The body beautiful? - Page 3

Regularguy · 12-21-2002, 03:43 PM

I am into the physical aspect of things, and although my life doesn't revolve around the gym, I spend alot of time there to keep in nice shape and take personal hygiene and grooming very serious. I prefer partners who are very well groomed and have decent bodies.

CanadianCouple · 12-21-2002, 05:33 PM

Interesting to read the numerous replies to this post. Since we were the ones who began this thread, we'll try and formulate a response that hopefully is pertinent to most of the contributions given.

By all means, most of us have preferences when it comes to sexual partners, that's never been in dispute. However, we feel as though some swingers develop a tunnel vision of sorts, limiting themselves to a select and highly defined group of potential partners. As has been pointed out numerous times in this and other threads, this is about SEX, not searching for life partners. If one was looking for the latter, of course one would be much more selective than if seeking bed partners. But many ads out there give the impression they're looking either for perfection, or something awfully close to it. While describing themselves, the arrogance and self-importance fairly pours off the page for some of them, bragging they're a professional couple (are they looking for business partners?), exact measurements for various body parts, how many times a week they visit the gym, some even feel it necessary to mention their approximate income level. (It'd be a hoot if the IRS audited them over that). In any event, while we certainly recognize many have particular tastes and preferences, we feel there'd be far more success stories out there if some of you would loosen up and broaden your horizons a little by at least entertaining the possibility of looking beyond someone's weight.

For those who felt it necessary to mention in their reply the need to keep oneself fit, thanks for the advice but it's not needed. FYI, I (Dan) have been a bodybuilder for over 20 years, and with a chest measurement at least 10" larger than my waist, I look damned good for 45 years old. However, we NEVER mention this in any ads we post, neither of us feel it's pertinent in any way. My wife has battled her weight all of her life -- it's NOT a matter of her not caring about herself or her appearance, as so many conclude in their ads. This woman eats a third of what I do, her weight has nothing to do with her food intake. She unfortunately inherited her father's propensity for gaining weight easily with little regard to caloric ingestion.

New couples where at least one is overweight must be very discouraged to read through the ads typically found on internet sites.

Dan

CanadianCouple · 12-21-2002, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Regularguy
I prefer partners who are very well groomed and have decent bodies.

Are you saying anyone who has a body less than decent is less than well groomed? If not, perhaps you'd best reword that statement, lest you give the wrong impression.

Dan

Regularguy · 12-21-2002, 05:49 PM

Dan,

I hate to write posts like contracts with all kinds of disclaimers....lol. People can be fat and well groomed, and people can have really athletic, fit bodies and be nasty and unclean.

I prefer the combination of in shape AND clean and well groomed.

Candiancouple,

People who are looking for physical perfection in swinging are just following human behavioral anthropology. Subconciously, we look for sex partners who will refine our gene pool and produce suprior offspring. Sure, conciously we know we are just having sex, but it would not fit the human experience to be as visually stimulated by an unattractive person as an attractive one.

Male bull elephant seals who can whip the crap out of all other bull elephant seals gets the right to mate with most of the female heard because is is the finest genetic specifime as of that date. The bird with the brightest plumage who can dance and parade the best is viewed as superior gentically by teh female bird, who then mates with them. A women views a man with a tight, muscular set of buns as gentically superior because it indictates strength and a higher testosterone level. A man with a lean, muscular physique with a broad, v shaped chest is viewed as superior in protecting and defending both her and her offspring. This makes such a male a superior evolutionary choice for her to mate with. Men usually perfer women with large breasts as it is viewed as being a better food supply, or smaller breasts with superior shape as it is viewed as youthful and youthful means more fertile. Both sexes veiw clear skin and bright eyes and straight teeth as a rapid indicator of general health.

We cannot undo what thousands of years of evolutionary natural selection has perfected in refining the gene pool which is critical to the survival of our species.

I do agree that why someone would post about their income, or other behaviors that are irrelevant seems weird, but it is just the old mating ritual.

CanadianCouple · 12-21-2002, 06:05 PM

Regularguy --

First, I hope you realize I (Dan) am the male half of CanadianCouple. I only mention this because both tags were mentioned seperately in your last reply.

