Getting Stood Up

[EternallySingle]

I can't explain it to you any better than I already have. There is no excuse for standing someone up, but its going to happen. Lying about who you are, stage fright, and simply wanting to see if you are going to show up are a few of the reasons people get stood up, no matter what the gender or marital status. I can only share my experience and opinions.

1...single men are more concerned about meeting single women for sex than couples for sex. There is more opportunity for a lasting relationship with a single woman than with a couple looking for sex.
2...single men are more interested in haging out with their friends than meeting a couple for sex. Again, there is more opportunity for a lasting relationship to develop than there is with a couple looking for sex.
3...single men want to have sex, but not if its going to be uncomfortable. If there's any doubt about his role, he's gonna bolt.
4...married men know more about how to get into a couple's head than single men do. If someone says too many of the right things, he's either been swinging as part of a couple and is now single, or he's married. The former is the preferred partner and is going to go out of his way to keep the date. The latter is probably going to stand you up.
5...single men have nothing to gain by meeting with a couple, so you have to make him feel like he's special, just like you want her to feel like she's special. You don't have to buy him gifts or lie to him, just make sure he knows you like(or at least respect) him and he will not be as likely to back out. If thats too much, don't complain when he does.

Finally, don't over think this matter too much. I'm still trying to figure out why a woman I was dating for three months suddenly started voiding me when she saw my ad on a swingsite. That made as much sense to me as "IT JUST ISN'T IN A SINGLE MAN'S BEST INTEREST to meet with a couple for sex" made to most of you.

[ALilOEverything]

I don't know if you could say we were exactly stood up. Our first time we were supposed to meet a couple we had planned the day before what town and time we were going to meet and then we were going to figure to exact place to meet the next day. Well we never heard back and we waited and waited and much to our dismay we left and did something else (didn't want to waste the time when we had a sitter). Well the next day we found out her grandmother had passed away that day. It's not like we were sitting at the restaurant waiting but it was definite plans a week in the making. I totally understood though and we made plans to meet a few days later. Well everything went smoothly the next meet time and we have been playing since

[JustAskJulie]

My thought would be stop trying. The best single guys we ever played with were guys we just happened to know through other venues. When trying to meet single guys through ads for whatever reason, over half the time they were flakes which they proved either before we ever thought about meeting them, at the first meet or shortly after.

Look at the guys you know. It saves all the hassle from having to get sitters, get hotels, etc.

[bear_n_bunny]

Anybody notice how most of the people who were stood up had this happen due to treating with the ubiquitous "single male"? Although in many cases, the "single male" is, in fact, married and looking for some extracurricular nookie, and when it comes time for the rat killing, they wuss out (particularly so for those guys encountered online). What a surprise....

We've only been "stood up" once, by a couple we had met with once before. Thing is, we were not surprised by the turn of events. While the guy clearly had the hots for Bunny, his wife was equally clearly not interested in me, and we knew that by the end of the first meeting. This being the case, when they didn't show up, we were not surprised nor particularly upset over it.

One thing we figured out early on is to not get one's expectations too high when it comes to first meetings. This is particularly true in the case of people one meets online. Sure, some people have good luck in regularly connecting with other couples or single whatevers, as the case maybe. But these people tend to be the "pretty people", and all they need to do is show up, and they draw all sorts like flies to honey. But not all of us fit that criteria.

Add to that, Eternally Single's statements about single guy's motivations and how easily distracted they can be is quite valid (having been single myself not so long ago, I can attest to this myself..., there is a lot that can go wrong in this area.

[curiousagain]

Lots of good points made in the previous post.

I wonder though, if this guy stood you up because he got an opportunity to go out with a single female, does he really have the exhibitionism/voyeurism tendencies he should to be a part of a MFM threesome? Does he have the respect, integrity, and social skills needed for this? Have you had any contact with this guy since? Maybe he was in a vehicle accident or succumbed to the flu, etc. Things happen.

I have never been stood up by someone I had met previously but I have been stood up by couples and single females for the first meeting. I sometimes wonder if they were who they said they were or maybe they just got cold feet or stage fright.

