Bi-women who don't go down

[mwsw4ever]

We have talked to a few couples where the female was listed as Bi or Bi curious.When we talked to them they tell us she likes kissing another woman and will let another woman go down on her,but she won't go down on another woman herself. Has anyone else come across this? And if so does the female half still enjoy the play? I know being "curious" means you are still exploring the fact,but doesn't that mean trying it out before you say you won't do something?I know my wife loves giving just as much as receiving and wouldn't like it much if the favor wasn't returned.

If there are any women out there that are consider your self Bi or Bi curious and you won't go down on another woman, how come? Just curious myself.

[WesternSwing]

In my opinion, that is the difference between by bi-curious and truely bi. When truely bi you give and receive. Bi-curious to me means you're still testing the waters. Then there's socially bi, which we see allot at parties. Women who with music and alcohol will kiss and feel-up other women, but will not go all the way with them. Too many definitions...

Mr. WS

[robnbarb]

I think I have an answer for this.

My wife is Bi-curious but not sure she wants to experment with that. That is exactly what we tell people. Her thoughts are-The rumor is Women should know what to do with oral, much better than men, note SHOULD. However to recieve she feels she must give, and she is not prepared to do that. I think what it is is that there are alot of women wondering the same, but not being as straight up about it.

Just a thought.

[biblonde]

Well,we have ran into other women that say they will recieve but not give. Personally we wont play with them. If I am going to go down on you...i should get the favor in return is my opinion. We let everyone know that I am very Bi and that that is one of the main reasons we are doing this. I would never put down anyone who didnt since I feel everyone has the right to do only as much as they feel comfy.
just my 2 cents for the day

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by mwsw4ever

When we talked to them they tell us she likes kissing another woman and will let another woman go down on her,but she won't go down on another woman herself. Has anyone else come across this? And if so does the female half still enjoy the play? I know being "curious" means you are still exploring the fact,but doesn't that mean trying it out before you say you won't do something?

Like my momma used to say, 'how do you know what you like unless you eat it once?' Although she was talking about something TOTALLY different, the same question applies. When I considered myself bi-curious, I wouldn't have dreamed of asking for such a one-way arrangement. Now that I'm no longer curious, but completely bi, if someone says that they are bi, I assume that means they like having sex with women, which to me includes oral sex. (I know, I'm dying to make a crack here, but in the interest of no politics, I'll refrain).

Now, if they said they were bi curious from the start, I don't think I'd feel jipped. My frame of mind from the beginning with that woman would be different, because I wouldn't expect to things to move as quickly with a curious woman anyway. Maybe for that reason, when I see bi curious as their orientation, I tend to shy away. I'd like to wait until they've sorted it all out.

[2play04]

In my humble opinion, they are not 'Bi'.

'Bi-comfortable' is maybe a better way to express it...with that title I know they are probably only willing to do certain things. And, after all, one cannot remain 'Bi-Curious' forever (Or can one - I probably need to update my profile!)

However, I feel that I am biased and as always, I could be mistaken.

I've met a few women who have caused me some disillusionment in this regards. Women have asked me to dance not because they want to dance with a pretty woman they are attracted to but merely...as way to get attention from all the men in the room...two hot women dancing dirty together apparently draws the eye. The few times I've learned this, It has made me sad. Also, in conversation when people learn that I have gone down on women, some have admitted attitudes similar to mindset the OP has faced.

This attitude is hard to deal with as a woman seriously exploring her 'bi' side. It's a rejection...you want someone to pay attention to you because they like YOU not because you are a pull for men...

Can one really be 'bi'...sexually attracted to women in some way....if the only focus is attracting men? I don't state this as fact, but question, as this feels a bit harsh...and the world is not black and white.

*shrug* On the other hand, I like that they are willing to explore their sexuality to some degree and support anyone, male or female, in such searchings.

Mrs. 2play

[cpl4playmass]

G puts "socially bi" because she has no desire to have a relationship with a woman. She does it all, and loves it all. so socially bi for us means she is bi during playtime and not in a full time scenario.

[Greg & Sheryl]

Originally Posted by mwsw4ever

We have talked to a few couples where the female was listed as Bi or Bi curious.When we talked to them they tell us she likes kissing another woman and will let another woman go down on her,but she won't go down on another woman herself. Has anyone else come across this?

The term we use for these women is "passive bi." These women are fairly common, which is unfortunate for "active bi" women like Sheryl.

Originally Posted by biblonde

Personally we wont play with them. If I am going to go down on you...i should get the favor in return is my opinion.

Sheryl feels the same way. She will "veto" a couple based on this, alone. In fact, she has also turned down a couple of FMF threesomes because the other female wasn't actively bisexual.

[fun_pairTX]

Mrs Fun has determined after thinking about it for a whole three seconds, if both parties come away from the encounter with their noses wet, then they are Bi. Otherwise they are of some degree that doesn't interest her.

