Do you really weight 0?

[Spoomonkey]

Why do people put "0" for weight on their personal ads?

Weight is going to fluctuate for everyone - the holidays are proof of this as five pounds have crept on giving yet another New Year's resolution. A few pounds here - a few pounds there... The weight on a personal ad isn't ever going to be spot on.

The importance of weight also tends to fluctuate with the individual. Some people are sticklers about it - and some people have the personalities to make up for a little extra. So - when I see a weight that paints a picture of a little more tummy I usually ask myself, based on the profile, do these people seem like they'd be fun to meet and hang around?

Granted, we all have our preferences and limits, but I think flexibility becomes the rule in the lifestyle.

But - when I see "0" all the wrong thoughts run through my mind:

• I might as well assume a rather high weight
• They aren't very comfortable with themselves - which will affect how fun they'll be as play partners
• They aren't very honest
• They don't believe that there are people out there looking for them, so they hide behind the "0"

Why not at least ball park it? Shave off the same number of pounds you did when you got your last driver's license and toss it up there. After all - it is you.

Spoomonkey

[bear_and_babe]

I list "0" for my weight on my profile. The reasons are personal, but I also have plenty of pic's on my profile on Swing Lifestyle that show that I am a BBW. I am very comfortable with myself and I am very honest so that is not the reason I don't list weight. I guess I look at it differently. I use it as a weed out tool. If someone sees the "0" for weight, looks at my profile, sees that I am a BBW and still contacts me then I know they have read my profile and chose to contact me no matter what my weight. Another thought- why do they need to know my weight? It is just a number. A number can not show that I like to giggle and have fun. A number can not show that care about my friends and family very much. A number can not show how much I love to dance at the club. If someone is so hung up on a number, then I really don't want to meet with them.

Sorry if I offend anyone, but that is just my opinion.

[Spoomonkey]

I appreciate the perspective.

I see what you are saying, but not everyone posts pics - or they post only pics of their head and shoulders. We've been suprised on some of those when they look average size (as far as we can tell) in the pic, but still list a "0" as weight.

I think the point is the assumption when I see "0" is probably worse than the reality they are avoiding putting out there. I think it tends to work against the person who does it.

That said - I can certainly understand using it as a "weed out" tool. It is a good one. If you have pictures that leave no question as to what you look like, then there is no reason to put a weight. But, for the sake of arguement, if you put a full body picture up, and people are attracted to it - is the number really going to matter? If not - why not just put it up?

Just asking - since the board is slow mostly.

I do respect your reasons for doing so. I just felt like it would make an interesting conversation to post the (unintended?) message that a "0" sends to people.

Spoomonkey

[DBL D]

We usually feel that someone has either overlooked something to fill out OR they are pretty large types...which isn't our type.

That is kinda obvious, especially in light of Babe's comment--the "0" I mean.

I'm more distressed by those who don't keep up with the changing of the years and update their ages.

Just an extra e-mail or two till you discover things so it's really not too big a deal. The ones I'm bothered by are the ones who say they are about 40 pounds less than they really are.

M.D.

[DBL D]

We usually feel that someone has either overlooked something to fill out OR they are pretty large types...which isn't our type.

That is kinda obvious, especially in light of Babe's comment--the "0" I mean.

I'm more distressed by those who don't keep up with the changing of the years and update their ages.

Just an extra e-mail or two till you discover things so it's really not too big a deal. The ones I'm bothered by are the ones who say they are about 40 pounds less than they really are.

M.D.

[bear_and_babe]

I guess I just feel it is no ones business what I weigh. I am a BBW, no way getting around that. My step-mom, who is a nurse can not believe what my weight is. She was shocked when I told her. She thought I weighed more! So I guess I feel like people would think I was lying anyway.

I understand that a lot of people don't post pic, and the weight would be one way to discribe a person. But if Cal Ripkin put his profile up with no pic's, he would list his weight as well over 200LBS. Now he is a very fit person, but someone caught up on a number might pass that profile by just because it stated a high weight. I guess what I am trying to point out is that weight is not always a good indicator of a person's fitness. Even though I am a BBW I am a very fit person. My weight is due to a medical condition.

I have a friend who is in the lifestyle and she does not list her weight either. She is scared that people will think she is too thin. She is only 98 LBS. She is healthy, but that low number would scare off Bear (he likes girls with meat on their bones).

So there are a lot of reasons that someone will not list weight. But then again, Bear and I don't really use profiles to meet people, so not listing a weight is not important to us. What really bothers us is when someone does not take the time to fill out a profile at all. I mean they have a profile set up in Swing Lifestyle, but there is nothing in it. Then they complain they are not getting any e-mails.

ETA: Bear and I were talking about this thread, and he says, "Um, Babe, you do have your weight listed on our profile". LOL Oh well, still does not change how I feel.

[WesternSwing]

I think men are more honest about their weight, and women will either shave-off a few (or more) pounds or not put anything at all. After all, it's not gentlemanly to ask a woman her weight or age. That is where pictures come in. Some people carry weight better then others and look much lighter then they are.

Mr. WS

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by bear_and_babe

...I have a friend who is in the lifestyle and she does not list her weight either. She is scared that people will think she is too thin. She is only 98 LBS. She is healthy, but that low number would scare off Bear (he likes girls with meat on their bones).

