Accepting of BBW?

[new2this]

My Dh and I are just starting out with swinging. We have had a 3some with a friend but are interested in meeting with a few couples and exploring more. here is my question. Are there really people out there who are accepting of BBW's in the swinging world? I mean, it seems like so many people are just fixated on tiny waists and jutting ribs in this day and age. I have always though voluptious women were more beautiful (even before I gained weight) and so does my husband. So far we haven't seemed to have much luck becuase everyone we have come across is only interested in thin people.

Deanna

[anandjeff2]

Hi Deanna,

I am on the more voluptuos side(size 16) and we ahve mmet several couples so far (we havent swung yet) who havne thad a probelm with it..I make it very clear waht size I am and I do let people see it in pics. If you keep loooking you will find the right couple for you..it takes some time..we have been loooking into swinging for 1 year and seriously looking for 6 months and have just found 2 good (1 excellent actually) possibilities

It takes time and patience..keep looking!

An

[JustAskJulie]

There are plenty of couples out there that are more concerned with what a person is about and who they are than what size they are. Personally, I think the ones that are obsessed with being h/w proportionate probably have a little too high concept of theirselves. It's their loss.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[new2this]

thanks for the reassurance. Ya know i am inclinded to believe the same. I am a size 22 (although most people think I am only a 16 or 18 bcause I have a wide frame) and I am a MUCH better lover now than when I was younger and a size 10. I guess I will just tag BBW into any adds that i place right in the first sentence so that people don't even go into the add if they have a problem with it.

Deanna

[Crow]

I dont see the swinging world having a problem with BBW. I am a single playtoy for swingers and like women of all sizes and find that sometimes BBW can be more fun from time to time. dr_evil_crow@yahoo.com

I do not like skinny women as a general rule. I much prefer a woman with some cushin' for the pushin'!
I will say however, that I do not care for women that are too big. How big is that? It's a personal preference kind of thing. I have seen large women that are incredibly fine looking, and women not even as large that all I could see was the fat.

It has much more to do with the person INSIDE than the person outside.

Husband of CyberMWCouple

[CanadianCouple]

Deanna--

Being married to a woman who would be considered a BBW within the swinging world, we've seen both sides of the fence concerning acceptability. When scanning ads with pictures, we can pretty well determine which couples will respond positively to our replys, without even looking at the text of their ads. Our experience has been, VERY few couples who are thin/slim are interested in anyone who isn't. Anyone tagging themselves as "model material" is almost certainly out.

We don't like to disparage those who seek only "attractive" couples, but we feel many of them are quite shallow and self centered, deep down. It mirrors many other avenues of life its seems, for example not many CEO's will hang out with clerks at WalMart. Such is life, but if you're determined to pursue this lifestyle ( we hope you are), you WILL connect with compatable people. This takes patience, but the rewards are more than worth it.

Husband of CanadianCouple

[This message has been edited by CanadianCouple (edited 05-20-2001).]

[Stratecpl]

CanadianCouple,

Not all people who are looking for as you say "attractive" couples are doing it in a self centered way. You said the word compatible..thats the keyword isn't it? Compatible? We are Not "model material" however..yes we are some of those nasty ole hardbody types...We look for people like ourselves to be COMPATIBLE with..not because we think we're all that great. We do like to be able to carry on a conversation with people though and having the love of fitness in common is something we could all talk for hours about and relate to. We all would have the respect for each others determination to do what we do too. We would be compatible. If we turn down anybody who is overweight..nine times out of ten it's because we are not compatible with them..not because we think we are better than them. Actually we have found there are many couples who will pass us up on our looks before ever even getting to know us..we are being judged along with the ones out there that are the Ken and Barbie and Model types. It's two sides to the coin...us hardbody's get judged for our looks too.

Stratecpl,

That's pretty interesting, coming from the "hardbodies" point of view in the lifestyle....Or should I say, "the other side of the coin"....


Wife of CyberMWCouple

[Stratecpl]

I think my wife summed it up quite well. We know for a fact that we've been culled out by at least one couple for such reasons as stated. We finally attended our first pre-party get together Saturday. We didn't get to make the party because we don't have a sitter for our children as of yet... but every guy there was eyeing my wife with lusty eyes!! LOL It made me feel very good, I can guarantee you.

