When Your Wife Is Average Weight And Size And "YOU'RE NOT"...

avgcpl4u · 12-30-2002, 06:50 PM

Hi Julie and Everyone Else!

We're a married couple that has been in the lifestyle maybe going on 3 years now. I have something that has always bothered me regarding my wife and I when we go to swingers parties. My dilemma is that my wife is pretty much an average weight and size but as for myself, I'm like 5'10" 250lbs more on the heavy boned type of a guy. I've always been between 235-250lbs most of my life after 25yrs old. And I have noticed that everytime we go to a swingers party, people be asking my wife to play, but not myself?? And when my wife says we come as a "package deal", they say "see ya" under their breath. So we stand in the corner all night by our selves.
Other people friends have told me not to worry about it, that you'll find the right people that'll except you for the way you are. But being a little heavy still haunts me.
So, I was wondering if anybody else outhere in swingers land has the same hang up that I do?????

Any reponds would be most appreciated!!

Avgcpl4u

CanadianCouple · 12-30-2002, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by avgcpl4u
Hi Julie and Everyone Else!

We're a married couple that has been in the lifestyle maybe going on 3 years now. I have something that has always bothered me regarding my wife and I when we go to swingers parties. My dilemma is that my wife is pretty much an average weight and size but as for myself, I'm like 5'10" 250lbs more on the heavy boned type of a guy. I've always been between 235-250lbs most of my life after 25yrs old. And I have noticed that everytime we go to a swingers party, people be asking my wife to play, but not myself?? And when my wife says we come as a "package deal", they say "see ya" under their breath. So we stand in the corner all night by our selves.
Other people friends have told me not to worry about it, that you'll find the right people that'll except you for the way you are. But being a little heavy still haunts me.
So, I was wondering if anybody else outhere in swingers land has the same hang up that I do?????

Any reponds would be most appreciated!!

Avgcpl4u

Ohhhh Lord, where do I start?

Actually, we're just the opposite of you and your wife. In our case, I've been a bodybuilder for over 20 years, while my wife is the one who's been fighting a weight problem most of her adult life. I feel for ya, big guy, because we've spent the past 3 and a half years swimming upstream trying to find couples who are capable of looking past the scales and into our personalities. More times than I can count, we've begun corresponding with a couple via email, and once I make certain they're aware my wife is considered a BBW, they're gone like smoke in the wind. Ditto with the club scene. Almost without exception, any couples who've approached us in the swing club we go to invariably have an overweight woman as well. Nothing wrong with that per say, but it does cut your prospects considerably. And needless to say, reading through ads is disheartening at best. You learn to hate those words "height, weight porportional".

If you're interested, check out the thread in this section titled "The body beautiful", started by yours truly. It pretty much sums up our abject frustrations with the weight/swinging issue.

Dan

OhioCouple · 12-30-2002, 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by avgcpl4u
Other people friends have told me not to worry about it, that you'll find the right people that'll except you for the way you are.

I would have to agree with your friends. Even those that are within what is considered a normal weight range have a difficult time finding the right swing partners. It isn't as cut and dried as many people seem to believe. You have personalites, hair color, genital sizes and a variety of other criteria that people seek. However, I would be somewhat upset if people were continually asking one and not both of us to play. I don't think they would be the type of people that I would want to be around as they are not seeing you as a couple, which you are. That shouldn't have to be verbalized in my opinion.

Lori

avgcpl4u · 12-30-2002, 09:31 PM

Thanks "CanadianCouple" and "OhioCouple" for your replys about my "Hang Up" question.! Guess you got to learn to adapt and go with the flow

....

I also read that section: "The body beautiful" like you said CanadianCouple, most interesting! Seems like that topic get's pretty hot at times!

Thanks guys!....CY!

***JustAskJulie*** · 12-31-2002, 07:11 AM

Along with what the others said regarding how hard it is in general to find the right couple where all 4 people click and are attracted to each other, I wanted to add something else.

Oddly enough at most of the swinger parties we have been to, what you described was the norm. It might be the area of the country we lived in. But since most of the other couples fit the same description that wasn't as much of a deal. One thing I always wonder about when it comes to people having a hard time meeting others and they feel it's because of their looks is what sort of vibe that person is putting off.

