Large people and swinging

[Harold_N_Ann]

My wife and I have been married 28 years and hav talked about swinging for a couple of years now. We both find the idea very erotic and exciting and just the discussions have fueled many hot and heavy lovemaking sessions.

One of the things which has kept us from actually taking the step into swinging is our fear that we might be ridiculed or not be able to find other couples to swing with us.

You see, we are both large people. I am 6'1" and 296. She is 5'10". She won't tell her weight, but she is quite large, too.

Also, I have a small penis (4.5") and I wonder if any woman would want me due to that.

How would we be accepted?

[OhioCouple]

Hello Harold and Ann,

Welcome to the board.

Your fears are perfectly natural. Most everyone regarless of shape, size, looks, etc. fear not being good enough or that someone else is better or will do it better.

Swingers come in all shapes and sizes with different likes and dislikes. There is something out there for everyone and what it takes is the patience to find those that are a match for you. Sometimes it comes quickly, others it takes a long time.

The best thing to do is not let your selves be your own worst enenmy. If you are comfortable with who you are it will show and will help open many doors for you.

Have you explored any of the websites that have swingers ads on them? I believe swinglifestyle.com offers a free membership. You may want to browse through there and just see how diverse the ads are.

Also when it comes to swing clubs we have seen a wide variety of people and ages although some clubs do cater to more specific type crowds.

Hope this helped some, and since you have already taken the first step in posting, why not drop in the Introductions forums and say hello, then read throughout the New Swingers Forum. You will find a lot of your questions answered there and for what you can't.....don't hesitate to ask!

Lori

[JustAskJulie]

Harold and Ann,

Your questions concerning your weight are quite common. As Lori suggested take a look around at some of the swinger sites, you will find that swingers cover every spectrum of weight and size. The key is that you are happy with the size that you are. A low self-esteem will scare many more people away than extra pounds ever will.

There will be some people who will judge you solely on your weight alone and for that reason won't want to be with you. There are many others, tho, for whom weight will not be a factor.

Regarding your penis size, this has been a hot topic of late in a few other threads. Again, some will not want to play with you because of it, others won't care. I would say tho that since you are aware that it may be an issue, make sure you are boned up in other areas (oral sex). It takes more than a penis to please a woman.

Here are a few links to other topics that might be of interest to you both in regards to your weight question and the question of penis size.

When Your Wife is Average Size and You are NOT

The Body Beautiful

Height/Weight Proportional - yeah right!

Does Weight Really Matter?

Accepting of BBW?

As you can see some of these topics have gotten quite heated... but they should give you a good idea as to the variance of opinions and what to expect.

And on the Quesiton of Penis Size:

Penis Question

Penis Size, Is it Really Important?

[multigirl51]

Hi, this is what I'd do: go to the local x-rated store and pick up swinger's books dedicated to ads for swingers. Look at all the ads and pictures and you'll see that there are people for everyone!.......Probably someone looking for you guys!! If you don't see someone YOU like ~~~~~~INSERT YOUR OWN AD and say waht you are looking for. ...Puts you in the driver's seat and makes people come to you. AND I'D Also call local swing clubs and ask them if their club is a "fat friendly " club and open to lg sz people. I'm assuming you're researched all the swinger's sites. Do not give up, swinging can be a very fun fulfilling new adventure in your life.....warning tho::: once you try it, you won't want to go back to the regular world and be a non swinger!!
>>>>NOTE: Because I got tired of driving forever here in Calif to go to a club......party like a fool, hot tub to beat sixty and then ahve to drive forever to get home; when I was single and over 200 pounds I STARTED MY OWN CLUB!!!! & got to pick and choose from a big buffet of men!!! If all else fails and I know it won't fail........host a party yourself and screen the people who attend!!
hugzzzzz, go for it!

[lauragirlchat]

As a bi-sexual young woman into casual sex/swinging, I enjoy sex with a variety of people. All of my regular relationships are with similar girls of a similar average to slim build.

