Self-conscious about my weight/body

[lovedoctor]

Originally Posted by Paphian

So, in my own case anyway, it's a sort of "flag" for potential respondents that I've got a kind of mental image in mind of the sort of partner I'm looking for, and that image has got some limits to it. Sort of a silent plea for anyone interested to make a personal reality check before responding.

Until we put an ad on Swing Lifestyle, I had never heard of "HWP!" I thought it meant Hispanic/White person, LOL :rollseyes

Maybe it rules out a whole portion of the swinging world for us, but we don't ever respond to any ads on Swing Lifestyle that state "HWP." The hubby states that it's an oxymoron because everyone is height/weight proportional - it's just a math thing. 500#/4'9" is a proportion. So is 90#/5'11" . So is he at 5' 11" and #190. It doesn't say if he's flabby or not! For someone to say "must be HWP" indicates to us that the person is making basic assumptions without really thinking it through. Our basic assumptions maybe different than couple A's and they may all be different than couple B's. In essence, to us it means nothing. It's one of our red flags; it was when I was heavier and out of shape and it still is even though I'm probably in better shape than most people with a "normal" BMI, and it still will be in the near future when my BMI enters the green zone. We will respond to ads that seek couples who "take care of themselves," or are "fit," even though we are not ideal, because we realize that is more specific and appropriate than the nebulous "HWP." It amazes me how flabby some women look at 5' 5" and 145, and how great some look at 5' 6" and 185!

For us, it is more important from a looks standpoint to see a nice recent photo. How well the photo is done is key for us. A snapshot in the mirror or on the couch is not impressive, a nice quality photo is. We don't understand why people who are looking to impress would post some cluttery bedroom shot with an ironing board in the background. We are also leery of those who say they are 40 but look 28 in their photo and 65 in real life! Artsy but not obtuse professional or well done photos go a long way in saying who the person is. Of course, photography is one of our passions, so it stands to reason that we look for the extra there.

I guess we all have our "standards" but the biggest one for me while looking at an ad is spelling mistakes or errors in grammar. If someone can't proofread their ad, we dont bother with them. We really don't want to be with people who can't carry on a conversation or those who don't have a sense of humor. We've narrowly avoided disaster with people who are too analytical and rigid and with those who are too nondiscriminating as well, but those are oft times not realized until you meet someone face to face.

Anyhow, it comes down to having a good sense of self-esteem no matter who you are and letting that shine through. My advice to you arcpl: Fake it until you make it baby. It does get easier after the first couple of experiences, and you will find yourself becoming the discriminating one!

[Paphian]

Originally Posted by lovedoctor

Maybe it rules out a whole portion of the swinging world for us, but we don't ever respond to any ads on Swing Lifestyle that state "HWP." The hubby states that it's an oxymoron because everyone is height/weight proportional - it's just a math thing. 500#/4'9" is a proportion. So is 90#/5'11" . So is he at 5' 11" and #190. It doesn't say if he's flabby or not! For someone to say "must be HWP" indicates to us that the person is making basic assumptions without really thinking it through. Our basic assumptions maybe different than couple A's and they may all be different than couple B's. In essence, to us it means nothing. It's one of our red flags; it was when I was heavier and out of shape and it still is even though I'm probably in better shape than most people with a "normal" BMI, and it still will be in the near future when my BMI enters the green zone. We will respond to ads that seek couples who "take care of themselves," or are "fit," even though we are not ideal, because we realize that is more specific and appropriate than the nebulous "HWP." It amazes me how flabby some women look at 5' 5" and 145, and how great some look at 5' 6" and 185!

For us, it is more important from a looks standpoint to see a nice recent photo. How well the photo is done is key for us.

(Lotsa other good stuff snipped...)

I can't argue with any of this (and wouldn't want to). Everyone's got some means of deciding who to contact and how to present themselves and we all make assumptions based on what a given profile says or shows.