If someone goes to a party already feeling unattractive they are going to put off that vibe and be less likely to be approached/accepted. The same thing can even happen to a beautiful woman who happens to be wearing a dress she doesn't feel comfortable in. She feels comfortable, and therefore looks uncomfortable and less attractive because of it. Wheras a big guy can go in with a great attitude and just be friendly/flirty with the women around him and somehow those women don't notice those extra pounds he may be carrying (same thing applies to a heavy woman for that matter).

I'm not saying that's the case with you, it's just something I always wonder about when questions like this come up and may be something you might want to give some thought to.

mksNmd · 12-31-2002, 07:55 AM

<<<<>>>>

Well said! Being in the lifestyle can and is (at times) a lot of work. Meeting the “right” people takes a tremendous amount of effort. Most of us do have some hangups and there is always something we don’t like about our own looks. Confidence is the key.

We are HWP (there is that dreaded language again), but we immediately ignore ads that put an emphasis on that and do not correspond with people that make it a pre-requisite before meeting. We are in the lifestyle to meet individuals with common interests. A sense of humor is required and you must be able to carry a conversation outside of the bedroom. And quite frankly the “beautiful and skinny people” don’t have a lock on that.

Remember: Your wife saw something in you that went beyond the weight. She is not the only one. Good luck big guy!

Chicup · 12-31-2002, 01:58 PM

I'd like to offer you different advice.

Quit feeling sorry for yourself and lose the weight.

As a guy its quite easy. I gained a boatload of weight almost as soon as I turned 26, even though my diet and such didn't change much. Its quite normal and quite annoying.

My one salvation has been the atkins diet (which he didn't come up with, the idea has been around since at least the 30's) or at least my personal variation of it (less red meat). This is a very easy diet for most men, you will lose the weight quite fast, and you are never hungry. You might crave some foods you can't have but its a lot better then feeling like you NEED to eat. When I first heard about the diet I thought it was insane and unhealthy but when I did the research, I found it to be quite the opposite. Women seem to have a harder time sticking to this diet for some reason, but I know several men who do well on it.

It does take off the weight, and you don't gain it back unless of course you go back to eating like you used to, which is true of any diet.

For my wife and I in swinging we look for people with good looks, personality and intelligence. No factor is greater then the other, but all factors must be 'acceptable'.

We all want to be loved for being 'just the way we are' but lets get real, no one owes you anything in life so you might as well increase your chances of appealing to more people physically.

mksNmd · 12-31-2002, 02:51 PM

Hey chicup - what a load of bullshit!

A lot of assumptions in that post. You sound like one of those "born again dieticians" out to rescue the world from itself.

M (the male half)

CanadianCouple · 12-31-2002, 03:56 PM

Sadly, Chicup has a lot of company out there. He's more of a rarity in the fact he's at least upfront about his feelings. Over the internet, anyway.

M and K, you're indeed a rarity yourselves, being HWP and not looking for just those who are the same. Reading through ads, it almost never fails -- those who can't wait to describe themselves as such invariably go out of their way to make it clear no overweight couples need apply. And that's been my point all along. In all faucets of society there are cliques, and swinging's no different. It is NOT just a matter of physical size, characteristics, and personal tastes, it's almost a case of class warfare. The office powerbrokers won't mix with trailer trash. The thoroughbreds won't shag the old nags. Any number of analogies will do, they're all relevant.

Nearly two years ago we went to a lifestyle dance, with a valentine's theme. It was held in a city about two hours from home, and as luck would have it, we ended up at a table with two "pretty" couples. Oh joy. Anyway, as the four of them were engrossed in conversation, I happened to overhear one couple was from the same town we live in. I interjected with "say, you live in **** too? He shot me an annoyed look, said yes, and immediately turned his back on us, effectively shutting us out of any more possible conversation.

Dan

Chicup · 12-31-2002, 08:00 PM

Sorry guys but being fat is an OPTION for most people, not a metabolic requirement. I knew I would get this response to my post because so many people act like weight gain is akin to losing a limb and there is nothing you can do about it but get on with your life and try to be accepted for who you are. THAT is the bullshit.

Why do you think people should just accept it?

BTW I'm far from being a diet or fitness freak, in fact I'm overweight myself, because I have been VERY lazy the last couple of years, and eat too much. I don't blame others for me being less attractive, and instead of whining about how shallow people are I know I can do something about it.

