Is it a Lifestyle or a Hobby?

[yourbitterpill]

Both and neither, though we would say a bit more "hobby".

It's a hobby to us because we enjoy it and it's something we do when we have free time. I think it's hard for a lot of people we meet to understand that we do have a "vanilla" social life outside of swinging. As such, we're very conscious and respectful of others' free time and discretion and we expect that in return (although we don't always receive it). It's a "lifestyle" because it definitely shapes our primary relationship (our marriage), inasmuch that we are generally open, honest, secure, and upfront about our wants and needs.

On the other hand, probably because we view it more as a "hobby", swinging doesn't define us. I think that's why we cringe when people call it "the lifestyle", because this isnt the end-all-be-all for us.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Newbies and lurkers come here everyday with that very question - or some variation - in mind. "What does it mean to be a swinger?"

I'm not sure that "having to ask" (which we all do from time to time) means we "don't have it." People ask questions for many different reasons - and the benefit of asking questions is that the answers sometimes help those who come along later, with the same questions in mind. If we tell them that the question means they "don't have it" we run the risk of turning someone away from swinging who may have enjoyed it, benefited from it or otherwise just found a good fit.

You have a valid point. However, I look at it like this, granted someone brand new may come here looking for the answer and they may not know the first time they come here what swinging is all about. They may assume they know "it's just free sex" "an easy way to get laid" "an excuse to cheat". And for them that may be exactly what it is and that may never change. It goes back to every thread we've ever had about what exactly counts as swinging. It's all semantics in a way. I think some people don't care for this thread because they don't want to feel that they are put in a box.. but the box is what you make of it. Just because it has a label on it doesn't mean it's true.

My Pet was brand new to all of this when I introduced the topic to him VERY shortly after we started dating. Within just a couple of months of examining this board he was the one to say "Swinging isn't just about sex, it is about an attitude that people have". I tried to jog his memory of this the other day to get him to post to this thread.

So while we sit here and say "swinging is about more than sex, it's an attitude". That is true to me and to I believe many people here, but I guess that brings another question... if that is not what you think, if you think that swinging IS just about sex, then does that make you not a swinger?

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

You have a valid point. However, I look at it like this, granted someone brand new may come here looking for the answer and they may not know the first time they come here what swinging is all about. They may assume they know "it's just free sex" "an easy way to get laid" "an excuse to cheat". And for them that may be exactly what it is and that may never change. It goes back to every thread we've ever had about what exactly counts as swinging. It's all semantics in a way. I think some people don't care for this thread because they don't want to feel that they are put in a box.. but the box is what you make of it. Just because it has a label on it doesn't mean it's true.

My Pet was brand new to all of this when I introduced the topic to him VERY shortly after we started dating. Within just a couple of months of examining this board he was the one to say "Swinging isn't just about sex, it is about an attitude that people have". I tried to jog his memory of this the other day to get him to post to this thread.

So while we sit here and say "swinging is about more than sex, it's an attitude". That is true to me and to I believe many people here, but I guess that brings another question... if that is not what you think, if you think that swinging IS just about sex, then does that make you not a swinger?

It's true that I don't care to be boxed and/or labeled. Perhaps that's because I see myself as an individual. Yes, I fit into certain categories by what I do or the attitudes I may posess. But those activities and attitudes don't necessarily define who I am.

What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet

Do I think swinging is just about sex? To a point, yes. If Mr. Sweet and I weren't engaging in SEX outside of our marriage, then I wouldn't be posting here right now.

Yes, we've met some great people as a result of our foray into the lifestyle. And yes, I've tried things I'd given no consideration to before. But as a whole, I'm still the same person I was before I started swinging. I'm just having a lot more sex.

=)

[LFM2]

Right now, I'd have to say hobby as we don't devote a whole lot of time into it. We have fun and we're not obsessed by any means and we don't live for it, but then I picture us retired, old and wrinkled, sitting in some club in rocking chairs making swinging into our second life job. A lifestyle.

[BiloxiCouple]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

But what is the attitude?

Spoomonkey

That will be hard to define and yet should be so easy.

Maybe we could eliminate what the attitude is not. Along with what the attitude is.

Could be a whole different thread, if we haven't done one already.

[two42lovers]

Seems like semantics for sure. A lifestyle includes a variety of aspects: the way a person lives, their social relationships, consumption, entertainment, attire, etc. A lifestyle is a mixture of habits and ways of doing things, and reflects an person's attitudes, values, and worldview. EVERYONE has a lifestyle, and for swingers sex-with-others is a part of it. (A big part for some, less-so for others: either way, it's an aspect of their "lifestyle".)

A hobby is something a person does for entertainment, because they are interested and enjoy it, rather than for financial reward. Not sure how one can have any hobby that cannot be seen as part of their lifestyle. Seems what people really mean when they say "for me it's a hobby, not a lifestyle" (or vice versa) boils down to a matter of emphasis, a statement of their priorities and values.

[Malachista]

A little bit of both

I find it quite funny that I'm with people who all think their hobbies are *the lifestyle" - Swingers, people who create (transformative) art, bodymodification freaks, bookworms, writers and Computer Nerds - So I'm in the Lifestyle and in The Lyfestyle and in The Lifestyle and in The Lifestyle and in that other Lifestyle as well
So if I say "I'm in the Lifestyle" it always depends on where and when I say it as it can mean a lot of diffrent stuff

In the end I'm just someone who spends all her time talking, discussing and doing things I like - so all my hobbies together create my very own Lifestyle