Are voyeurs and exhibitionists swingers?

[sexcupid]

I think swingers are both. There are repeated posts of 'i LOVE watching my partner with someone'...so there is the voyeuristic side of things (i think voyeur has a bad rep for a word...like a peeping tom or someone hiding in a closet and getting their kicks....).

Also here you can find posts that entail 'i LOVE to know people are watching me or that hubby is watching and enjoying, etc.' And there is the exhibitionistic POV (not your 'flasher in a trenchcoat' or something).

Now, we have been to the club a few times and left the door open (to the dungeon room) and in the main play area we have been watched too. But we have never started doing something and then all of a sudden looked up after a while and had a huge audience or people standing right over us. And I have never had someone touch without asking first.

So...to sum it up...I like to be watched and Jeff normally likes to do the watching....I just think that there are so many negative connotations to the terms voyeur and exhibishionist that some are loathe to use the terms.

Just my .02

Maria

[bdrcc1]

Des1 WE agree 100% same thing happened at our club

[good times]

Funny that this thread got resurrected today, I completely forgot about it, but this is something we have been discussing a lot lately. So much so, that I have been planning on starting a new thread about it.

Our local clubs have all but been totally taken over by voyeurs and exhibitionists. As an example, last night we went to one of the local clubs and of the 20 or so couples there, less than five of them were actually swingers. This has become such a problem that many of the regular swingers we have talked to have quit going to the clubs because of this. We have even been discussing with a few former regular club goers we know starting a once a month house party or meet and greet that you have to be pre-qualified to attend. The only pre-qualification required would be that you have to actually be a swinger to attend, no voyeurs/exhibitionists allowed. I don't know if this idea will ever go anywhere, but the voyeur/exhibitionist problem is getting totally out of control, at least in our area. The bottom line is, we go to swingers club to find like minded people who want to have sex, not to hang out with people hoping to see some skin.

[des1re06]

Almost makes you feel like an animal in a cage, huh? Now, if some of those folks watching wanted to chat and learn more about the lifestyle and they were interested in joining in instead of only wanting to watch, it would be different. IMO

Ya know, if you start up a good house party, more swingers will gravitate to it instead. We would, simply because we love house parties. Ask every couple to bring a simple finger food, and ta da, you've got a fun party!

I can't wait til this darn leg heels and we can have another house party.

Good luck with your new adventure!

Mrs. D

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by good times

Funny that this thread got resurrected today, I completely forgot about it, but this is something we have been discussing a lot lately. So much so, that I have been planning on starting a new thread about it.

Our local clubs have all but been totally taken over by voyeurs and exhibitionists. As an example, last night we went to one of the local clubs and of the 20 or so couples there, less than five of them were actually swingers. This has become such a problem that many of the regular swingers we have talked to have quit going to the clubs because of this. We have even been discussing with a few former regular club goers we know starting a once a month house party or meet and greet that you have to be pre-qualified to attend. The only pre-qualification required would be that you have to actually be a swinger to attend, no voyeurs/exhibitionists allowed. I don't know if this idea will ever go anywhere, but the voyeur/exhibitionist problem is getting totally out of control, at least in our area. The bottom line is, we go to swingers club to find like minded people who want to have sex, not to hang out with people hoping to see some skin.

We've seen the same in our area. We only have one on-premise club and it just opened, so that hasn't been a problem there. But several night clubs in the area close to the public one night a month or so to host off-premise, exclusive "couple's nights".

We've seen allot of wannabes starting to come and party because it's a funner crowd than at non-swinger night clubs, and they can see lots of skin and sexy stuff. Most of these seem to be 20-something couples testing the waters and playing "swinger" on the weekends.

The problems come in when you don't know who is who and thus who is safe to approach and who isn't, or who is a real prospect for hooking-up with and who you're wasting your time on that night. Or in extreme cases, like happened at a Halloween party thrown at one of these clubs a couple of weeks ago, a drunk non-swinger 20-something guy got jealous and took a swing at one of the swingers. He and his wife/girlfriend were immediately escorted from the club.

That's the kind of crap that goes on at non-swinger night clubs where the college crowd hangs-out and all the alpha male gorilla chest beating goes on. Not our gig. Too much drama.

