The body beautiful? - Page 4

youngish56 · 12-22-2002, 07:13 PM

apologies Dan -

Went back and reread your posts and now, with your guidance, I see that I did miss the point.

Your point is well taken, I agree with you, and I guess we haven't had our first spat yet.

A lesson learned. I dislike when others react to something I didn't say, and that is exactly what I did.

Let me double my efforts now.

That's my 4 cents - 6 cents Canadienne

thesexmonsters · 12-22-2002, 10:27 PM

Reading all the replies in this discussion has been quite intriguing. Here's our feeling on the issue of being selective when choosing who to play with someone...

For us, it's not that we automatically exclude anyone that is of a certain weight, ethnicity, etc. What someone's personality is like - if they have integrity, if they're respectful, and if they're are fun to be around - is absolutely important. But chemistry is also very important for us - and either the chemistry is there or it's not. We don't really choose that part.

It just so happens that we find ourselves most often drawn to couples that are most like ourselves: late twenties to early thirties, moderately fit, fairly attractive (though of course, beauty is always in the eye of the beholder!). However, if we meet a couple that is of another age, race, or body type, and the chemistry is there, great!

While we personally feel that excluding other couples right from the start because of one of the above mentioned issues would cause us to miss out on meeting some really great people, we absolutely respect any reason anyone has for wanting - or not wanting - to paly with someone else, including us.

The Sex Monsters

12-23-2002, 12:27 AM

It seems as though it might just be the expression HWP that is the problem. There seems to be quite a few posts here where people state they look best when they're X lbs over or under their 'ideal' weight, and sound to me like they fit the HWP definition as I perceive it.

It might be better to post 'no overweight people' instead. This might not be as nice, but it paints a clearer picture. Deep down I think most people know if they're overweight or not and certainly wouldn't want to face that kind of rejection if they tried to meet up with someone who was only interested in 'thinner' (for lack of a better word) people

Sydney Carton · 12-23-2002, 03:15 PM

Everlast Wrote:

Quote:

It might be better to post 'no overweight people' instead. This might not be as nice, but it paints a clearer picture.

Of course, the danger of using "overweight" is that it has a specific medical definition (BMI > 25). As such, it's not the most usefull term when were talking about cosmetic perceptions of being "fat". Some people (usually women) can still look cosmetically "fat" even with BMI < 25, and muscular people (usually men) can still be cosmetically "unfat" with BMI > 25. In fact, most men probably look better with a higher rather than a lower BMI, providing that they are muscular and not gutular.

Sometimes I think that it would be better just to say "no fat people" in an ad. It may seem more insulting, but in reality that's what everone means. It's ultimately a subjective, cosmetic judgement, and that's certainly what the word "fat" conveys. At least it doesn't beat arround the bush in a faux attempt to be sensitive.

darling · 12-23-2002, 04:08 PM

I agree that most men would be surprised about how much the little hottie weighs. I've actually argued with some that don't believe my weight. I am a very muscled person because I worked on a farm growing up and still do pushups and situps everynight to stay in shape. Most would guess my 5'8'' frame at about 150 lbs, when in reality I wear about 180. I am overweight by the chart standards, but not by appearance. muscle weighs more then fat. Yet even carrying 180, my stomach is flat.

I still always describe myself as chubby because I'd rather they be pleasantly surprised then to think I'm a little thing and then see I'm not thin. I also describe us as an average pleasant looking couple for two reasons. One is anything more just sounds conceited and again, I'd rather they expect average and be pleasantly surprised at our looks.

Too many times I've had someone describe themselves as a knockout or in great shape, to be disappointed when we meet. I'd rather they be a little more honest when writing and then be pleasantly surprised later. I don't mind a man with a bit of a beer belly as long as I'm expecting it.

Regularguy · 12-23-2002, 04:36 PM

Dan/ala Canadian Couple,

Half the fun is reading one's post way too fast, reading into it without really paying attention, then creating ten different interpretations, then debating them all! lol. I am ALWAYS guilty of it, but hey, IT"S FUN! hehe....

If a persons different race was an impediment, I agree that tact is crucial. I would prefer to eat a buzzard then to put myself in a position to exclude someone based upon race. It is like kicking out the cane from under a blind man, or hitting a puppy. Some things a decent person just does not do.As to the weight issue, if I were to run an ad, i would say in shape healthy people desired, rather than no fat chicks, which is crass.

In swing clubs, if a women or couple has approached me that I don't wish to be with, my tactic is to say that I just got finished and am recuperating and smile warmly. I try to preempt that by having eye contacts and warm smiles to people who interest me, you know, a tad bit of flirtation.