Interesting you mention the genetic markers that determine selection of mates throughout the animal kingdom, including man. However, that seems to further illustrate how some people take the selection of swinging partners a wee bit too seriously. We're talking about recreational sex for recreational purposes only, unless someone has a hidden agenda. Sure, an Alpha male with a tight set of buns instinctively draws a woman's attention, but if she's keeping the lifestyle in perspective she should be able to bear in mind it's simply about casual sex -- not finding a mate.

Dan

Regularguy · 12-21-2002, 06:16 PM

Dan,

I reread my post and it looks as if I was replying to 2 different people when you are one in the same.

I got a kick out of the "are they looking for the business partner thing?!". I completely agree with you..... I know, perhaps prospective partners can forward their monthly profit and loss statements and other pertinent financials.

CanadianCouple · 12-22-2002, 12:20 AM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by BostonDLT

Quote:

[
Dan,
She's be considering many other things about that man if he were to be a mate. BUT since it's just casual and recreational, what's wrong with her choosing someone who's physical appearance turns her on? Why does she have to "keep the lifestyle in perspective", as if it were a religion or political organization to which she must be prepared to make some sacrifice?? The maxim "live & let live" never seemed more fitting.

Susan

First of all, for anyone out there reading this, is there any way to save a reply once the back button has been hit? I mistakenly clicked back after composing a lengthy reply to Susan, and it was gone when I returned. Not the first time it's happened, very maddening.

Susan --

I agree some measure of attraction must be present. However, there's a much broader picture I'm attempting to present. I'm not certain if you've read through this entire thread, or whether you've read through a similar one we started many months ago. There are so many ads out there that strongly insinuate being overweight is synomymous with being dirty, unkempt, sloppy, or just plain Jerry Springer trailer trash. Don't believe me? Take a look at some of the literary gems on Swappernet, just to name one site. There is much more going on than just stating one's sexual preferences, a definite cliquish arrogance permeates a large percentage of ads that's nauseating to read.

We have no qualms with anyone telling us no thanks, we've done it several times ourselves. But we're willing to give most any couple the opportunity to meet us if they wish to, we would never turn anyone down soley on their physical characteristics. Unless you're clairvoyant, you cannot know for certain if there's no attraction whatsover unless you actually meet with someone, make an effort to get to know them somewhat. Last year we met with a local couple whom we had thought we had a lot in common with based on email and phone conversations, but in person they turned out to be the most pompous, arrogant egotists we've ever met in this. Do you suppose such erroneous judgements also occur because someone's carrying extra weight on them? We sure do.

Try looking beyond the tape measure, you might be pleasantly surprised.

Dan

**Alura** · 12-22-2002, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by CanadianCouple

Try looking beyond the tape measure, you might be pleasantly surprised.

Dan

Absolutely, Dan! Besides that, things change. Even tape measurements. Had a certain husband followed your advice a couple of years ago he would now be occasionally holding in his arms a slender knockout of a lady instead of a BBW, who was a knockout in my eyes, even with the excess weight. I wonder if he and his wife ever found their HWP couple...

Mr. Alura

youngish56 · 12-22-2002, 02:58 PM

Dan-

I usually both agree with and admire your efforts to get readers to think and respond. On this issue I have just a minor misalignment of attitude.

As I recall, you referenced the lack of appropriateness for exact physical compatibility when the goal is casual sex. I think the definition of casual sex is different for many of us and this is where the appropriateness of attitude differs.

As I stated in my previous post, some of us cannot have such impersonal sex as some others claim to have. For us, physical attraction is only part of the appeal of another person or couple.

So, I think its important to understand each person's definition of casual sex.

That's my 3 cents - 2 cents Canadienne

CanadianCouple · 12-22-2002, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Alura
Absolutely, Dan! Besides that, things change. Even tape measurements. Had a certain husband followed your advice a couple of years ago he would now be occasionally holding in his arms a slender knockout of a lady instead of a BBW, who was a knockout in my eyes, even with the excess weight. I wonder if he and his wife ever found their HWP couple...

