Profiles that say "No Barbies and Kens"

[NandTfromCA]

Originally Posted by good times

I don't really have a definition for Ken and Barbie, but if they are sexy and fun, we would love to hook up with them next weekend.

Dito

I think "no Barbie’s and Ken’s" is just as bad as "no fatty's". To each there own but to me the statement seems to be stereotyping and defensive (“let’s say we don’t want them before they can say they don’t want us”)...almost ironic.

Mr. “Not Ken” NandT

[dallmax1]

Didn't Barbie end up fucking GI Joe cause Ken was too boring?

[2jersey]

Originally Posted by NandTfromCA

Dito

I think "no Barbie’s and Ken’s" is just as bad as "no fatty's". To each there own but to me the statement seems to be stereotyping and defensive (“let’s say we don’t want them before they can say they don’t want us”)...almost ironic.

Mr. “Not Ken” NandT

People who say "no fatty's", may be stating a preference for a particular body type, or they may be bought into a stereotype that "fatty's" are lazy, gluttonous, etc... We see nothing wrong having a body type preference, whereas stereotyping strikes us as an ignorant over generalization.

Some people who say no Barbie and Ken have probably bought into the (Paris Hilton) stereotype and believe that all good looking people are personally unattractive based on their aloofness or shallowness. They may have had actually met 'Barbie and Ken' in the past, and are extrapolating from an unpleasant experience.

Others who don't want to associate with Barbie and Ken may have, as has been suggested, deeper emotional reasons for doing so. Feelings of insecurity, defensiveness, resentment, envy (and others) come to mind.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by 2jersey

Some people who say no Barbie and Ken have probably bought into the (Paris Hilton) stereotype and believe that all good looking people are personally unattractive based on their aloofness or shallowness. They may have had actually met 'Barbie and Ken' in the past, and are extrapolating from an unpleasant experience.

Good point! However, I feel that if a couple met with a very good-looking couple whom they defined as a B&K, and had an unpleasant experience with them for some reason, to judge all very good-looking people by that experience and making a point of excluding them all in their ad statement, is just ignorant and super-judgmental. I wouldn't want to meet people that judgmental.

What if the bad experience was with an accountant, and later on they posted, "no accountants!". LOL

[ItTakes3]

Some of us have had a boatload of experience with K&B attitudes and preferences and have made our choices based on that experience...not emotional insecurity. It's nothing more than playing the law of averages. It simply saves time and embarrassment in some cases.

However, it really makes no difference what you say in an ad, since few people pay attention to profiles anyway. I just got through telling two guys with beards that my wife wants nothing to do with men with facial hair, and our profile clearly states that.

[2jersey]

[QUOTE=Tybee Swing]

Good point! However, I feel that if a couple met with a very good-looking couple whom they defined as a B&K, and had an unpleasant experience with them for some reason, to judge all very good-looking people by that experience and making a point of excluding them all in their ad statement, is just ignorant and super-judgmental.

We agree!

I wouldn't want to meet people that judgmental.

Being judgmental, in an of itself, is not bad (in our book). Being judgmental serves as a natural defense (avoidance) against unpleasant experiences. We would not want to associate with completely 'non-judgmental' people - nor the 'super-judgmental. There is a happy/rational middle ground.

What if the bad experience was with an accountant, and later on they posted, "no accountants!". LOL

Yes, that is a perfect example of false stereotyping. Although we don't want to go on record as defending accountants - maybe because of the pocket protectors and the white sox.

[NandTfromCA]

Originally Posted by 2jersey

...pocket protectors and the white sox.

Stop making fun of me...they (protectors) help my shirts last longer

[NandTfromCA]

Originally Posted by 2jersey

People who say "no fatty's", may be stating a preference for a particular body type, or they may be bought into a stereotype that "fatty's" are lazy, gluttonous, etc... We see nothing wrong having a body type preference, whereas stereotyping strikes us as an ignorant over generalization.

Yep, I realized that might not be the best example after I posted it.

Still though, and I guess it is just personal style, we would rather list what we DO want, rather than what we don't want...and would rather see a profile written as such.

Same reason we don't put "No STD's, No potty play, No animals, No pain, No 450lb people, No hair pulling" etc. Well, N actually likes a little hair pulling so we wouldn't want to write that anyway ...BUT my point is that one can either be negative or positive, and we would rather see the later.

EDIT: And if you write that you are looking for all of the positive qualities that you think K and B won’t have, you will rule them out that way rather then using a stereotype.

Mr.