You mention that spelling or photos make or break a profile for you. I've used "near HWP" to screen. Both are designed to do the same things, and unfortunately, both can misfire. I figure what's most important is to maintain a reasonably open mind... one has to leave some room for serendipity.

I hear ya about both photos (why is it that people often post such wretched ones?) and spelling and grammar, however. Spelling and grammar can make a huge difference in how someone is perceived in a medium like this where it's most of what's out there about oneself.

[JnCC]

I too, like a few "curves" on a woman, provided they go both ways.

I like a woman who cares about her health and appearance, but isn't obsessed by it.

I'm attracted to a woman who makes a practice of "being the best she can be," rather than one who tries to live up to some manufactured "ideal" that's put forth by the media or pop-culture.

Most of all, I'm drawn to a woman who's ballsy enough to go forth into the world (or a nude beach or a swing club) and say, "This is ME. I'm comfortable in this body. If you want to share any part of my life, you'll have to feel as good about my body as I do."

Just my $.02


"When the lights go out, the only thing that matters is 'Who washed?"

Redd Foxx - 1922-1991
Comedian and social commentator

[nottykupple]

My wife also worries about her stomach and stretch marks too. Me (hubby), i look for stretch marks and kiss every one of them! It means u brought an amazing life into this world! Weight, almost never an issue unless ur way overweight coz that isnt healthy for you! Its almost as bad as men worrying bout penis size-if i did that-id never get to play so i work on things i can change like just being fit, learning to be a much better lover(never ending process) and just truely enjoying every inch of who im with. What a great sex life we are having(enjoy the ride).

[MoonLightKiss]

Hey this is the Mr. and Mrs. here. I (Mrs.) have the same concerns. I have had two kids, and lets face reality, after two kids, you are not going to fit into those jeans you wore in high school. Now, hubby tells me I am the sexiest thing he has seen. I tell him "yeah right".

I see myself in the mirror. I got a few pounds hanging around, I can't seem to get rid of no matter how hard I try. I have stretch marks, my boobs aren't where they were in high school, and I was self concious about it. I got over it.

My husband thinks I am sexy and I turn him on. That is what is truly important. Other men have hit on me in the oddest places. Once this guy approached me for coffee in a bookstore. I told him I was married, and while he tried to stammer an apology out, I told him thank you so much for the compliment. I ran home, told hubby, and his words were "told you that you were hot." That started me thinking, I may not be the pretty skinny young thing I once was but I still got some skills I got great looking eyes, a beautiful smile, and I carry myself with pride. I found that goes a longer way than perfection any day of the week.

[lovedoctor]

Originally Posted by Paphian

You mention that spelling or photos make or break a profile for you. I've used "near HWP" to screen. Both are designed to do the same things, and unfortunately, both can misfire. I figure what's most important is to maintain a reasonably open mind... one has to leave some room for serendipity.

Boy, do I hear you on that - things can misfire no matter how careful you are. Not to sound like a snot (I am, but that's a different story ) but we had a tough time finding people that were...how can I put it... intellectually stimulating enough for us. We live in the middle of redneckville, LOL, and have been here long enough that we are somewhat "countryfied" ourselves, but we do enjoy folks that have wit, intellect and are articulate enough to carry on a conversation. You can't always tell by a photo. But it does seem like I'm catching on to reading profiles fairly accurately.

:rollseyes And how come people who purposely state "no drama" are usually the biggest drama queens? :rollseyes

[Paphian]

Originally Posted by lovedoctor

Boy, do I hear you on that - things can misfire no matter how careful you are.

No kidding. Just ask those who thought the 'rhythm method' would be effective birth control.

Originally Posted by lovedoctor

Not to sound like a snot (I am, but that's a different story )

You say that like it's a bad thing... My automatic reply to accusations of "smartass" (to which I have become so accustomed that I now feel neglected if I don't hear it at least once a day) is, "Better than having a dumbass for a friend, isn't it?"

