Are you a Top or Bottom

[Chemistry_0518]

While I, Mr. Chemistry, am definitely a top, I would never turn away a woman who is also a top. EVER!

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by TeamSoBe

We're totally not shy about wrestling somebody to the ground in business and raping their money out of them. It's only in bed that we're pushovers.

Okay - that tickled me...

But - to answer your question, in life and business I am a classic non-conformist (read: unpromotable). I am neither "top" or "bottom" - though I think I have a rather strong personality that is humorous and problem solving... I'm not the "salesman" type... I can sell anything, but I would never make a living at it... And if you are in business, you know the kind of guy I am talking about.

But - in our relationship, I think that we are both pleasers of each other, but she is much more so than me. So - I tend to make "final" decisions after we've talked about it... In other words, "Okay - then we're going to Logan's"... That after we've both asked "what are you hungry for?" for about an hour...

You would likely not see my "top" side if we were all out socially, because Mrs Spoomonkey and I get along so well and have never had an arguement. But - on the other hand, I am the kind of husband who can put his foot down when it needs to be put down. That sounds like a bad thing... But it really isn't in practice. We are equals in everything - except of course for giving head... She's great at that and I just don't...



She is the brains behind the Spoomonkey franchise, though. Usually when I have to say, "this is what we are doing" it is because she has convinced me before convincing herself...

Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by BradAndJanet

I decided to answer, "I am a "switch". But you need to tell me which one you want.", but after I did, I realized that actually makes me a 'bottom'. Interesting poll!

B

You're the only one that has caught this so far...

Tricky little monkey, aren't I?



I think it is interesting that 1/3 of those who have voted consider themselves tops - and have a bottom as their partner. It tells you a lot (theoretically) about who is the most involved in the boards... The "top" in a couple may have more of a desire to understand the intricacies of the lifestyle and help guide the couple's involvement... Or it could just mean that the "top" in the couple is the most likely to vocalize their thoughts and opinions...

It is not a fleshed out poll - but the trend is interesting...

I am also pretty grateful that only one person thinks I'm an idiot...

That is surprisingly low!

Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by frenzb4sex

Question here: In situations like this, if a semi-change or even drastic turnabouts take place like I observed, wouldn't you think it be prudent to discuss it before the act? While I can see the advantage of it being spontaneous, because of that entrenched comfort level I had and was happy with, I really think that the way she did it really had not a chance of "ending up good".

Wow! Deep stuff... My thinking on this is that it is hard to say whether it should have been talked about before or not... Reason being - it is already done. I am sure that the two of you have been debriefing about it - and that is the best thing to do.

You can't really expect for her to have known how you would respond. She took a risk and it backfired a bit. But - where there are no risks, there are no real successes.

Talking about it before hand may have sterilized it - for her. It may have made it easier for you, but it may have taken away the "reality" for her and made her feel like she was putting on a show and not really taking the lead...

I applaude her courage in taking that risk.

Originally Posted by frenzb4sex

Also, in situations where in swinging your SO may have played a different top/bottom role or even just changed some different ways of doing things, etc., what is your expectation as to how that affects things between you and the SO's experiences together? Do you expect for that person to come back and do everything that they have learned or did with their swing mate? Do you feel that it's hard to possibly emulate the same type of behavior because of the simple differences in the people you are with? Do you find yourself maybe being a little different in the sexual experiences with others as well?

I think the variety that we experience in swinging allows both of us to give each other a fuller sexual experience when it is just the two of us. It is kind of like the sum of all of our experiences come together to make for one incredible one...

Mrs Spoomonkey is a little bit of a ring leader in encounters, which has been a surprise to me. But, I don't expect that same sort of "harbor master" attitude in our bedroom. It is not that it isn't her - or that it isn't me... It isn't "us". Does that make sense? I think when we swing we tend to be - or have become with experience - a more dominant couple. But together, our roles are still pretty sharply defined.

As for "do I expect for her to come back and do everything" - absolutely yes - and absolutely no... For example, we don't do anal together. Mrs Spoomonkey is fascinated by it, but it isn't something we can do without difficulty. Because of that - I expect that we'll not do anal with our playmates. If she does - then I would expect to be next in line... If that makes sense.

But - I also am a realist. You cannot recreate swinging in the bedroom when it is just the two of you. I want her to be able to let loose and enjoy the experience without worrying about me. There is so much concern flowing between both of us that I don't worry about it, but all the same, I want her to have her experience and not really worry about such things... As long as we play within the boundaries that we have agreed upon, I want for both of us to let loose. And I am not thinking about "equal time."

