New With Questions: Self conscious about weight

[CanadianCouple]

CyberWife --

This is one problem we've discussed, concerning clubs.

How does one simply engage in conversation with another couple without them thinking you're interested in them sexually, assuming you're not? This adds unwanted tension, everyone is 'on their guard' so to speak.

The long-term couple we had that we've mentioned several times here, the other woman initally approached our table (while I was in the bathroom), and asked Janette if she could sit. When I came out, she was there talking to her, and I took my seat with them. I swear, several minutes of conversation passed before it FINALLY dawned on me the other woman was making an approach. By the time her husband sat with us, there was no doubt, but it just didn't occur to me they were interested, not at the onset. But I suspect I'm just slower on the uptake that most.

Dan

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:
.....I swear, several minutes of conversation passed before it FINALLY dawned on me the other woman was making an approach. By the time her husband sat with us, there was no doubt, but it just didn't occur to me they were interested, not at the onset. But I suspect I'm just slower on the uptake that most.

Dan

You sound like ME too then! *lol* It's like, if you don't have a blinking neon sign on your forehead saying, "I want your SEX, take me/us NOW!", or something to that sort, then I've missed the whole thing, and then Hubby has to explain it to me! *LOL*

Oh well....Hopefully because of our "ignorance" (which is usually "bliss", but in our case, that's not good *LOL*), we (you & I) didn't miss out on TOO much! Hey, but we're learning, right?!


CyberWife

[Stratecpl]

you know what Ron and I do with these parties...we go..rent a room with a jacuzzi.. bring along a single guy friend..stash him in the room warming up the jacuzzi and relaxing (resting up for later..haha) Ron and I go to the party, mingle, talk, dance, all that good stuff. If we meet a couple that we click with cool...we go from there with whatever everybody is comfy with..if not we get our fill of the dancing and mingling..mosey on back to our room and single friend..strip down, hop into the jacuzzi and have a very hot remainder of the evening.. See the single guy is insurance..we KNOW we gonna have fun whether we meet anybody at the party or not...LOL

Connie



[This message has been edited by Stratecpl (edited 07-19-2001).]

[LaylaSusanne]

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:
CyberWife --

This is one problem we've discussed, concerning clubs.

How does one simply engage in conversation with another couple without them thinking you're interested in them sexually, assuming you're not? This adds unwanted tension, everyone is 'on their guard' so to speak.
Dan

Yeah, we've had the same experience. On BOTH sides! It's hard to just go up and say "Hello" to someone without them thinking you want to jump them. And then, when someone approaches you, you're thinking the same thing.

Sometimes, we just want to be friendly and chat for a while. Most of the time, we don't play at the club anyway, except with each other.

It still does hurt your feelings when a couple you would like to get to know, and talk to SOCIALLY reject you because they think you want sex.

As my hubby put it so well one night, now I know what it feels like to be a teenage boy!

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by Stratecpl:
See the single guy is insurance..we KNOW we gonna have fun whether we meet anybody at the party or not...LOL

So what happens when you find a great couple you'd like to play with and they aren't cool with the idea of the extra single guy?

For that matter how do you tell them about the extra single guy? "Oh yeah just in case we didn't meet someone like you we have an extra guy back in our room to play with."

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[Stratecpl]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie:
So what happens when you find a great couple you'd like to play with and they aren't cool with the idea of the extra single guy?

For that matter how do you tell them about the extra single guy? "Oh yeah just in case we didn't meet someone like you we have an extra guy back in our room to play with."

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

Well...first of all most of the people at the party already know he's there. We all get together pre-party to visit and hangout together. He's part of that gathering usually. He's just not allowed IN the party once it starts. And also...going by the past party experiences...odds are we won't find that couple anyway. Most of the women are bi and most are looking for couples with bi fems or just a bi fem to get together with after the party. It's a once a month thing and most have pretty much pre-planned their nights with their usual friends they get together with anyway. SO being new AND being straight is a big strike out from the get go for us. So the extra guy?? Yes...he makes it worth the time and effort to go. We get away from home for the weekend..dance, mingle, and have fun..once a month. IF someday that illusive straight couple walks into the party??? well we'll deal with the question then.

Connie

Originally posted by Stratecpl:
.....He's just not allowed IN the party once it starts.

Connie

So he's like a "boy toy"?

How does HE feel about this behavior? I guess he's okay with it, since he's been "around" with you two for awhile, yes?

Just wondering, cause it's pretty interesting hearing about this....


CyberWife

[Stratecpl]

Originally posted by CyberMWCouple:
So he's like a "boy toy"?

How does HE feel about this behavior? I guess he's okay with it, since he's been "around" with you two for awhile, yes?

Just wondering, cause it's pretty interesting hearing about this....