So you tell me what’s better for the original poster? Accepting being fat, trying to find people that 'accept' him, and as Juile pointed out having to deal with a possible self esteem issue, OR dealing with the root of the problem which is excess weight?

CanadianCouple · 12-31-2002, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Chicup
Sorry guys but being fat is an OPTION for most people, not a metabolic requirement. I knew I would get this response to my post because so many people act like weight gain is akin to losing a limb and there is nothing you can do about it but get on with your life and try to be accepted for who you are. THAT is the bullshit.

Why do you think people should just accept it?

BTW I'm far from being a diet or fitness freak, in fact I'm overweight myself, because I have been VERY lazy the last couple of years, and eat too much. I don't blame others for me being less attractive, and instead of whining about how shallow people are I know I can do something about it.

So you tell me what’s better for the original poster? Accepting being fat, trying to find people that 'accept' him, and as Juile pointed out having to deal with a possible self esteem issue, OR dealing with the root of the problem which is excess weight?

People don't get into swinging so they can get free amateur psychoanalysis, Chicup. The last thing they want is having their physical shortcomings pointed out, whether they're real or not. What's next, handing out FDA diet guidelines at the next swinger's convention?

Christ, and people accuse me of being judgemental in here.

Dan

Flori_DAMAN · 12-31-2002, 10:47 PM

This appears to be a lot of bickering over subject matter that really doesn't include the focus of the post.

I believe the original post topic had to do more with other people wanting to exclude half of a couple to play with.

In my book this is nothing short of rude. Regardless if the reason is HWP, intelligence, looks, race or anything else. Unless a couple has somehow indicated that they like to fly solo it seems like poor etiquette to try to seperate them.

Regarding Chicup he says:

" My one salvation has been the atkins diet"
then:

" in fact I'm overweight myself"

I have never seen a diet that consistently works for the majority of people that use it and often they end up feeling guilty because they resorted to there old "lazy" ways. It appears that sooner or later most diets end up causing more rapid weight gain although there are certainly many exceptions as with anything.

Also:

" I gained a boatload of weight almost as soon as I turned 26, even though my diet and such didn't change much. "

Would the fact that your diet and such didn't change possibly point to other factors, such as heriditary, or metabolic? Why did you suddenly gain weight?

"Sorry guys but being fat is an OPTION for most people."

I notice that you call youself overweight but in this context the word "fat" seemed applicable.

What about the people that aren't in the "most" category?

And considering that your recent weight gain is due to self-proclaimed laziness and overindulgence in eating, why do you choose the option of being overweight?

Perhaps its not laziness or self indulgence at all. The theory that I subscribe to is that sooner or later the body will demand what its genetic predisposition tells it to demand. While this is debatable Chiccup certainly backs this theory up with his own disclosures. He suddenly gained weight for no reason; dieted, then gained it back, just like millions of overweight people.

Again I think factors like weight, sexual preference, looks, intelligence, race, are not always choices. I know some may think I'm pushing the envelope to include race, sexual preference, and weight in the same category but maybe there is something to this theory after all.

Finally by Chiccup:
"I knew I would get this response to my post."

Isn't that what flamers do? They use button pushing statements such as "Quit feeling sorry for yourself and lose the weight."
and insulting innuendos to bait someone to respond in a predictable way. While it may be great entertainment for the flamer I don't believe it adds substance to an otherwise interesting topic.

If they appear to be a couple then assume its a package deal. John.

youngish56 · 01-01-2003, 12:22 AM

Chicup-

I liked your discreet boldness(?) in stating your beliefs.

I didn't see your post as "flaming". Sorry John.

Maybe it would be a good idea to encourage inputs on these threads by avoiding personal criticism of contributor's posts.

A proper response to a post might be a non-flaming description of our disagreement that avoids calling the contributor any name other than "welcome poster".