Mr. Alura

His loss. I'm sure they did end up finding another HWP couple insisting on the same, the swinging world is full of vain people.

A side note on this issue -- I was just perusing more Swappernet ads, and came across this gem -- "No overweight people please, we have our standards."

Imagine, if you will, the following ad --

Sorry, no blacks, we have our standards."

Dan

CanadianCouple · 12-22-2002, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by youngish56
Dan-

I usually both agree with and admire your efforts to get readers to think and respond. On this issue I have just a minor misalignment of attitude.

As I recall, you referenced the lack of appropriateness for exact physical compatibility when the goal is casual sex. I think the definition of casual sex is different for many of us and this is where the appropriateness of attitude differs.

As I stated in my previous post, some of us cannot have such impersonal sex as some others claim to have. For us, physical attraction is only part of the appeal of another person or couple.

So, I think its important to understand each person's definition of casual sex.

That's my 3 cents - 2 cents Canadienne

I think there's probably minor variations of the term casual sex, but for most people it would likely include any sex devoid of emotional attachment.

Dan

youngish56 · 12-22-2002, 04:07 PM

At the risk of being dangerously honest, Dan, I can visualize many people making both discriminations. I remember you once warned me about not going there, but I can't control myself again.

In our physical preference "check list" didn't we select that ethnic
group that we wanted screened for us. Those of us who did not affirmatively select "black" did, by omission, select "not black".

In my opinion, our typical white lifestyle is both racist and politically correct. We claim to have no tolerance with discrimination, but we don't take advantage of those great real estate values and public schools in the ghetto.(sarcasm intended)

So, the black issue is entirely different from the weight issue. To compare the two, would only be valid on the most superficial level.

Gosh, sounds like we may have had our first spat. I hope it makes our "relationship" stronger.LOL

Regularguy · 12-22-2002, 06:05 PM

Wait a minute, what is wrong with being selective? I practice discrimination everyday and proudly so like most people. as an example, I discriminate against males in the selection of partners. I discriminate against different foods. In fact I discriminate against all races except my own when it comes to sex. I will not date or play with anyone other then Caucasians. Do i think other races are good looking, sexy and attractive? yep. That is just my own personal preference when it comes to dating and mating. Apparently most people must feel the same as I do, as most people marry someone of their own race.

So if I were to run a singles ad, it would in fact say Caucasians only, no parapalegics, no women with hairy anything, none with false teeth, none with communicable diseases...gee, where do I stop?

youngish56 · 12-22-2002, 06:29 PM

There are frequently exaggerated resonses to any post that suggests a person's position on the race topic.

I believe it has a lot to do with the anonymity of the responder and his or her personal agenda.

I agree with everyone's right to be selective but the causes for preferring Caucasian are not from the same criteria as weight. In agreement with what you said, I find Mexican women mysteriously attractive, but I have no lust for sex with them, no matter their weight. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" etc.

I support your position that being selective is both normal and healthy, only wanted to suggest that a fat Mexican girl has two reasons I won't chase her. She can lose weight, the other she cannot change. Not her fault, and I'd expect she has the same prejudice toward me. Normal stuff.

This site experiences an occasional occurance of personal attacks from some members. Don't be surprised if such posts follow.

CanadianCouple · 12-22-2002, 07:07 PM

Youngish and regular --

I believe you're both missing my point. It's one thing to state in your ad that you and your partner wish to stay within your own ethnicity when searching for other bed partners. It would be quite another to bluntly proclaim anyone of a different race does not meet your standards.

And this was the analogy I was attempting to illustrate relating to the weight issue. Often it's not the message, but how it's delivered.

Dan

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12-21-2002, 03:43 PM	#31 (permalink)
Regularguy Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 102 Location: USA Status: S. Male with girlfriends	my take I am into the physical aspect of things, and although my life doesn't revolve around the gym, I spend alot of time there to keep in nice shape and take personal hygiene and grooming very serious. I prefer partners who are very well groomed and have decent bodies.