Mr. WS

[good times]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

Or in extreme cases, like happened at a Halloween party thrown at one of these clubs a couple of weeks ago, a drunk non-swinger 20-something guy got jealous and took a swing at one of the swingers. He and his wife/girlfriend were immediately escorted from the club

I have actually almost had that happen to me, I didn't actually see it happen as my back was turned to the guy. But apparently the guy took offense when I placed my hand on his girlfriends back to keep her from tripping on a step (I was giving them a club tour at the time) and he started to take a swing at me. Fortunately, a friend of mine was standing next to him and grabbed him before he connected. Needless to say, while they didn't get tossed out, they did get the benefit of a pointed discussion about the lack of judgment of someone so jealous coming to a swingers club.

[Tia Vampire]

We voted "no". As others have stated, swinging must involve sex with others. If everyone is just standing around watching each other, what kind of party or swinging is that? Sounds more like a M&G. If there is'nt anyone having sex, what would the voyeurs have to watch? and if there was no one watching, would the exhibitionist perform without an audience? You need others to be there to complete what it is your trying to accomplish. That is why swingers need other swingers to swing with. So all of them getting together is swinging. In our opinion, a M&G should be a better place for voyeurs and exhibitionist to meet than a house party or club. Just our 2 cents.

[ShellyM]

I personally don't appreciate them being there. I'm not a free porn. Of course, its nice to sit there and enjoy watching others having fun, and then you go on to have your own fun. But to go just to walk around watching annoys me.

[Vjklander]

Originally Posted by fun_pairTX

We went to a Texas Rangers game the other night and it sure didn't make us professional baseball players, nor were we offered their salary. If you are a spectator, then you are just that, a spectator.

Maybe so, but during the World Series I saw several ball players from other teams in the stands. So being a spectator doesn't exclude you from being a ballplayer either.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by good times

Funny that this thread got resurrected today, I completely forgot about it, but this is something we have been discussing a lot lately. So much so, that I have been planning on starting a new thread about it.

Our local clubs have all but been totally taken over by voyeurs and exhibitionists. As an example, last night we went to one of the local clubs and of the 20 or so couples there, less than five of them were actually swingers. This has become such a problem that many of the regular swingers we have talked to have quit going to the clubs because of this. We have even been discussing with a few former regular club goers we know starting a once a month house party or meet and greet that you have to be pre-qualified to attend. The only pre-qualification required would be that you have to actually be a swinger to attend, no voyeurs/exhibitionists allowed. I don't know if this idea will ever go anywhere, but the voyeur/exhibitionist problem is getting totally out of control, at least in our area. The bottom line is, we go to swingers club to find like minded people who want to have sex, not to hang out with people hoping to see some skin.

OMG I CANNOT AGREE WITH YOU MORE. We have actually stopped going into the playrooms for just this very reason. The icing on the cake was when we were playing, I looked up and literally there were 20 people just standing there watching. Not playing, just standing there. I'm not a freak show. Yes, its very annoying. At this point when we go to the swing club we do not expect to hook up, thats what house parties are for.

[Vjklander]

I guess the bottom line is they are different things which are neither mutually exclusive nor mutually inclusive.

[havefuninsun]

I think swingers can be voyeurs and exhibitionists. I DON'T think voyeurs and exhibitionists are necessarily swingers.

I like Vjklander's analogy:

Originally Posted by Vjklander

Maybe so, but during the World Series I saw several ball players from other teams in the stands. So being a spectator doesn't exclude you from being a ballplayer either.

And I think the examples like GoodTimes related are a good example too.

I voted no.

[wolfnblu]

I don't think the labels are important. If they have sought out a swinger's club to attend, and are enjoying the open sexual play that others are choosing to have right there in a public place, I'm cool with that. If you don't want others standing around watching you have sex, don't do it there.

[good times]

Originally Posted by wolfnblu

I don't think the labels are important. If they have sought out a swinger's club to attend, and are enjoying the open sexual play that others are choosing to have right there in a public place, I'm cool with that. If you don't want others standing around watching you have sex, don't do it there.

The only problem is that in real life the swingers are getting tired of being the voyeurs entertainment so they aren't coming any more. At some point the clubs cease being swingers clubs and become voyeur clubs and their is less and less sexual play to see.

[dancer1943]

i fit alll of the catagories an i am prioner of my biological diserses