Sydney Carton · 12-23-2002, 07:11 PM

TheSexMonsters Wrote:

Quote:

For us, it's not that we automatically exclude anyone that is of a certain weight, ethnicity, etc.

Automatically excluding someone on the basis of weight (or any other physical characteristic, for that matter), is really more a limitation using ads to meet people than anything else. If you meet someone in a night club, you know with just a quick look over whether or not you find them attractive, and it doesn't make any difference what their exact weight is. In an ad (especially one on the internet) you're contacting a much larger group of people (which is a good thing) whose attractiveness you can't asess quickly (which is a bad thing). Unless you have to time for a face-to-face with everyone who responds, you need to have some method for winnowing out the flock a bit, and weight as a rough measure of physical attractivness is probably about as good a measure as any. It's certainly not perfect (no such criteria is), but I don't think that you need feel bad about automatically excluding someone on that basis - any more than an employer need feel bad about specifying a minimumm of 10 years experience in an ad for a job, and then not interviewing anyone who doesn't have at least that much.

BayCouples.com · 12-23-2002, 09:58 PM

I think as long as you are upfront about your appearance - you shouldn't have problems with people being rude to you. However, it is probably true that a fit couple is more likely to look for another couple that is fit as well.

There are site and parties for BBWs that many couples enjoy. Look them up!

CanadianCouple · 12-23-2002, 10:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BayCouples.com
I think as long as you are upfront about your appearance - you shouldn't have problems with people being rude to you.

Likely not, however many of the ads are themselves written in a very crass way. Some examples have been listed earlier in this thread.

However, it is probably true that a fit couple is more likely to look for another couple that is fit as well.

Our point exactly. The question is WHY??

There are site and parties for BBWs that many couples enjoy. Look them up!

We have. Unfortunately, none pertain to our area. We'd have no qualms at all with only swinging with overweight, BB couples only for the rest of our sexual lives, but the limitations stated in the majority of ads severely curtail our potential partners right across the board.

Yet another nugget seen in a Swappernet ad this evening.

"No overweight people who don't own mirrors."

Now, were those last four words really necessary? You tell me.

Dan

CanadianCouple · 12-23-2002, 10:36 PM

One last thought before turning in (wife's long since there) -

I think we'd all agree swinging is one of those sub-cultures in our society that defines a specific interest group. Agreed? And one of the main objectives of these groups, aside from finding hopefully like-minded people, is to expand that base as much as possible. To get the message out to interested people who may not otherwise be aware there are others out there with the same desires and fantasies.

By continuing to propagate the notion that swinging is only for the young and beautiful, how many interested people who don't fit into that catagory are discouraged from ever taking the plunge by reading ad after ad that specifically says they're not wanted?

Just a thought.

Dan

OhioCouple · 12-24-2002, 12:04 AM

Dan,

I am curious, are you basing your opinion on the ads you are seeing off of one site in general or several? Also, are you just looking at ads for your local area?

While I agree with your overall views, I am just wondering if it isn't something geographical, as well as a mindset. You know kind of like if you live in *Hollywood* let's say, and if you aren't one of the *beautiful* people then you aren't given a second glance.

Hope that made sense.

Lori

Flori_DAMAN · 12-24-2002, 12:16 AM

Personally, I find it easier to screen if people put what they don't want right up front. Lots of people eliminate us based on age alone. But thats ok, at least we don't have to go through the trouble of e-mails that lead nowhere.

Also, don't forget about the overwhelmingly huge number of pic seekers online. I'd bet that a great majority of them place adds that would imply no overweight or older people. And there are tons of them. John.

12-24-2002, 12:34 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by michigancouple

Also, don't forget about the overwhelmingly huge number of pic seekers online. I'd bet that a great majority of them place adds that would imply no overweight or older people. And there are tons of them. John.

What's up with those people anyway? Are there not enough pornsites on the net for them? That's one thing I guess I havn't figured out yet

Well, that and just about everything else

CanadianCouple · 12-25-2002, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by OhioCouple
Dan,

I am curious, are you basing your opinion on the ads you are seeing off of one site in general or several? Also, are you just looking at ads for your local area?

While I agree with your overall views, I am just wondering if it isn't something geographical, as well as a mindset. You know kind of like if you live in *Hollywood* let's say, and if you aren't one of the *beautiful* people then you aren't given a second glance.

Hope that made sense.

Lori

Lori --

Actually, I've noticed the cliqish tone in ads on just about every swinging site out there we've been in, but the examples I've used in this thread have all come from Swappernet. Perhaps it's just me, but Swappernet seems particularly bad for this sort of thing, possibly because each ad specifically asks what type of people you do and don't want to meet. Usually that's where you'll see the "no overweight need apply" comments. It doesn't seem to be geographical, choose any state and it's the same thing.