12-21-2002, 05:49 PM	#34 (permalink)
Regularguy Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 102 Location: USA Status: S. Male with girlfriends	reply Dan, I hate to write posts like contracts with all kinds of disclaimers....lol. People can be fat and well groomed, and people can have really athletic, fit bodies and be nasty and unclean. I prefer the combination of in shape AND clean and well groomed. Candiancouple, People who are looking for physical perfection in swinging are just following human behavioral anthropology. Subconciously, we look for sex partners who will refine our gene pool and produce suprior offspring. Sure, conciously we know we are just having sex, but it would not fit the human experience to be as visually stimulated by an unattractive person as an attractive one. Male bull elephant seals who can whip the crap out of all other bull elephant seals gets the right to mate with most of the female heard because is is the finest genetic specifime as of that date. The bird with the brightest plumage who can dance and parade the best is viewed as superior gentically by teh female bird, who then mates with them. A women views a man with a tight, muscular set of buns as gentically superior because it indictates strength and a higher testosterone level. A man with a lean, muscular physique with a broad, v shaped chest is viewed as superior in protecting and defending both her and her offspring. This makes such a male a superior evolutionary choice for her to mate with. Men usually perfer women with large breasts as it is viewed as being a better food supply, or smaller breasts with superior shape as it is viewed as youthful and youthful means more fertile. Both sexes veiw clear skin and bright eyes and straight teeth as a rapid indicator of general health. We cannot undo what thousands of years of evolutionary natural selection has perfected in refining the gene pool which is critical to the survival of our species. I do agree that why someone would post about their income, or other behaviors that are irrelevant seems weird, but it is just the old mating ritual.

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12-21-2002, 05:33 PM	#32 (permalink)
CanadianCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 1,139 Location: New Brunswick, Canada Status: Married Couple	Interesting to read the numerous replies to this post. Since we were the ones who began this thread, we'll try and formulate a response that hopefully is pertinent to most of the contributions given. By all means, most of us have preferences when it comes to sexual partners, that's never been in dispute. However, we feel as though some swingers develop a tunnel vision of sorts, limiting themselves to a select and highly defined group of potential partners. As has been pointed out numerous times in this and other threads, this is about SEX, not searching for life partners. If one was looking for the latter, of course one would be much more selective than if seeking bed partners. But many ads out there give the impression they're looking either for perfection, or something awfully close to it. While describing themselves, the arrogance and self-importance fairly pours off the page for some of them, bragging they're a professional couple (are they looking for business partners?), exact measurements for various body parts, how many times a week they visit the gym, some even feel it necessary to mention their approximate income level. (It'd be a hoot if the IRS audited them over that). In any event, while we certainly recognize many have particular tastes and preferences, we feel there'd be far more success stories out there if some of you would loosen up and broaden your horizons a little by at least entertaining the possibility of looking beyond someone's weight. For those who felt it necessary to mention in their reply the need to keep oneself fit, thanks for the advice but it's not needed. FYI, I (Dan) have been a bodybuilder for over 20 years, and with a chest measurement at least 10" larger than my waist, I look damned good for 45 years old. However, we NEVER mention this in any ads we post, neither of us feel it's pertinent in any way. My wife has battled her weight all of her life -- it's NOT a matter of her not caring about herself or her appearance, as so many conclude in their ads. This woman eats a third of what I do, her weight has nothing to do with her food intake. She unfortunately inherited her father's propensity for gaining weight easily with little regard to caloric ingestion. New couples where at least one is overweight must be very discouraged to read through the ads typically found on internet sites. Dan

12-21-2002, 06:05 PM	#35 (permalink)
CanadianCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 1,139 Location: New Brunswick, Canada Status: Married Couple	Regularguy -- First, I hope you realize I (Dan) am the male half of CanadianCouple. I only mention this because both tags were mentioned seperately in your last reply. Interesting you mention the genetic markers that determine selection of mates throughout the animal kingdom, including man. However, that seems to further illustrate how some people take the selection of swinging partners a wee bit too seriously. We're talking about recreational sex for recreational purposes only, unless someone has a hidden agenda. Sure, an Alpha male with a tight set of buns instinctively draws a woman's attention, but if she's keeping the lifestyle in perspective she should be able to bear in mind it's simply about casual sex -- not finding a mate. Dan

12-21-2002, 06:16 PM	#36 (permalink)
Regularguy Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 102 Location: USA Status: S. Male with girlfriends	Dan, I reread my post and it looks as if I was replying to 2 different people when you are one in the same. I got a kick out of the "are they looking for the business partner thing?!". I completely agree with you..... I know, perhaps prospective partners can forward their monthly profit and loss statements and other pertinent financials.

