How would BBWs feel about a man who is only TOLERANT of their size, not accepting?

[BradAndJanet]

By the way, jennifer, since he's been kind enough to give you his social security number, did you consider running a background check on him, just to be sure? After re-reading your original post, it seems to me that things are moving awfully fast.

Please tell me that you're considering your safety in all this. As starlinn said, there are a lot of sick, weird people out there who prey on women. As I'm fond of saying, Ted Bundy was a very charming serial killer. Please be careful.

-B

(gut reaction) => "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" -Jenn, you are being setup think about it aside from the immediate dangers of meeting ted bundy II (thanks brad) and being on court tv as a victim, think of the financial loss.....1) identity theft 2) being a cash source for him 3) con games 4) insurance scams (dont forget life ins) 5)ex-con looking for a way back into society......................he gave you his ssn, i doubt seriously to see if you checked that it was his, if you have KUDO's !!!! but i wouldnt evern think of meeting unless i had a) ssn matches the name he told you-even then you cant be 100% b) you were accompanied with someone c) gave someone at home all the info of who you were meeting/ where / time and d) meet in public in daylight with all 3 folks attending......................................ple ase please be careful, i have met some of these guys thru my life experiences, take my word for it they are bad !!

mr newoneshere2 (1%er)

[txduo2000]

Jennifer, I do also agree with newoneshere.

When I went out with my now-husband for the first time (and remember, he was local to me), I did the following:

1. Met him in a public place, did not go to his house, or have him come to mine.

2. I had my best friend babysitting for me and told her where I was meeting him and what our tentative plans were. She insisted that I call her at every location we went to so that she would know I was ok. So, when we got to the restaurant, I called her, when we left, I called her, when we got to the movie, I called her, when we left, I called her, when we got to the karaoke bar, I called her, when we left I called her.

3. We took my car, not his. I asked him to drive, but still it was my car, so my friend new exactly the make, model, etc.

It was an incredible date. He was very understanding of my concern and we had a great time despite all the extra phone calls. LOL The date lasted 7 hours and felt like one hour!

It can be great, or it can be a nightmare. IF you do meet this guy, since he is so far away, just make sure that you give someone ALL the information that they need JUST IN CASE!

And don't plan to stay with him right off the bat.

Since you do have his social security #, definitely run a background check on him and if it's available, run a public data.com search on him too.

FIRST AND FOREMOST .... BE CAREFUL!!!!!!

[mfmyeahbaby]

Listen from I can see your absolutly beautiful. Who cares how much you weigh. I believe that a person is beautiful until they do something to change that and then they're pretty LOL. Your gonna find that involvement in the lifestyle is neutral and non threatening. So enjoy yourself and who knows mister right may just be lurking around the corner and love, sex, and happiness everafter.

[dreamer]

Originally Posted by jenniferblue

Thanks for the replies so far.....this is SO helpful to me. The thing is that I don't forsee my size (or my tummy) being a barrier to me in this lifestyle at all. Maybe it's just because I 'm from a small town in the south but it's been my experience since I've been divorced (6 years ago) that a lot of guys really PREFER bigger girls. I personally like tall, really slim guys (maybe it's because they're opposite me lol) and I've dated several guys like this, just not in this lifestyle. I was married for 12 years and my weight was a constant issue with my ex-husband - even when I was a size 12 he had a problem with it. (emotionally abusive marriage, no swinging just much cheating on his part), something he used to take away my self-esteem. So it is SO important to me now to be with somebody who validates and accepts me exactly as I am. And I would like it to be somebody who is friendly to this lifestyle because it fascinates me. And I don't consider myself bi-curious but as far as couples go, I find a bigger girl much more physically appealing so if there were any girl/girl at all I would want her to be around the same size as me.

So what is not attractive about fat guys? Could you be specific? ........and why is it important for someone that loves and cares about you not to be concerned about your health and well being. If my spouse is not healthy and fit, and I let it pass how is it that I care for her at all. You seem to be saying you want a guy that is horny for you as you are, but doesn't really care for your well being.

[LikeMinds321]

jenniferblue,

I just discovered your first thread posted on July 17, just after you signed up with Swing Lifestyle. There you describe a serious problem you were having with an aggressive man.

The man you've described in this thread calls you 3-4 times a day. Sounds like the behaviour of an aggressive stalker, like the man you described in the other post. Are they one and the same man?

I have also taken a look at your profile on Swing Lifestyle and after doing so, I have to agree with RNDNV's post in your other thread:

I would sure hate to see you get hurt, but you may wish to do some deep examination of yourself and find out why you behaved the way you did in this case, otherwise, you might be setting yourself up to get hurt in a significant way and that will generate the change (in a negative way) in you that will keep you safe as opposed to you discovering that for yourself (the positive way).

LM

[kas]

Originally Posted by jenniferblue

I told him I do have a tummy and he said "well, we can work on that" (!).

Men tend to be "fixers." If you keep bringing your weight up, even if it's just to make sure he can accept it, he may get the feeling that you aren't ok with it. The comment may have simply been a way to let you know that he is accepting (willing to work on it with you if it bothers you) and that he's acknowledging that you keep bringing it up because you seem worried about it.

[jenniferblue]

Originally Posted by dreamer

So what is not attractive about fat guys? Could you be specific? ........and why is it important for someone that loves and cares about you not to be concerned about your health and well being. If my spouse is not healthy and fit, and I let it pass how is it that I care for her at all. You seem to be saying you want a guy that is horny for you as you are, but doesn't really care for your well being.

