Will you turn down swinging with someone because they are TOO attractive?

[daisy girl]

I have heard many people ask about appearance and swinging, but this is a new twist on an old question. Are there times when you won't swing with a person because they are too beautiful? I am really curious about this one.

[Cloud9Social]

Wow!! I'm not even sure how to reply to this. Maybe I have never met anyone that beautiful.

I have met couples that thought they were to "hot" to swing with "normal" people. They seemed to complain a lot about not finding any friends and didn't last long in the lifestyle

There is more than looks that makes a person beautiful.

[Greg & Sheryl]

We've never refused to swing with another couple because they were so beautiful, but we generally avoid approaching highly attractive couples who might be considered "out of our league."

[prettylady]

Originally Posted by Greg & Sheryl

We've never refused to swing with another couple because they were so beautiful, but we generally avoid approaching highly attractive couples who might be considered "out of our league."

If a couple thinks that they are "out of your league", then they most definatly are. Although your league, Greg and Sheryl, is probably the better one anyway.

When I first started looking into this lifestyle I was a little intimidated by the beauties. Would Dog prefere her over me, was I "hot" enough for him to make up for his beautiful wife/girlfriend?
But then I thought, who gives a rats ass. Dog thinks I am beautiful, and I know of a few people who think I am pretty hot as well.
Beauty, as they say, is in the eye of the beholder.
If someone conciders themselves to beauiful to swing chances are good that they are butt f**k ugly under the skin and not people I want to play with anyway.

Your friend,
Prettylady

[daisy girl]

I went to a party and there were clearly "beautiful people" there. They walked in and the "waters parted." They seemed almost untouchable. People seemed to avoid them and I wondered what was up.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by daisy girl

I went to a party and there were clearly "beautiful people" there. They walked in and the "waters parted." They seemed almost untouchable. People seemed to avoid them and I wondered what was up.

One thing I got to see on LL were the 'beautiful' couples, I hear so much about but had yet to see in swinging. There was a subset there that wanted to attend all of the 'exclusive' parties, and by exclusive it means someone looked at your picture and decided if you were good looking enough to get in. Now not everyone that went to these parties were assholes, in fact some were quite nice people. Had we not decided to expand the family, odds are we would have tried to 'get into' them as well to see what they were like.

The problem with exclusive parties though is that it does attract a good amount of jerks. Often they seem to be people who have no real desire to swing, but just to look good and hang with other good looking people looking good. Its a wierd dynamic I didn't quite crack, but reminded me of a highschool hallway after lunch hour.

At any rate, sometimes the beautiful people do get avoided because people have been burned in the past and don't want to approach them out of fear of getting burned again. Other times I've seen them get avoided because people just knew they were assholes and not worth talking to.

Also lets face it, there is a sort of 'royalty' in swinging. If a couple is very attractive, they basically do have their pick of playmates. We can blather on about inner beauty all we want, but first impressions are about lust, not personality. Much like the big boss walking into a company party, there can be a sort of deferance, where people get out of their way and heads turn. This too is human nature, there is dominance in everything we do, even when we don't think about it, you instinctively know 'your place'.

[intuition897]

I think maybe the waters part and people avoid them because it is a touchy issue. You wonder to yourself "Can they stand to be away from a mirror long enough to socialize with us 'normal people'?" In other words, do they have massive egos and attitudes? When you're dealing with middle of the road looks like Mr. intuition and myself, I found there was less of an issue there. But when someone was butt ugly or marble statue gorgeous, you had an issue to deal with one way or another. Being beautiful can be as big a liability as it is an asset, simply because it further complicates things. A prospective couple can't help but notice their attractiveness, and while they certainly like that, it inevitibly will raise the question, "Do they think they're better than us?" If the answer is no, that's great. But it's just the fact that they have to wonder in the first place whether these 'beautiful people' hold a higher opinion of themselves because of it.

'Barbie-&-Ken'-ness has been a hotly debated topic around here. People get offended so easily. Everyone is right, and at the same time, everyone is wrong. When someone says "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.", it's a genuine plea. But at the same time, someone else takes that the wrong way, interpreting it as, "Don't hate me because I'm better than you." Now, of course, if that's the way it was intended, I won't apologize for being offended by it. I can't imagine anyone wouldn't be offended by being condescended to. But if they are truly frustrated because others are prejudiced against them for their beauty, I really feel for them. Their plight isn't any different than those who are...aesthetically challenged, shall we say. It's the way they are, and there's not much that can be done about it. You can't change everyone's minds.

This is just my best guess. I don't really have much experience in this area.

[turnuptheheat]

Originally Posted by daisy girl

I went to a party and there were clearly "beautiful people" there. They walked in and the "waters parted." They seemed almost untouchable. People seemed to avoid them and I wondered what was up.

Did you ever think that maybe the avoidance from others was a disservice to them.
I noted in HS and on through life that "beautiful people" were often lonely and often dateless due to the fact that folks were afraid of them being too pretty.
My luck in talking to them, dating them, etc was resultantly very good. I found most of them to actually underestimate their appearance, even thinking themselves unattractive due to other's responses, or lack thereof, to them.
Treat people like people and at least let them give you a reason to treat them differently.

