Mismatched couples

[HappyPeople]

When we look at ads on line or check out couples at the clubs, often we find one of the couple attractive and the other less than attractive. Usually, it's the male half that doesn't work for us. Rarely do we find a couple that is both attractive.

For this reason, we usually go for singles.

Anyone else notice this?

[JustAskJulie]

I've seen it the other way around as well. But it does seem rare that you aren't wishing you could re-arrange the couples.

[Edison Carter]

Edison here--We find the more 'middle of the road' the appearance, the more equivalent the partners are. We find real people tend to be relatively equivalent. You simply need to know when you're dealing with 'real', which is less often than you think.

The funny thing is, my wife Susan, will get a note from a couple and the guy is not what she's probably interested in. Yet, sometimes they ask what it would take for her to be interested in the guy. She explains 20 less pounds, a photo with a smile, clean up a bit, clothes without holes and you might just be fucking her into next week. They get appalled. Oh well. And, we are still amazed at profiles where noone ever smiles in a photo.

[getnit2gethr]

From going to lifestyle events I see this all the time. I think the mismatches are probably about as common as the matches in there. I do know that alot of singles in the lifestyle like to pair up and meet couples. It's not a new idea.

[telly2]

i think it is the same with everyone, even Vanilla friends and personallities, you are attracted to one and the other you can take or leave. i think because opposites attract, you get that.

[good times]

This used to really bother us too, but then we started to notice that often times the girl of a couple we meet will be really into me and the guy not into Mrs. GT or, even more often , the guy is really into Mrs. GT and the women seems a little cool on me. We finally came to the conclusion that it is just really hard to get four people that all find each other attractive. Now, every time this thought pops into my head I just think, "Yep, and someone is probably looking at us right now thinking that one of us is hot and the other is a dud."

It would be nice to be able to mix-and-match sometimes though, wouldn't it?

[tribbles]

This same 'discussion' went nuts on LL. Mostly snarling at how shallow it is. (Like LL isn't made of mostly shallow? mmmmmm, maybe they only look it to me.)

We avoid the commerically 'hot' people cuz of it. If you look average we want to talk! If you are 'hot' you would have to work damn hard to get us to consider you.

I know...not fair. But the idea is in our heads that the 'hotties' are shallow. Guilty till you prove innocence.

S

[VanHlebar]

Spoomonkey termed it really well in a different thread that I can't find right now, but he used Anchor. The fact that one side of the couple is dragging the other down.

I guess we have just gotten used to seeing them in the lifestyle. We typically see them most often as the husband, but we have seen enough wife anchors also.

We have had way too many times especially with online profiles, that we will get really excited over a profile and they only have pics of the wife. We now realize this is "code" for the husband is an anchor, because almost everytime when we get additional pics, we have to decline because the guys is just...well you know.

-Van

[JacobSky]

tribbles, I like your perspectives about "real" people. This is another thing that I agree with you two on.

I agree with telly2 also, I've seen lots of mismatches among vanilla people also, but it is most always the woman that looks like "too much" for her guy.

Upon first reading this, I wanted to say "your seeing the prevelence of average males that have fantasies of watching their wife with an assumed superior male". After being around swinging for a couple of years, I still see that motive as a common thread with a few couples, but most here are looking for equal couples for just "good sex", and maybe friendship. That shows the level of experience and maturity in swinging of lots of members here. I'm not saying that many of you wouldn't jump at a potential partner that seems to fit a fantasy, but you get where I'm coming from.

Even though I'm single and don't have to find a balanced couple, like tribbles, I feel most comfortable with somewhat average people.

[good times]

Originally Posted by tribbles

But the idea is in our heads that the 'hotties' are shallow. Guilty till you prove innocence.

Cool, you mean if I become real shallow, then I will be a hotty.

Originally Posted by VanHlebar

I guess we have just gotten used to seeing them in the lifestyle. We typically see them most often as the husband, but we have seen enough wife anchors also.

I have a hunch that this is determined by which one of you is most picky. In our case, I am much more picky than Mrs. GT and we find that the female of the couple is the "Anchor" much more often than the man. Of course, it could just be a regional thing or something like that too.

[HappyPeople]

I don't understand why some consider wanting to have sex with attractive people shallow. It would be shallow not to befriend or care about unattractive people.

For us, swinging is about sex and fantasy fulfillment. If I don't feel sexually attracted to someone, why should I feel bad or shallow about not wanting to have sex with them?

[getnit2gethr]

We finally came to the conclusion that it is just really hard to get four people that all find each other attractive.

We have thought about the possibility of getting three couples together for this reason. Havn't tried it yet though.

[ShellyM]

Uh, yes lol.
Its not that the men are "ugly"........I think that at 34 years of age I just kind of know what turns me on, and what doesn't. Thats why its good to meet someone before you completely say NO. I have met men that just have a sexuality to them, I don't know how to describe it. They weren't all that physically attractive, but for some reason my eyes go back to them and they hold my interest. AND, alot of people just dont photograph well.. Jay is a very handsome and sexy man. But for some reason, he photographs and looks like a doofus ( baby)! He even admits to this. However, when you meet him you see that he is anything but a doofus. So, don't hesitate to just meet for dinner and good conversation.

[getnit2gethr]

Originally Posted by ShellyM

AND, alot of people just dont photograph well.. Jay is a very handsome and sexy man. But for some reason, he photographs and looks like a doofus ( baby)! He even admits to this. However, when you meet him you see that he is anything but a doofus. So, don't hesitate to just meet for dinner and good conversation.

This is so true. I can't count the times that a person that I thought had no chance (based on a glance) turned out to be really cool to be around.

[tribbles]

Originally Posted by HappyPeople

I don't understand why some consider wanting to have sex with attractive people shallow. It would be shallow not to befriend or care about unattractive people.

For us, swinging is about sex and fantasy fulfillment. If I don't feel sexually attracted to someone, why should I feel bad or shallow about not wanting to have sex with them?

Don't feel guilty or bad over it. Be yourself and grow and learn and live life at your own pace.

Others may see it as shallow but if you don't let that matter, you can be you and do your own thing. And IMO, you should do it your own way.

I don't understand why some consider wanting to have sex with attractive people shallow.

Do you really want to know from others POV's? It might tick ya off just to read others thoughts....and might not bring you closer to understanding but hey, if you are an LL member, go to the forum and start there. Unless the thread was pulled, like some expected cuz it got so heated.

Oh and if you are really smokin hot...you might want to join LL to see if it's for you. It's actually full of the hotties from my area.

(We joined cuz of the clubs we go to. Good info from some of them are on that site for us).
S