That's the best PC bunch of horseshit I've ever posted.LOLOLOL

Terrileex · 01-01-2003, 03:05 AM

Oh mY, can I relate. I think no matter how big ( or small) you are you worry about your weight. In your case as far as I am concern there is nothing harder then losing weight and what is funny is the thin person is the first to tell you how easy it is to lose weight lol, to them i say eat sh_t. It would be nice if in the swing world you could get to know them personaly, to see what a great person you are under there, but it doesn't work like that. Keep your head up cause, it will come around sooner or later if you keep on tryin and fun will be had by all. If you were here hubby and I would swing with you. Cause good Times are Good Times. Keep on goin, Its comin. Terrie

darling · 01-01-2003, 10:01 AM

My husband and I attend a club regularly and we run into this problem all the time. I am a social butterfly and am up dancing and flirting while my husband sits quietly. He has a beer gut which I find sexy in a man, but apparently others don't, while I do situps and pushups nightly. He is a grower not a show'er so I think that also factors in.

This is the reason we have only swung with couples twice in 2-1/2 years of attending. I constantly get invited to join couples, but I tell them we are a pair and they lose interest. Occasionally we swing with single men because my husband loves to watch. But I feel sometimes he is not getting his fantasies fulfilled. Mostly we softswing for this reason.

I have tried on occasion to sit the whole time with my husband and not move about the room, but then I get antsy and he says he likes seeing me "work" the room, and tells me to go have fun.

I personally find men with a little meat on their bones more attractive for many reasons. Seems the men that are in really great shape always have an attitude and worry too much about body image. They constantly talk about their workout program or as my husband says "think their stuff don't stink". I'd rather have a down to earth, good sense of humor guy anyday.

My point is, don't give up. There are us out there that like a man's man.

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12-30-2002, 06:50 PM	#1 (permalink)
avgcpl4u Here to Stay Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 35 Location: Hawaii Status: C	When Your Wife Is Average Weight And Size And "YOU'RE NOT"... Hi Julie and Everyone Else! We're a married couple that has been in the lifestyle maybe going on 3 years now. I have something that has always bothered me regarding my wife and I when we go to swingers parties. My dilemma is that my wife is pretty much an average weight and size but as for myself, I'm like 5'10" 250lbs more on the heavy boned type of a guy. I've always been between 235-250lbs most of my life after 25yrs old. And I have noticed that everytime we go to a swingers party, people be asking my wife to play, but not myself?? And when my wife says we come as a "package deal", they say "see ya" under their breath. So we stand in the corner all night by our selves. Other people friends have told me not to worry about it, that you'll find the right people that'll except you for the way you are. But being a little heavy still haunts me. So, I was wondering if anybody else outhere in swingers land has the same hang up that I do????? Any reponds would be most appreciated!! Avgcpl4u

12-31-2002, 07:11 AM	#5 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 24,506 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 75	Along with what the others said regarding how hard it is in general to find the right couple where all 4 people click and are attracted to each other, I wanted to add something else. Oddly enough at most of the swinger parties we have been to, what you described was the norm. It might be the area of the country we lived in. But since most of the other couples fit the same description that wasn't as much of a deal. One thing I always wonder about when it comes to people having a hard time meeting others and they feel it's because of their looks is what sort of vibe that person is putting off. If someone goes to a party already feeling unattractive they are going to put off that vibe and be less likely to be approached/accepted. The same thing can even happen to a beautiful woman who happens to be wearing a dress she doesn't feel comfortable in. She feels comfortable, and therefore looks uncomfortable and less attractive because of it. Wheras a big guy can go in with a great attitude and just be friendly/flirty with the women around him and somehow those women don't notice those extra pounds he may be carrying (same thing applies to a heavy woman for that matter). I'm not saying that's the case with you, it's just something I always wonder about when questions like this come up and may be something you might want to give some thought to. __________________ Julie Owner/ Admin http://www.swingersboard.com

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12-30-2002, 09:31 PM	#4 (permalink)
avgcpl4u Here to Stay Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 35 Location: Hawaii Status: C	Thanks "CanadianCouple" and "OhioCouple" for your replys about my "Hang Up" question.! Guess you got to learn to adapt and go with the flow .... I also read that section: "The body beautiful" like you said CanadianCouple, most interesting! Seems like that topic get's pretty hot at times! Thanks guys!....CY!

12-31-2002, 07:55 AM	#6 (permalink)
mksNmd Active Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 17 Location: East Coast, USA Status: Married Couple	<<<<>>>> Well said! Being in the lifestyle can and is (at times) a lot of work. Meeting the “right” people takes a tremendous amount of effort. Most of us do have some hangups and there is always something we don’t like about our own looks. Confidence is the key. We are HWP (there is that dreaded language again), but we immediately ignore ads that put an emphasis on that and do not correspond with people that make it a pre-requisite before meeting. We are in the lifestyle to meet individuals with common interests. A sense of humor is required and you must be able to carry a conversation outside of the bedroom. And quite frankly the “beautiful and skinny people” don’t have a lock on that. Remember: Your wife saw something in you that went beyond the weight. She is not the only one. Good luck big guy!