[Lovinlife59912]

MJ said, "It is easy to lump all the good looking, fit, hot bodied people into one group and say they are shallow and only want to play with other perfect people, but that would be incorrect. Unfortunately that is what tends to happen to people who tend to fit the Barbie and Ken mold. People get intimidated, worry that they be rejected or embarrased or in some case are just plain envious."

Tybee swing, I'm curious now if the barbie and ken question was asked out of curiousity or out of frustration that there are guidelines that people have had to put up to protect themselves.
The problem is that people take a look at you for a second and say "yes or No" some won't even take the time to meet you but just look at pictures. But if someone talked with me and my husband for maybe only a half hour they would say that we are friendly, have a good sense of humor, comfortable to be around, and very flirtatious. But at 22 I was 36-24-36 but after five kids I'm a 38 year old mom that I know could use some time in the gym and when I find that time I might do it between softball practice, dance lessons, football games, ect...
I'm sure it's the same with you and most of the people on the board that if I were to spend some time visiting with you, I would SEE a friendly, caring, good natured person and not a body type and knowing that you are here for the same reason would turn me on, because when all is said and done, the person I'm having sex with, I would like to eventually open their mouth and have a conversation with me.

Hopefully this doesn't come off too harsh, it's not meant that way.

[2jersey]

Originally Posted by NandTfromCA

Yep, I realized that might not be the best example after I posted it.

Still though, and I guess it is just personal style, we would rather list what we DO want, rather than what we don't want...and would rather see a profile written as such.

Same reason we don't put "No STD's, No potty play, No animals, No pain, No 450lb people, No hair pulling" etc. Well, N actually likes a little hair pulling so we wouldn't want to write that anyway ...BUT my point is that one can either be negative or positive, and we would rather see the later.

EDIT: And if you write that you are looking for all of the positive qualities that you think K and B won’t have, you will rule them out that way rather then using a stereotype.

Mr.

We totally agree! As we have noted (in other threads), we believe there is a way to convey intentions or preferences without all of the 'negativity' that we see in so many profiles.

In profiles, the incessant listing of rules and/or exclusions conveys to us (as relative newbies) that the writer has had a series of frustrating experiences and that they are carrying negative baggage. Some profiles actually begin with 'what we don't like or want.... This is a major turnoff to us.

Tell us what you seek - what you have to offer - and how we should communicate with you. And send us a personalized message. But do it all in a POSITIVE manner. Some people seem to have lost sight of the seductive aspect of sexual relations (in our opinion). Be appealing, not demanding.

[Spoomonkey]

I have to be honest - the whole "ken and barbie" thing really annoys me. It seems very childish. No one sees themselves as Ken & Barbie - just as no one seems to see themselves as missing that most important "B" from BBW. So - you are really insulting no one by using it, just revealing something about yourselves - from the fact that you are a bit mean or a bit insecure.

I completely agree with 2jersey - there is a way to say what you want without insulting people you may not mean to.

I would never call us Ken and Barbie - but we did go to a party where we were absolutely ignored (read: received the coldest shoulder in swingdom) for reasons that were pretty obvious. Rejection flows both ways - and no one likes it at all.

Just look for what you like and leave the whiney cheap shot/passive aggressive crap out of it.

Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey]

To answer the original question - I have always said that I don't like girls who think they are prettier than I do.

But someone who is attractive, yet real, down-to-earth, friendly, approachable is far more attractive than the sum of her looks.

Spoomonkey

[Chicup]

As a side note, I tend to think of us as Ken and Barbies slightly less attractive friends.

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

No one sees themselves as Ken & Barbie - just as no one seems to see themselves as missing that most important "B" from BBW.

Ok, I'm hungry, tired, and just got back from a trip, but whats that most important B?

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

In your own opinion, what is the definition of a Barbie and Ken couple? Perhaps if I see several responses, I'll get a more clear idea here. LOL

Oh ya the op

A Ken and Barbie couple is a couple more attractive than us who won't play with us because we are less attractive than they are

When I see 'We are not ken and barbie' in profiles it can mean anything from grossly overweight, to not quite perfect, and its pretty meaningless.

If I see 'not looking for ken and barbie' it could mean they are sick of being rejected for their looks by more attractive couples and are looking to 'strike first', or it may mean they are trying to tell other couples they are not looking for perfect bodies so don't be afraid to mail them if you are not. Its also pretty meaningless.

[driveajeepnaked]

Originally Posted by 2jersey

Although we don't want to go on record as defending accountants - maybe because of the pocket protectors and the white sox.

Female accountant here...how about a demi bra and thigh-highs?? That's more my style anyway...

Val