CyberWife

He doesn't mind it at all... The club is a no-singles club. If it was up to me I would have him and Ron both in the party with me... He doesn't miss out on anything..nor do we..Since most all the couples there know him, there may be that one time that he may have more fun than we do after party hours.. And he has the advantage of being there at the pre-party get together and meeting all the couples...many of them have expressed interest in him and a possible threesome with them..so he's exchanged e-mails and phone numbers with some of them. They are getting to know him when he's with us and vice-versa.. Do you think to him that being the ONLY, young, goodlooking single guy at an all couples gathering is a handicap!? He sure don't! haha and he don't mind being a boy toy at all either. ..in a way he's actually benefiting more than we are. He has the chance to meet new couples to play with. Ron and I are not that lucky. We attended a party last night..same thing...nothing..we wound up back in the room by 11:00 in the jacuzzi with our friend. The night was fun and hot..but unfortunanly that illusive couple wasn't there last night. The people in this club seems to have their established playmates and don't appear to be very open to new paople for anything other than dancing and flirting. When it comes down to the afterparty fun, they all go back to their regular playmates for the night. The new people get flirted with, danced with, visited with, gropped and teased in the party. But when it's time to take it serious and back to the room??? The new guys are left behind and the old regular playmates are sought out and taken back to the rooms. I guess we new guys are a form of foreplay???

Connie



[This message has been edited by Stratecpl (edited 07-22-2001).]

So why do you keep going to the club if your not getting anywhere there?

CyberHusband

[Stratecpl]

CyberMWCouple,

We probably WON'T go back again, although it's the ONLY swingers' club anywhere within a couple hundred miles from us. Everyone is so chatty during the month preceeding a party, and they have all these great ideas of how we're going to get together.... then, party night comes. Nothing. They sit across the room, with their regular swingmates, with no need for anyone else. We try to engage them in conversation but they are swept away by their lovers.

We've dealt with a lot of rejection for the last ten months, and this just rates right up there as "cruel and unusual punishment" in our eyes. We don't want to pry anyone away from their little "cliques" that they run in, but just borrow them for awhile!! LOL I know we should be more patient, but watching as EVERYONE else's fantasies fall right into place while ours becomes even farther removed.... isn't exactly MY idea of having fun.

Hell, we could stay home, have hot threesomes all night long, and save the cost of the jacuzzi suites, the swingers' club fees, and all the aggravations of getting that exact right outfit for the next upcoming party. I'd be willing to bet that we had just as much hot fun as anyone there did, yet we brought the party with us.... our friend made three. If we can't break into the good graces of these swingers, we'll just (by golly) find a DIFFERENT avenue to pursue....

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

Well that's cool, that your male-playmate is "benefiting" from all this attention!

That's too bad about the newbies that attend this club though...THAT sucks!

So how is anyone, especially the newbies suppose to "hook up" with anyone there at this club, if all they do is "tease", then drop them like flies?! That doesn't sound nice to me, and I'm sure them too!

We still haven't attended a club yet, but we're seriously thinking about doing so next month, especially since the theme for next month is "Leather & Lace"! We'll keep you guys posted though, IF we end up going that is....


CyberWife

Hey Ron,

Hubby said, "Start your OWN club!"

And if you do, let us know! Hopefully we'll be traveling that way when you do....*lol*

As for my last post, while I was typing it out, you already posted your last one to us. Sorry for any confusion that caused...


CyberWife

[Stratecpl]

CyberMWCouple,

You're right, it IS a big tease gimmick in our book!! We've talked with others who have also been victims of the teasing, and they felt the same way about it. However, they'd just resigned themselves to talking, dancing, and trying to meet new people as best they could.

Wouldn't it be great to have your own club?? I know, there would be a lot of aggravations involved and also a lot of work. But if it was run right, you'd turn it into something great in no time!

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl


[This message has been edited by Stratecpl (edited 08-01-2001).]

Originally posted by Stratecpl:
CyberMWCouple,

Wouldn't it be great to have your own club?? I know, there would be a lot of aggravations involved and also a lot of work. But if it was run right, you'd turn it into something great in no time!

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

AMEN to THAT!

And keep us posted on the "makings" of this club of yours!


CyberWife

[CanadianCouple]

Ron --

Your assessment of the past year sounds so much like ours, unfortunately.

When we got our computer a few years ago, we thought this would be nivrana for finding compatable swing partners. We have found two of the couples we've been with using it, but the amount of BS we've had to wade through to find them would fertalize every field in Texas. Sooooo many people talk sooooo big over the net, but chicken out when it comes face to face.

Cliques at clubs are another major problem you've mentioned. When 80% or more attending are regulars who know each other well, they tend to close ranks and make newcomers feel left out. It isn't much fun sitting there by yourselves, watching everyone else interact and have a good time. We know, it's happened to us. And when you're introverted by nature to begin with, it makes "selling" yourselves all that more difficult.

I'm puzzled by your statement you and Connie have had a lot of rejections the past several months. I've seen you two, you should both draw them like moths to a flame.

Dan