Finding Couples with opposite body types

[DBL D]

I hear about a lot of BBW's who say that us skinny ones don't give them a chance. My wife asked me once if I would still love her if she weighed 300 lbs. I sadly shook my head "no". (This was before we were married, and I give her credit for asking) It wouldn't be the same love for sure. I am a big fan of the "don't take in more than you burn" camp. If you notice a trend then do something about it! Stop it in it's tracks instead of saying, "why don't people like me?" or what ever.

Stress causing overeating? I say do something to consume the calories before they consume you.

BTW Evil: It just could be that that gal eating the chips is enjoying her one-day-every-two-months-day splurge!

Male D

[EvilMJ]

Originally Posted by DBL D

BTW Evil: It just could be that that gal eating the chips is enjoying her [I

one-day-every-two-months-day[/I] splurge!

Male D

Sorry D.she drinks Chocolate milk for breakfast, i always see chips and cookies at her desk. She makes me want to beat her with a stalk of celery.

But I do understand what you are trying to say. It goes both ways. I have a friend who can eat himself silly and never gain weight (good metabolism). Then there is me..fight until the end. But what pisses me off is when people say things to me (and no I am not saying you.. ) like..."well you just have to eat less and work out more."

What some people don't seem to understand is that there are some people out there who really do have to fight their weight. I actually eat very well, and rarely do I eat out (usually it just makes me sick), and my portions are pretty normal sized. But I struggle CONSTANTLY. I do work out fairly regularly but I damned near have to starve myself to lose anything.
So the assumption that people who have a weight problem are lazy and eat too much is just as erronious as saying that those people who are thin eat well and stay fit (btw that girl I spoke of admits that she NEVER works out...grr).

We are all different, we all gain and lose differently. The problem is that if you are overweight you get looked down on and judged unfairly before people take the time to find out what your situation is.


Opps sorry...rant rant...I am going to shut up now...

[DBL D]

Oh Please, Evil honey, Don't ever shut up!

I know what you mean, I work among 500 women or so and I see them when they take their breaks. When they are still relatively small, they look like nothing bothers them. After a couple years of seeing them gain, when you might see them with a plate full of cookies, they look like they know they should do something besides eat.

I'm sure it's a problem, but not one that can't be overcome if you see the signals ahead of time. (And isn't that what swingers are all about-seeing those red flags?)

soapbox Now I'll get off my soapbox!

Male D

[flassh]

I have a friend who won't listen to her husband say things like "go on diet and exercise"

She just won't listen to the guy because she is angry at him for how difficult things are.

Yet, she has a nice home and lots of time on her hands. She mocks him for his steady and faithful work habits and ability to make a good living. Why? Because nothing is ever good enough and reality for her is just as she sees it in the moment. She feels entitled to be ungrateful and to take criticism only as she sees fit. She will listen to me though and will change her eating and exercise if I say it would be good for her. So, I can only conclude that she has fooled herself into thinking badly of that husband of which she needs the most. Kind of like a rebellious child that won't eat their veggies. So, yes fat is the enemy but only a symbol of turmoil on the inside.

[twoferfun69]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

Fortunately for me, I am mesomorphic which in part means I can accumulate or lose mass very quickly. Unfortunately for me, I am a stress eater. When under a lot of stress, I find comfort in food which most of the time is better than finding comfort in alcohol and drugs, but in the long run can be just as deadly.

Wow, THAT'S what it's called? I have the identical issue(s). I stress eat until I am miserable. But, I can turn around and lose it all in a very short time. I know, I know, NOT good. I just never knew it had a name.