12-31-2002, 01:58 PM	#7 (permalink)
Chicup Not a potential *** Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 2,888 Location: Under the bed Status: Tired Blog Entries: 3	I'd like to offer you different advice. Quit feeling sorry for yourself and lose the weight. As a guy its quite easy. I gained a boatload of weight almost as soon as I turned 26, even though my diet and such didn't change much. Its quite normal and quite annoying. My one salvation has been the atkins diet (which he didn't come up with, the idea has been around since at least the 30's) or at least my personal variation of it (less red meat). This is a very easy diet for most men, you will lose the weight quite fast, and you are never hungry. You might crave some foods you can't have but its a lot better then feeling like you NEED to eat. When I first heard about the diet I thought it was insane and unhealthy but when I did the research, I found it to be quite the opposite. Women seem to have a harder time sticking to this diet for some reason, but I know several men who do well on it. It does take off the weight, and you don't gain it back unless of course you go back to eating like you used to, which is true of any diet. For my wife and I in swinging we look for people with good looks, personality and intelligence. No factor is greater then the other, but all factors must be 'acceptable'. We all want to be loved for being 'just the way we are' but lets get real, no one owes you anything in life so you might as well increase your chances of appealing to more people physically.

12-31-2002, 02:51 PM	#8 (permalink)
mksNmd Active Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 17 Location: East Coast, USA Status: Married Couple	Hey chicup - what a load of bullshit! A lot of assumptions in that post. You sound like one of those "born again dieticians" out to rescue the world from itself. M (the male half)

12-31-2002, 03:56 PM	#9 (permalink)
CanadianCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 1,139 Location: New Brunswick, Canada Status: Married Couple	Sadly, Chicup has a lot of company out there. He's more of a rarity in the fact he's at least upfront about his feelings. Over the internet, anyway. M and K, you're indeed a rarity yourselves, being HWP and not looking for just those who are the same. Reading through ads, it almost never fails -- those who can't wait to describe themselves as such invariably go out of their way to make it clear no overweight couples need apply. And that's been my point all along. In all faucets of society there are cliques, and swinging's no different. It is NOT just a matter of physical size, characteristics, and personal tastes, it's almost a case of class warfare. The office powerbrokers won't mix with trailer trash. The thoroughbreds won't shag the old nags. Any number of analogies will do, they're all relevant. Nearly two years ago we went to a lifestyle dance, with a valentine's theme. It was held in a city about two hours from home, and as luck would have it, we ended up at a table with two "pretty" couples. Oh joy. Anyway, as the four of them were engrossed in conversation, I happened to overhear one couple was from the same town we live in. I interjected with "say, you live in **** too? He shot me an annoyed look, said yes, and immediately turned his back on us, effectively shutting us out of any more possible conversation. Dan

12-31-2002, 08:00 PM	#10 (permalink)
Chicup Not a potential *** Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 2,888 Location: Under the bed Status: Tired Blog Entries: 3	Sorry guys but being fat is an OPTION for most people, not a metabolic requirement. I knew I would get this response to my post because so many people act like weight gain is akin to losing a limb and there is nothing you can do about it but get on with your life and try to be accepted for who you are. THAT is the bullshit. Why do you think people should just accept it? BTW I'm far from being a diet or fitness freak, in fact I'm overweight myself, because I have been VERY lazy the last couple of years, and eat too much. I don't blame others for me being less attractive, and instead of whining about how shallow people are I know I can do something about it. So you tell me what’s better for the original poster? Accepting being fat, trying to find people that 'accept' him, and as Juile pointed out having to deal with a possible self esteem issue, OR dealing with the root of the problem which is excess weight?

