Body Image Issues - worried about being naked in front of other women

Every woman at one time or another in their lives have felt this lack of confidence in themselves. I am not a heavy woman at all but still have some body image issues that I am trying to work on. Because of those flaws that I have, I tend to get down on myself and feel that I am unattractive. But I know that how I feel is not really the truth but is just how I am feeling.

A woman who carries herself with confidence no matter what her size, is a very sexy person. I have seen many woman who are rather larger woman but the way they carried themselves and the confidence they had in theirselves was very sexy. I think it is all about how you hold yourself and not the size you are.

MrsVan

[ShellyM]

Yeah girl. I would hate to think that something I wrote destroyed your sexual confidence in any way. Seriously Julie, can we please destroy that particular thread? Girl, you are gorgeous. You just need to learn to love yourself, and everyone will see your beauty. I'm telling you, the cycle doesn't stop unless you learn to love yourself for who you are. I have lost alot of weight, and yet it never seems to be enough. You get into a cycle where its 5 more pounds and I'll look good, then 5 after that, and it never ends. You just have to know yourself that you are beautiful. I know lots and lots of women who are larger than a 20W, and they have no problems at ALL in finding good men.
Just relax, and be yourself.

Again, that thread needs to be done away with.

[crazycatz]

Again, thanks for your responses. That old thread certainly does no favours on this topic! There are so many misconceptions on there about people of size that I was shocked! (i.e. that people who are overweight don't eat healthy or aren't fit?? I know loads of thin people who have never walked a day in their life and eat only take aways but yet their health and fitness levels are taken as a given just because of their size).

I will give your comments a think...I know this is mostly a personal issue that relates to my comfort levels around swinging. As I said, I have no issues with respect to men and 'vanilla sex' and am very confident in that regard. I'm just terrified that my old insecurities will come out when I see my partner have sex with a thin, gorgeous woman (despite the fact that he told me that he doesn't want us to play with people just because we they might have nice bodies...for him (and myself) the intellectual connection/personalities are much more important...just like many of you have said.

So I think that soft swap is the way to go first and see how I feel. If the green eyed monster comes over me I don't ever have to do it again and I can treat it as a learning experience and if not, all the better!

Thanks again!

[prettylady]

I have taken a new step in my adventures here in swingerland. Let me tell you something that surpised me.
I too was nervous about Dog being with another beautiful woman. Then I met some beautiful women. I got to know them, became friends with them and now the fear is gone. Make friends first. That was my ticket to freedom in the lifestyle. I am not afraid of how pretty they are or thin or velupus(healthy boobies). I have little tiny boobies and that was my hang up. But I adore these women so now I just really don't care anymore.
Good luck girl
Your friend,
Prettylady

[havefuninsun]

Originally Posted by prettylady

I have taken a new step in my adventures here in swingerland. Let me tell you something that surpised me.
I too was nervous about Dog being with another beautiful woman. Then I met some beautiful women. I got to know them, became friends with them and now the fear is gone. Make friends first. That was my ticket to freedom in the lifestyle. I am not afraid of how pretty they are or thin or velupus(healthy boobies). I have little tiny boobies and that was my hang up. But I adore these women so now I just really don't care anymore.
Good luck girl
Your friend,
Prettylady

PL, you're on to something. I think folks get nervous thinking of their partner with someone they don't even KNOW. That is frightening. And, if you have control issues (which I do, I'm working on them -- LOL), it makes the situation even more scary.

We get to know someone before we meet them ... then, if everyone is on board, the next step can happen (whatever that is and whatever you're comfortable with).

I think the original poster has a good attitude ... she's willing to experiment, and if it doesn't feel good, she'll chaulk it up to a learning exerpience and not worry too much about it.

[bigjoehd]

Originally Posted by crazycatz

I am a size 20 and have always struggled with body image issues...there are days when I really hate my body and some days that I accept it and think my face and personality compensates for it.

I have very few if any issues when it comes to being naked with men...I know that a lot of men are attracted to me and I generally feel positive and have no inhibitions when it comes to that and I guess that's why the MMF was so fantastic.

HI,first off i dont have a clue as to the difference between a size 10 & your size of 20 but you should never doubt yourself in any way,there is nothing more sexy to my wife & myself than the look of confidence,size & weight take a back seat to us over confidence & attitude,i have a few xtra pounds on me & i never give it a seconds thought,my wife is very small & petite & has no issues with plus size women.

