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  1. #1
    Here to Stay Lumina's Avatar
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    Default General Chemistry vs Perfect Bodies

    So I've been reading here a lot and I'm finding myself quite interested. I'm getting the message here about how it's more about overall attraction than perfect bodies. Older people, heavier people, jump right in--sure some people are fixated on great bodies but there are lots who care about so much more.

    Then I get on SLS and I'm overwhelmed by nude photos, before I even click on any profiles. Now I'm not knocking anyone's individual decision to post nudes. Please don't take it that way. I'm concerned more about how the sheer volume of them tells me there must be a huge demand. Why? You can tell if a person is good-looking, HWP, etc. from clothed pics. Yet it seems the vast majority of people are giving you their intimate photos before getting so much as your name. I can't help but get this vibe that most people want a detailed inspection of the goods before purchasing. It feels like a meat market. Blech. Please tell me I'm wrong.

    Now I know I can weed out the people who care about nude pics by simply refusing to post them. Which I intend to do. And I know that if we go to clubs there will be rejection. I get that. But is finding a couple who are more concerned about general chemistry than body imperfections going to be like finding a needle in a haystack? Am I going to feel up for inspection walking through the doors into a club?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: mixed messages

    Lumina, feels the same to us too. After reading the "Lost my job for swinging" thread, I changed the way we handled our profile pics on the sites we belong to. And you know what? Interest in the form of e-mails and messages dropped off to nearly zero. Certainly an interesting turn of events. I will say this as a personal view, I (Chip) have to have some kind of connection with a person to swing with them. So if we have not established some rapport through messaging or e mail, the only thing left is physical attraction. So it becomes a dilemma. Do you meet someone that has no pics or G rated pics and hope something comes of it? Or do you filter your meets to only people that you think you may have a physical attraction to? I am sure some quality people have fallen by the wayside due to lack of pics or more accurately lack of "in demand" pics. I am certainly not an expert in this field, perhaps someone with more experience will wiegh in on the subject.

    Chip
    "I realized then that the wages of sin
    was a bad reputation and too many friends"
    The Rainmakers

  3. #3
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    Default Re: mixed messages

    We used to have no pics and received NO RESPONSES. Then we had nude pics. Responses varied between outright vulgar to single men only addressing the wife. We now have only G pics public and some R for private.
    The thing is (for us at least) is there has to be some physical attraction. We don't expect Ken & Barbie, but at least people who are HWP, not obese. We met too many people who did not have pics on the site & when we met them, it was a disaster. Last time we did this, they described themselves as very attractive, Him: 40, 6'1" 210# Her: 35, 5'6" 120#. Well he was 5'10" and around 300# with very lond DIRTY, hair while she was more like 5'4" & 180#'s and a far from "cute" face.
    So we will not meet people with a pic. If you don't have pics on the site, you should at least have one you can attach. Why go through all the emails "getting to know" people just to find out they are not what they portrayed?
    The only way we "may" meet people with out a pic is at a M&G or tell them we will be somewhere with others if they care to meet us.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: mixed messages

    I myself prefer clothed pics instead of the nudes. When I see all the nude pics my first impression is that the couple is a bit on the wild side, and not quite a match for us. Our pics are G-rated and our private pics are the same pics with faces on them.
    I don't do the surfing on sls, the Mr does. But he knows my preferences, such as there MUST be a pic of the husband and I prefer brunettes to blondes We don't have a problem meeting people, but then again for the most part we meet the majority at clubs instead of online.

    Mrs
    Somebody better go back and get a shitload of dimes!!!

  5. #5
    Here to Stay
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    Default Re: mixed messages

