When Your Wife Is Average Weight And Size And "YOU'RE NOT"...

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by Chicup
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Saddly the link is dead, and it isn't important enough for me to search any deeper.

EDIT: If you click on the view as HTML version it works. Interestingly this one cites the study that realguy talked about and this study looked at babies reaction to other pictures of attractive/unattractive babies.

Chicup, I never doubted the study existed, but the fact it does in no way lends any veracity to it. Hell, you can find studies to bolster an argument for just about anything you can think of. And often times, the researchers are already bias in hopes of finding results that will lend credibility to whatever they're hoping to find. For instance, take the issue of second hand smoke. The American Cancer Society states that up to 3,000 people a year might die from exposure. The American Lung Association quotes 50,000 a year. The American Heart Association cites millions a year.

Perhaps some of these numbers are inflated to emphasize the health risks of second hand smoke?

Another example is the use of expert witnesses for murder trials. The prosecution will parade shrinks who'll say the accused knew what he was doing, and relished doing it. The defense will have their own head docs who will claim the defendant dismembered that little girl because his momma didn't breast feed him. These witnesses are nothing more than paid whores who sell their services to the highest bidder.

The same goes for many of these think tanks who dream up reasons to beg for research grants. It seems the more outrageous they are, the better the chances of getting the government loot.

I guess I'm one of those old fashioned people who rely on plain old common sense. Remember what that is? It's what most of us used to get ourselves through life reasonably successfully, before we began pissing away our tax dollars on frivolous and nonsensical studies.

My wife wouldn't be considered a "hottie", but over her entire adult lifetime countless children of all ages, including six month old infants, have bonded with her in ways some parents can only dream about. In fact, she's made it her life's work, she has her own daycare.

Hmmm. Wasn't there a study done that theorized dinosaurs farted themselves into instinction? Must check into that one.

Dan

[Chicup]

I agree that junk science vrs real science is a pain to distinguish at times, and the press doesn't help at all in it, as they go for whatever is the most sensational, political, or bizarre rather then what is good science (like the bogus study about natural blondes being extinct in like 200 years, which was an internet hoax that all the major networks picked up on without even checking.)

And while I personally don't think the baby study was necessarily a big deal and I never read the study so I don't trust it, that doesn't mean that much of sexual selection doesn't have a large genetic component.

The funny thing about genetics, is that you can say good things about people based on their genetics 'He is tall but so is his whole family' or 'Both parents were very smart so we expected her to be bright as well' but you can't say anything negative based on genetics and not be labeled a Nazi.

[J & K]

"J" here--second half of "K".

I read this posting from everybody and it is 3 days old---what a hot topic---hit some real nerves on folks here.

I use to be skinny as rail. then to be a big muscle fit/trim guy. then took 9 yrs to get FAT!!!!!! WOW!!!!! FAT---I looked in the morror and said yuck. "K" even followed the 9 yrs to be beside me with the weight gain too.

Then we started to talk about swinging. That was a big modivator to lose the weight. We started to watch our cal intake and "K" hit the home bike and weight set. I went to the gym and did weights and cardio 4 times a week. It sucked at first, but after 3 weeks and seeing the scale go down and tighten the belt a notch---it was like---hey--this works!!!

After 7 weeks I lost 25 pounds and "K" loss 15 pounds. We took pics for the website for swinging and also went on webcam site. Did the replies start coming in and the e-mails from all the young, hot girls---( I am 39 yrs old) -oh yes---they came pouring alright. What an ego booster. "K" had her share of fans too. It was like a new us.

Now we slip now and then and get lazy---a few pounds do come back and we say "YUCK" all over again----"It is time to go to the gym again"!!! Which we do.

We do a little yo-yo on the weight, but only 5 to 7 lbs. So to the person who first wrote this thread and others who feel fat---it is ok!!!!!! Been there--done it---FIXED IT!!!!

We can only blame ourselves for being fat!!! When I was fat I hated looking at fat people because I never saw myself as "FAT" --I see just me. I WAS FAT and blind. Kind of like what Love does---"Blinded by Love"!!! LOL!!!

If you like the way you are---stay that way. If not, FIX IT!!!! It is hard, but worth it, plus it makes you feel better.

Swinging and weight? To each his own, but we do find ourselves still attractive to ave. to fit cpls than overweight ones. Looks first and then personality follows. It is just the way we all work. What I think is HOT someone else goes, "YUCK"!!!

Good Luck to all!!!!

[Alura]

Originally posted by J & K
"J" here--second half of "K".
If you like the way you are---stay that way. If not, FIX IT!!!! It is hard, but worth it, plus it makes you feel better.
Good Luck to all!!!!

Right you are, "J"! And you'll live longer, too. It took me twenty years and two kids to gain fifty pounds. Being overweight was my only "risk factor" for breast cancer. I did everything else right. You can imagine my surprise when a biopsy proved positive.