Therefore when I visit swing parties/clubs I look for a different experience. I love to get intimate with people of different shapes and sizes. Those people who consider they have perfect bodies often are so up themselves they are useless at sex. Those of a larger size tend to be more considerate and attentive, and try harder to please.

The last party I went to I enjoyed the most amazing "spoons" sex with a big older man. Incidentally in this position penetration is deeper and a women is less likely to tell whether the cock entering her is smaller than average.

I also love to wrap my arms around and fondle larger women, recently having had a fun time with an 18/20 dress size girl. (Sandra you know who you are.lol)

[fun_pairTX]

We have 5-6 couples that play regularly, we have the entire spectrum of sizes and no one gives a rats butt, we just have a great time. The women range from 105 to about 250, the men from 160-300 and everyone just goes for it. No pretenses, no BS, just great sex

[funNCcpl]

My wife and I have been swinging for a little over a year now; she is a beautiful blonde BBW, 49 years old, and I am 45 years old, 6'1", 190#, average build.

While we all wish Harold and his wife the best, let's step into the "real world" for a minute and be honest. We have found quite a bit of predjudice by other couples who are so shallow and vain that they see only the "outer" image of a person. Just read many of the personal ads: "no fatties, no one over XXX pounds, must be in shape, must be height and weight proportionate, etc.".

Sure, the initial response would be, well you don't want to be friends and play with those people then anyway. But, we have found that this prevalent attitude really begins to play on your ego, and it actually decreases the number of available folks out there that you might seek out to swing with.

Not only has my wife being a BBW caused us many a rejection, but our ages play into this equation also. You are then forced to "go searching" for "specialized" groups that are seeking larger people to swing with or those groups formed for the "older" crowd.

Predjudice is alive and well in this world of swinging, just as it is in every other aspect of our daily lives. The trick is to not get so fed up with it that you quit seeking what you ultimately desire.

[funNCcpl]

You're absolutely correct, there is a difference between these two terms.

In our experiences, there has been a definite "mean-spirted" attitude toward larger people or those of an older age group.

This is why I chose the term, "predjudice".

[Flori_DAMAN]

I have been subjected to rejection for a variety of reasons.

Sometimes it is actually my personality. In crowds I really have to work hard to be myseslf. Someone else mentioned that they appear arrogant in crowds, and I guess I do also. It is because although I want to maintain a self-confident appearance deep down I am not good at starting up conversations.

I found that exposure over a longer term is the answer to my personality flaws. Deep down I am not arrogant and actually a bit insecure if anything and once someone gets to know me they discover that.

One thing I have noticed at clubs is the average weight is definately above average. But I notice that at the mall also. So maybe the average weight in this country is higher than the TV shows would make one think.

Anyhow, looks, size, age, and other physicl attributes including breast or penis size are factors for many people including myself. This is referring to possible sexual relations, not friendship or emloyment issues. In the latter none of the above matter.

Perhaps the term prejudiced is accurate but that doesn't make it wrong. Lots of people lump the word prejudiced with terms like racist or hatred. There is a huge difference.

I personally would not want to be with a very heavy person, but lots of people wouldn't give me a second thought for a number of reasons. A twenty year old model type usually doesn't even notice me (cept on rare occasions here n there), and although she may be prejudiced against older balding guys, for sex playmates, thats OK, and it is her right.

I can still indulge in a little flirting and do so every chance I get lol.


John.

[river248]

I'm the woman in this couple and I have no problem with weight, I would rather like the person. Mike, my guy, could care less about the like, just wants sexy. That to me is a matter of attitude. We disagree when looking through the personals, but agree to disagree, and if we both don't agree it isn't going to happen.

That said, I do have my prejudice so I'm really no better than others. The personals can't say, no fat people, and I'm not fat so to speak at 5'7 to 5'8 and 125 lb. but when I read that my mind goes crazy and I feel that anyone who would state such a thing isn't going anywhere right now spiritually (if that is the right word, and I do not mean God). I just feel that they haven't really explored the reality of life yet! And I will not even consider a 21 year old. I think your asking for problems there emotionally. Don't understand it when they say into a committed relationship and looking to explore. They haven't begun to explore and will probably have a lot more committed relationships in the future.

