Is weight a big issue?

[Wife2Love]

My husband and I are looking at going to a swingers club. My concern is our weight. I have read the many posts here, but no one has been as heavy as we are. I am 5' 5" and 240. My husband is 6' and 350. I am concerned that we will be sitting on the sidelines by ourselves. We are both outgoing people and we have had 3-ways before, but we will be new to the club scene. We are on a work out schedule. Do you think we should wait until we loose more weight before we attempt this?

Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated.

Wife2Love

[Ashley]

Hmmm....it looks to me like our posters are reluctant to answer your questions. Swingers come in all shapes and sizes but it should come as no surprise to you that in a hobby of "recreational sex" there is some emphasis on appearance.
The board will probably strike me dead for saying this but if I were you I would not try the club scene....it is definitely skewed towards "the beautiful people". You would probably be more comfortable connecting with a couple through ads that do not see size as an issue. Just my two cents.

[Elusive BiFem]

Hi there, Wife2Love. I agree with Ashley for the most part, but would like to tack on to her suggestion. Why not consider connecting with another couple via an ad and visiting the club as a 4-some. There is a sense of safety in numbers, and in that way, you would not find yourselves sitting on the sidelines with no one to talk to or interact with. I've never been to a club, but from reading various postings, it seems some of them are rather cliquish.

I would go with the other couple, have a great big huge and welcoming smile on my face, and do all that I could to project pure self-confidence! Strike a balance between being too forward/pushy and being open, friendly, outgoing, and welcoming to everyone.

By virtue of your question, I would be concerned that a solo club visit might turn into a rather demoralizing experience for you at this point. Unfortunately, many people do place great emphasis on physical appearance. However, most of us do, after getting past the first impression, lean more towards finding compatible personalities, those with common views/attitudes, etc. In the long run, there is nothing more pleasant than friends with positive attitudes and winning personalities.

If you read through the other postings, you will see that you are not alone in your concerns of acceptance. While we are not all concerened about weight issues, most of us have our own personal concerns regarding our appearance - surgical scars, age, sagging boobs, (gravity be damned!), etc. It has really helped me to know that many others have the same concerns I have had - I'm not alone.

For me, it's the age thing since I am considered over-the-hill in some circles. It has caused me to back off from some situations on occasion, but hey!! I figure there is someone (or two) for everyone. Go find that person or two.

Keep us informed of what is going on. And I'm certain that others on this Board will soon chime in with more and better advice. -EBF

[Roxysbayou]

Originally posted by Wife2Love
We are both outgoing people

This statement says it all!

I think that it depends on the club that you go to. We attend an off-premise club and there are people in there of every shape and size. And they are quite active in the lifestyle so I don't think that their weight has ever stopped them. There will always be the ones who prefer the "porn star/super model" because that is what they have always fantasized over. But there are plenty of real people out there who prefer to play with real people. You won't have anymore trouble finding someone than anybody else. Be proud of who you are, you are sexy both inside and out.

Roxy-

[DragonsLair]

The club that my husband and attended had a variety of people there. All different races, ages, heights, weights, backgrounds. Go and have a good time. There will be some people who won't approach you because of your weight. But there will be many more will want to get to know you. Be outgoing, fun, approachable and people won't ignore you.

The most important thing is to be comfortable within your own skin. You know you're great people, let others see that side of yourselves. If you're uncomfortable being overweight and being in the club, others will pick up on it.

You said you're both working out. That's wonderful. Keep it up. But don't be afraid to enjoy life right now.

Let us know how it goes. Have fun!

DragonsLair

He is T. I am A.

[Roxysbayou]

Originally posted by DragonsLair
The most important thing is to be comfortable within your own skin. You know you're great people, let others see that side of yourselves. If you're uncomfortable being overweight and being in the club, others will pick up on it.

I posted a similar response to your other thread, but I wanted to reiterate it here.

You sound like a fun person already, don't worry about how you look. Just enjoy yourself and take things as they come. You shouldn't have any trouble at all.

[OhioCouple]

Welcome to the board.

I combined your two threads together so you could easily read all of the comments and suggestions.

We have been to a total of four different clubs. Everyone here has given you some very good overviews. All the clubs we have attended have a variety of shapes, sizes, races...etc.

Someone mentioned something about clubs seeming to be for the 'beautiful people'. Well, that is true in a sense, but not based on physical ideal AMA standards. The beautiful people are those that are comfortable with who they are and present themselves as such.

