirty-dancing at a straight club a couple months ago, and while most of the crowd was whooping and hollering at the sight, I kept thinking, "come on! Lift up her shirt! Suck her titties! What're you waiting for?"

6. Yes, confidence. Not just in thinking we're attractive to other people, but in SAYING, "You know, X really has the hots for you," or "I'd really like to get Y in bed sometime."