If Swinging is just for SEX...why is age and weight such a factor?

[ManwithChica]

We have been swinging for 4 yrs and we are veterans of the lifestyle. But lately we have run into a snag.

Dee and I have a great relationship, very open, we have no hang ups and we are very uninhibited. We aren't here to change our status or look for something better. We are here to share each other with others for an evening or one night. We are soul-mates that is a deeper connection than anyone could break.

Now, I'm in my 50's. Grey and bald, yet very active not a couch potatoe, take care of 70 acre ranch, chop wood, move bales of hay, avid horse rider, active hunter and hiker, I also do my real calling in life, shovel horse shit Now I dont' have a hard six pack stomach like a 20 yr old but I am toned and height and weight proportioned. We have a small home gym I work out at 2 or 3 times a week. I have no problem with my male parts at my age. But a dead fuck doesn't turn me on or keep my cock hard.

My girl Dee she is in her 40's hispanic bifemale. (what man wouldn't want his girl to be bifemale?) Now she isn't a skinny mini and don't think I would want her that way. Yet, she is NOT overly obese and is NOT bed ridden. She hikes, workes out 4 to 5 days a week at a local gym, loves horses, love long walks, love to go hunting and shooting (she is my assistant), love to camp and fishing and loves going to titty bars with me. Yet, she loves her body, has no hang-ups and no inhibitions. She has been working hard to tone areas of her body--not for me--but for herself.

So with age comes experience and a woman who knows what she wants and not afraid to go after it turns men on.

So why does a man's age stop women from having fun?
Why does a real woman comfortable with herself and knows she can please a man--stop men?
When the only thing in common is having a great time having sex with others.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by ManwithChica

I also do my real calling in life, shovel horse shit

Mrs two4you has a similar calling; shoveling my bull shit.

1st of all, since I didn't do it on your introduction; Welcome to the board! Looks like you'll be a great addition here.

So why does a man's age stop women from having fun?
Why does a real woman comfortable with herself and knows she can please a man--stop men?

IMHO, people seem to gravitate to those that are similar in age. I guess it's a comfort/familiarity thing, but again, that's just a guess. Any amateur sociologists on the board could provide better insight on that than I can.

We have found that we have played mostly with folks our own age, but there have been exceptions. We've gone as much as 15 years younger, and we have gone older as well.

We don't have any age parameters per se, just require an attraction. Mrs two4you actually finds older, distinguished type gentlemen a turn-on.

There are some polls on here asking about the age range of swingers, and without checking, I think the majority fall in the 30ish to 40ish range.

So, since people tend to gravitate to their own kind, that would favor those in the majority age range.

There are probably 20 somethings out there that express similar difficulties in hooking up that you are talking about, because they are on the other end of the bell curve.

This is a great question though, and should generate some excellent feedback!

[Chicup]

For us its simple.

We are most attracted to people our own age who are physically fit.

Since it IS about sex we go for couples we find sexy. Personality matters as well. Its all part of the big picture.

For some people it doesn't matter, for others, they are VERY picky, but since we all do this for fun I can't see any reason to compromise.

[wiseguy2020]

I can only speak for myself obviously but I'm totally tracking with your question. I very often ask myself the same thing, and at the same time ask myself if it is an attitude that I aquired as I got older.

I remember that in my 20's I was all into the skinny woman with big boobs thing. Was I buying into the Madison Ave ideal of the perfect mate? Probably, after being hit in the face by adds for colas, chewing gum, cars and shake and bake.

I haven't posted much here so no one knows this yet, but I'm really heavy into what I call my "caveman point-of-view". I've read several books in my life that dealt with our very early ancestors, and as a result I often take a look at a situation as a caveman, or cavewoman would. This might sound odd or funny, but I find that it cuts away a lot of the often irrelevant crap that surrounds our lives. Also, as a result I am constantly thinking of the effect that our own genetics might have on our behavior. I think that we very often behave in ways that we do because as early human beings we had to develop a behavior that would facilitate survival. Having said all that:

I think that when we, as men and women, consider other men and women, one of the things that takes place, mostly in the subconcious, is we consider their status as a possible mate. One of the factors involved in this process, in my opinion, is we evaluate the health of that possible mate. Now enters Madison Ave through all the media that assaults our senses everyday, and tells us that the "healthy" mate has a skinny body, blue eyes, blond hair and huge boobs if you're a guy, and a big hot car, smooth chin, no grey hair and a sixpack (abs) if you're a woman. I could go on with this, but I'll spare everyone...

All I know is that somewhere along the line I learned that a woman has substance, that a woman is more than flesh and bones and giggles. Somewhere, some how, I learned that a woman is inside her brain first, then in her body. Then... low and behold, I discovered - around the same time that I started to find "girls" uninteresting - that a woman with some meat on her bones is more fun because they are the ones who tend to have the interesting brains.

Of course to everything there is an exception and I can accept that because I'm a laid back kinda guy.

Hope I didn't bore anyone.

wg

[VegasLee]

I think you are making your statement a bit to broad.

Like in anything, people want to play with what they like. There is some out there with very strict guide lines on who they will play with, others will play with anyone that will say yes. I have found that there is someone out there for everyone no matter how far reaching it may seem to someone.

At times we look and seem to think that we have dead set strict guidelines on what we are looking for then we run into someone with just the right personality and we are naked and playing with them.

Moods, desires, timing and personalities seem to be more a factor then age and looks with us. Not everyone is that way but I have found there is more out there like that then just us.

Also, we all run through dry spells of not finding playmates. That is just life. We don't get concerned about it. We just keep going to the club and know that we WILL find some fun either way.

