Are You honest at The Doctor's Office?

[intuition897]

I know we're an "underground" culture, but holy cow! I had no idea that so many people kept this from their doctor. The way I see it, I don't pay her to have a personal opinion. If she has a personal opinion and voices it, I've known her long enough to let her know that I am an adult making an adult decision, and that it has been given due consideration. I feel that she has enough respect for me to know that if I'm undertaking something of this nature, there must be something more to it than what she knows. That's why I'd be reluctant to ever give this doctor up if we moved. She's not arrogant or egotistical or condescending the way many other doctors I've met have been. If she doesn't know a thing, she admits it. She's seen my family through every bump and bruise, each pregnancy, every illness, and I trust her.

I have told her about our "arrangement" and she clammed up pretty good. Which probably means she has an opinion, but is doing her best to keep it professional. In which case it's "don't ask, don't tell". She knows that this is just another factor to consider when asking me questions about my health. As it stands, it's irrelevant since we're inactive.

[two4youinswva]

I found something interesting a while back when messing around on the NCSF website.

You can locate a doctor (or other professional) that is kink friendly!

Find a Kink Aware Professional in Your Area.


Now, if only there were more professionals listed, and some in our area!

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by intuition897

I know we're an "underground" culture, but holy cow! I had no idea that so many people kept this from their doctor. The way I see it, I don't pay her to have a personal opinion. If she has a personal opinion and voices it, I've known her long enough to let her know that I am an adult making an adult decision, and that it has been given due consideration. I feel that she has enough respect for me to know that if I'm undertaking something of this nature, there must be something more to it than what she knows. That's why I'd be reluctant to ever give this doctor up if we moved. She's not arrogant or egotistical or condescending the way many other doctors I've met have been. If she doesn't know a thing, she admits it. She's seen my family through every bump and bruise, each pregnancy, every illness, and I trust her.

I have told her about our "arrangement" and she clammed up pretty good. Which probably means she has an opinion, but is doing her best to keep it professional. In which case it's "don't ask, don't tell". She knows that this is just another factor to consider when asking me questions about my health. As it stands, it's irrelevant since we're inactive.

I personally don't want 'multiple sexual partners' checked off on my chart. Doctors are people, people talk, and staff talk even more, your medical records are NOT private no matter what the official line is. A good doctor should be looking out for STD's and the like regardless of what your status is (after all spouses cheat often) and there is really no benefit in telling them.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by Chicup

I personally don't want 'multiple sexual partners' checked off on my chart. Doctors are people, people talk, and staff talk even more, your medical records are NOT private no matter what the official line is. A good doctor should be looking out for STD's and the like regardless of what your status is (after all spouses cheat often) and there is really no benefit in telling them.

I could care less if they jaw over our personal lives...as long as they keep it at the office. I don't see any reason to NOT keep it from her, OR her staff. It is what it is, we are who we are. I'm not about to apologize for it and I take the inherent risks of having "multiple sexual partners" seriously (not implying that you don't!). For me, this means that my doctor is going to be fully informed when she's making decisions about my health.

As far as word travelling outside the office, I'm not too worried. I'm sure they raked me over the coals the first day or so that it was made known to them, and by now, I'm just another one of the "weird ones" in the patient roster. If it does go beyond the walls of the office, I expect it probably ends up as pillow talk, which I don't mind at all. IF something did get out and it was found that it originated from their office, it could mean problems for them, so they have themselves to protect to some degree as well. I worked at a dental office, and would tell Mr. about my day and some of the patients, but I was always aware of my responsibility as far as their privacy was concerned. I didn't use last names or any other identifiers. Why bother? I was just venting about my day, not getting involved in a patient's life.

How does that saying go? "People would worry less about what others thought of them if they only realized how seldom they do."

[ic7175]

It's likely making it out of the office. I was once at a party attended by several nurses. One briefly worked where another was a long-time nurse. The former mentioned that she was shocked to see who came in for Viagra, even dropping a couple names. The second nurse took that as a reason to list everyone she could remember. Not just names, but how often they are back for refills, and even recalled some office conversations regarding Viagra. After this several other nurses added their stories, although some left out the names.

I was shocked at what all was revealed to a very large group of people. This wasn't just shop talk amongst the nurses.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by ic7175

It's likely making it out of the office. I was once at a party attended by several nurses. One briefly worked where another was a long-time nurse. The former mentioned that she was shocked to see who came in for Viagra, even dropping a couple names. The second nurse took that as a reason to list everyone she could remember. Not just names, but how often they are back for refills, and even recalled some office conversations regarding Viagra. After this several other nurses added their stories, although some left out the names.

I was shocked at what all was revealed to a very large group of people. This wasn't just shop talk amongst the nurses.

Personally I cant imagine this happening at a swingers party I have ever attended. If so, I would refrain from the person or persons you were around. One of my sisters has been a RN for as long as I can remember. Sure they may talk shop after hours but to list names in this way ? I dunno. I can't imagine the need to recall who came in for Viagra refills at allllll. Some people I suppose.


I think they have better stories than who I have sex with or how often. Like the successful man in every town in the USA. Who some nurse who is related to someone they know, who was on duty when the very well known successful man came in with a giant dildo lodged in his butt . The urban legends live on in doctors offices as well. I always felt sorry for that millionaire in every town... I mean come onnnn. Everyone knows millionaires have personal doctors that can make house calls for the removal of objects from their butts . They don't go into emergency rooms for those kind of procedures.