Surgery, Chemo and Radiation therapy put the lump behind be but I still had the weight. I figured it took professionals to beat cancer and it would probably take professionals to beat obesity. I signed up for Weight Watchers in May, 2002 and have lost forty-two pounds. I powerwalk at least two miles a day, often five. Now I'm concentrating on my gut and exercising to reduce that. I can fit into size tens beautifully! My goal for that was the end of January so I'm ahead. I can't remember ever wearing size eights but it must have been early in high school! I'm 5' 9". If I manage to get into eights by June, I'll look as good out of my clothes as I do in them!

Mrs. Alura

[TeamSoBe]

Wow, congratulations Mrs Alura and J&K. If I congratulate you though, am I offending anybody by perpetuating the presumption that thinner is inherently better? Is a BBW offended by a Slim Fast commercial for implying that being in shape is a good thing?

[Baddog and Angel]

First, in the extensive private and club swinging experiences of my earlier life I rarely (!) ran across a couple who would swing separately -- either in separate rooms or at separate times.

So where do clubbers or ad respondents get off trying to cherry pick couples to pull away the more attactive mate. Some of the most annoying memories were of just this sort of ignorance.

That's not rude -- that is hubris raised to an art form.

Now, on the weight issue ... do NOT lose weight to make yourself more acceptable. Any person who would turn their back to you because of your weight is not worth talking to, much less becoming intimate with.

Are their valid reason for slimming? Yes, or so we are told. But if you are otherwise healthy, and you and your mate are happy with each other, then those are the most important things.

This is not to say that I (yes, I am heavy) expect all the Barbi and Ken couples to rush to rip my clothes off. But to turn one's back to another person, to me, marks someone as so shallow as to be a waste of life.

All I can say, now at the cusp of 50, is: if you're young and pretty, live every day of your life as if it were the last because someday you WILL be old and saggy or fat ... and people as shallow as you will turn away in disgust from YOU.

While we all have the right to our preferenced sex partners, no one has the right to treat anyone discourteously. This includes some sack of bones telling someone else they ought to lose weight. It also includes telling such a callow individual that they ought to develop some character and show some manners.

Baddog

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by Baddog and Angel
First, in the extensive private and club swinging experiences of my earlier life I rarely (!) ran across a couple who would swing separately -- either in separate rooms or at separate times.

So where do clubbers or ad respondents get off trying to cherry pick couples to pull away the more attactive mate. Some of the most annoying memories were of just this sort of ignorance.

That's not rude -- that is hubris raised to an art form.

Now, on the weight issue ... do NOT lose weight to make yourself more acceptable. Any person who would turn their back to you because of your weight is not worth talking to, much less becoming intimate with.

Are their valid reason for slimming? Yes, or so we are told. But if you are otherwise healthy, and you and your mate are happy with each other, then those are the most important things.

This is not to say that I (yes, I am heavy) expect all the Barbi and Ken couples to rush to rip my clothes off. But to turn one's back to another person, to me, marks someone as so shallow as to be a waste of life.

All I can say, now at the cusp of 50, is: if you're young and pretty, live every day of your life as if it were the last because someday you WILL be old and saggy or fat ... and people as shallow as you will turn away in disgust from YOU.

While we all have the right to our preferenced sex partners, no one has the right to treat anyone discourteously. This includes some sack of bones telling someone else they ought to lose weight. It also includes telling such a callow individual that they ought to develop some character and show some manners.

Baddog

I don't believe I have ever heard it said better. John.

[Sydney Carton]

Originally posted by Baddog and Angel


All I can say, now at the cusp of 50, is: if you're young and pretty, live every day of your life as if it were the last because someday you WILL be old and saggy or fat ... and people as shallow as you will turn away in disgust from YOU.

Nobody can avoid getting old, which certainly makes mocking other people purely on the basis of advanced age pretty short sighted. However, I don't know that getting fat or saggy is in anyway inevitiable. Jack LaLane is (I believe) 88 and still looks pretty damn good (granted he is a bit of a fanatic).

There's more and more evidence that a lot of the functional degradation associated with age is more a matter of disuse than destiny. I suspect that the same thing may end up being true about the cosmetic degradation as well, providing that you exercise, eat well and (very importantly) avoid sun exposure.

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by TeamSoBe
Is a BBW offended by a Slim Fast commercial for implying that being in shape is a good thing?

If that ad implies the BBW is genetically inferior, then yeah, probably. Whaddyah think?

Dan

[Flori_DAMAN]

To think that you can be like Jack is kinda out there.

The logistical reasoning is that if you live to be 88 you will be old and wrinkley.

If you live to be 108 it happens to.

It amazes me how someone can pinpoint one individual that looks good at 88 and suppose we all should.

68, 78, 88, 108, whats the difference?

If you live every moment like its your last you will die happy.

I personally dont think I will do well when I am 88. Maybe so but I'm no movie star with unlimited access to health care.

I hope I see tomorrow.

John.

