Body Image Issues - worried about being naked in front of other women

[crazycatz]

Hi,

I'm new to posting on the boards but have been reading them for quite some time. I have a question but I don't know if I've posted it in the right place.

My partner and I are just starting out in the lifestyle. He has a small bit of experience before we met and we had an MMF together and LOVED it.

We both would like to try and MFF (I want to explore my bi side and a huge fantasy for him is having a threesome with me and another woman). I'm feeling really insecure about this however.

I am a size 20 and have always struggled with body image issues...there are days when I really hate my body and some days that I accept it and think my face and personality compensates for it.

I have very few if any issues when it comes to being naked with men...I know that a lot of men are attracted to me and I generally feel positive and have no inhibitions when it comes to that and I guess that's why the MMF was so fantastic.

However, I'm really nervous about an MFF -- for two reasons. 1) Women seem to be much more put off by a plus size women than men are. I am worried that I would feel really self-conscious being naked and intimate with a woman who is smaller than me and/or has a great body. 2) I worry about whether or not I will be jealous about seeing my partner being turned on by a woman that clearly has a better body than me. I'm afraid I will internalise that if he seems to make a louder moan than he does with me or get off on it more. I know that's probably irrational--I mean the hornieness of a threeway or group situation is what would be the big turn on and not necessarily the hot bodied girl...but this nonetheless, doesn't take away the fear.

I haven't talked about this with my partner because I actually hide my body image issues from him. There is nothing more unattractive than someone who lacks confidence.

Now I do fantasise about a threesome and him having sexing with the woman in the threesome but I don't know how I would feel in reality.

Any thoughts???
thank for reading.

[DGrey]

You need to show him this post. Let him know exactly how you're feeling about yourself. It's not until you can be comfortable in your skin that you'll have true fun in the scene.

I'm a 20 as well and haven't had any problems with playmates at all. Of course, there's always the irrational fear of me crushing someone but that's never happened. For us, body images are not how we pick playmates. If there's a mental connection, what's on the outside doesn't even matter.

Good luck.

E

[flkeyscouple]

Body image isn't only a problem for plus-size women. I've always had a problem liking my body - even though I get a lot of compliments. Swinging has always given me more confidence in my body. I've never thought of not swinging because of my body image hang-up, but before we had experiences I always wondered if my body would be compared to others. I've found that personality is far more important than looks. It's what is on the inside that counts.

I do think you need your husband to know how you feel, however. When you say you are worried he may 'groan louder' and it would upset you - you really need to deal with that before it becomes a problem in your marriage.

You have to realize that 'she' will be NEW to him. He may be far more excited than 'normal' because of THAT - not because of her body! But if you are measuring things by his groans or his enthusiam, it may be a problem for both of you!

TALK about it. I also know what you mean by not sharing your body image thoughts with your partner - lack of confidence is not a turn on. But you really NEED to discuss this. Does he read this board? Maybe it's time he does.

Good luck - let us all know how it goes.
Sarah

[ShellyM]

Girl, I live with what you feel every day. I get very weight manic, and this is something I deal with. The only thing I can tell you is what I have to remind myself alot. You have to love yourself first, and know within yourself that you are beautiful. There are men and women who love women who are not "thin", and even thin is a relative term. This has to come from within yourself. I can tell you how beautiful you are until tomorrow, but until you believe it within yourself it does no good. So, learn to love who you are, and everyone else will respond to you. Sure, there are people who may reject you. And believe it or not, there are thin people who are rejected for being too thin! Everyone has people that like them, and people that don't. Just relax and love who you are.

[friskymonkey]

Hi crazycatz,

I'll chime in and second what everyone else has said, communicate and love yourself. Trust in your partner's love.

My reply is maybe too practical and obvious but...

I'm not sure whether you and your partner have a particular woman in mind for your MFF? I ask because on the website where I play (BayCouples.com), there are lots of plus sized women. Why not swing with a BBW? I always notice how sexy and confident and gorgeous they are. So, it's possible that the woman you wind up playing with will be your size or bigger.

Like many, many (all?) women, I sometimes have body image issues, too. I diet/exercised/obsessed for weeks before my first swing party because I kept thinking about how everyone would see me naked. Afterward, I felt silly because at the party when things started heating up and clothes started coming off, the size of my butt was the last thing I was thinking about!

Hope your MFF adventure goes off as well as your MMF did!

[LetsParty]

If I may just quickly interject something here...

Body image has NOTHING to do with size or weight.

My partner is around 5"7, and she weighs around 127. Super long legs, abs, and big boobs.

And you know what?

She HATES her body!

There are people who are size zeros and hate their bodies, and people who are size 20 and love their bodies.

This is primarily a female issue, I think.

Some people may think I look awesome naked, and other people may think "Nope! Not for me!"

What can I say? You can't please all the people all the time!

It's tough to live life wishing we were thinner, younger, richer.

I know my partner doesn't care about someone's weight as much as attitude...

I hope this helps!

[telly2]

I think it comes down to it is in the eye of the beholder, i to am a size 20, and have always been overweight, and my hubby is a 32 inch waist and and hot as hell as far as i am concerned, but we both deal with self image issues, i don't think any of us will ever be totally happy with ourselves. But the one thing i can say there are a lot more men out there who like meat on there woman, and there are a lot of us in the size 20 catagory in the life style, so therefor someone is sleeping with us, or we wouldn't be here.

I was just thinking back over the past 8 yrs, and in this lifestyle and the BDSM lifestyle, most {90% are over weight} . we are the majority, so don't worry about it. You will find a Female who you will be comfortable with and she will be comfortable with you.

and like flkyscouple said she will be new, and he may react a little more, or less. It is new, but don't worry you are his main squeeze and it is you that he will go home with not her. this is just sex without strings not love.

