Of Babies, Bellies, and Stretchmarks.

[Pinmonkey]

Apparently we were taking the plunge into swinging the same way a 5 year old gets in a cold pool in June. First dip the toe until it feels warm. Then another toe.. then another... etc etc. We were just getting comfortable with the idea of having sex with other people, and had a couple of inexperiences when we decided we really really wanted to have a baby. Well due to circumstances this process took ALOT more than we realized it would. Then it happened, she was pregnant and put a lock on everything. About a month ago our little miracle was born. But now she's not happy with the way things are. Her boobs are sagging a little more than before. She has bright red stretch marks on her belly that she's embarrassed about, and the hormones are making her crazy.

Understand, I know that this is all normal, and will eventually go away, and it's still relatively early to even be thinking of this, but is there anything that I can do to help her? Do stretch marks eventually go away? Will she ever be sane again? Will her body go back to "normal"? Will we be able to get a babysitter for the night? (It sounds like the end of an episode of "Soap" doesn't it? lol)

[Pinmonkey]

oops, wrong place for this.

[ronin2002]

Well congrats on the new arrival! I should tell you that having kids does change alot, more than just a body. As for youe concerns..Yes, sanity will return (though I am still waiting for mine~Father of 3, step father to 2). As for the "physical manifestations" of child birth..I can only say maybe. Granted I'm a guy and did not have to endure these changes from that perspective (so please ladies don't not hang me yet!), but from my experience some things do go back to "normal" some may not. Alot of it depends on things like genetics, lifestyle changes (not meaning "the" lifestyle) and luck.

Baby is going to to wear you her out, so you'll need to step up and assume your share. This will go along way towards the sanity thing and keep you from the couch. Giving her a break is the best form of help we could ever give. As for the stretch marks, while there are some "beauty" products available that may assist with this, for the most part they may only help some. Undoubtedly the moms on the board have to offer than I would on this subject. I can only speak from the husband's POV and as a past medical professional (not MD). Hope I was able to help some. Good luck.

[flkeyscouple]

Originally Posted by Pinmonkey

.....but is there anything that I can do to help her? Do stretch marks eventually go away? Will she ever be sane again? Will her body go back to "normal"? Will we be able to get a babysitter for the night? (It sounds like the end of an episode of "Soap" doesn't it? lol)

First, Congratulations on the baby! I am SO ready for grandchildren! But then again my kids don't seem to have found the right mate yet, so I guess I'm lucky they haven't presented me with any yet!! But BABIES are SO WONDERFUL!!

Is there anything you can do to help her? Of course this depends on your situation, but I'd say one of the most important things to do is 'listen'. Help with the baby when you can, and maybe bring home flowers now and then... remind her that she's still being thought of all the time. And I don't mean spending tons of money on flowers, but maybe a single rose, or a bunch of flowers they sell at the grocery stores. Just remember her!

Do stretch marks ever go away? Not that I know of - but they do fade and they get smaller. There are many products you can buy, but the doctors will tell you that a vitamin E product is the best for reducing the size of the stretch marks. But even if they don't get smaller, lighter, or blend in - it really doesn't matter. She'll learn to wear the badge of motherhood with pride, hopefully! I've been in nudist hot tubs and almost every woman in the hot tub have had stretch marks! No body cared!

Will she ever be sane again? Of course. But it might take awhile!

Will we be able to get a babysitter for the night? THAT's a hard one for the first time! Unless you have a trusted grandparent, aunt, uncle, good friend, etc., it's super hard to trust someone with your baby the first time. It gets EASIER and EASIER! Of course you'll end up with a night out! It's important!

No matter what happens with the swinging - your wife needs some extra attention - and hopefully she'll realize that you do too! Having that new baby is wonderful - but so is your relationship. Don't ignore either one!

Good luck!
Sarah

[MoonLightKiss]

Originally Posted by Pinmonkey

Apparently we were taking the plunge into swinging the same way a 5 year old gets in a cold pool in June. First dip the toe until it feels warm. Then another toe.. then another... etc etc. We were just getting comfortable with the idea of having sex with other people, and had a couple of inexperiences when we decided we really really wanted to have a baby. Well due to circumstances this process took ALOT more than we realized it would. Then it happened, she was pregnant and put a lock on everything. About a month ago our little miracle was born. But now she's not happy with the way things are. Her boobs are sagging a little more than before. She has bright red stretch marks on her belly that she's embarrassed about, and the hormones are making her crazy.

Understand, I know that this is all normal, and will eventually go away, and it's still relatively early to even be thinking of this, but is there anything that I can do to help her? Do stretch marks eventually go away? Will she ever be sane again? Will her body go back to "normal"? Will we be able to get a babysitter for the night? (It sounds like the end of an episode of "Soap" doesn't it? lol)

First off CONGRATULATIONS on your new bundle of joy. These are the times to cherish in your heart because they grow up way too fast. My oldest is 8 and it seems many days, I should still be able to snuggle with him like I did when he was an infant.