Unfortunately with this crowd, if you aren't one of the "beautiful
people", you aren't even given a first chance.

Dan

anandjeff2 · 12-27-2002, 03:49 PM

While this has been discussed many times I find it will always bring more indepth answers every time according to hwo the first staement is worded and how the conversation goes. Many times I am contacted by someone only to be aske rigth away for my pic.I will not do this instead I suggest we chat and get to know each other a bi. If the pic question is immediatly reasked I block these peopl and do not bother to go on with them. I want to get soem info before I even cre what a person looks like. If I can't know what makes you tick in this lifestyle I am not going to touch you in a million years. Second if you can't make me laugh you are not going to be having a long conversatiuon either. I am a very mental person(in more ways then one) and if you are lacking in the head dept then its a nogo so dont even bother asking for the pic and please do read ur stats when we send you to them. I have had pics stolen nd sent to friends(can u belive it?) with the person stating they were of his wife!LOL..good thing my taste in lingerie is so distinct and the professional quality is unmistakable s being hubbys style...the ruse was psotted immedialty and we no longer show pics as freely unless we have dtermined the couple is a serious contender and many times we go on cam so we dont have to worry about pics and such and then they can make their decision from that..howevcer many times if I have made up my mind to meet them the only thing that stops it is finding out that we were lied to. HWP means nothing to me as I have met some HWP people and almost laughed my but off as their idea of HWP is nowher near anyone elses! I find that attitude rude and if anyhting it limits the people respnding because as a SO to a phtographer you will find soe of the most attractive fit people do not consider themselves HWP the way they htink it is suposed to mean so wher does that land the HWP peopple?I dont know..VBEG

An

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12-22-2002, 10:27 PM	#47 (permalink)
thesexmonsters Here to Stay Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 64 Location: Central Coast, CA Status: Married Couple	Selection, or Chemistry? Reading all the replies in this discussion has been quite intriguing. Here's our feeling on the issue of being selective when choosing who to play with someone... For us, it's not that we automatically exclude anyone that is of a certain weight, ethnicity, etc. What someone's personality is like - if they have integrity, if they're respectful, and if they're are fun to be around - is absolutely important. But chemistry is also very important for us - and either the chemistry is there or it's not. We don't really choose that part. It just so happens that we find ourselves most often drawn to couples that are most like ourselves: late twenties to early thirties, moderately fit, fairly attractive (though of course, beauty is always in the eye of the beholder!). However, if we meet a couple that is of another age, race, or body type, and the chemistry is there, great! While we personally feel that excluding other couples right from the start because of one of the above mentioned issues would cause us to miss out on meeting some really great people, we absolutely respect any reason anyone has for wanting - or not wanting - to paly with someone else, including us. The Sex Monsters
	__________________ ...We play well with others...

12-23-2002, 12:27 AM	#48 (permalink)
everlast Guest Posts: n/a	It seems as though it might just be the expression HWP that is the problem. There seems to be quite a few posts here where people state they look best when they're X lbs over or under their 'ideal' weight, and sound to me like they fit the HWP definition as I perceive it. It might be better to post 'no overweight people' instead. This might not be as nice, but it paints a clearer picture. Deep down I think most people know if they're overweight or not and certainly wouldn't want to face that kind of rejection if they tried to meet up with someone who was only interested in 'thinner' (for lack of a better word) people
everlast Guest Posts: n/a

12-24-2002, 12:04 AM	#56 (permalink)
OhioCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 6,619 Location: Ohio Status: Married Female	Dan, I am curious, are you basing your opinion on the ads you are seeing off of one site in general or several? Also, are you just looking at ads for your local area? While I agree with your overall views, I am just wondering if it isn't something geographical, as well as a mindset. You know kind of like if you live in Hollywood let's say, and if you aren't one of the beautiful people then you aren't given a second glance. Hope that made sense. Lori
	__________________ Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

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12-22-2002, 07:13 PM	#46 (permalink)
youngish56 Here to Stay Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 68 Location: Florida Status: couple	apologies Dan - Went back and reread your posts and now, with your guidance, I see that I did miss the point. Your point is well taken, I agree with you, and I guess we haven't had our first spat yet. A lesson learned. I dislike when others react to something I didn't say, and that is exactly what I did. Let me double my efforts now. That's my 4 cents - 6 cents Canadienne

12-23-2002, 04:08 PM	#50 (permalink)
darling Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 180 Location: Ohio Status: Couple	I agree that most men would be surprised about how much the little hottie weighs. I've actually argued with some that don't believe my weight. I am a very muscled person because I worked on a farm growing up and still do pushups and situps everynight to stay in shape. Most would guess my 5'8'' frame at about 150 lbs, when in reality I wear about 180. I am overweight by the chart standards, but not by appearance. muscle weighs more then fat. Yet even carrying 180, my stomach is flat. I still always describe myself as chubby because I'd rather they be pleasantly surprised then to think I'm a little thing and then see I'm not thin. I also describe us as an average pleasant looking couple for two reasons. One is anything more just sounds conceited and again, I'd rather they expect average and be pleasantly surprised at our looks. Too many times I've had someone describe themselves as a knockout or in great shape, to be disappointed when we meet. I'd rather they be a little more honest when writing and then be pleasantly surprised later. I don't mind a man with a bit of a beer belly as long as I'm expecting it.