[Kali]

I have to say I find older men extremely attractive(my husband is 16 yrs. older than I am ) What I find attractive isn't so much physical,though I do appreciate beauty when I see it facelick What turns me on is intellect, the sound of a voice, a lust for adventuer...Kali

[HappyPeople]

We're just more physically attracted to people in our peer group.

[tncinmd]

You know the saying, "What goes around, comes around" ? Well, as we age, we all eventually lose the battle to gravity. Our metabolism slows and our ability to compensate for it declines. There is no escaping this.

What doesn't change is our enthusiasm, our zest for life and our enjoyment of all of life's pleasures. As a matter of fact they intensify and we enjoy and appreciate them more. Well, that is for a lot of us it does. It doesn't really for those who invested themselves in some image of perfection. With that loss, often the pleasures of life turn to ash.

We never lose our intelligence unless we have the misfortune to develop Alzheimer's. All these things we carry with us.

All those who have age preferences will someday exceed that age, the muscles won't be as toned, the fitness won't be as fit. Preferences are their own reward.

[HappyPeople]

All those who have age preferences will someday exceed that age, the muscles won't be as toned, the fitness won't be as fit. Preferences are their own reward.

I've found that my preference changes with my age... When I was 18, I preferred others that age. Now being 31, I don't feel that I would be that comfortable being with an 18 year old as now, I feel more attracted to others around my age. I imagine that this trend will probably continue.

[fifty4x2]

We don't swinging is just for sex, if you enjoy being with each other who cares. We have fun when we can, but it's not all about sex. We have met many fun couples, and its not all about sex. When we have it it's fun. it is fun and very senual. touch, feel, lick, kiss.

[REALCOLSCOUPLE]

All that matters to people on sexsites because its a fantasy type setting when searching on-site. You know,like a kid in a candy store with lots of time and lots of money. Most swing clubs have alot of couples like that as 'regulars' also. We all would love to have Ken & Barbie just fall head over heels in LUST with us and bug the hell out of us to do them every week. And as everyone else has said,most want someone similiar in age,weight,etc.,because of the need to feel comfortable with them.Many times that reason of feeling 'comfortable' or compatible is the main reason it was enjoyable.

[ManwithChica]

Originally Posted by Kali

I have to say I find older men extremely attractive(my husband is 16 yrs. older than I am ) What I find attractive isn't so much physical,though I do APPRECIATE beauty when I see it facelick What turns me on is INTELLECT, the sound of a voice, a LUST for adventuer...Kali

All of you have made some great points:

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

people seem to GRAVITATE to those that are similar in age. I guess it's a COMFORT/FAMILIARITY thing...

Originally Posted by Chicup

Since it IS about sex we go for couples we find sexy. PERSAONLITY MATTERS as well. Its all part of the big picture.

Some people are picky but we prefer to use the word SELECTIVE.

Originally Posted by wiseguy2020

All I know is that somewhere along the line I learned that a woman has substance, that a woman is more than flesh and bones and giggles. Somewhere, some how, I learned that a woman is inside her brain first, then in her body. Then... low and behold, I discovered - around the same time that I started to find "girls" uninteresting - that a woman with some meat on her bones is more fun because they are the ones who tend to have the interesting brains.

I wil have to agree with you on that note Wiseguy.

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Also, we all run through DRY SPELLS of not finding playmates. That is just life. We don't get concerned about it. We just keep going to the club and know that we WILL find some fun either way.

Dry spells come and go, you make the best of your own situation.

Originally Posted by tncinmd

What doesn't change is our ENTHUSIASM, our ZEST FOR LIFE and our ENJOYMENT of all of life's PLEASURES. As a matter of fact they intensify and we enjoy and APPRECIATE them more. Well, that is for a lot of us it does. It doesn't really for those who invested themselves in some image of perfection. With that loss, often the pleasures of life turn to ash.

We have enjoyed the wonderful points and responses.

[tncinmd]

Originally Posted by HappyPeople

All those who have age preferences will someday exceed that age, the muscles won't be as toned, the fitness won't be as fit. Preferences are their own reward.

I've found that my preference changes with my age... When I was 18, I preferred others that age. Now being 31, I don't feel that I would be that comfortable being with an 18 year old as now, I feel more attracted to others around my age. I imagine that this trend will probably continue.

That's true if you're talking about friendship. You naturally want someone who has had similar experiences. That is rhe comfort level factor. We addressed the original question If Swinging is just for Sex, not ltr's.

[HappyPeople]

Originally Posted by tncinmd

That's true if you're talking about friendship. You naturally want someone who has had similar experiences. That is rhe comfort level factor. We addressed the original question If Swinging is just for Sex, not ltr's.

But with sex comes some basic compatibility, the feeling of being comfortable (fitting in), and experience levels. When the age gap is shifted too far to the left or right of where we are, we just don't feel as comfortable as we'd prefer. Perhaps some may see us as being short sighted for preferring our peer group but that's just how it is for us.

[tncinmd]

Originally Posted by HappyPeople

But with sex comes some basic compatibility, the feeling of being comfortable (fitting in), and experience levels. When the age gap is shifted too far to the left or right of where we are, we just don't feel as comfortable as we'd prefer. Perhaps some may see us as being short sighted for preferring our peer group but that's just how it is for us.

No one is saying you're short sighted or is trying to change your preferences. It is just obvious to us that limits limit, so to speak.

There are experiences you will never have because of those preferences. We all have parameters one way or another. It may be our misinterpretation of the original question, but sex-in-a-pile, as an example, is different from couple-to-couple or threesomes where there is inter-reaction beyond the sex. Parties where you're not necessarily playing together every moment or where the relationships are a superficial "Hi, how are you ?" kind of thing are not the same as a more intimate relationship with another couple or single.

There are situations that are purely sexual and then our preferences might not be as strictly adhered to.