Something that we have found to be true atleast in our experiences is that the partners we have had who dont have perfect model type bodies are the most fun & the ones who have had excellent bodies seemed shallow,rude & only interested in what they want.

Dont give it another thought,if you find a woman who wants to play with you two she is doing it because she finds you both atractive & sexy.

[prettylady]

Originally Posted by bigjoehd

Something that we have found to be true atleast in our experiences is that the partners we have had who dont have perfect model type bodies are the most fun & the ones who have had excellent bodies seemed shallow,rude & only interested in what they want.
.

You and I have obvoiusly not met.
I am hardly perfect, but I am small fit and one hell of a handful.
But I do tend to agree with you somewhat. I have many friends who fall into the "fit" catagory and they are excellent people to be around, but I have run into a few that can not pass a mirror with out stopping for a look, and would likely worry more about getting that perfect porn face going then just letting loose.
If I have learnt nothing else on this board it is that beauty really does come in all shapes and sizes. So does ugly.

Your friend,
Prettylady

[EvilMJ]

I agree with Prettylady and Intuition897

We come in all shapes and sizes and I have found that the deciding factor for me has been the personality. THey way you present yourself and the way you are precieved by others goes a long way. Sure not everyone is going to way to play with a plus sized person, that is a personal choice and that doesn't make them bad people. It just means they are into a certain body type. But there are lots of people out there that do play with larger sized people.

Part of the fun of playing with others is the 'newness' factor. But at the end of the day I am going to go home with the man I love, and no perfect body is going to change that.

[LFM2]

Kudos to everyone! Weight is a pretty insignificant thing when it comes to swinging. At least in our swinging world. We love character. Personality is our number one thing we look at. Are they fun? Can they laugh? Is there going to be drama?

People will turn you down for reasons other than weight. Maybe they want to be with someone with blond hair or they may want a redhead. Maybe you drive the wrong car. You might live on the wrong side of town. There are many reasons someone is going to think up with not to play. Don't take it personal. They're just not looking for the same thing you are. If I was turned down because of my weight, that would be fine too. I've yet to meet a couple with perfect bodies. That's what we like about swinging. The vast diversity in the swinging world. Like Intuition said, it would be a shame if I didn't let Mr. LFM play with a woman's body who was different than mine. It would be a shame if he didn't let me play with a man who's body was different than his. I thank God everyday that he chooses to be married and stays with me, but I also know that no matter what, he'll be the one coming home with me and vice-versa.

I don't think I'm a small person. I've lost a lot of weight, but like Shelly, it's still not enough. I'll never loose that little pooch I acquired during pregnancy. I've faced that fact. I'll never have the body I had in high school and that's OK -- I'm not in high school. We just go out and have fun whenever the mood strikes. People are less judgemental than we think. We are always our worst critic.

[nmgrrrl]

Wow. This topic sure went nutz recently. Yea, the other thread..ummm...wrong.

I was always a small person until some injuries and subsequent surgeries required steroids. I put on some 80 lbs in a matter of months. Needless to say, I felt unattractive and sex was the last thing i wanted- not cus i didnt wanna get laid, I just didnt want my man to see me naked!

Well, along the way, I learned how society treats "over wieght" "full figure" "BBW" women. It aint pretty. Ppl i have known forever treated me different not to mention the men all but stopped looking. I was pretty unhappy for a while. Once I decided not to feel bad about it, to get as much outta life as i can no matter what- i felt better. I made the effort to look my best every day i walked out the door. I worked out and found ways to be the hottest most fuckable BBW on the planet. I discovered my huge breasts looked great!!!!!! I found men were too looking at me!

I have lost most of the weight now and feel much better. Sex with nmturfman is incredible and our play invitations are flowing in. Was it the wieght loss that made me the difference? Physically yea, but it was making the decision to enjoy who I was at that moment, to get the most out of every thing I had, that made me hot- both when I was "fat" and now.

We let other ppl's opinions about us rule our lives far too much when the only one that reallly matters is our own. I applaud women of every size who enjoy themselves and live their life the way they want.

[oddcouple2841]

This is S. I have to put my .02 in because I consider myself a big woman. Women are hard on themselves then men are, so some people might not consider me big.

I'm 5' 1/2" and I weigh 180 and wear a size 16. At my heaviest, I wore a size 22. I've been battling with my weight since I had my daughter 5 years ago. I have my good days and my bad days.