I vote with go to the club and enjoy yourselves, even if you don't have another couple to go with you. Arrive eary and introduce yourself to some people. Present your outgoing nature and then just kick back and enjoy the experience of a club atmosphere. Dance, have a good time and converse with others. There was a good thread a while back that may give you some advice on how to present yourself in the club environment.

Breaking the Newby Barrier at a Club?

Hope that helps some! Good luck and let us know what you decide!

Lori

[bbcpl4cpl]

Wife2love,

We were worried about the exact same thing when my husband and I started talking about this lifestyle and we had our first experience with a bbw/bhm couple who are one of our closest friends. We've never been to a club yet.
I am 250lbs and my husband is 365lbs. He's losing the weight rather quickly and I am trying to ease my baby making battle scars! LOL.

I look at it this way, if there are going to be people who won't approach me, whether at a club or a social situation in general, simply because of how I look then I consider them too shallow to be with me at all! I am so outgoing and self confident these days that I sometimes ask myself when did this happen??

I was always slightly pudgy anyway (not overweight by much) and was very down on myself during my teen years. I would cry and moan "why doesn't anyone like me???" It took a long time to realize I didn't like me and was portraying that image to everyone around me. Anyway, that's neither here nor there about my past...lol

Point is.. I realized in the past year or so, after going through some major post truamatic stress and depression that I am who I am body weight and all and the most important thing is that my husband loves my body, he gets turned on by MY body and wants it all the time!! It doesn't matter what Tom, Dick, Harry, Tina, Delia or Harriet think of my body!!!!

I would want to be with someone for who they are and what they portray to me is on the inside. If you are overweight or skinny or average and look like you haven't showered this year I might have a problem with being with you sexually But if you have a winning personality, a happy outlook on who you are then my husband and I would love to know you, big, little or in between. it's all good.

Tigress xx
(hope I made sense somewhere in my rambling)

[Nymph an' Satyr]

Wife2Love, you are near TPA in Maryland. We are members there, and there are folks of ALL sizes, ages, and looks.

The first time we went, both my wife and remarked that "thank God, there are 'normal' people here."

Of course they have the 'beautiful people' too It's a mix. And though I'm not one of the 'beautiful people" , I do enjoying looking at them

I don't know about the other local clubs. I suspect that it may be somewhat club specific- but not sure.

Come on in, the water is fine

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by bbcpl4cpl
..... But if you have a winning personality, a happy outlook on who you are then my husband and I would love to know you, big, little or in between. it's all good.

Very well said Tigress!

Lori

[Vjklander]

We were members of a club a few years back and the parties were fun, but we never hooked up with anyone. Then again, we really are more into getting to know people a bit before jumping in the sack with them. That of course won't happen at a club unless you are regulars. We prefer to meet couples and singles for dinner or drinks first, then sharing pleasures if all are for it. We also decided to go to a nudist club and actually discovered much more tolerant people there and quite a few swingers in the group. But the focus there is not on sex, so I think it is much more relaxed. we are 225F and 255M , down from 245F and 330M last year. BTW, I'v found I get much more attention at 255 than I did at 330, go figure. We might try a swinger's club again if we are sure it will be worth out time and money, but it is not a high priority. For Wife2Love, I'd just say go and plan to have fun together, and if anything else happens , fine, if not, you had a good time anyway.
My hotmail and aolIM are both also vjklander, feel free to give me a shout anytime!!
J

[sunmoon]

I have to say the beauty comes from within I (the f half) tend to be drawn toward the teddy bear kind of guy, plus a good persona. My husband is actually scared away by the hardbody types! In any case, we've been in open rooms with all types of shapes and sizes, and once you start to play, it really doesn't matter. If you want an idea of sizes and shapes check out
thecrew.org . These are some REAL party pictures. That should put you at ease. We are only aware of one club in the Boston area that screens for young and beautiful. Yuch...

[Nymph an' Satyr]

Nice party pics

[joseph3d]

Just because you weigh 240 with a husband that is 350lbs, does not mean you are not a beautiful couple.

There is no reason to be at a club and say look at all the beautiful people and think you are not also one of the beautiful people there.

People who are not interested in you only because of your extra weight, are closed minded, IMHO.

I think that within the clubs, when we decide on the basis of weight, color, size, shape, age, disability, height, etc., we are shallow. As a whole, we all need to be more accepting of each other.

I'd say go and have a good time.

[Ashley]

I think what you all are saying is wonderful and accepting but totally unrealistic as to what actually goes on. I hope that Wife2Love will come back after their club experience and give us their perspective. I don't consider myself an expert as I've only been to 5 different clubs but I've not seen people of that size at any of them.