12-22-2002, 02:58 PM	#39 (permalink)
youngish56 Here to Stay Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 68 Location: Florida Status: couple	Dan- I usually both agree with and admire your efforts to get readers to think and respond. On this issue I have just a minor misalignment of attitude. As I recall, you referenced the lack of appropriateness for exact physical compatibility when the goal is casual sex. I think the definition of casual sex is different for many of us and this is where the appropriateness of attitude differs. As I stated in my previous post, some of us cannot have such impersonal sex as some others claim to have. For us, physical attraction is only part of the appeal of another person or couple. So, I think its important to understand each person's definition of casual sex. That's my 3 cents - 2 cents Canadienne

12-22-2002, 04:07 PM	#42 (permalink)
youngish56 Here to Stay Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 68 Location: Florida Status: couple	At the risk of being dangerously honest, Dan, I can visualize many people making both discriminations. I remember you once warned me about not going there, but I can't control myself again. In our physical preference "check list" didn't we select that ethnic group that we wanted screened for us. Those of us who did not affirmatively select "black" did, by omission, select "not black". In my opinion, our typical white lifestyle is both racist and politically correct. We claim to have no tolerance with discrimination, but we don't take advantage of those great real estate values and public schools in the ghetto.(sarcasm intended) So, the black issue is entirely different from the weight issue. To compare the two, would only be valid on the most superficial level. Gosh, sounds like we may have had our first spat. I hope it makes our "relationship" stronger.LOL

12-22-2002, 06:05 PM	#43 (permalink)
Regularguy Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 102 Location: USA Status: S. Male with girlfriends	Wait a minute, what is wrong with being selective? I practice discrimination everyday and proudly so like most people. as an example, I discriminate against males in the selection of partners. I discriminate against different foods. In fact I discriminate against all races except my own when it comes to sex. I will not date or play with anyone other then Caucasians. Do i think other races are good looking, sexy and attractive? yep. That is just my own personal preference when it comes to dating and mating. Apparently most people must feel the same as I do, as most people marry someone of their own race. So if I were to run a singles ad, it would in fact say Caucasians only, no parapalegics, no women with hairy anything, none with false teeth, none with communicable diseases...gee, where do I stop?

12-22-2002, 06:29 PM	#44 (permalink)
youngish56 Here to Stay Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 68 Location: Florida Status: couple	There are frequently exaggerated resonses to any post that suggests a person's position on the race topic. I believe it has a lot to do with the anonymity of the responder and his or her personal agenda. I agree with everyone's right to be selective but the causes for preferring Caucasian are not from the same criteria as weight. In agreement with what you said, I find Mexican women mysteriously attractive, but I have no lust for sex with them, no matter their weight. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" etc. I support your position that being selective is both normal and healthy, only wanted to suggest that a fat Mexican girl has two reasons I won't chase her. She can lose weight, the other she cannot change. Not her fault, and I'd expect she has the same prejudice toward me. Normal stuff. This site experiences an occasional occurance of personal attacks from some members. Don't be surprised if such posts follow.

12-22-2002, 07:07 PM	#45 (permalink)
CanadianCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 1,139 Location: New Brunswick, Canada Status: Married Couple	Youngish and regular -- I believe you're both missing my point. It's one thing to state in your ad that you and your partner wish to stay within your own ethnicity when searching for other bed partners. It would be quite another to bluntly proclaim anyone of a different race does not meet your standards. And this was the analogy I was attempting to illustrate relating to the weight issue. Often it's not the message, but how it's delivered. Dan