As far as how some couples treat single males, yes, some do treat us as though we are just sitting around waiting on the green light. I have had couples send me an email and want to meet for sex that night. Sorry, that might happen, but I am a single parent, I have a job, I have a social life. If I am off work, I most likely already have plans made with family, friends, dates, other couples. And, if I have made plans with anyone I keep them even if "a bigger, better, deal" comes up. Also, I much prefer the first meeting be a meet and greet only.
Just rattling here, I am on my third cup of coffee this morning.
Play safe, and be careful, it's a big world out there.
Curiousagain

[curiousagain]

After rereading my post, I want to clarify something. I wrote "I wonder though, if this guy stood you up because he got an opportunity to go out with a single female, does he really have the exhibitionism/voyeurism tendencies he should to be a part of a MFM threesome? Does he have the respect, integrity, and social skills needed for this? Have you had any contact with this guy since? Maybe he was in a vehicle accident or succumbed to the flu, etc. Things happen."

It is true that as Single Men our priorities are with single females, BUT!! if you have promised to meet someone for an activity, wether it is swinging, a ball game, helping them paint their living room, whatever, you should keep that promise or have a very good reason why not and be willing to explain to the person/s you let down why you did it. When I referred to exhibitionism/voyeurism I meant I was agreeing with others in that some think they want to do that, but when the time comes, they are a no show or a no perform. I have to cut back on the coffee.
Play safe, and be careful it's a big world out there.
Curiousagain

[twohotblondes]

we try to weed out single males because of that reason..it helps if you send a few xxx pictures before hand to ensure his sex drive will take over his senses

facelick <EG>

[lauriern]

Being stood up is a hazard of the lifestyle. On the other hand, stuff happens. I've never understood the anger of these people who feel you have made an iron-clad contract to meet and fuck them. Lighten up people. If you meet, you meet, if you don't go, on about your lives. People who don't accept reality scare us. Yeah you paid a sitter and thought you were going to be lucky. We've done the same thing, but the difference is we laughed and moved on.

[marvelousmarv]

I think that you and your wifes attitude shows to the men that you try to be with. From what I have read that you both have said, I can only assume that this is just a quicky. As a single male, not speaking for anyone else, I think that if this was conveyed to me I would not have responded either. I look for something that I hope is long term as friends also. Marv

[Nymph an' Satyr]

Originally Posted by JaiDawn

That is why we try to meet at our favorite topless club. That way we can still have a good time. A swingers club just opened here so now we have that option also.
I would not take it so personally.

JaiDawn has it right. We always meet someone where we would like to go by ourselves. If no one shows, we have good time with each other.

We never take it personally- i.e., wonder what is wrong with "us." Though we do indulge in some comments about how some people are inconsiderate asses.

We are also members of SLS- and believe mightyly in their certification system. We have been stood up quite a bit more from uncertified members.

[reguyngirlky]

We would never stand anyone up and hope that it does not happen to us.

We are going about this slowly and deliberately, in the hopes of making all the right choices. Don’t laugh.

We feel that if we are always up front about our plans and desires as well as get to know the people we want to play with that we can avoid most of the bad things that can happen.

[HotMoCpl]

Not sure how you met him, but it does sound like an ad?! It could very well be possible that your wife and you are looking for the wrong "get me" lines. He probably had to stay home and service his wife.

This is why, couples or singles, we're going to meet in a club environment first and see what the other is all about.

You might try going through the messages from "single" guys to see if you can pick out that "something" that just doesn't fit or doesn't sound right.

Good luck.

[Tanman aka Mike and Marie]

First of all whoever would stand you up after seeing/meeting you two would have to be insane (we think you two are very hot..saw your profile).

Secondly we have never stood anyone up, but have been stood up before.....but never for sex. Thats just rude/immature of the other person, if you are going to enter into something like this maturity and honesty with the others you interact with is essential.

Sorry you had a bad experience, if you are as nice/personality as you are nice looking we would think anyone would have to be crazy to not spend some "quality" time with you.

Mike_n_Marie

[corkwan]

why not give the person a call the day of the date, just to make sure everything is still on. these days, with mobile phones, etc, it is pretty easy to do a last minute check. not saying that will stop every incident, but it might reduce the number of times you end up waiting for someone who is not going to show up.

[Chemistry_0518]

We have been stood up by single males on several occasions and by a couple on one occasion. The cuple gave an extremelt lame excuse and disappeared from this portion of the universe. The single males were similar in that they avoided all forms of communications afterward (except for one jerk who accused US of playing games when he went to the wrong restaurant!). Did My Little Princess feel rejection? Of course! Did we get over it? Not really. She has avoided considering single men while we have a great time with the single females that we have befriended. Their loss.

Feces occurs. But try not to take it personal. It was not your fault and it will happen again.