As for your last question - I am much less aggressive with our playmates. In fact, I am a bit on the timid side of "very respectful". I think this comes from our experience with our first couple. She was very eager, but I could tell by watching her with her husband that she wasn't quite ready for me. Mrs Spoomonkey agreed. We frankly thought I might kill her...

That sounds braggodocious - but it isn't meant to be. I mean, my aggressive style compared to her incredible sensitivity in certain spots and her husbands extremely "laid back" approach were likely to be something that she wasn't used to... And I didn't think that she'd enjoy herself...

So - I tend to play slow until I know what our partners are comfortable with. The "alpha monkey" stays in his cage with other couples.

Spoomonkey

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

I am also pretty grateful that only one person thinks I'm an idiot...

That is surprisingly low!

Spoomonkey

I came so close to selecting that answer, as did others I'm sure.

Most of us just love you too much to hurt your feelings Spoo.

LM

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

I came so close to selecting that answer, as did others I'm sure.

Most of us just love you too much to hurt your feelings Spoo.

I appreciate you not picking on such an "easy target" such as myself...



Spoomonkey

[good times]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Tricky little monkey, aren't I?

I am also pretty grateful that only one person thinks I'm an idiot...

That is surprisingly low!

Spoomonkey

I thought you were being tricky in not letting us pick more than one. I mean, if we want to answer the question, we can't very well pick the idiot one, can we? Of course, I'm sure you allready know, but I never would have picked that one anyway. But, I'll have to admit you may have got some votes from those of us that just couldn't resist, sort of an irresistable traget of opportunity.

I'm a top because in our house we always do things Mrs. way, except when we disagree, then we usually do it my way.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by good times

I thought you were being tricky in not letting us pick more than one.

My ego couldn't take multiple choice with "you're an idiot" being an option... I'd be drinking gas right now if I'd done that

Spoomonkey

[mrs good times]

Mr. is the top and I am the bottom. That's not saying that I don't get to enjoy being dominate if the moods suits me but generally I prefer being "taken" like those old romantic movies.

In our normal life the same holds true too. I think alot of this has to due with working in a business together. The biggest killer of family businesses is more than one boss. Someone has to take the lead. We discuss everything until we agree or agree to disagree and then Mr. takes the responsibility and I get to say "told ya" once in a while.

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by mrs good times

Mr. is the top and I am the bottom. That's not saying that I don't get to enjoy being dominate if the moods suits me but generally I prefer being "taken" like those old romantic movies.

EXACTLY!!! Fun occasionally to be the dominate one but oh, being "taken" Mmmmmmm facelick

Mrs Spoomonkey

[wrnakedru]

Welp, looks like I'm the only one who made the "sweet Oreo" middle choice for myself.

I think that probably with most couples there is a bit of taking turns in the roles, depending on one's area of expertise. For instance, I am the one who writes the checks and pays the bills. But I don't think I should be in control of the purse strings because of that. That would put me in too much of a "Mommy" role, and that isn't one I think is productive for a good relationship. For major expenditures, we do a lot of discussion until we find agreement.

I'm wondering ....

In relationships where both are tops, is there a lot of jockeying for position, figuratively speaking? Do both find it imperative to feel they have "ruled"?

In relationships where both are bottoms, does the communication suffer from it - with neither wanting to foist themself upon the other?

Not judging here - really just curious and asking.

I guess the questions come from the opinion I hold that most of us are a combination of traits that mean we are sometimes tops and sometimes bottoms. I have met a few in my life that were definitely almost totally one or the other, but I think the majority of us fit into a mid-road equitable role with our partners. Am I naive in thinking this?

WR

[swing52001]

Hi Mr. S. I'd be sruprised if you will get a definitive result from your survey. But I realize that's not really the point anyway. It's a good way to get ppl to do a little navel gazing and maybe realize a little more about themselves. And it makes for interesting discussion. As for me, I'm with Julie. It depends entirely on mood, atmosphere and circumstance. That way it becomes an activity that has the potential to be amazing for both you and your partner/s.

[northindycpl]

I am a switch and I determine which one I am which makes me a true top.

I thought the gay term was pitcher or catcher?

I also thought this would be a poll about getting it either from the top or the bottom.

Man... I have a lot to learn!

[allycat]

Definitely I'm a "Top". The Mr. can be either one. I'm very dominant.

[gsu22]

depends on my mood but I usually like the woman on top....i like dominate women who can take serious control and be on top! Be really rough!!!!