Chantal

[intuition897]

Welcome to the board crazycatz. First of all, I'd like to say that you're a step ahead of the game because you realize already that this could be a problem for you. If I were you, I absolutely would not go ahead with a situation that you know with relative certainty would make you crazy with depression and jealousy. As others have said, the best way to alleviate these fears is to share them with your husband. Then he'll tell you you're crazy for thinking that way, that he loves you like no other, and that no other woman, no matter how "perfect" she may be physically, will ever be able to steal his heart the way you have.

But as was mentioned too, he WILL get really excited by this other woman...because she's new and different and, yes, because her body is different from yours. I used to freak out about this, too. Then I realized an overlooked truth: having a hard-body is only one asset when it comes to sex. Some women may not have washboard abs, but they know how to give a man (or woman) a religious experience with their mouths. Or maybe, for the likes of Mr. intuition, a narrow supermodel type ass just isn't an asset, but more of a liability. There are plenty of men out there who really do prefer lush, feminine curves to hard-bodies. What about your confidence? Your knowledge of yourself, and what you need/want sexually? There's something to be said for a woman with the sexual maturity to get what she wants in bed.

All I'm saying is that another woman's body, no matter how Victoria's-Secret-cover-model-perfect, is nothing more than a novelty to your husband. It's not the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It's not Nirvana. It's not the ultimate experience for him. YOU are his ultimate experience, and when your company leaves after playtime, and you two are alone, you will see just how much this is true. Because he's going to want to eat you alive after that appetizer. He'll be wired and loaded with sexual energy, and he'll be dying to share the energy of his experience with you. This high usually lasts for days, sometimes weeks. This is him saying, "Thank-you-thank-you-thank-you for loving me this much." It's like he's won the lottery and he's looking for someone to share it with. And he chooses you. You're the first person he thinks of. You are 'home'.

I figure it would be a real shame if I had the opportunity to let Mr. intuition run his tongue over a set of rock-hard abs, because I just can't offer him that. Sorry hon, but that's just not my body type right now. But that's okay. That's why we enjoyed swinging. It was great to be able to give him the opportunity to experience different body types, and not just restrict him to mine. I knew it didn't define me and it didn't define the quality of our love or relationship that he enjoyed other women. What we had went beyond the trivialities of sex.

[Mr&MrsSwing]

I think everyone has provided excellent advice for you already,...the only thing I wanted to tell you is that I don't think women are as judgemental as you think! I have always wanted to fulfill my bi fantasies and I have always wanted to fulfill them with a voluptuous full bodied curvy woman. Many of my bi friends have told me the same thing.

[crazycatz]

Thank you all for taking the time and offering your advice and comments. For the record, my partner and I aren't married. I was feeling better but then I came across a thread on here on BBW's that really degenerated and it just confirmed a lot of my deepest fears. I know having these issues is not restricted to plus size women but we can't escape the fact that there is a societal stigma with regard to size. Perhaps best to just stick to the MMFs right now until I feel more comfortable (he is also bi so it's not a question of balance). Thanks again for your comments.

[ShellyM]

Its NOT BBW SEX is it?

Okay, for the record. For some reason, we all went insane that week and were fighting for days over that thread. Don't read that thread.

BBW's are beautiful and awesome, and there are tons of people who love them!

[prettylady]

Originally Posted by ShellyM

Its NOT BBW SEX is it?

Okay, for the record. For some reason, we all went insane that week and were fighting for days over that thread. Don't read that thread.

BBW's are beautiful and awesome, and there are tons of people who love them!

DITTO
If you find this thread, turn and run, run far far away.
Although I did learn alot about myself and others while we were not listening to each other.
We all have issues. No matter what the size. Even if you find yourself with a size 6. I guaren damn tee you that she has as many hang ups and inhabitions as you do.
All the women in the lifestyle are beautiful. I know this for a fact.
I have been here long enough to have met a few face to face. The ones here on the board that I only get to chat with, are equally as beautiful.
Personality shines through on the board.
And my dear new friend, you are a beautifully stunning women to me.
Your friend,
Prettylady

[Mr. Truelove]

Originally Posted by crazycatz

Thank you all for taking the time and offering your advice and comments. For the record, my partner and I aren't married. I was feeling better but then I came across a thread on here on BBW's that really degenerated and it just confirmed a lot of my deepest fears. I know having these issues is not restricted to plus size women but we can't escape the fact that there is a societal stigma with regard to size. Perhaps best to just stick to the MMFs right now until I feel more comfortable (he is also bi so it's not a question of balance). Thanks again for your comments.

Yeah, that thread was a poor reflection on the swinging community in my honest opinion. I was at a club in ohio and I saw a few BBW's that were having just as much fun, if not more, than I was having. There is someone for everyone, and the vast majority of the people I have met on here or in person are pretty much non-judgemental.

Mr. Truelove

[MoonLightKiss]

I ditto Shelly and Prettylady. Crazycatz...don't read that thread, and if you have discount it as nothing. We were all having a bad week. And a lot of things said were taken out of context, or they were misunderstood. It was not a bash on anyone. So ignore that particular thread.

In the meantime. Being a size 20 could cause a woman to rething body issues. So could being a size 2. Everyone, absolutely everyone, has something they would not mind changing about themselves. Even if its something small. WHY? Because none of us are perfect. Because you, me, and the rest of the world is not perfect we have to learn to be perfectly content with ourselves. It is then that you will realize that the issue is not how others percieve you, but how you percieve yourself. Confidence and a great personality will carry you farther in the lifestyle than anything else, I believe.

[telly2]

yeah Julie can we delete that thread, that was a nightmare and should be deleted from this site, that was everyones PMS week men included. Lets get rid of it. Pls or make it don't read this or something. PLEASE.