I believe that's it's not about the person's size, it's about their attitude and how they carry themselves. I've seen skinny people have the body, but have the worst attitude, because they have the body that everybody wants. They are shallow and vain and won't even talk to you because you are not their size. God forbid they eat something other than a carrot. They think their world is going to end.

I've seen BBW have the best attitude about themselves because they are comfortable with their size and they are not afraid to go get want they want. Hell even the BBW models are out there wear skimpy outfits that people would only think the skinny models should wear. Have you seen them model club outfits or the sexy outfits for bed fun? They are gracing the pages with little to nothing on and having the time of their life.

When I got with my male half, he only dated one "fat" girl before me and he will admit that he had a better relationship with her than his "skinny" ex-wife. Of course my tits are bigger than what he likes, but he loves me for me, not because of what size I wear.

Women need to stop listening to Hollywood and killing themselves trying to get the "ideal" body. Not everybody is going to have the "model" body, with little to no tits and wear a size 2, but society is having a hard time realizing that, but bigger woman are getting more roles on t.v. and in the movies, so maybe somebody out there is listening...

My advice is love you for you. The more you love yourself, the more you will shine to the other people out there. There are going to be people out there who doesn't think BBW is attractive, but for every one who doesn't there is one who does. You never know what your boyfriend has to say until you talk to him about it.

Good luck in your search. I know there will be somebody out there. It will take time to find them.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by nmgrrrl

I was always a small person until some injuries and subsequent surgeries required steroids. I put on some 80 lbs in a matter of months.
....
Well, along the way, I learned how society treats "over wieght" "full figure" "BBW" women. It aint pretty. Ppl i have known forever treated me different not to mention the men all but stopped looking. I was pretty unhappy for a while.

nmgrrrl, I know just how you feel! I've lived on both sides of the fence, too. You are so right about the treatment.

Originally Posted by nmgrrrl

Once I decided not to feel bad about it, to get as much outta life as i can no matter what- i felt better. I made the effort to look my best every day i walked out the door. I worked out and found ways to be the hottest most fuckable BBW on the planet.
....
I have lost most of the weight now and feel much better. Sex with nmturfman is incredible and our play invitations are flowing in. Was it the wieght loss that made me the difference? Physically yea, but it was making the decision to enjoy who I was at that moment, to get the most out of every thing I had, that made me hot- both when I was "fat" and now.

We let other ppl's opinions about us rule our lives far too much when the only one that reallly matters is our own. I applaud women of every size who enjoy themselves and live their life the way they want.

You have a great attitude! I couldn't agree with you more, don't let other people's opinions rule our lives, we have to live our own and enjoy every moment we can.

Something that we have found to be true atleast in our experiences is that the partners we have had who dont have perfect model type bodies are the most fun & the ones who have had excellent bodies seemed shallow,rude & only interested in what they want.

This seems to be a stereotype that I've read here several times, and I think it's just as unfortunate as any other stereotype. Sure, there are some snotty people in the world who are thin, but there are snotty or selfish people in all other sizes, too. There are also people who used to be heavier, but aren't now - and they are the same person that they were before.

Originally Posted by crazycatz

I will give your comments a think...I know this is mostly a personal issue that relates to my comfort levels around swinging. As I said, I have no issues with respect to men and 'vanilla sex' and am very confident in that regard. I'm just terrified that my old insecurities will come out when I see my partner have sex with a thin, gorgeous woman (despite the fact that he told me that he doesn't want us to play with people just because we they might have nice bodies...for him (and myself) the intellectual connection/personalities are much more important...just like many of you have said.

So I think that soft swap is the way to go first and see how I feel. If the green eyed monster comes over me I don't ever have to do it again and I can treat it as a learning experience and if not, all the better!

Thanks again!

Good luck, crazycatz! I hope you keep us posted on how things go for you. Best wishes!

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by oddcouple2841

stuff

Why do I think if I post my thoughts it will only lead to.... :beatdeadh and flamethrow and a lot of "bangdesk"

So to quote the great 'Lord Humungus' I'm going to 'Just walk away.'

[oddcouple2841]

I don't understand what I said Chicup. Did I offend you in anyway? If I did, I'm sorry and that wasn't my intent.

I went back into the post and looked and didn't see anywhere where I said that word. Am I missing the point of what you were trying to say?

Mrs. Oddcouple

[VanHlebar]

Originally Posted by prettylady

I am hardly perfect, but I am small fit and one hell of a handful.

Well I can attest to that fact! At least from what I saw at the Ohio Meet-up!

-Van