    Lumina's initial comment about older, heavier people jumping right in is very observant, very interesting and, we're happy to say, very true. We are into (well into) our 50s, plain (but clean and presentable), and while Happy is on the slim side, Mamabear's kinda like the teapot.. short & stout. Two years ago, we were full of fantasies, our "research & discussion" phase complete. Then we almost gave up before we started because we figured, who would want us? We're still not sure we'd swing with ourselves.. hahahaha. Well, guess what, we took the plunge and we're having a great time. It's not a numbers game, and we're not talking huge numbers anyway, but let's say enough "success" that we're asking ourselves at what point do we become sluts? (Has there been a poll question: what numbers or numbers/year equals picky (or hopeless) vs. successful vs. flat-out slutdom?)
    Off topic, here, sorry, just offering a little positive reinforcement for fellow plain people. But the fact is that we old/plain people as a group are probably having more fun than anybody because life has taught us people are about so much more than just pretty faces, tits & ass.
    Getting back to ads, I (male) used to sell real estate some years back, an I think some of the guidelines for realty ads would also apply to swinging ads. We used to try to oversell in our ads.. way too much data.. until a wise manager said, the purpose of the ad is not to sell the house, simply to get the phone to ring. So I look at the purpose of an SLS ad as being to get a response, to tease them enough to put us in touch. But the ad itself is not gonna get us laid; the real "selling" starts after that initial contact. Obviously the ad must emphasize your positive points.. visual, personality, sexual skill, or whatever.. but it must be honest. As another poster noted above, there is no real point in lying about physical details, because you're just gonna blow yourself out of the water when a meeting does occur.
    A good ad guideline, i think, would be to try to write the ad that you would be tempted to answer yourself. It should reflect what you are, and also appeal to the type of people you seek. So many ads carry mixed messages.. the words say we are classy, seeking long-term friendship, etc, and the pics are all tits and twat. Guess which has more impact.. the pics of course. This sound judgemental, and that's not the point. Exhibitionism is certainly legitimate, and so are one-nighters if that's the preference. But when I see faceless snatch pics, I do not see a long-term relationship, just a receptacle to come in. Is that the message you mean to be sending? (This is generic advice, btw, not directed at any of the posters above.)
    Ultimately, ads are a means to an end, but probably will become less and less important to seasoned swingers. Clubs and meet & greets provide immediate face-to-face contact without the bullshit. And finally, if treat people right and the best method of all will come into play: referrals. New swinging friends will want to introduce you to their swinging friends. Now you are being connected to people who are pre-screened, likely compatible.. the odds of meeting "right" couples really swing in your favour.

  6. #6
    Mmmmm...tasty! Pepper & Drew's Avatar
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    Default Re: mixed messages

    Quote Originally Posted by Lumina

    Then I get on SLS and I'm overwhelmed by nude photos, before I even click on any profiles. Now I'm not knocking anyone's individual decision to post nudes. Please don't take it that way. I'm concerned more about how the sheer volume of them tells me there must be a huge demand. Why? You can tell if a person is good-looking, HWP, etc. from clothed pics. Yet it seems the vast majority of people are giving you their intimate photos before getting so much as your name. I can't help but get this vibe that most people want a detailed inspection of the goods before purchasing. It feels like a meat market. Blech. Please tell me I'm wrong.
    Same reason why a half naked Paris Hilton wet and draped across a car sells hamburgers. Because sex sells and we are, indeed, talking about a website where people go to find other couples to have sex with. Naked pics catch the eye. They're tantalizing and provocative. You may look and say, 'wow' what a great _______ (fill in the body part) with a nude pic, but with a clothed on, you may pass them on by. I don't think it's so much that people are only interested in bodies, but when you have seconds to make a first impression, a lot of people think they're putting their best foot forward. Also, I think most swingers aren't offended by nudity, and a lot of people take nudie pics in their bedrooms....therefore, you've got nudie pics on SLS. Oh, and I guarantee no one at work can identify me by my naked ass, since none of them have seen it. But, they may identify me by my clothes. Third, clothes can hide a multitude of sins. We know people aren't perfect and that there'll be stretchmarks, scars and whatnot, but sometimes what can look like this in clothes, can look like this without.

    Pepper
    "Swinging is a lot like riding a Harley, ...for those who understand, no explanation is necessary; for those who don't, no explanation is possible." --Mr. Alura

  7. #7
    Mod Squad Member good times's Avatar
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    Default Re: mixed messages

    I agree with Pepper, and I have to admit that I like a few nude pics on a profile. I disagree that you can tell too much about body type with clothed pictures. The reason I disagree is that several times we have met someone that looked great in their pictures but when we saw them in person it was obvious that they new how to dress to thier best advantage. I don't know how everybody else does it but for us, when we look at add sight profiles, it is mainly about physical attraction. So far I've never figured out how determine whether our personalities will match without meeting them in person. A lot of people can write a great profile but when you meet in person their personality is totally different than what you would have guessed from what they wrote.
    R (He is R, she is P)