One other thing I would like to bring up, and please read this carefully: I am in no way giving the indication or trying to pretend I am any type of health care professional. I am merely stating information gleaned from years of experience with family members dealing with weight issues. Don't know if anyone has mentioned this, but there is a direct correlation between weight gain and an underactive thyroid. A simple blood test can confirm or refute this possibility. I deal in fact, thoery and supposition every day, and I make it a point to eliminate all that I can in the way of questionable issues, then I can make a decision based on pure fact and knowledge. Just a thought

[flassh]

twofoerfun69: It is good that you deal in fact. I too have seen family go down the road to self destructive eating from their stress. But the facts in the U.S. are staggering: Obesity and diseases are on the rise. Sugar consumption closely matches said obesity for the last 40 years. Likewise, 3/4 of consumable goods are laden with sugar and empty carbs. So, you and I are all being poisoned by the deceit of engineered foods. Engineered for profit by large companies. This is a fact of life and until we all begin to see the intake of prepared foods as a result of the profit motive of manufacturers, the fat storage system of our bodies will only keep going into the unhealthy realm of obesity. I know it was for some fun here, but the fact of one's ability to burn off the fat, ie fast metabolism, is nice but does not help those that can't see the intake of sugars, empty carbos etc. as the true source of their health decline. a grossly obese person could be perfectly healthy by simply reducing the intake of empty carbs and adding modest exercise. This is not a diet, it is normal. Our society has been fed a lie about how to eat. pun intended. Go to the store and fill up on whole grains like oats etc. Eat lots of veges in the form of soups and finger style munchies like celery. Use a glycemic index to determine what veges and fruit to eat. Don't count calories and restrict your food. Eat alot of the good stuff and exercise with only those activities that are fun. Treadmills etc. are lonely and depressing. Go out and chase the sun and believe that your life matters. It does even if you are 300 and smelly. Get going with the knowledge that almost 3/4 of the items in your local grocery store are engineered for someone else pocketbook to get fatter. Sorry to be off the subject so much but I know about all this stuff first hand.

It is never too late to start. I can tell anyone this since I have helped my very own family members get off the empty foods found in their local markets. Get a clue and save your life; to swing, to have nasty sex with a new mind and body.

[curiousagain]

A good guide is the more processed a food is, the worse it is for you. Corn fructose has become the standard sweetening agent and it causes insulin resistance which makes your body store calories instead of burning them. You may have to be off of it for months before your body stops being insulin resistant and returns to storing calories only if they are not needed.

The three major body types for men are.
Ectomorph (long, thin, difficult to gain muscular or adipose weight) think basketball player

mesomorph (muscular, easily gains or loses muscle and adipose weight) think body builder

endomorph (large, fireplug shaped build, easily gains, difficult to lose weight) think football lineman

The females body types are broken down into sub types with a total of 12
and then you have 12 different pelvis types. I am not even going to begin to list all of that here.

Many people are a combination of body types of sorts. In short, we are all unique individuals but the basics are get out and enjoy life, eat more natural foods and avoid the corn fructose and empty calories.

[C & J Ohio]

I feel sorry for the original poster. He is no longer married to the girl he married, but to another woman who is 100 pounds heavier, and to whom he no longer feels any physical attraction. Doesn't sound like much of a marriage any more -- more like prison.

Most of the posts excuse her selfish gluttony (i.e., must be stress, poor thing) and question or even blame the husband for what HE did to HER. She certainly had enough self-control to look good before marriage, which likely was a time of more stress (e.g., having to pass up second helpings) than after their marriage.

Face it -- everyone has to cope with stress. Everyone. It must be the "cause" of EVERYTHING, because everyone has it. It certainly must be the "cause" of my spending too much time on line at swinger sites. We all have bad habits and even compunlsions which are difficult to control. Overeating is just one of them.

[txduo2000]

Originally Posted by C & J Ohio

I feel sorry for the original poster. He is no longer married to the girl he married, but to another woman who is 100 pounds heavier, and to whom he no longer feels any physical attraction. Doesn't sound like much of a marriage any more -- more like prison.

Most of the posts excuse her selfish gluttony (i.e., must be stress, poor thing) and question or even blame the husband for what HE did to HER. She certainly had enough self-control to look good before marriage, which likely was a time of more stress (e.g., having to pass up second helpings) than after their marriage.

Face it -- everyone has to cope with stress. Everyone. It must be the "cause" of EVERYTHING, because everyone has it. It certainly must be the "cause" of my spending too much time on line at swinger sites. We all have bad habits and even compunlsions which are difficult to control. Overeating is just one of them.

What I tried to convey, not justify, was that overeating is not always to blame for being overweight. There IS a genetic predisposition. Women have a higher number of fat cells than men and a slower metabolism. Add in childbearing and those numbers typically increase and decrease, respectively, even more.