And we lusted after a few ourselves, so it's mutual. What I'm saying is that fitness is not a criteria for playmates, but it's our personal choice for ourselves. There comes a time in life that you grow old and you begin to lose interest in the finer things in life. That is, unless you do something about that.

That's why we work out, to stay fit, to be able to enjoy life to its fullest. We are in the best condition of our lives right now, so that's our reason. It's not a "snob" thing, or a "better than you are" thing either. It's personal, a way of life, just as swinging is a way of life.

And if we find a sitter, we may have lots to say about a party sometimes!! LOL

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[MiCpl]

Originally posted by Stratecpl:
We do like to be able to carry on a conversation with people though and having the love of fitness in common is something we could all talk for hours about and relate to.

We can definately understand this. Neither of us are hardbodies.. skinny or what you would call BBW.. but we do both have a few extra pounds. We've gone out with at least one couple who were very into dieting and physical fitness (to the point where that was their main topic of convo) and there was no compatibility.. what they were interested in wasn't what we were interested in. But the same thing has occured with couples who were the same size as we are, skinnier or heavier.. I think finding people with similiar interests is much more important than size.

And you can't rule out someone saying they won't like you (a BBW) because they are skinny. I know plenty of people who are skinny who actually prefer BBW's.. I think it's all in the attitude and the presentation of who you are.. not what size you are.

[CanadianCouple]

Straightcouple--

Much can be gleaned from an ad, by the wording used. We've seen several of them use disparaging and often insulting terminology when conveying what they're looking for in others.

For example, many ads in swappernet and other sites say things like "no fatties", or other such comments. If they don't like overweight people, fine, but why use hurtful terms such as these?
And we still stand by our assertion that VERY few slim couples have any interest in overweight people. We've scanned hundreds in Swappernet, and off the top of my head I can only think of a single instance where a slim couple specifically state weight in others doesn't matter. Of course swing partners need to be compatable, but you seem to be saying "compatable" is synonymous with similarity in build, at least that's what we get from your post.

Trust us, we've been in this long enough to see an established pattern here, both over the internet and in meet and greets. And while you two may not be 'snobbish' in intent, there are plenty of slim/hardbody types out there who are. Take the time to read the wording of many ads, and the conceit is obvious.

Husband of CanadianCouple

[twobookwyrms]

I have to agree here.. str8tcouple... you seem to be the exception to the rule. Many people who are in ideal physical shape are quite rude, mean and unaccepting of those of us that aren't. I have been on both ends of the spectrum, in amazing physical shape and now a size 20... I am still the same person the only difference is I don't spend 3 hours a day excersizing anymore, I never would have made nasty comments like I see all the time when I was "buff"

No fatties, chunkers, plumpers- these are all some of the things we BBW get all the time. There is the automatic assumtion that if you are not ideal size then your fat, lazy and don't keep yourself up. I am fat, but I work out 5 times a week, love lifting weights and am in better shape than many thin people that I know. LOL- on my honeymoon there was an instance where I was at the gamesworks in vegas goofing around on the vitural kickboxing machine... I went 15 rounds before I was to tired to go on and I won every round (and I was pregnant to boot LOL). There is an assumption floating around out there that fat= lazy, dirty, smelly, unattractive and unkept and it is just ridiculous.

My advice you you deanna is definitely put BBW in the begining of your adds and hang in there you will find people accepting of YOU and not just your waist size.

Steph

[Stratecpl]

twobookworms...

I am still the same person the only difference is I don't spend 3 hours a day excersizing anymore, I never would have made nasty comments like I see all the time when I was "buff"

We don't make nasty comments either..we certainly don't want things that are hurtful said to us so we aren't going to be like that with others. Actually we always try to be as nice as we can be if we turn someone down. Still though we find that some couples will get defensive and in return be rude to us regardless of how nice we tried to be in declining their offer.

[twobookwyrms]

"str8tcouple... you seem to be the exception to the rule"- just wanted to clarify here an make sure you understood I was in no way refering to you!

Steph

Originally posted by Stratecpl:
twobookworms...

We don't make nasty comments either..we certainly don't want things that are hurtful said to us so we aren't going to be like that with others. Actually we always try to be as nice as we can be if we turn someone down. Still though we find that some couples will get defensive and in return be rude to us regardless of how nice we tried to be in declining their offer.