[curiouscouple4f]

Originally Posted by prettylady

Beauty, as they say, is in the eye of the beholder.
If someone conciders themselves to beauiful to swing chances are good that they are butt f**k ugly under the skin and not people I want to play with anyway.

Dito I agree completly, i've met some "bueaties" when dating, and they were so stuck on themselve they made me want to puke....

The Mrs

[Spoomonkey]

I actually have to type three separate answers. So, here they are in no particular order:

1. Prettier than I think...

I have always said that I just don't like women who think they are prettier than I do. There is just something about those gorgeous, down-to-earth, non-assumptive types that really trip my trigger.

There are women who come to our club obviously to be looked at - they change clothes nine times per night, dance alone in front of the mirror and generally have a "here I am!" attitude that just doesn't do a thing for me.

Then you have their husbands who stand around with a beer or twelve with this air of "look who I get to fuck tonight" - and I just wonder why they even bothered to come to a club.

The funny thing is, the most attractive women I have ever seen in the lifestyle... I've had great chemistry with them! Then again - maybe I am just blinded by their "real-ness" that to me is just so freakin' hot that it makes sparks.

2. Social awkwardness knows no class

Now to be fair, some beautiful people are just as nervous and socially awkward as the rest of us and they struggle to meet people for the same reasons we do. They look too good to not be confident - but they probably aren't. You'd be surprised. Still - they have to learn to step out of their comfort zones and say hello - just like the rest of us...

3. The waters part for thee...

There have been times where we have felt like we were being stone-walled at our club - and we've asked around. "What's wrong with us?" Well, we've gotten the responses ranging from "nothing" to "you are kind of intimidating" to "you guys are a bit to 'Ken & Barbie'." Ouch... But, yep... We've had that leveled at us a time or two...

This always surprises me. I mean - Barbie I can see, but Ken??? More like Barbie and one of those Furby dolls maybe. But the point is, you never know what people think of you.

The best you can do is go, be yourself and see what happens. When the chemistry is right, things click - and swinging is a hell of a lot of fun. When they don't click - there is still free pool and pizza at 10:00.

Spoomonkey

[michelle101]

Whether I think we are "in their league" or not, I like to get to know people. We both love to socialize, so it's all fun. But I have noticed at parties with a good number of " beautiful people", that they tend to group together. I have been brushed off or ignored to a point by people that hold themselves in high reguard. I just figure if they are such an asshole that they won't even talk to me, then they are not what I'm looking for anyway. I don't want to screw an asshole, even if it is a pretty one. lol Don't get me wrong, I have met plenty of beautiful people who have awesome personalities as well. Which is why we never count anyone until we get to know them.

I have met people, and at first glance thought no way, no attraction there. Then after getting to know them, there is plenty of attraction. Looks are definetly not everything.

I have to admit though, I still have trouble getting naked next to Barbie.LOL My hang-up, not theirs.

[WesternSwing]

I agree with everything Spoo said and add:

4. There might be other issues here you don't see

This could be a real drama couple and people there have had experience with them and chose to avoid them to avoid the drama.

We knew a couple just like this. They are very attractive and really nice people. BUT, he had a terrible jealousy problem. They came to allot of parties but never played with anyone because of this. So they kind of lived on the fringe of the Lifestyle. People were very sociable with them at the party, but everybody steered clear of them when it came to hooking-up because they know of their drama from previous experiences with them.

[EvilMJ]

I have avoided approaching people who I think are beautiful in the past but usually it is because I feel insecurity about myself. I have no animosity or bitterness about someone because they are thin, hot people (even if I joke about it from time to time), but I am afraid that being a woman of curves that I may get rejected.

It is something that I personally have to deal with. Imagine my surprise when one of the beautiful couples showed interest in me. At first I could not believe it, and then I realized that my own opinon of myself was obviously harsher than that of others.

So my answer is this - I do swing with the 'beautiful' people if I am attracted to them and I enjoy their company. THere are lots of beautiful people with ugly personalities and lots of 'ugly' people with beautiful personalities (and vice versa). I like to take it on a case by case basis. Just as I hope people do with me.

[JTcamp05]

This topic reminded me of an experience, at one gathering there happened to be the most attractive woman i've ever laid eyes on. One could tell by everyone's reaction that it was a view shared by everyone in attendance. I never approached her, as I am typically shy reguardless of weather or not I preceived her as unattainable. However later in the evening she approached me, I was speachless, she took my hand and well I didn't need to saying anything after that. The experience did change my mind. It gave me confidence and well if those "beautiful" folks come to play I don't think they would be offended by a respectful approach.

[aahours1]

We know a couple that is Miss Nude in Michigan and he was runner up for the men. They appear to be a little at arms length. But they are very nice and down to earth people. They put their pants on the same as we do and the pee the same as we do. But even though "YOU" may think they are beautiful (in the eyes of the beholder), as one post said, they maybe lonely and are looking for someone to talk to and become friends with. Who knows they may surprise you and are really down to earth people. Just remember everyone is one equal ground when coming into the socials and everyone is approachable to either just talk to or get aquainted with. So go and talk to them you may be surprised at what you find out..