Yes, we all deal with stress, and in many different ways. I am a stressful-starver ... which means I do NOT eat when I am stressed. That is my most successful weight loss method, unfortunately, and unintentionally. But I AM more predisposed to weight gain than other women I know.

I have a friend who is 5'9", and weighs about 140. I am 5'2" and weigh about 140. I eat normal portions, and for the most part healthy food, though there is a fair amount of fat and carbs that I do eat, but in moderation. I am not gluttonous in the least. My friend, however, eats practically nothing but sugar. She has chocolate milk and donuts for breakfast every day, she snacks on M&Ms, Junior Mints and other candy ALL DAY LONG, every day. She rarely eats a vegetable. She practically never eats any kind of meat, be it chicken, beef or fish. She loves hot rolls from Grandy's and buys them by the dozen. She is a stressful eater, and never gains an ounce. She has had three children, does not exercise at all, sits at a desk job 9 hours a day. She is 34 years old and has barely fluctuated 10 pounds since high school. If everything were equal, this woman should weigh 600 pounds. Conversely, I eat substantially more healthful than she does, I get a little more exercise, I do not snack throughout the day and I am not big into sugary foods. I used to work out 3 days a week, 2 hours at a stretch. Didn't lose an ounce. In fact, I gained more weight when exercising, and I am not talking about simply due to muscle mass. I am talking that I gained inches around my waist and hips and had to buy larger clothes. I didn't change my meal portions or my snacking habits (nil) at that time either. Eventually, I just stopped maintaining a structured exercise routine. Yes, exercising did give me more energy, but I really didn't like having to go from a size 9 to a size 12 due to exercising, when my primary focus was going from a size 9 to a size 5.

I do much better at maintaining my weight when I eat when I am hungry, eat what I want so that I don't get cravings and feel like I deny myself, and get a moderate amount of normal exercise rather than structured work out routines. And it still fluctuates about 10 pounds and I am still heavier than I want to be right now, but when I actually "try" to lose weight, I fail, so I have accepted that I am where my physical characteristic gene wants me to be.

It is not equal. We are all genetically engineered to hold certain genes responsible for different aspects of our physical characteristics. Many women find themselves as thin teens, then as they get older, start spreading out to resemble some of their larger family members. That's what happened to me. I was a size 3-5 and around 110-115 all through high school, but my kids came in my very early 20's and it's been a battle since.

I am not saying that the OP's wife is not gluttonous ... I do not know her. I do know that there ARE gluttonous people out there that do overeat voraciously, and blame their weight gain on stress and on others' reactions to them. They need to find a better way to handle their stress. But I can tell you one thing, if the OP makes it a point of criticizing his wife's weight, then that is only adding more stress to her, diminishing her self-esteem even more and causing her to negatively react to those stressors. Not that it is his fault. She does bear some responsibility for her own weight and her health, but he also needs to remember that he married this WOMAN not just her body and he needs to be positively supportive of her, not critical.

I know when I go on a tear to want to lose a bunch of weight, my husband says he will be supportive ... and he is, verbally. However, he doesn't change his habits of eating a huge bowl of ice cream in bed each night and offering me a bite (which I have no problem refusing since I am not an ice cream lover), or snacking on chips, asking me to make chicken fried steak and gravy (which I love, mine especially), etc. My husband is very thin and loses weight rather easily, so ours is a paradoxical situation. If he were to encourage me, tangibly, to lose weight by sharing in my restricted diet, he would lose more weight than I and much quicker than I would. So I would not want him to do that. But it is a matter of accepting our genetic differences. His mother is very thin, though she has had 8 kids. My mother has had two kids and is probably about 60 pounds overweight.

There ARE differences in genetic makeup, is all I am trying to get across here. I am not passing judgment or placing blame.

[95mustang]

Originally Posted by C & J Ohio

I feel sorry for the original poster. He is no longer married to the girl he married, but to another woman who is 100 pounds heavier, and to whom he no longer feels any physical attraction. Doesn't sound like much of a marriage any more -- more like prison.