As for my guy, he has a problem with women squirters. For some reason he is turned off. Go figure, I find it fascinating as I have never had the experience, but also wonder how in the world he is going to find this out before the actual sex act; LOL.

Anyhow, we all have them, what we will and will not do.

I understand you being self conscious about the weight and feel limited by it, but don't. Those who do not wish to play with you and yours just aren't for you, and I would look at it this way, trying to be spiritual and all, their loss not yours.

As far as the small sized penis. I once had a relationship with a man who honestly had 2 inches and it was great. That man was self conscious about it, so in his mind he made up for it with candles everywhere, rose petals on the bed, and he even went so far as to have the bathroom fixed up with all brand new women's necessities that he thought I might like to clean up with afterwards; new hairbrush and comb, tooth brush and even perfume. He also lasted incredibly long and when I commented on this, he confessed that he had masturbated before I got there so as to not disappoint me with a quickie. His size never was an issue, his kindness and consideration will always be looked upon as wonderful.

Arleen (and Mike)

[Flori_DAMAN]

Arleen (and Mike),

That was what I was trying to say. Very well put.

Everyone isn't attracted to everyone and although I just can't get over the hurdle of dating large women, one lately has actually gotten my attention. She doesn't have an insecure bone in her body and has a terrific sense of humor.

I made a date with her for two weeks from now and am really looking forward to it.

I don't think I would have considered it not so many years ago.

I sure hope she likes me...John.

[Big Lou]

I am attending my first swing party this saturday, both my partner and i are larger than normal. she is 5'5" 180, and I'm 6' 400! I called the party hosts and informed them that I am obese and they said it wasn't an issue, and after a lengthy conversation she said that the women would gather around because of my personality. She went on to say that they are just everyday people of all sizes, and we would be accepted based upon how we interacted and not just upon our appearance.

[K&D]

Big Lou, please give us an update after the party. I am really curious to know how it will go. My husband and I have yet to go to our first party, and one of my current hang-ups is weight. I am not fat, but I have put on a few pounds since childbirth. He is quite a bit larger, and I have to admit that is also a source of embarrassment to me. However, he is very self-confident, outgoing, and adventurous, and is certain that will make up for his physical appearance. Anyway, I really want to hear about your first experience

D

[Flori_DAMAN]

I gotta be honest here. I dated that girl. She was HUGE. If she looked like my ex's it wouldn't have mattered what she said. But when I'm dating its different than finding someone to swing with. I probably would have swung with her. She had no defects in character. But I just can't get over the fact that if I'm gonna be with someone every night, its gotta be a slim gal.

Shes also gotta be the type that makes peoples head turn.

Guess I will be single for a long time. They don't call me mr. adonis.

John.

[river248]

My, my, my! I was wondering how your date went. I can't believe you said huge, and I refuse to cater to it; how about pleasingly plump . You sound just like my guy, really are all men a like?

Once we were setting something up with a couple, and all he kept saying was do you realize what she is gonna look like with her clothes off. Who cares. It is the person that matters. You need to talk to someone over the internet for months (years, LOL) and build a relationship without the looks, fall in love and then what they seem to be lacking in physical attractiveness to suit you will not matter as much.

And the head turning thing, wow! You could be asking for problems there. When I was younger and in my 17 year marriage (without sounding too full of myself), I would have to say I turned some heads, and I knew it. Most who turn heads do, and I was always looking at those who looked at me. Not a good basis for a relationship, let me tell you, I swear we were doomed from the beginning. Sure I like to still turn a head or 2, it makes me feel pretty, but I like myself at 38 a whole lot better than I did at 28. Head turners tend to be full of themselves (I think I was) and as they say "I've come a long way baby".

Besides that, before we decided on this lifestyle and at the beginning of our relationship which was about 5 years ago, a guy glanced twice at me (my guy's rule at the time, look once it's an accident, look twice and your gonna be sorry). Anyhow, this was while grocery shopping, and all of a sudden I heard this loud growl. It was my guy literally growling at the other guy! Jealously comes up a lot with head turners.

A&M