I trust my doctor with my personal stuff as well as my attorney. Besides, the nurses make me feel really good about myself as well. If they know I'm a swinger, then I guess I have a really good reason for appreciating their smiles....

[widowerman]

This poll reminds me of another odd occurrence. Do you confess to your priest, minister, rabbi or whatever holy man you believe in of what you do in the lifestyle? I know a man who is a devout Catholic who is also a swinger and who attends church every Sunday and sometimes everyday. Is he a hypocrite to be a player and still worship his God and Jesus? I don’t think so. He is comfortable in what he does, however, his confessor, a priest is fed up with this man’s constant “sinning”. The Church refuses to give absolution of this man’s sins. And this from a Catholic priest who’s most important tenet of the religion is one of forgiveness with a secondary principle of understanding.

I was once a good Old Catholic boy myself, being born in an Italian family with religious relics and bibles and forced Holy Communion followed by becoming a soldier of Christ upon Confirmation. In a way I will still defend the old faith, however I cannot defend a simple minded people who cannot see the world for what it is. There are a great many more sins then the “sin” of sex. I’m amazed, more appalled on how luck luster religion is towards the sin of war. These people, just like the doctors who do not condemn war and all of its misery are really the blind ones.

Should you confess to your doctor of the lifestyle? My question is more of why? Will what you do have any effect on your doctor’s prognosis? That will come into play if you have a communicable disease that is spread through sex. There will be no need to consult a brain surgeon on being sexually safe. We know the rules and risks, that is why we are human. From an early age we have two messages. Sex is bad for you and can give you a scar. The other is sex is great and just like air, when you don’t have any is when you notice it.

Besides, just where do you inform your doctor of your lifestyle? Do you check off sex as a hobby on the questioner?

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by widowerman

Besides, just where do you inform your doctor of your lifestyle? Do you check off sex as a hobby on the questioner?

I really don't remember a sexual questionnaire with my family doctor ? I have had him a while. I do remember a few years back when I was getting blood work done for other reasons I asked for Std's to be checked. He did ask if I felt at risk. That was the first time I said yes we are in the swinging lifestyle. He just said "oh, O.K." That was it. Well,, he had a very big grin on his face Then again a few months ago I had blood (LAB) work done again. I asked for STD testing and he asked again "Do you feel at risk" I said "well, we are still in the swinging lifestyle" he said " Oh yea, thats wright" He didn't even ask anything more about the lifestyle. He just logged it in his lap top computer to do the extra blood tests. I watched this in the privacy of the examining room. I received the summary for my insurance and the billing. They pretty much said everything that was discussed about disability claims, and work preformed. Nothing about us being swingers.

I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. I just cant see a big deal talking to my doctor and being honest.

[screaminggood]

A bigger concern than the doctor and staff: Your records are completely open to your insurance company...and they do profile other high risk activities?

[ic7175]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

Personally I cant imagine this happening at a swingers party I have ever attended. ...

This was not a swing party. Just a holiday gathering at someone's house.

Regardless, I agree that the lack of discretion was appalling. As much as possible, we have avoided socializing with the RN's that blabbed.

[elephantboy67]

The problem is.
Medical records.
What is he going to put in your chart after hearing that.
Youcant really controll what he does with that info.
So I work on th eneed to know basis.
Yes I have told him I have sex outside of mariage.
I did withold the part about us swapping partners . or the group grope.
thats just me.
I dont want to be on a cumputer data base in the future as a known perv. HEHEHE

[MRnMSbhaven]

We're upfront with our Doc about everything! We can't be safe if we're not honest with the person that helps us stay that way. Details are unimportant unless we feel it may affect our health. She doesn't need to know anything other than I have an open relationship in order to make sure she tests me for everything. As for medical records, there's not a damn thing I can do about that. They already say I'm a nut job... what's one more entry?

Ms B

[BiloxiCouple]

I am not one to repeat gossip, so you better listen close the first time.

Yep, the official line is the privacy thing that we all sign. But what is the majority of nurses made up of? Women. What do a majority of them do? Gossip. Get some liquor in them and you can learn all kinds of dirty secrets. Get them at a swingers party and all the dirty sex secrets they know will come out.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by screaminggood

A bigger concern than the doctor and staff: Your records are completely open to your insurance company...and they do profile other high risk activities?

Good point. This also makes it accessible to many within the insurance company. Pet used to work for an insurance company and he has said several times that he would never admit something like this to a dr when he was working there as employee medical files were practically free game.

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by screaminggood

A bigger concern than the doctor and staff: Your records are completely open to your insurance company...and they do profile other high risk activities?

Correct, and it potentially becomes available at a life insurance underwriting exam, as well, if the MD documented the disclosures.

I've said this in other threads, but the confidentiality issues are why I do not disclose to my MD or OB/GYN. I test regularly, but I do it through my local health clinic, and that information is not disclosed.

I am honest with the clinic MD. My personal MDs are not given information that I wouldn't want my employer, insurance company or life insurance underwriter seeing, not if there's a perfectly good alternative available.