[ALilOEverything]

In the past I always thought of being Bi as all or nothing but these forums have made it very confusing for me.

I like it all, I give AND receive. In fact I like to be with women 1 on 1 with no guy around... with out music or alcohol. I guess where I might fall short of some people's definitions is that I couldn't see myself in a relationship with a woman. BUT I can't see myself in a relationship with other men either so who knows what would happen if something happened to my husband.

[hotcpl4unfla]

A Lil, that is exactly how I feel. I love giving and receiving, but for me, it is just purely sex. That is it! In my "normal life" I love my husband, don't desire other men (hubby is gorgeous) and don't want a "relationship" with a woman. It's nice to see someone else feels the same way I do. Now I dont know about the 1 on 1 only thing, but my hubby and I decided to inviteanother couple after looking for a single bi woman was almost impossible. I would love to have a 1 on 1, but only if he can watch. That is part of the turn on for me- watching him get off to that site.

[Chika]

G puts "socially bi" because she has no desire to have a relationship with a woman. She does it all, and loves it all. so socially bi for us means she is bi during playtime and not in a full time scenario.

This is essentially how I feel as well and so had used the Socially Bi phrase to describe myself. But while doing that I ran across many people who interpreted it as meaning what I think of as Passivly Bi and that is not accurate for me at all.

This whole Bi thing is just too subject to gradations of activity and misunderstanding. I, for one, wish there was some sort of standardized way to communicate this so that everyone shared a common interpretation. Obviously that's not going to happen, so I find myself repeatedly explaining what I mean. In the big scheme of things, I guess that's not such a big issue but when I was new to this lifestyle, it did seem incredibly perplexing to me. Now that I've been engaged in this for a long time, I just accept that labels are pretty worthless on the whole. After all, there are all sorts of flavors of swing as well. This really points to the fact that it's important to communicate so that everyone involved has a good understanding of desires as well as boundaries. We've come to the conclusion that if we haven't talked enough to know these things about the couple we're meeting, we may not have talked enough to be engaged in play yet.

Chika

[mrs good times]

I hope its ok to give you the straight girls version.

We party at clubs and the majority of the women I would consider bi-curious or soft- bi as I have come to call it, (kiss and fondle only, similar to soft swingers). While there are those that will give and recieve the majority I have encountered do not give.

I consider myself straight but I will not reject a womans advances to kiss or fondle, however I will not make the advances myself and will not let a woman go down on me as I too would feel obligated to return the favor and it is not something that I would like to try at this time.

I think that alot of women, like myself, are not really interested in bi sex but are pressured to go along with the soft stuff because it is expected. That is how I felt in the beginning. I don't necessarily feel pressured anymore and make sure the other woman knows my limits before things go to far because I don't want any misconceptions when the play begins.

As for advertisements I think alot of women put bi-curious simply to get more hits on their ads.

It is the "hip" thing to do lately, at least thats what Cosmopolitan tells me.

[De and Ci]

Originally Posted by 2play04

In my humble opinion, they are not 'Bi'.

I've met a few women who have caused me some disillusionment in this regards. Women have asked me to dance not because they want to dance with a pretty woman they are attracted to but merely...as way to get attention from all the men in the room...two hot women dancing dirty together apparently draws the eye. The few times I've learned this, It has made me sad.
Mrs. 2play

Why does this make you sad? Thats just the way many women are. In fact, that is a good description of my wife. She is what the previous posters call socially/passive bi. Before we got into this lifestyle-the idea of being with another woman totally turned her off. We were suprised at the amount of female sex play that goes on. My wife now enjoys a certain amount of fem sex play but she is upfront-if the subject comes up-she won't hesitate to let another couple know that she won't go down on another woman-however if the other woman wants to go down on her-thats ok. She enjoys playing with other women in a swinging situation, it feels good to her physically and she feels sexier to the guys but ultimately-its the cock she wants. I bet that most women say they are bi because its so acceptable and virtually expected.

This brings up another interesting question: HIV and std's aside, what if women in general, were turned on by 2 guys doing it to each other-really made them hot! Seeing their man rubbing another guy on the floor-yeah baby!! And if fem/fem action didn't turn on guys in general.
Would you then be seeing a lot m/m sex play?
Lots of personals stating "Male-bi/bi-curious, Female-straight"
Makes you wonder!!

[De and Ci]

Originally Posted by mrs good times

I hope its ok to give you the straight girls version.

I think that alot of women, like myself, are not really interested in bi sex but are pressured to go along with the soft stuff because it is expected. That is how I felt in the beginning....As for advertisements I think alot of women put bi-curious simply to get more hits on their ads.

It is the "hip" thing to do lately, at least thats what Cosmopolitan tells me.

We agree with you totally. That's exactly how my wife felt!