Does a History of Cheating Lead to Swinging?

[mustasher]

any one from Johnstown Pa

[Karenandtom4you]

We have never strayed from each other without the other's knowledge and consent. For us-with the Lifestyle-there is no need to cheat.
We totally love each other -the Lifestyle has helped us be honest with our feelings toward each other as well as those we meet.
-Karen

[prettylady]

My husband cheated on me.
Nothing more needs to be said.
Your friend,
Prettylady

[fun4two]

ok i the (female half) have been cheated on in the past and cheated in the past..but i only cheated because i found he was..i understand that doesnt make it right but if one can do it so can the other...hubby has never cheated on anyone but has been cheated on in the past..we as couple have never cheated on each other.. swinging came about to give us that little extra spice and varity in the bedroom...and to see each other with other people...

[BentLie0909]

My bf cheated on me for a major part of our relationship and that caused me not to want to swing. When he stopped cheating, I thought swinging was an excuse to cheat with my approval. I was afraid that he would be consumed with getting to be with all these other women that he would treat me like he was treating me when he was cheating. Now, I am starting to think it may have helped us.

[Tia Vampire]

I get bored easily. I love sex when you first start out in a relationship, you do all you can to impress the boy/girl and fall in love with this person if everything else is there. New sex is good sex, I love impressing a new person and doing things i would usually do with my boyfriend because he does not like it or feels uneasy about it. Experimenting new people and new positions makes swinging worth getting into.I thought i knew everything about sex and could not be impressed, but there are things and positions i still have to learn and try. not everyone does it the same or can get to that spot the same way. Yes , I've been cheated on in the past and sometimes i feel it was my fault. Swinging to me has solved that problem. I am a one nutter and after that i want to go to sleep. The boyfriend i have now can go on and on, so i may bore him. We spoke about swinging and have done some and to my surprise i like it. I love my man dearly and would'nt change him for another for nothing in the world, by bringing another woman/man into the relationship has made us happier and closer. To tell the truth maybe we bore each other and this has added spice to our lives and we're good with it.

MrVan and I had been cheated on in previous marriages and both of us had tried to bring the lifestyle up in those relationships and the other spouse at the time did not agree but instead would rather cheat. But for MrVan and I now in our marriage, we have everything we need and because we have the love for each other that we express often that bond has allowed us to be in the lifestyle knowing that the other will not leave.

There are times that my fears come back to haunt me as I at times wonder if I am putting my relationship at risk that MrVan would find another woman he would rather be with. But I know that he will never leave me and because I know that he loves me more than I can imagine I quickly try to overcome those fears yet again and put them away.

Being able to be apart of the lifestyle and do the things that you would have never done in a "vanilla" relationship, opens up your relationship more. And because of the lifestyle it has brought MrVan and I closer than anyone thought possible. (Although our relationship was already incredible before the lifestyle).

MrsVan

[Rvrtas]

Both of us came out of long term monogamous relationships - F would have been amenable to playing but his wife would have none of it. K had never entertained the idea, despite a less than satisfying relationship with her ex-husband of 28+ years.

It's amazing what honest and open communiction can accomplish. Understanding how important trust is to any relationship, but esp one involving other partners, we had a huge head start. Both of us knew the other was completely capable of honest behaviour. I think if cheating had been an issue for either of us before, it would have taken a lot longer for us to progress to the possibility of playing.

F

[SouthBond]

Originally Posted by prettylady

My husband cheated on me.
Nothing more needs to be said.
Your friend,
Prettylady

If you, as a couple, have talked about swinging and you say that you cannot stand to see him with another woman, he is still going to move towards finding a piece of strange. He probably isn't interested in finding another spouse or S/O but he has the itch. If you continue to block his desire to seek out a play thing, he will cheat. And then you risk the possibility that the woman that he is cheating with is actually looking to for a mate and would be more than happy to replace you. On the other hand, a swinger fling is about sex. I would bet that 75% of the divorces brought about by cheating could be prevented if the wife would get her head straight and agree to a swing fling. Or at least take him to Mona's Ranch in Elko, Nevada and buy him a piece of muff. Of course for the rest of the time that you are together, you can always through cheating up in his face. And then he may say that he loves you but there is a little part of his brain that says that he hates you.

[richdon03]

Originally Posted by FunFLcpl

If I had told my husband of my desires instead of going behind his back, we would have been swinging a long time ago.

Interesting. While neither of us has cheated, both of us have considered it at least once or ten times. Our marriage suffered a great deal (you can't even imagine) because we couldn't even discuss sex with other people without the wife throwing a total fit because of a sense of inadequacy. No fantasies, no nothing. Our world changed a few months ago when she was telling me about someone she worked with who was having sex with multiple partners for her husbands pleasure. While that is not my thing, it opened the doors to a discussion about swinging.

We both admitted that, throughout our marriage, we had been attracted to other people (some to a greater degree) and that neither of us should be ashamed of it. We began discussing our fantasies and agreed to act some of them out. Interestingly enough, since then, neither of us even considers cheating. No need to. The best part is that the sex in this hous is 1000 times better than before and the tension level (mistrust,etc) has decreased by a mile.