Originally Posted by lovedoctor

but we had a tough time finding people that were...how can I put it... intellectually stimulating enough for us. We live in the middle of redneckville, LOL, and have been here long enough that we are somewhat "countryfied" ourselves, but we do enjoy folks that have wit, intellect and are articulate enough to carry on a conversation.

I hear ya! I'm in similar straits, complicated by those who just have to know, right this instant, whether I've found Jesus yet. Found? He was missing? I don't recall hearing Mountain Search & Rescue being called out.

Originally Posted by lovedoctor

You can't always tell by a photo.

Or even whether they actually posted their own photo!

Originally Posted by lovedoctor

But it does seem like I'm catching on to reading profiles fairly accurately.

It's a hard-won skill, usually learned at the cost of some... errr... 'interesting' situations, both on-line and off-.

Originally Posted by lovedoctor

:rollseyes And how come people who purposely state "no drama" are usually the biggest drama queens? :rollseyes

Failure to understand the definition of 'drama', at least as applied by the majority of the population? When one lives from drama to drama, I expect it starts to feel like 'normal' and the underpinnings of the universe (as locally applied) shift to accommodate.

[Paphian]

Originally Posted by MoonLightKiss

My husband thinks I am sexy and I turn him on. That is what is truly important. Other men have hit on me in the oddest places. Once this guy approached me for coffee in a bookstore. I told him I was married, and while he tried to stammer an apology out, I told him thank you so much for the compliment. I ran home, told hubby, and his words were "told you that you were hot."

Hubby is a wise man, as well as fortunate.

Originally Posted by MoonLightKiss

That started me thinking, I may not be the pretty skinny young thing I once was but I still got some skills I got great looking eyes, a beautiful smile, and I carry myself with pride. I found that goes a longer way than perfection any day of the week.

That is so right. There's absolutely nothing sexier, IMO, than a woman who is confident in herself.

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

You can be the thinnest woman on the planet but if you don't have any personality or confidence, people aren't going to be drawn to you.

True, and at least 50% of the people out there are not going to be attracted to the skinny winnies. There's someone for everyone. It takes all kinds to make this orb go round. That is what makes life so fun.

Mr. WS

[robbiex2]

I still dont know what hwp means?

[robbiex2]

ok I know now

[Sweet_Candy]

Height Weight Proportional

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Height Weight Proportional refers to body mass index calculation and is based on the ratio of weight to height squared. In medical use 25-30 is considered normal, with over 30 being considered overweight, although other factors are involved, and the calculation is only a tool to aid diagnosis. The calculation was developed in the early nineties. 'HWP' is often seen in personal ads to indicate that the poster does not consider themselves overweight.

[S&E]

Life's challenges, kids, health, genetics, work as well as countless other things take there toll on ones body, both men and women, regardless of our desired body or efforts in the gym. We offset the preceived negative effects of life with personality, skills and intellect that we did not have when we were 19 and hot as hell.

That being said, looking back after 30+ years of being sexually active, personal experiences, romances, lovers, etc., having been married now for 20+ years, we do indeed bet better with age.

Way back when, in the late 70s thru early 80s, as a young guy, 18-24, I was always attracted to older, 30 to 40+ year old women, I had countless encounters with older women during those years and have the best memories with the older women. Back then I couldn't figure out why I enjoyed those experiences, but they were great!

Looking back, and after 20+ years with "E", I have concluded that as the body ages and the cover girl/guy body fades a little, we make up for 10 times over in many other sexually benifical ways because we devote all of our attentions to pure pleasure and enjoy the sensual encounter in ways we couldn't understand back then.

So give me a choice of a hot bodied 19 year old (boring), or a mature 30 to 50 something, I would prefer to be with the 30-50 something any day of the week.

Enjoy your body, enjoy the pleasure you experience, both giving & receiving and don't worry about the "curves, few extra pounds, stretch marks, etc."


S & E