New With Questions: Self conscious about weight

[Jean]

Hi, I am new to this and my dh and I are interested in softswinging and I have a few questions. I read the ads for swingers in the dfw area, only I am a little nervous about how I look. I would consider myself bbw, only not huge or nothing, anyway, I guess I am a little selfconscience about how I look. Plus I hear about how it is formed thru friendship, only how do you go about finding that friendship. Are the posts in the ad part of the webpage ok. I am so afraid of meeting some weirdo. Not that they arn't ok, its just not what I want ya know. With me being new to all of this, I want to step into this slowly, and not be pushed. Anyway sorry to rattle on, but I would like to find a couple in the dfw are ( Texas ) and they be a nice normal couple like us and is ok to softswing and let me go slow at this, plus not mind the way I look. And if it goes farther than I can decide later. If anyone could respond I would appreciate it. Everyone in this board has seemed so nice and I felt really comfortable asking. Thanks to All.

[Stratecpl]

Jean.

The name of the game is "take it at your own pace!" Really. Soft-swing is just fine and it's very exciting to all involved. When and IF things progress farther, you and your husband will (hopefully) be talking it over at length. It will then become a natural progression. Just be SURE to communicate true feelings with each other.

I would be willing to bet that MOST women who swing are BBW, and many men are also a bit "BBM" so to speak!! So don't be intimidated by this. Just keep looking until you find that right couple.... they are out there, probably closer by than you think! Good luck!!

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[CanadianCouple]

Ron: sorry but I must disagree with you that most woman in this would be concidered BBW. At least not around here. Yes there are others but by far the majority here are on the slender side, others are just average and then there are us. For the most part the us are on the bottom of the ladder and want to climb, but have a hard time finding those to climb with us.

Janette of CanadianCouple

Jean: don't let anyone rush you. Take things at your own pace and allow nature to take its coarse in time. It will all be worth it if you just give yourself the time you need. If other don't want to give you this time then they aren't the right people for you. Good luck.

[This message has been edited by CanadianCouple (edited 07-17-2001).]

[Jean]

Thanks so much, I am truely interested, I will just keep looking around and seeing what develops. I really appreciate ya'lls replys and will continue to look around and see what happens

Originally posted by Jean:
Hi, I am new to this and my dh and I are interested in softswinging and I have a few questions.

Being from Texas (God's country), I know that DFW is Dallas Ft Worth, but what is dh? Using initials for names is very confusing to read.

CyberHusband

Jean,

I just want to add to what good suggestions were already said here....While doing your search & RE-searching on the lifestyle, BOTH of you should be doing this together. And discuss EVERYthing & ANYthing that cums to mind! Communicate with truth & honesty, with a bit of imagination along the way , and move at your own pace, and you'll both find who you're looking for.

When chatting with potential partners, you want to ask them ANYthing & EVERYthing that cums to mind! If they are who they say they are, then answering all your questions truthfully wouldn't be a problem. BUT, if they give you grief and they feel "threatened" by all your questions, either they are not ready to enter into the lifestyle truthfully, or they are imposters, and you don't want nothing to do with them! A simple "Thanks, but no thanks" should be sufficient enough.

Do realize though, that others will be asking you personal questions as well, just be prepared to answer them with truth & honesty as well.

I think the main problem we've experienced so far (which was very few), is during the "getting to know each other" stages via emailing, ICQ, IM, etc....There are a few of those who find this "stage" a bit uncomfortable for them, taking "questions" VERY personal, and it IS, but do realize the "why" behind them too. *lol*

Just have fun with it! For us, we searched for FRINDSHIP 1ST! And whatever happens from there, well....

ANYway....*lol* This is what worked for US, and it's been over a year since we've started our "research" in the lifestyle, and we've enjoyed the FUN & FRIENDSHIPS that we've gained so far! And let's not forget the EROTIC adventures too, which is an added "spice" to our UNique friendships....

Good luck with your search! And do keep us posted with your progress as well!


