Is it a Lifestyle or a Hobby?

[Tia Vampire]

We don't have the time or patience to be in the LS full time. It's just a hobby for us.

[fun4Ds]

The swinging lifestyle is how we live. Sex with others is the hobby.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

The swinging lifestyle is how we live. Sex with others is the hobby.

Maybe this is where I am lost on the discussion... What is the "swinging lifestyle" if not "sex with others"? Granted, one doesn't have sex with others 100% of the time; heck, no one has sex with their SO that much.

And I completely understand someone tied to it such as Julie and Lee...

But what - specifically - does the "swinging lifestyle" look like?

Spoomonkey

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

But what - specifically - does the "swinging lifestyle" look like?

It falls in the same category of how you can be a swinger without being active. To me there is so much more to swinging as a lifestyle than just sex with other people. It is about the people who are involved but moreso it is about the mindset of the people involved. With the exception of some specific issues, most swingers are generally more open minded than the general public. They tend to be easier to be around. It goes in the same category of how after you've spent much time in swinger clubs it's hard to go back to vanilla clubs and be "comfortable". It becomes part of who you are and as someone else said "you can't unring that bell". It will always be a part of who you are and how you think and look at things. Whether you are actively "having sex with others" or not.

Just my opinion anyway.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

It is about the people who are involved but moreso it is about the mindset of the people involved.

I agree with you 100% Julie.

But, I am playing Devil's Advocate for fun; though, to be honest, I really have no idea what the word "advocate" means...



Okay... I do...

But wouldn't this end up being harder to define? I mean, when we started, we assumed that it was something we really wanted to do, damn whatever else needed our attentions - so we considered it a lifestyle. Now, it is fun - but there are other things that are fun as well.

Mrs Spoo is having a tough time with not running the Indy Half-Marathon this year - just as much as she is with not heading to the club for a few more weeks. The mindset is definitely there.

But still - we can literally stop now (with a month long break behind us at this point) and unless someone checks our internet history, we are no longer swingers. We are open-minded and will probably always look at each other and say "you know - we could go out if we wanted to." But as a "lifestyle" it is nothing more than a memory.

I would say that our bell can not be un-rung, but we don't have to ring it again to steal hear the carillon.

Spoomonkey

[Tybee Swing]

This is a very thought-provoking question for me!

I think we're hobbyists. At most, our pace with swinging or some swinging-related activity has seldom been more often than about every other weekend. If we got caught up in things for about 3 weekends in a row, it left us bleary-eyed and needing to take a break for a couple of weeks and get back to our regular life.

If it's a state of mind, then maybe we're lifestylists. I'm not sure!

[fun4Ds]

For us Spoo its really not a lifestyle that shall ever pass like a fad. We could walk away from sex with other people and be quite content with each other, should that time ever come. But for us its about our lives, from this point on. What we found in all of this.The people we have met and crossed paths with. Sometimes that is part of the actual (mysterious) chemistry we feel with those we meet.

I really cant put this into exact words. It is sometimes hard to explain that way, but we both agree this has happened for a reason in our lives, at the time it was supposed to happen. Somehow it was like the universe came together for us. We found our place where we belong for now. We are quite sure that everything happened this way for a reason we cant explain, or need the explanation too ( Its that comfortable).

We know the reasons are..... For the good.

We always felt the label (lifestyle) was selling what we had found a little short.

[willyoats]

Suppose you ask the question about whether golf is a "lifestyle" or a "hobby". Maybe you could insert other words in place of "golf". Drinking comes to mind, as does chasing the dream of becoming a rock star. Surely there are more the reader could imagine.

Some people are so possessed by, or obsessed with, golf (or insert other words) that it interferes with other necessary life functions. Then it is no longer a hobby.

I think what we usually call the "lifestyle" (which used as euphemism for swinging) is a hobby for almost everybody because it takes up a relatively small fraction of one's time and energy. A notable exception would be club owners whose occupation is meeting the needs of lifestyle hobbyists. That may be their single most time consuming activity.

As a swinger who went to clubs at least once a month and to conventions two or three times a year, swinging was an important part of my life, but it was never more than a hobby.

[BiloxiCouple]

Swinging is not just about the sex, it's an attitude.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

Swinging is not just about the sex, it's an attitude.

But what is the attitude?

Spoomonkey

[TNT]

Originally Posted by TNT

Lifestyle or Hobby? Both would be our answer.

When we think of a Hobby...by definition a hobby is something done for pleasure and fun...we consider having sex with others a hobby. To us it is no different than car buffs going to car shows every weekend, searching for that one special part you need, enjoying spending time with others that have the same interest as you.

When we think of it as a Lifestyle...by definition, the way you live your life...yes, it is the way we live our life. It affects the way we view the world and the way we live our life and the plans we make for the now and the future. Our leisure time is planned around what event is going on and/or who we can meet this weekend. Vacations are planned so that there is a club or event near by we can attend. The way we look and interact with people, even in the vanilla world, has changed. We voice our opinions on controversial issues more openly now than we used to in the past. Even the way we talk to our children has changed in that we strongly preach against prejudice of any kind. We have activities outside of swinging but even then swinging occupies a large part of our thought process.

Swinging is part and parcel of who we are.

If you ask one man who he is he may say an accountant...the man who works in the next cubicle may say he’s a body builder, due to his passion for the sport that’s what he identifies himself as being...

Ask us who we are...We are swingers.

Ted & Teresa

It's been almost four years since we wrote the above...our thoughts/feelings haven't changed....our hobby is our lifestyle.


Teresa

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

But what is the attitude?

Spoomonkey

I would have to say that if you have to ask, you don't have it. I don't know that it can be defined in simple terms but I do think it is about simply understanding that swinging is about more than sex.

[Greg & Sheryl]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

But what is the attitude?

It revolves around the understanding that sex is something that can be enjoyed, without guilt, shame or deception, with someone other than your spouse. Most vanillas feel that idea is somehow flawed, whether it's personally wrong for themselves or morally wrong for our society. For swingers, our attitude is often reflected in the topics we discuss, the jokes we tell, the television shows we watch and the websites we visit.

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Mrs Spoo is having a tough time with not running the Indy Half-Marathon this year - just as much as she is with not heading to the club for a few more weeks. The mindset is definitely there.

This would identify Mrs. Spoo as a runner as well as a swinger.

[SnakeBabe]

I think at times I do have an attitude because of the lifestyle.
Not a mean attitude but an attitude of confidence and freedom from knowing that I can have my cake and eat it to.
Having a loving and wonderful husband to whom I am totally committed too and also being able to walk up to an attractive man and make a move.
This is a confident attitude that is sometimes admired by my vanilla friends and hated by others. That kind of freedom maybe what a swinger’s attitude is seen as.

I dunnno...just thinking out loud.
Hugs and Hissessss,
Maria

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I would have to say that if you have to ask, you don't have it.

Newbies and lurkers come here everyday with that very question - or some variation - in mind. "What does it mean to be a swinger?"

I'm not sure that "having to ask" (which we all do from time to time) means we "don't have it." People ask questions for many different reasons - and the benefit of asking questions is that the answers sometimes help those who come along later, with the same questions in mind. If we tell them that the question means they "don't have it" we run the risk of turning someone away from swinging who may have enjoyed it, benefited from it or otherwise just found a good fit.

After five years of doing this, I am pretty confident about what it is, how it fits into my life and where I see it heading. As I said earlier, I am playing Devil's Advocate, just trying to challenge the "think tank" to come up with more than "it is what it is." It likely won't change my views on the subject, but it sure could help someone else who needs a little more information.

Spoomonkey