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  1. #1
    Here to Stay arcpl4mfm's Avatar
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    Default Self-conscious about my weight/body

    Does anyone have any suggestions on how to stop being so self-conscious about weight issues? I still have a bit of a gut and new stretch marks due to a baby. I love swinging but find myself holding back due to worrying so much about what people are thinking once they see me without my clothes.
    Curiosity may have killed the cat, but at least he knew!

  2. #2
    Here to Stay gaznrachy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Might sound daft but why strip completely?

    Try wearing a lace or net wrap or bodice/corset. These can be extremely sexy and you can cover up the bits you don't like

    I really wouldn't worry about it though, to me a face with life in it is what captures me every time! My body isn't perfect so I don't expect others to be too

    You just gotta look at it as 'if they don't like the look of me then don't look!'

    Your hubby thinks your gorgeous so who cares about the rest.

    G

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Self-conscious

    everyone has SOME kind of initial fear about getting naked. dont sweat it. let loose, enjoy yourself and that feeling might just go away after knowing guy and girls just dont care about those marks and stuff.

    ITS ALL GOOD.....

  4. #4
    South of disorder WesternSwing's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self-conscious

    I'm 41 years old. My wife is 31. After about 25 virtually every woman shows some signs of childbirth and just plain life. It's fact. After about 25 I also found it more sexually exciting, it's what seperates the women from the little girls. I think most real men like real women. At least that has been my experience.

    Mrs. WS is curvy, not your size 1 waif or even your size 10. She is a healthy, curvy 14-16 and she looks great! She never, ever, hurts for attention, and the funny thing is it is the skinny men and women you would think would only be into the gym rat type women.

    I personally am not that attracted by the 19-year old Playboy Playmate types. It's just not real. Maybe when I was 22 it was, but back then I wasn't half the lover I am today and they sure as hell weren't any fun compared to the "real women" I play with today.

    If they didn't want to see you naked you wouldn't have gotten that far with them to begin with.

    Dip me in chocolate and throw me to the MILF's!

    Mr. WS
    "Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are." ~ Anna Freud

  5. #5
    Here to Stay Lovinlife59912's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Mrs. Westernswing you have a great man there. It's nice to hear a man speak like that because we women put our bodies through hell as we get older and it's nice to know that even with all of the media attention geared towards barbie doll type women, that there are men that appreciate what is inside and not just the outside package.

    It gets frustrating to continually read ads that say looking for HWP, when after five kids I do have a belly but I can still rock my husbands world no problem.
    For me, love is very deep, but sex only has to go a few inches. :8-0::

  6. #6
    Swingers Board Addict Sweet_Candy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Quote Originally Posted by WesternSwing
    After about 25 virtually every woman shows some signs of childbirth and just plain life. It's fact. After about 25 I also found it more sexually exciting, it's what seperates the women from the little girls. I think most real men like real women. At least that has been my experience.

    Mr. WS
    Amen Mr. WS Send in the women!
    Sweet_Candy

  7. #7
    Swingers Board Addict VanHlebar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self-conscious

    I am with Mr. WS! Look, fact is that eventually life takes hold. I love a lady that is confident in her skin. One that has exudes sexiness and confidence will catch my attention everytime.

    Just relax and enjoy yourself, and the rest will come to you.

    -Van

  8. #8
    Swingers Board Addict lovedoctor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Quote Originally Posted by Lovinlife59912
    It gets frustrating to continually read ads that say looking for HWP, when after five kids I do have a belly but I can still rock my husbands world no problem.
    I know what you mean, WTF does HWP mean?! I only have one child, but it's taken me 27 years of back and forth with the weight and I'm still a long way from goal. Still, I don't consider myself bad looking.

    I am overweight and I always will be ~according to the charts. I am a big girl, but I'm strong (work out a lot!) and have great muscle tone for the most part and am fit from a cardiovascular standpoint. Sure, I would like to look like a hard-body, but I will settle for just being the best me that I can be. I'm happy with myself most of the time, but its taken work to get to this point. I would much rather be me, than to be a skinny weakling.

    Several years ago, I went through this self-help phase, went to a bunch of CareerTrack seminars and bought a bunch of positive affirmation type tapes to listen to in the car. That helped a lot! If you can't love yourself, no one else can either. Every day I look at myself in the mirror and say something nice to me: "You're awesome!" or "You look nice today!" or "I love the person you are..." or something like that. We all tend to be pretty hard on ourselves, so I try to do as much positive self talk as I can. It's amazing how it works!
    "Everyone here is wondering what it's like to be with somebody else..."
    ~Back 2 Good, Rob Thomas (matchbox twenty)

  9. #9
    Swingers Board Addict Paphian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Quote Originally Posted by arcpl4mfm
    Does anyone have any suggestions on how to stop being so self-conscious about weight issues? I still have a bit of a gut and new stretch marks due to a baby.
    No real suggestions, but I can tell you from one guy's standpoint that it's something that most women worry far more about than necessary. We all have our preferences, obviously, but I expect there's far more men out there than you think where it's just not that big a deal.