CyberWife

[Jean]

Hey All,

Well the DH is for dear husband, you know ya'll are a great bunch of people. I have to totally agree with the truth and together part. That was the absolute first part when we were thinking about this. He reads the posts from this page at work and I from home, and then we talk about it when he gets home. You are right the first part of meeting people is very odd, but it is a step that has to be taken. I am very excited and hope to at one point to meet a nice couple here in the Dallas area. Who knows what can happen, but we want the friendship first too, I never dated my husband before we got married. We grew up together, and then decided to get married. We had the friendship first in our marriage and made all the difference.

[JustAskJulie]

Swinging is just like real life, there are people in it from all walks of life and all shapes and sizes. I know sometimes it seems like there are more Barbies and Kens than anything and I think that maybe that's just because those who aren't Barbie or Ken maybe feel self-concious about putting themselves out there for fear of ridicule.

As far as soft-swinging, there are as many types of swinging as there are swingers. Everyone has to decide what they want to do and what they are comfortable with and stick to it. Don't feel that you have to go further than that because "most swingers do". We aren't in high school here and there shouldn't be any "well everyone else is doing it" attitude either. Do what you are comfortable with.

As for your body as long as you are comfortable with it, others will be to.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie:
...I think that maybe that's just because those who aren't Barbie or Ken maybe feel self-concious about putting themselves out there for fear of ridicule.

Sometimes that fear or nervousness manifests itself in other ways. We went to a meet and greet a couple of weeks ago, and shortly after we arrived a new couple, brand new first timers, arrived as well. They sat at a table by themselves, and continued to sit alone for a while after that. So Janette and I, knowing all too well what it's like being new and alone, decided to be a couple of nice guys and asked to sit with them to give them some company. Janette did the asking, and the guy says "well, they're all free, you can sit where you like".

Huh?

We're quite sure he didn't mean to sound abrasive, but was just nervous and maybe a tad defensive as a result. We gave them the benefit of the doubt anyway.

Dan

[Deja]

DAN:

Oops...we resemble that remark!!! We were very nervous the first time we went to a meet and greet...fortunately we met some folks like you who made us feel very comfortable...in no time we pulled ourselves out the corner and made some good acquaintances...

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:

We're quite sure he didn't mean to sound abrasive, but was just nervous and maybe a tad defensive as a result. We gave them the benefit of the doubt anyway.

Dan

So did they get over their nervousness?

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie:
So did they get over their nervousness?

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

No they didn't. We talked to them for a couple of hours and it was like pulling teeth. I got the feeling it was an experience they would not be repeating. I'm far more out going than Dan and can talk quite easily to anyone. These two didn't seem to want to talk about the lifestyle or themselves. He was a little more receptive than she was. Even when the host joined us and chatted, they stayed pretty closed mouthed. We finally excused ourselves and moved on. Who knows, maybe we just weren't their type and made them nervous by sitting with them. Oh well, their loss.

Janette of CanadianCouple


[This message has been edited by CanadianCouple (edited 07-18-2001).]

[JustAskJulie]

Sounds to me like one of those situations where the guy dragged the wife there and was regretting it. Hard to say.. but it's too bad. We've seen similiar things at clubs we've been to, and you do have to wonder why those couples ever showed up to begin with.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[Jean]

Ya know, we have started putting our info on different boards hoping for a response, but I have to tell you, by looking at the pictures on different boards not everyone is a Ken and Barbie type. The meet and greet thing sounds like a really nice way to meet folks, I will have to do some research on finding something like that here. I just want to make sure that my hubby and I don't end up at somthing really freaky, and we arn't prepared for it. But I figure if we do we just walk away. Ain't that big of a deal. Its not like we are going to see any of those folks a wholelot anyway. : ^ )

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:
.....We finally excused ourselves and moved on. Who knows, maybe we just weren't their type and made them nervous by sitting with them. Oh well, their loss.

Janette of CanadianCouple

EXACTLY, "their loss"!

That was very nice of you two, you didn't have to go outta your way and try to make the newbies feel more welcome, and if it were us, we sure would welcome that kind of hospitality in a heartbeat!

BTW Julie, so when are we having this "Swingers Message Board Get Together" party of yours?! *lol*


CyberWife