Most of the posts excuse her selfish gluttony (i.e., must be stress, poor thing) and question or even blame the husband for what HE did to HER. She certainly had enough self-control to look good before marriage, which likely was a time of more stress (e.g., having to pass up second helpings) than after their marriage.

Face it -- everyone has to cope with stress. Everyone. It must be the "cause" of EVERYTHING, because everyone has it. It certainly must be the "cause" of my spending too much time on line at swinger sites. We all have bad habits and even compunlsions which are difficult to control. Overeating is just one of them.

I haven't read all of the replies, but this struck me as odd! In all the replies I read no one asked him why she gained weight. Was it truly just overeating and "selfish gluttony" I was so personally ashamed of to read some of these replies. I have gained weight since my marriage, it has nothing to do with how much I eat. I actually eat very little on any given day. However, about three years ago my health required that I take two medications daily and they both cause weight gain. I had always been a thin woman and the changed I noticed after the meds really bother me, and I constantly ask my hubby if it bothers him. He says he loves me no matter how I look, and some days I think "yeah right" but ya know he does love me and I am starting to believe that people who only see the outer beauty are pretty shallow. Just my two cents, but not all people who are heavy are that way because of food.

[DBL D]

I didn't mean to come across as unfeeling towards people who gain weight, especially the story about me and Fem D. I know that there are some things that seem out of our control that affect the way we look. It's people who stop there and don't accept any assistance to lose it that bother me. I know I would love Fem D no matter what, but when a 100 pound girl asks if you would still love her if she weighed 3x that...I was surprised at the question but I couldn't really say, "I'll get back to you on that." I made a decision long ago that I'd never get fat. I hated the idea of having several wardrobes and all the hassle of keeping up with my new sizes so it's kept me thin(nish). Running a bit scared on that idea.

Male D

[flassh]

I can say without malice that only a well fed person can feel good enough to battle stress, exercise in a fun way and endure the physical and emotional pain of over-coming a system of commerce and distribution of food for the mass public that is solely created to make us fat, sedentary and upset so we will buy even more food to make us not feel bad. It is a cancer that spreads by ignorance of what food is real and what food is poison.

Here is a simple test: Are you more than 30 pounds over a weight that you would like to be? Are you sleepy, have anxiety, or any other distressing circumstances. If you answered yes, you are the perfect consumer who will continue to support a engineered profit machine by large companies. I am not saying to avoid all processed foods like cereal and chips etc. But recognize that most of your life has been a constant food fest of unhealthy foods that will make your life seem bad. You may be overweight and still be sexy as hell and be a total erotic dream for someone. Trust me , I like my spouse skinny or fat when it comes to sexual attraction. Mostly though, I find a new "attitude" about fighting off the bad food choices as the most attractive part of our relationship. My spouse wanted to lose weight for years and finally decided to listen to my dad's advice about how to eat right. within two months, lost 20 pounds and was the talk of all the neighbors.

[EvilMJ]

Originally Posted by C & J Ohio

I feel sorry for the original poster. He is no longer married to the girl he married, but to another woman who is 100 pounds heavier, and to whom he no longer feels any physical attraction. Doesn't sound like much of a marriage any more -- more like prison.

Most of the posts excuse her selfish gluttony (i.e., must be stress, poor thing) and question or even blame the husband for what HE did to HER. She certainly had enough self-control to look good before marriage, which likely was a time of more stress (e.g., having to pass up second helpings) than after their marriage.

Face it -- everyone has to cope with stress. Everyone. It must be the "cause" of EVERYTHING, because everyone has it. It certainly must be the "cause" of my spending too much time on line at swinger sites. We all have bad habits and even compunlsions which are difficult to control. Overeating is just one of them.

I can feel for him not feeling attracted to his wife anymore. Hey he can't help how he feels and I respect that. But I can't feel for him calling her fat chick...that isn't how you treat someone you love.

Obviously you don't see the point we are trying to make. THere are MANY reasons that people can gain weight. one is gluttony, but there are lots of others and we are offering her the benefit of the doubt before we accuse her of anything. You know I can't look the way I did at 25, I don't lose weight the same way, I have had a baby, my body certainly didn't snap back like some other women. Does that mean I am a glutton,certainly not. Perhaps before you point a finger and scream glutton maybe you had better look at all the underlying factors.