As far as the sanity. Yes it will return. Til they turn into teenagers learning to drive. Then the real fun begins. But in all seriousness there is a balance to be found between being parents and being spouses. And like every new parent you and your wife will have to find yours. The best advice I could give both of you is to enjoy being new parents. Raise your child to the best of your ability, BUT DO NOT lose each other in the process. Sometimes new parents focus so much on the new child they forget to focus on each other. Make that special time with each other. Its not easy, but it is possible. A strong marraige is one of the best examples we can set for our children.

So remember to help your wife. She has alot on her plate too. My hubby always gave me breaks when he could, even if all I had time for was a hot bath. Just knowing I had 20 minutes helped my sanity. And him showing me he still loved me helped even more.

As far as the stretch marks and the physical alterations. Stretch marks usually fade over time, but they do not go away. For some they fade to the point that they are virtually unnoticable. Vitamin E helps some, as does shea and cocoa butter. Remind her regularly that these are not disgusting disfigurements but a sexy reminder of what she did and went through by bringing your child into the world. She should be proud of them, not ashamed.

Again, congratulations on the new addition. I am sure you are a proud papa. My best to you and the new mama.
MLK

[dragonblade]

Well here is another perspective from a "new" mom. I had my son 6 weeks ago (if I recall correctly PinMonkey your wife and I were due the same day, I just delivered 2 weeks early) and unfortunately have a case of the stretchmarks and not as firm boobs. As far as the lifestyle, I happen to be the one with the higher sex drive, so wanting to get back into it wasn't an issue, but there are definitely body issues.. I also have a 6 year old and I promise within a couple months sanity will return. With my first I didn't have any help, and it was hard, but with this one my husband has been wonderful helping with nighttime feedings and such. It's hard for him too because he is not only working full time but has a second job and is doing college courses. His primary job sent him for additional schooling for the next 6 weeks so he's super stressed. I do what I can for him, but his helping me in ANY amount is appreciated.

Your wife needs more than anything else your love, and support. Even if it's doing a load of clothes now and then and getting her a flower. Or letting her just leave for an hour or 2 to visit a friend. I know that I start work again Monday and am counting down the hours. Going stir crazy here at home

Another tidbit of advice. Make time for a date. It *IS* hard leaving them the first time, but my husband and I went a year without a single date night for ourselves and it was a big mistake. Sometimes you need to take time from being a parent all the time and just get to be an adult enjoying your spouse for a little while.

Since she and I are going thru the same things, tell your wife to feel free to email/pm/message me anytime if she needs to talk or anything

~Blade~

PS Cocoa Butter helps with reducing the appearance of stretch marks as does Vitamin E. She can get creams for both at Walmart or the like.

[Pinmonkey]

Thanks everyone for both the congratulations, and the advise.

Dragonblade. It's funny, my wife went two weeks early too. Sept 30 was the magical day.

[BobMcD]

Originally Posted by flkeyscouple

First, Congratulations on the baby! I am SO ready for grandchildren!

I thought I was THROUGH with enjoying kids, with my two in their mid-30s, but my two adorable grandchildren stole my heart, and I'm just as enthusiastic as ever! I wouldn't trade them for a billion dollars, and great grandkids sound good to me, although my oldest grandkid is just 6 now.

[dragonblade]

September 27th was ours! Congrats to you!!

[BradAndJanet]

This thread made me smile.

Yes, all will be well again. Promise.

-B

[Pinmonkey]

Originally Posted by dragonblade

September 27th was ours! Congrats to you!!

Thanks. Congratulations to you too!

[EvilMJ]

My dearest Pin,

Tell your wife that the majority of us women who have had babies all have a few stretch marks or sagging breasts. But you can also tell her that I have yet to have a playmate who ever noticed, cared or commented.

So no worries, it is a sign of mommyhood and nothing more. As far as the babysitter goes...um...my little guy is 5 and we still don't have a full time sitter for an evening out. *sigh*....maybe you will do better.

For now it is popcorn and snuggling on the couch while watching some hockey (didn't see that coming did ya... )

[telly2]

Congrats on the new addition, enjoy them now, i have a 15yr old a 3 yr old and a 11 month old, they are only little for a little while, soon she will be walking talking and dating before you know it. Anyway yess the sanity returns {about the time they go to college lol}once the baby sleeps in a pattern and you get a good night sleep. Streatch marks, well they fade and you forget, everything is do fresh right now that it can drive you crazy, My OBGYN was great, his line was don't expect a celebrity recovery, we don't get C-sections and tummy tucks at the same time like they do.
sagging boobs wel that is life, sorry but they don't really come back, it is a sign of moomyhood. But the thing to remember when that little bunndle looks up from them and smiles it is all worth it.
I know right now she is feeling very sencitive to all that is happening to her, but she will recover and these things that seem so huge will fade. best of wishes and enjoy that little bundle as much as you can, and love and support her and all will be fine.

Chantal
PS a little help around the house goes a long way to her feeling better, and lots of attention to her, she is with a baby all day, she need adult company conversation, and physical contact, make time for each other at some point each day, i know it can be difficult but it is much needed for her sanity and well being.