[Baddog and Angel]

John,

Anyone who thinks they are going to look like Jack La Laine (sp?) at 80 is deluding themselves. Odds are 99:1 they WILL be old and wrinkly and saggy with a paunch and stooped back.

Those that are, know ... that youth and beauty are ephemeral, and in no way measures of the value or character of a person.

Baddog

[dave_susie2001]

Originally posted by Chicup
I'd like to offer you different advice.

Quit feeling sorry for yourself and lose the weight.

Good advice Chicup!

On a different note...
Quit feeling sorry for yourself and quit drinking.
Quit feeling sorry for yourself and quit smoking.
Quit feeling sorry for yourself and quit taking drugs.
Quit feeling sorry for yourself and quit........

My point is this: There are things that are inherently difficult for human beings to do (or stop doing.) Weather it's genetics or not is immaterial. Who (if anyone) is to blame is immaterial.

"Now I don't want to get off on a rant here," but I personally found it very easy to quit smoking after 15 years. My wife on the other hand just can't seem to kick it. After seeing a man smoke through his Trac tube, I realized just how much of an addiction it really is. After cancer took his voice box, he still needs to smoke.

I do not find it easy to give up eating. I love to eat. Next to sex, it's what I do best! I have a few extra pounds, but not obese, and I'm happy with who I am. But if I had to give up steak and potatoes....I'm not all that sure that I could.

Bottom line here...everyone has different physical attributes that they are attracted to. Someone else said it here too....hair color, genital size, physical size, personality...what ever. If you don't want to swing with overweight people, that's your right. I don't think anyone is faulting you for that. If someone doesn’t want to swing with Susie and I because we have 30 extra pounds, I'm not going to go into a rant about why they should and what they are going to miss out on, and I don't think they are being shallow for feeling that way.

I only want to swing with couples that ARE interested in swinging with us. However, there is such a thing called courtesy. No one likes to feel rejected. If we're not interested in a couple for a physical reason, and they tell us that they are interested in us (Hey...it happens sometimes!) We let them know that we are not interested in sex in a polite way. However, we still get to know them.

If after awhile we find out that we're not interested in getting to know them as friends....then that would be a different story. I'm not sure what we would do in that case, as it has never happened. "Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong."

[FTnPV]

WOW! The weight issue really seems to strike a nerve on people !

A few words of wit and wisdom from PV here.

We all have a choice in this lifestyle. We can elect to have sex with "fat or overweight" people if we like or we can hold out for someone more "fit and trim". It's our choice!

We can choose to be overweigh or we can make a paradigm shift in our life and thin ourselves down . It's a choice we have. It's not easy, that's the problem here. It takes a lifestyle change. You have to go without some of the things you really like. You have to stop taking the easy way out ie fast food. We have a choice here.

I made the decision to start eating healthy and working out not because we were in this lifestyle. I made it for my kids. I want to be here as long as I can to enjoy them , to see them grow into adults and parents. The big plus here is that now I'm 35 pounds less in weight and look much better. We are attracting much nicer "looking" people. I don't have a prejudice aginst folks who are a little overweight, but people that are in shape are a definite plus.

We all have a right to choose how we live and look and select other people for fun.

Flame on!!

[Sydney Carton]

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN
To think that you can be like Jack is kinda out there.

It amazes me how someone can pinpoint one individual that looks good at 88 and suppose we all should.

I never said that everyone should. I'm only pointing out that it is possible, if you have reasonably good genes and are willing to make a serrious committment to good diet and exercise. Not everyone is, of course, because people have other priorities in life, and I certainly respect that. I believe that we have a good deal of control over the fate of our health across the years, but I see this as something that should make people feel empowered rather than threatened.

68, 78, 88, 108, whats the difference?

Most 67 year olds I know tend to see the matter somewhat differently.

I personally dont think I will do well when I am 88. Maybe so but I'm no movie star with unlimited access to health care.

Healthcare gets really expensive when you start fixing things that have already gone wrong. Stoping things from going wrong in the first place (that is, preventive medicine) has much more bearing upon how well you will do when you are 88, and is usually very cheap. Anyone with access to basic healthcare can afford it. An artificial heart might not be available to you. Running 5 miles a day probably will.

[Sydney Carton]

Originally posted by Baddog and Angel


Anyone who thinks they are going to look like Jack La Laine (sp?) at 80 is deluding themselves. Odds are 99:1 they WILL be old and wrinkly and saggy with a paunch and stooped back.

Good genes are important, of course, so for most people it might not be realistic to expect identical results. But there's no denying the major role played by the diet and exercise regimen that Jack LaLane has been following for the last 60 or 70 years. There's no reason why most people who follow something comparable shouldn't expect an outcome along the same lines, if perhaps not quite as good. A paunch and a stooped back certainly aren't the inevitable (or even a likely) fate of most people who take reasonable steps to prevent them.

youth and beauty are ephemeral, and in no way measures of the value or character of a person.

I couldn't agree more.