    Quote Originally Posted by arcpl4mfm
    I love swinging but find myself holding back due to worrying so much about what people are thinking once they see me without my clothes.
    Dunno about the rest of 'em, but I'd be thinking something along the lines of "WooHoo! This is gonna be sweet!"

  10. #10
    Swingers Board Addict Paphian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Quote Originally Posted by Lovinlife59912
    It gets frustrating to continually read ads that say looking for HWP, when after five kids I do have a belly but I can still rock my husbands world no problem.
    Guilty as charged. I've posted on occasion that I was looking for someone "nearly HWP", but the reasons may be different than you think (or maybe not...).

    The problem is that there are women out there who will happily claim to be "average" or "a few pounds over" or similar descriptions and who are seriously overweight. I'm not talking the typical results of bearing children and age here, but rather 100s of pounds over "HWP".

    So, in my own case anyway, it's a sort of "flag" for potential respondents that I've got a kind of mental image in mind of the sort of partner I'm looking for, and that image has got some limits to it. Sort of a silent plea for anyone interested to make a personal reality check before responding.

    All that said, and speaking only for myself, "nearly HWP" is no "rule". It's rarely in any on-line ad I've posted, a rule often bent, and has on a number of occasions been completely ignored, because I'm far more interested in the whole package than just the wrapping.

    Just one guy's take on a potential reason for the appearance of "HWP". YMMV. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear. And yadda-yadda.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: Self-conscious

    To me it is sexy to find a woman that is comfortable with her sexuality, regardless of actual weight. Sexy is an attitude. A woman who may not have the "ideal" body but who feels sexy and it not afraid to show it is sexier than a "perfect" woman who hides her sexuality. True sexuality is is the head, not the body.

  12. #12
    Sex is emotion in motion! Menage_a_Trois's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self-conscious

    It is truly about being comfortable in your own skin which equals liking/loving yourself for who you are. If you poll the majority (not all - but the majority) of the people in the lifestyle you will find most people are turned on by others because of personality and that they have a good healthy ATTITUDE about themselves.

    Yes this is easier said then done - TRUST ME lol - I am someone who is still learning to listen to my own preaching. I to suffer for feeling as though I am the troll under the bridge and WHY would anyone possibly what to do anything with me, especially have sex!!!!

    But seriously, I have learned to start appreciating me for all the wonderful things I am and have to offer others. And when you start to let go of the self-loathing, and dismissave attitude about yourself and embrace the wonderful, sexy, sensual woman that lies inside and you allow her to come out and celebrate life...........well you will begin to feel alive and really begin to experience all the lifestyle has to offer.

    Sir Winston Churchill once said - "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." If you really take time to think about this just as he quoted..........think of ALL you stand to gain verses the immediate difficulty! So go get out and embrace yourself - and soon you will see everyone else embracing you back!

    The Other Mrs. Menage..........
    DoYaWannaAZ (aka formerly The Menage's)

  13. #13
    Pure Evil..In a cute suit EvilMJ's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self-conscious

    If someone agrees to play with you, then have fun as they are attracted to you. The people who are looking for the perfect body, or a certain body type that you do not have, are not going to be contacting you. What I mean by that is there is no need to feel self consious becuase the people who want to play with you will, and you don't have to worry about the others.

    I am a curvy woman myself, thanks to the magic of genetics I have my mamma's hips. Oh well, I have learned to live with that fact and try to be confident and sexy. People respond to that. You can be the thinnest woman on the planet but if you don't have any personality or confidence, people aren't going to be drawn to you.

    So just say, "hey this is me, either you love me or you don't". And then go and have some fun.
    "Well! Evil to some is always good to others." - Jane Austen

  14. #14
    Swingers Board Addict Sweet_Candy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Quote Originally Posted by Paphian
    The problem is that there are women out there who will happily claim to be "average" or "a few pounds over" or similar descriptions and who are seriously overweight. I'm not talking the typical results of bearing children and age here, but rather 100s of pounds over "HWP".

    So, in my own case anyway, it's a sort of "flag" for potential respondents that I've got a kind of mental image in mind of the sort of partner I'm looking for, and that image has got some limits to it. Sort of a silent plea for anyone interested to make a personal reality check before responding.

    All that said, and speaking only for myself, "nearly HWP" is no "rule". It's rarely in any on-line ad I've posted, a rule often bent, and has on a number of occasions been completely ignored, because I'm far more interested in the whole package than just the wrapping.
    Guess we are guilty as well. HWP is in our ad too. Not looking for gym rats either. I've had to deal with a weight issue for years due to medications. We do workout and we both stay HWP. It's just a starting parameter nothing more. The whole package is the objective.
    Sweet_Candy

  15. #15
    Swingers Board Addict funcpl4life's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Quote Originally Posted by WesternSwing
    If they didn't want to see you naked you wouldn't have gotten that far with them to begin with.

    Dip me in chocolate and throw me to the MILF's!

    Mr. WS


    Give me a *woman*.

    Mr. FC4L

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