[prettylady]

Originally Posted by SouthBond

If you, as a couple, have talked about swinging and you say that you cannot stand to see him with another woman, he is still going to move towards finding a piece of strange. He probably isn't interested in finding another spouse or S/O but he has the itch. If you continue to block his desire to seek out a play thing, he will cheat. And then you risk the possibility that the woman that he is cheating with is actually looking to for a mate and would be more than happy to replace you. On the other hand, a swinger fling is about sex. I would bet that 75% of the divorces brought about by cheating could be prevented if the wife would get her head straight and agree to a swing fling. Or at least take him to Mona's Ranch in Elko, Nevada and buy him a piece of muff. Of course for the rest of the time that you are together, you can always through cheating up in his face. And then he may say that he loves you but there is a little part of his brain that says that he hates you.

I don't want to be rude, but I am completly lost by what you said. I never said no to anything he wanted. Swinging was never brought up, and to be honest until I met Dog I thought it was the thing if tv shows and movies. I never got jealous of his flirting. He HATED to see me around other men. He acually gave a friend of his a black eye for having his arm around me (nothing even remotely sexual).
What I got from what you said, and please correct me if I am misreading this. Is that it was my fault our marraige ended because I would not swing?
Sorry my friend, but you do not know my story well enough to make that assumption.
Again if I misread your statement let me know.
Your friend,
Prettylady

ps just double checked the thread. I never said anything other then "my ex cheated, nothing more needs to be said", I never said I couldn't stand seeing him with another woman.
I am all kinds of confused by your comment back to me.

[M and H]

All 3 of the other long-term relationships I've had in my life ended because my partner cheated.

The 1st one had a recurring affair with his ex-girlfriend, the 2nd one cheated because I couldn't fuck him as often as he needed (he was built very big and I would tear every time he entered me), and the 3rd one cheated on me because he felt emasculated by being unemployed and supported by me for 9 years (his libido was so bad that at one point, there was no sex in our relationship for 4 years). When he finally got a job, he found it easier to wine and dine a woman he met at work than to rebuild our relationship.

My current long-term relationship is with my husband. We have a wonderful relationship, but he has a history of cheating which I'd like to nip in the bud.

So having myself been a swinger for a year or so a few years ago (after my 3rd monogamous relationship disaster), and believing not only that swinging can be a wonderful way to strengthen a relationship through the open communication it necessitates and the amazing FUN a couple can have together as swingers, but also that swinging can provide a safe outlet for sexual needs that one or the other of us might not be able to provide at some point in time, I've asked my husband to consider swinging.

He's willing, but shy, never having done anything like swinging before, but we're talking about it every day and we're certainly enjoying the process

M (of M&H)

[farmer]

A missing category in this poll is "Been cheated upon earlier in current relationship."

The wife did so very early in the marriage and for quite a while, and lied about it even though we had then and since talked about what we now know is called swinging and swapping. This recent revelation by her, coupled with other apparently unrelated problems she has created over the years since, have made repairing the relationship pretty tough. Not sure how it's going to turn out. She seems to be gradually but finally loosening up to swinging and swapping, so then good, I'd say, because it will likely the the only we'll stay together.

[Lovers4U]

My wife and I have never cheated on each other, though on a visit to see a former friend they ended up in bed. We had discussed a relationship such as this many times and when she returned she told about what happened and I never considered it "cheating". Later we spent time occasionally with him and never thought of the cheating angle. We believe that cheating comes only from not telling a partner or trying to lie to avoid any consequences. My wife visits a man occasionally, who married after they had they had not been having sex together for awhile. His new wife knows he is with another person occasionally but not whom. She has just told him she doesn't want to know about it, period. A stretch might call this cheating but I'm not sure as his wife is aware just doesn't want to know about it. I am fully aware and even help her get ready to visit him. We have communicated to each other that when either plans to be apart for sexual activity the other will know. When we swing there isn't a problem at all. That's our philosophy but others might vary.

[WonderWhat]

My ex-wife cheated on me, looking for sex in chatrooms.

I was always completely faithful. She always had been extremely jealous. She hit her pre-mid-life crisis, flipped a lid, went completely bonkers and decided to cheat on me in an obvious, hurtful manner.

I was devastated. I tried to stop it: showered her with attentions, which she rebuffed, forgave her several times, and she promised to stop. This went on for six months. The day after the last time she promised, I overheard her phoning her current lover to "wait it out until he lets his guard down."

I decided then and there that I had had enough. We separated and eventually divorced.

The problem with cheating, as someone already said here, is not the sex, it's the lying, the disloyalty, the aggression.

My current wife was a hair's breath away from cheating on me almost four years ago, before our marriage. She had started to tease her ex and was planning to fuck him and dump him: it was a power game, a revenge.

Fortunately, I found out and confronted her. After several days of not seeing each other we got together for what was most probably going to be a goodbye. She fully understood how hurtful the whole situation was for me after my previous experience, and when I told her our relationship was over she broke down and didn't even try to defend herself, just saying that she understood my pain and was sorry that she even thought about doing it.

That's when I understood she would never, ever do it to me again. I changed my mind on the spot and asked her if she really wanted it to work out between us, if she wanted another chance. I'm glad she took it.

We've now been together for almost six years, passionately in love, with two years in the lifestyle.

In a weird sense, I think that the episode with my (current) wife helped me get over the fear of being cheated upon. If that had not happened, I would have always had a niggling fear of being cheated upon, probably to the degree of not even remarrying. Now I know she would never do it. I don't know if it makes sense to all of you.

What I'd like to point out is that cheating or not cheating really has nothing much to do with our joining the lifestyle. Yes, we have high libidos, but that doesn't make us lust for other people. In our case, swinging is something to share between us, a shared sexual adventure.

Well, just my $0.02.