  8. #8
    Jay's Bumper Buddy ShellyM's Avatar
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    Default Re: mixed messages

    Quote Originally Posted by LOL_OMG
    I myself prefer clothed pics instead of the nudes. When I see all the nude pics my first impression is that the couple is a bit on the wild side, and not quite a match for us. Our pics are G-rated and our private pics are the same pics with faces on them.
    I don't do the surfing on sls, the Mr does. But he knows my preferences, such as there MUST be a pic of the husband and I prefer brunettes to blondes We don't have a problem meeting people, but then again for the most part we meet the majority at clubs instead of online.

    Mrs
    See, we have a problem at the clubs. At the club we go to no one talks to each other! Does anyone else have this problem? We have alot of fun, but at the club we go to no one even really says hello.
    Merry Christmas and a Ho Ho Ho
    Shelly

  9. #9
    Not a potential *** Chicup's Avatar
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    Default Re: mixed messages

    Quote Originally Posted by Lumina
    So I've been reading here a lot and I'm finding myself quite interested. I'm getting the message here about how it's more about overall attraction than perfect bodies. Older people, heavier people, jump right in--sure some people are fixated on great bodies but there are lots who care about so much more.

    Then I get on SLS and I'm overwhelmed by nude photos, before I even click on any profiles. Now I'm not knocking anyone's individual decision to post nudes. Please don't take it that way. I'm concerned more about how the sheer volume of them tells me there must be a huge demand. Why? You can tell if a person is good-looking, HWP, etc. from clothed pics. Yet it seems the vast majority of people are giving you their intimate photos before getting so much as your name. I can't help but get this vibe that most people want a detailed inspection of the goods before purchasing. It feels like a meat market. Blech. Please tell me I'm wrong.

    Now I know I can weed out the people who care about nude pics by simply refusing to post them. Which I intend to do. And I know that if we go to clubs there will be rejection. I get that. But is finding a couple who are more concerned about general chemistry than body imperfections going to be like finding a needle in a haystack? Am I going to feel up for inspection walking through the doors into a club?
    Welcome to the wonderful world of swinging. This is perhaps the most annoying part of swinging and there is no 'right' answer. We have found there is no 'good' place or way to meet couples and it is indeed a needle in a haystack for us. We don't do nudes ourselves nor do we require them. We do eliminate anyone who has genital close ups. While we don't think nudes are required, we have recently taken down our adds due to them being a waste of time.

    Clubs are better in that you can do in five minutes what would take 10 emails and do a better job at it as well. Clubs on the other hand can leave your isolated or trying to fend off the overly agressive couple you are not interested in.

    Some people really enjoy the clubs, some (far less) do well with the internet, but for us its like playing a game of "Where's Waldo", only replace Waldo with a couple we are both attracted to, are attracted to us, lives close enough, and have personalities we mesh with, oh and last but not least, want to really swing.

  10. #10
    Here to Stay Lumina's Avatar
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    Default Re: mixed messages

    These questions were really bugging me last night, so thank you everyone for responding. That's a lot of good info to chew on.

    Pepper, that's a good point about having seconds to make a good impression. I hadn't thought of that.

    So now I'm wondering:
    Third, clothes can hide a multitude of sins. We know people aren't perfect and that there'll be stretchmarks, scars and whatnot, but sometimes what can look like this in clothes, can look like this without.
    Umm, how does one know if they have something that qualifies for , and short of posting a nude, how would one warn a potential partner?


    Chicup, Chip, and OMG, I'm glad I'm not alone!

    And Happypair, we will use that advice on our personal.
    Last edited by Lumina; 07-10-2006 at 09:52 PM.