Well, this is the heart of the matter. If Bear would be scared off if he saw her weight, he'd be scared off later when he found out what it was. Like I said it's just another e-mail...but why go through the hoops for the same result and possibly hurt someones feelings in the meantime?

I say just put your damn weight out there in the first place.

M.D.

[bear_and_babe]

Originally Posted by DBL D

I say just put your damn weight out there in the first place.

M.D.

Just guessing, you have never been overweight and felt VERY insecure about it.

And the reason that Bear would be scared of a thin woman is he is a very big man, well over 6 feet tall and very big bones and he is always scared that he is going to hurt a smaller woman.

I guess I did not do a very good job explaining why people don't list their weight. Oh well

[DBL D]

Babe? You did do a good job! I was just trying to be funny I guess.

No...I haven't ever had a weight problem. My insecurity over my present weight (about 15 more than I'd like) has kept me from going there I guess.

M.D.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Why do people put "0" for weight on their personal ads?

When I see it, I assume it means 'I am fat and uncomfortable with it.'.

I'm rather cynical in life and even when they list weights I assume the following (for women).

For weights listed over 160lbs add 20 pounds.
For weights listed over 140 but under 160 add 10 lbs.
For weights listed under 135 you can assume they are pretty close to accurate.

Now before I get beaten down for this, obviously not EVERYONE does this, but I think we all know its part of the life style adds. We have been lied to about age , weight, and we won't rehash old picture stories, but I'd say of all these, lying at least a little about weight is the most common.

The guess the only real question is does it matter? Was there a 0 you would make a date with if they listed the weight? Was there a 0 you did make a date with but wouldn’t have if you knew their weight? Odds are if you are comfortable with one, you will be with the other and if you are not, then you still won’t be.

[BradAndJanet]

You know, it occurs to me that the sites could do things differently and not ask for a number at all. How about a scale from 'Blows away in a strong wind' to 'Big, Beautiful and proud of it!', with everything in between? You could have your dreaded 'HWP' but also things like 'Could stand to lose a little weight' or 'Big boned' or 'Needs a sammich'. Everybody'd get the picture and people wouldn't have to lie as much.

I'd love to see somebody try it.

[Paphian]

Originally Posted by BradAndJanet

You know, it occurs to me that the sites could do things differently and not ask for a number at all. How about a scale from 'Blows away in a strong wind' to 'Big, Beautiful and proud of it!', with everything in between? You could have your dreaded 'HWP' but also things like 'Could stand to lose a little weight' or 'Big boned' or 'Needs a sammich'. Everybody'd get the picture and people wouldn't have to lie as much.

I'd love to see somebody try it.

I've seen sites that do something similar. AFF does, for example. It doesn't make a difference, people lie anyway.

My personal take on it:

If you list "0" or some equivalent (like "Not saying") and have no clear, recent, full-body type of picture on your profile, you're probably hiding something. Really doesn't matter if you're male or female. One of the things I personally believe about swinging, regardless of whether you're single, "attached" or married is that it's counterproductive not to be honest about one's weight as well as many, many other things. First, it's dishonest. Second, swinging is--in large part--about attraction; does anyone really think that they're just so damn sexy and personable that when you finally meet, the other person is gonna simply overlook the fact that your personal ad was flagrantly misleading?

I have swung with--and do swing with--people of a wide variety of body types. I'm far more interested in what someone is like as a whole than just how they look. Nonetheless, there are people who are, to me, simply unattractive, for lots of reasons that are often very difficult to describe and many times have nothing to do with weight.

I've no experience with how much/how often guys deliberately mislead in their profiles, so I'm not trying to say here that only women do it. I do know, (from unpleasant experience) however, that almost always when a woman is deliberately misleading in her profile as regards her weight, it's virtually certain to be because she's seriously overweight; and I'm not talking just 20 or 30 pounds. Kind of a shame, really, because, as I mentioned, I am willing to swing with folks of all sorts of sizes--providing I know up-front. I suspect there are other folks that are similar: they just want to know who they are dealing with first, so they feel like they're making an informed decision.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by DBL D

but why go through the hoops for the same result and possibly hurt someones feelings in the meantime?

I have to agree with this.

I have a wide strike zone... But I also have my limits - just like Bear isn't into 98 pound women. Is he going to be into her any more because she put a "0" in her profile? Likely - but only until he sees her and realizes what could have been clarified in the first place.

It is one of the reasons that some couples will only look at profiles with pictures. No pics? We assume the worst.

It isn't always fair, but it does fall within the law of averages.

If I see "0" on a profile, I won't assume 98... I am more likely to assume something nearer the other side of the spectrum. And I would hesitate to contact her. And this proves my point. Putting "0" means she is less likely to get contacts from guys who might very well find her attractive.

The same is true for women who struggle with a few extra pounds. Women are their own worst critics - and what they are ashamed of, others are probably attracted to.

My point in starting the thread is just to say "it is you - why be ashamed of it?" After all - what you really want to find is people with whom you share a mutual attraction, rather than wade through PMs from people who are eventually going to be turned off - and then are going to be in the very "unfun" position of having to either beg off creatively or be hurtfully honest.

Spoomonkey

[good times]

I have to admit that when we see a "0" listed for weight the couple gets an automatic "no thanks" reply for all the same reasons listed above. While I freely admit I'm not generally into women that are overweight, if a woman is self confident it often makes up for carrying a few extra pounds. So I think the feeling I get that the woman that lists a "0" for weight is not self confident is the number one reason we would always pass, pictures or not.