12-23-2002, 04:36 PM	#51 (permalink)
Regularguy Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 102 Location: USA Status: S. Male with girlfriends	Dan/ala Canadian Couple, Half the fun is reading one's post way too fast, reading into it without really paying attention, then creating ten different interpretations, then debating them all! lol. I am ALWAYS guilty of it, but hey, IT"S FUN! hehe.... If a persons different race was an impediment, I agree that tact is crucial. I would prefer to eat a buzzard then to put myself in a position to exclude someone based upon race. It is like kicking out the cane from under a blind man, or hitting a puppy. Some things a decent person just does not do.As to the weight issue, if I were to run an ad, i would say in shape healthy people desired, rather than no fat chicks, which is crass. In swing clubs, if a women or couple has approached me that I don't wish to be with, my tactic is to say that I just got finished and am recuperating and smile warmly. I try to preempt that by having eye contacts and warm smiles to people who interest me, you know, a tad bit of flirtation.

12-23-2002, 09:58 PM	#53 (permalink)
BayCouples.com Registered Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 6 Location: Bay Area, CA	I think as long as you are upfront about your appearance - you shouldn't have problems with people being rude to you. However, it is probably true that a fit couple is more likely to look for another couple that is fit as well. There are site and parties for BBWs that many couples enjoy. Look them up!

12-23-2002, 10:36 PM	#55 (permalink)
CanadianCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 1,139 Location: New Brunswick, Canada Status: Married Couple	One last thought before turning in (wife's long since there) - I think we'd all agree swinging is one of those sub-cultures in our society that defines a specific interest group. Agreed? And one of the main objectives of these groups, aside from finding hopefully like-minded people, is to expand that base as much as possible. To get the message out to interested people who may not otherwise be aware there are others out there with the same desires and fantasies. By continuing to propagate the notion that swinging is only for the young and beautiful, how many interested people who don't fit into that catagory are discouraged from ever taking the plunge by reading ad after ad that specifically says they're not wanted? Just a thought. Dan

12-24-2002, 12:16 AM	#57 (permalink)
Flori_DAMAN Previously of MichiganCouple Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 2,100 Location: Vero Beach Florida Status: Single Male	Personally, I find it easier to screen if people put what they don't want right up front. Lots of people eliminate us based on age alone. But thats ok, at least we don't have to go through the trouble of e-mails that lead nowhere. Also, don't forget about the overwhelmingly huge number of pic seekers online. I'd bet that a great majority of them place adds that would imply no overweight or older people. And there are tons of them. John.

12-27-2002, 03:49 PM	#60 (permalink)
anandjeff2 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 121 Location: Western NY,USA	While this has been discussed many times I find it will always bring more indepth answers every time according to hwo the first staement is worded and how the conversation goes. Many times I am contacted by someone only to be aske rigth away for my pic.I will not do this instead I suggest we chat and get to know each other a bi. If the pic question is immediatly reasked I block these peopl and do not bother to go on with them. I want to get soem info before I even cre what a person looks like. If I can't know what makes you tick in this lifestyle I am not going to touch you in a million years. Second if you can't make me laugh you are not going to be having a long conversatiuon either. I am a very mental person(in more ways then one) and if you are lacking in the head dept then its a nogo so dont even bother asking for the pic and please do read ur stats when we send you to them. I have had pics stolen nd sent to friends(can u belive it?) with the person stating they were of his wife!LOL..good thing my taste in lingerie is so distinct and the professional quality is unmistakable s being hubbys style...the ruse was psotted immedialty and we no longer show pics as freely unless we have dtermined the couple is a serious contender and many times we go on cam so we dont have to worry about pics and such and then they can make their decision from that..howevcer many times if I have made up my mind to meet them the only thing that stops it is finding out that we were lied to. HWP means nothing to me as I have met some HWP people and almost laughed my but off as their idea of HWP is nowher near anyone elses! I find that attitude rude and if anyhting it limits the people respnding because as a SO to a phtographer you will find soe of the most attractive fit people do not consider themselves HWP the way they htink it is suposed to mean so wher does that land the HWP peopple?I dont know..VBEG An