[Chicup]

Lets face it people.

Ectomorph, endo, meso, it doesn't matter.

As my wife and I found out this summer, if you eat less in calories than you burn, you lose weight. Period, end of discussion.

There are a lot of resources out there on how much you should eat for your exercise level/height to maintain your weight. Most of them seemed a bit high to us (I assume they error on the side of caution), but we found what levels worked for us, and stuck to them.

Exercise helps a lot, weight lifting especially for women, but again, its calories in vrs calories burned. Maybe someone can be a size three eating a chocolate cake for breakfast every day, but unless you are that someone it doesn't matter.

Find out where your break even point it, count the calories, keep snacks OUT Of the house/office, stick to a calorie count per day, and you WILL lose the weight. Despite what some people seem to think, NO one violates the laws of physics.

[curiousagain]

Apologies ahead of time here, this is going to be all over the map, but so has this thread.

I haven't seen any post excusing any thing. And, it's true no one changes the laws of physics, but physics can change. You can walk in any bodybuilding/powerlifting gym in America and find a room full of experts. Everybody there is an expert ON THEIR OWN BODY. While it is true that no one violates the laws of physics and it does boil down to a calorie in vs calorie out count, EVERYBODY is a little different. And, any one person can vary a little in different times of their lives. You can search the net and the library and find recommendations for anything from 0.5grams of protien per kilogram of body weight to 2 grams of protien per pound of body weight per day. But, it boils down to what your body needs right now. If I want to maintain muscle mass much less build it while lifting I take in 2 Grams per lb of body weight per day. I've tried everything over the years and that's what works for me. Will that work for you? Maybe, maybe not. When lifting seriously, I always keep a daily eating/training diary. I have lost weight while taking in 8,000 calories a day and I have gained it while taking in 2400 calories a day.

Another person might be able to keep a house full of snacks and turn their nose up at them. Not me. My answer is not to bring them in the house. Everybody has to find what works for them and use it.


You have to want to do something about yourself or prevent something from happening to yourself dispite whatever is going on around you. If you are a couple you are in ANYTHING together because neither one of you can do anything without affecting the other.

Very little of much consequence is accomplished without an overwhelming desire and passion to see it happen. In 30 plus years of lifting weights/running/swimming/martial arts I have been fat at 150 and 250 and ripped at 188 to 228 and seen days I could hardly open a jar and days I was squatting 470lbs for reps. Without ever taking steroids or any weight loss drugs, I have been documented by trainers to gain 20 lbs of muscle in a month and lose 31 lbs of fat in 31 days. Any of this was accomplished because I was bound and determined it was going to occur even if it killed me.

It doesn't take any burning desire or passion to sit around and eat and soon find yourself running out of breath in one flight of stairs. But, it takes apathy and apathy often is a symptom of a cause. The first step is finding the cause. When you put a fire out with a fire extinguisher you spray the object that is on fire, not the flames dancing above it. If you married someone who was a "go getter" and "deal maker" and suddenly they quit their job and wanted to join a commune you'd be trying to find out why they were doing this, wouldn't you?

Someone with a linebacker's build is never going to be a basketball star. But, he can be a lean,fit linebacker. Rachael Ray and Kelly Clarkson will never be built like Paris Hilton. But they're all sexy in their own way.

Basically, don't try to be something your not, but don't excuse your apathy.
Try different things, don't give up. Keep an eating/training diary. If you write down everything you put in your mouth in a day, it will surprise you. And, how else will you know where you are? You have to know where you are to know where you need to go to achieve what you want to be.

Are there people that can literally eat huge amounts of the wrong foods everyday and not gain an ounce? Yeah, but it's about 1% or less. Don't compare yourself to them, they aren't you and you aren't them, so don't try to emulate them or be envious. Take who and what you are and work with it.

Cut other people a little slack and while you're at it, cut yourself a little slack too sometimes. None of us are perfect and just because something works for us, doesn't mean it works for someone else and we all have faults.

Gee, maybe I should have put this in the fitness support buddies thread.

BTW, if any of you run into Rachael, tell her I have a thing for her.