  11. #11
    Swingers Board Addict Tybee Swing's Avatar
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    Default Re: mixed messages

    Quote Originally Posted by Lumina
    I'm concerned more about how the sheer volume of them tells me there must be a huge demand. Why? You can tell if a person is good-looking, HWP, etc. from clothed pics. Yet it seems the vast majority of people are giving you their intimate photos before getting so much as your name. I can't help but get this vibe that most people want a detailed inspection of the goods before purchasing. It feels like a meat market. Blech. Please tell me I'm wrong.
    Lumina, go with your own tastes in what you think a sexy picture of yourself is, and be comfortable with it. I'll bet the style you project in what you choose to post will draw the kind of people to you that you're interested in meeting. Our main page pics disguise our faces, and aren't nude. However, you can definitely tell what our body types are like. On the main page of our profile I use the same pic of me in the profile here (the black lace). The other pic of me we use is in stockings, garter, heels, a sheer top, seen from the back. Our private gallery pics aren't X or XXX-rated, either. The main purpose there is to clearly show our faces. I think it's easy to show what you look like and show you're sexy without showing everything. So far, nobody has demanded nude pics of us or genital pics before meeting. We would never ask for nude or genital pics before meeting someone for coffee or a drink, either. We DO ask for face pics before meeting, though.

    When we're looking through ads to find people, we personally don't like the pics like Happypair described: "faceless snatches", I think he said, cocks, people in all kinds of action, all of that. After awhile looking through ads, the x-rated nudes become a boring blur of flesh. We like subtle-yet-sexy much better. That catches our attention when we're looking at ads. Classy pictures will get us to write them (if what they wrote in the ad is good, too). Show me something that tells me something about who they are or their style, and it's much more interesting and appealing to me.

    If an ad has no pics at all, we won't write them. Besides having no idea if they'd be attractive to us, it seems like the odds are higher they're not sincere in the Lifestyle if they have no pics at all.

  12. #12
    Swingers Board Addict Sweet_Candy's Avatar
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    Default Re: mixed messages

    We have G-pics and somewhat R-pics (no gentialia shown) of both of us on our profile. As someone mentioned this is about sex and most people do connect physically first before moving forward to see if there's more chemistry involved. Post the pics you're comfortable with.
    Sweet_Candy

  13. #13
    Swingers Board Addict 2inVT's Avatar
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    Default Re: mixed messages

    I have mixed emotions reading this thread. The original post says this - "Older people, heavier people, jump right in--sure some people are fixated on great bodies but there are lots who care about so much more." - but then I see a slew of responses saying pretty much the opposite.

    Nude photos - we have some on our profile, but tasteful, we think. A different take on nude or provocative photos could be that it shows that the person can be uninhibited, I suppose.

    Lumina, as a fellow Vermonter, all I can say is that if you're expecting to go to clubs to meet people, be prepared to travel - There aren't any that I know of in Vermont, or anywhere even close to Vermont.
    By the time they had diminished from 50 to eight, the other dwarves began to suspect "Hungry".

  14. #14
    Here to Stay Lumina's Avatar
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    Default Re: mixed messages

    2inVT--Vermont isn't the swinger's club paradise, is it? LOL NH and MA have a couple, though. Still havent figured out how we'd explain to my parents why we'd need them to babysit for so long.

  15. #15
    You get what you give NandTfromCA's Avatar
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    Default Re: mixed messages

    Finding people on the Internet is all about marketing and knowing who you are marketing to. We don't require nude shots and we prefer not to see genital shots, but the presence or lack of either is not a deal killer. It’s just one of the factors that effects our consideration.

    To answer the main question, we have found that most people are concerned first and foremost about general chemistry. But physical appearance, like it or not, is usually part of the chemistry equation. The cool thing is that there are plenty of people who are into your type (whatever it is) because preferences vary so much from person to person.

    People are best to put pictures up that capitalize on what they are looking for (the following is not intended to be too serious):
    “The fun couple”- maybe they are all clothed pics of them outside doing fun activities.
    “The sweet couple”- maybe they are pictured together in all of their pics and are obviously in love.
    “The hot couple”- people who are extremely physically fit and have pics to showcase that.
    “The party people”- Every pic has someone different pictured with them in a party scene (SLS doesn’t have too many party people but LL is flooded with them- not good, not bad…they are just marketing to other party people).
    “The serious fuckers”- every other pic shows them having sex with someone else. Some people refer to them as hardcore swingers. (we consider them just as fun as anyone else)
    “The look at my who-who’ers”- most of the pics are close enough that even though you are looking at her genitals, you can see that she still has her tonsils OR every vein on his junk.
    “The couple next door”- all casual, fully clothed, pleasant pictures. Often times shot in the entry of the home or the backyard.

    Did I miss anything?

    Mr.
    ------------------------------------
    "Live your life like your ass is on fire"
    -Unknown

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