12-31-2002, 10:47 PM	#12 (permalink)
Flori_DAMAN Previously of MichiganCouple Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 2,100 Location: Vero Beach Florida Status: Single Male	This appears to be a lot of bickering over subject matter that really doesn't include the focus of the post. I believe the original post topic had to do more with other people wanting to exclude half of a couple to play with. In my book this is nothing short of rude. Regardless if the reason is HWP, intelligence, looks, race or anything else. Unless a couple has somehow indicated that they like to fly solo it seems like poor etiquette to try to seperate them. Regarding Chicup he says: " My one salvation has been the atkins diet" then: " in fact I'm overweight myself" I have never seen a diet that consistently works for the majority of people that use it and often they end up feeling guilty because they resorted to there old "lazy" ways. It appears that sooner or later most diets end up causing more rapid weight gain although there are certainly many exceptions as with anything. Also: " I gained a boatload of weight almost as soon as I turned 26, even though my diet and such didn't change much. " Would the fact that your diet and such didn't change possibly point to other factors, such as heriditary, or metabolic? Why did you suddenly gain weight? "Sorry guys but being fat is an OPTION for most people." I notice that you call youself overweight but in this context the word "fat" seemed applicable. What about the people that aren't in the "most" category? And considering that your recent weight gain is due to self-proclaimed laziness and overindulgence in eating, why do you choose the option of being overweight? Perhaps its not laziness or self indulgence at all. The theory that I subscribe to is that sooner or later the body will demand what its genetic predisposition tells it to demand. While this is debatable Chiccup certainly backs this theory up with his own disclosures. He suddenly gained weight for no reason; dieted, then gained it back, just like millions of overweight people. Again I think factors like weight, sexual preference, looks, intelligence, race, are not always choices. I know some may think I'm pushing the envelope to include race, sexual preference, and weight in the same category but maybe there is something to this theory after all. Finally by Chiccup: "I knew I would get this response to my post." Isn't that what flamers do? They use button pushing statements such as "Quit feeling sorry for yourself and lose the weight." and insulting innuendos to bait someone to respond in a predictable way. While it may be great entertainment for the flamer I don't believe it adds substance to an otherwise interesting topic. If they appear to be a couple then assume its a package deal. John.

01-01-2003, 12:22 AM	#13 (permalink)
youngish56 Here to Stay Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 68 Location: Florida Status: couple	Chicup- I liked your discreet boldness(?) in stating your beliefs. I didn't see your post as "flaming". Sorry John. Maybe it would be a good idea to encourage inputs on these threads by avoiding personal criticism of contributor's posts. A proper response to a post might be a non-flaming description of our disagreement that avoids calling the contributor any name other than "welcome poster". That's the best PC bunch of horseshit I've ever posted.LOLOLOL

01-01-2003, 03:05 AM	#14 (permalink)
Terrileex Active Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 25 Location: Montana Status: couple	Oh mY, can I relate. I think no matter how big ( or small) you are you worry about your weight. In your case as far as I am concern there is nothing harder then losing weight and what is funny is the thin person is the first to tell you how easy it is to lose weight lol, to them i say eat sh_t. It would be nice if in the swing world you could get to know them personaly, to see what a great person you are under there, but it doesn't work like that. Keep your head up cause, it will come around sooner or later if you keep on tryin and fun will be had by all. If you were here hubby and I would swing with you. Cause good Times are Good Times. Keep on goin, Its comin. Terrie

01-01-2003, 10:01 AM	#15 (permalink)
darling Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 180 Location: Ohio Status: Couple	My husband and I attend a club regularly and we run into this problem all the time. I am a social butterfly and am up dancing and flirting while my husband sits quietly. He has a beer gut which I find sexy in a man, but apparently others don't, while I do situps and pushups nightly. He is a grower not a show'er so I think that also factors in. This is the reason we have only swung with couples twice in 2-1/2 years of attending. I constantly get invited to join couples, but I tell them we are a pair and they lose interest. Occasionally we swing with single men because my husband loves to watch. But I feel sometimes he is not getting his fantasies fulfilled. Mostly we softswing for this reason. I have tried on occasion to sit the whole time with my husband and not move about the room, but then I get antsy and he says he likes seeing me "work" the room, and tells me to go have fun. I personally find men with a little meat on their bones more attractive for many reasons. Seems the men that are in really great shape always have an attitude and worry too much about body image. They constantly talk about their workout program or as my husband says "think their stuff don't stink". I'd rather have a down to earth, good sense of humor guy anyday. My point is, don't give up. There are us out there that like a man's man.