Wow Dreamer you posted when I had a question last time too and you pissed me off just a little bit then as well. There is absolutely nothing that is not attractive about fat guys, I know a lot of girls who prefer the teddy bear type..I personally prefer tall slim guys. That's what turns me on. I'm allowed to have a preference just like you are when it comes to women. Saying things about my weight is not showing concern about my health and well being...it is a CONTROL issue. As in, you don't look the way I want you to look so I refuse to accept you the way you are. Change and then you will be accepted. There is a difference between being morbidly obese and being curvy and soft. I want a guy who cares for my well-being of course, but being married to a man who made derogatory comments about my body on a daily basis for 12 years, well, trust me- it has nothing to do with caring for my well being and everything to do with destroying my self-esteem. You want your wife to be "healthy and fit" as you put it....good for you if she's into all of that also. I consider myself healthy as well but don't aspire to be a 'hard body' type, it's just not me . If a guy wants that then he needs to pursue that with a woman who is that type. I'm not nor would I want to be with someone that does not accept and validate me the way I am. If you don't get it, that's fine, you aren't a woman, you don't have my history, you don't understand where I'm coming from on this. That's why the title of my post was "A question for the bigger girls".

[jenniferblue]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

jenniferblue,

I just discovered your first thread posted on July 17, just after you signed up with Swing Lifestyle. There you describe a serious problem you were having with an aggressive man.

The man you've described in this thread calls you 3-4 times a day. Sounds like the behaviour of an aggressive stalker, like the man you described in the other post. Are they one and the same man?

I have also taken a look at your profile on Swing Lifestyle and after doing so, I have to agree with RNDNV's post in your other thread:

I would sure hate to see you get hurt, but you may wish to do some deep examination of yourself and find out why you behaved the way you did in this case, otherwise, you might be setting yourself up to get hurt in a significant way and that will generate the change (in a negative way) in you that will keep you safe as opposed to you discovering that for yourself (the positive way).

LM

Hi LikeMinds, this is absolutely not the same man and it's an entirely different issue, the issue with the other guy was that I didn't give him my phone number because I didn't feel comfortable with him and he took it upon himself to find it and call me anyway. The guy that I'm talking about now is someone I feel very comfortable with and I LOVE that he calls me so much. We always have a lot to talk about and he agreed that the other guy was way out of line with what he did ( "that fucker" was what he called him I believe lol). And I WAS very forceful (once I got over the initial shock of it) in telling him that I would have absolutely no contact with him. The guy that I like right now, if he doesn't call me, I call him. It is a mutual desire to talk to each other as much as possible. When I didn't give him my phone number in the beginning, he was fine with it, he never pressured me into anything I wasn't ready for. I think it was your husband that sent me a PM that I got a few minutes ago, my answer to it explains a lot more about this guy and his background. It's totally off topic as far as my question goes and at this point I probably won't post that info although this thread has gone off topic anyway so I might just to make everybody feel better about the safety issues. If you think I should post it, let me know. Thank you again for being concerned! -Jennifer ps....how does my profile on Swing Lifestyle correspond to the quote made by RNDNV? I'll have to look over my profile again and see if I'm somehow putting out a 'take advantage of me' vibe. Or if there's something in there that would give somebody that impression. I tried to be completely honest in it as far as who I am and what appeals to me, my fantasies....I put a lot of 'me' into it. Most of the guys (and couples) that have written have been awesome, just the one bad apple in the beginning (my other post).

[txduo2000]

Jen, lol... I am not Mrs. LikeMind's husband, as I think you were referring to my PM in your above post to her.

I am actually a woman, a married one at that, and live 600 miles from Mr. and Mrs. LikeMinds in a completely different state.

It's just that Mrs. LikeMinds and I shared the same concerns, which is why I PM'd you .... to keep certain concerns and certain details out of the public eye.

Just be careful in what you do. I read your response to my PM and it does sound pretty innocuous to me.

Regarding your post sending out "take advantage of me" vibes ... I think the concern is that you are a single woman and your fantasies do center around your being submissive. LOTS of people play the submissive role. Lots of them post that in their profiles. However, many of those people are married and therefore have a "security" surrounding them in the way of their husbands. You don't have that safety factor and there are many sick deviants who would read what you wrote and use it as a way to charm you pants off and TRULY take advantage of you in horrible ways.

Oh, and hey ... should you ever get down to Texas ... look us up! We are always looking for a beautiful female third who is not bi-furious (I'm not bi) to join us!

[jenniferblue]

Hi txduo2000, sorry about that mix up lol. I shouldn't have even been reading the boards at 3am this morning, it had been a long day and I should have been asleep . I really do appreciate your concern and the angle you gave me as far as my Swing Lifestyle profile. One of the reasons I like this guy so much is that he swung with his previous wife and that would be a part of our relationship as well. But with a basis of love and trust (assuming everything goes as I'm hoping)......he also made it clear from the beginning that if I didn't want to swing that he would be perfectly happy with it just being us. We decided that we wouldn't attempt any swinging until we have a solid relationship, it would just be pillow talk about our fantasies until then. And I'm very aware that we're putting the cart before the horse here lol, I've said that to him many times. I've done enough online dating to recognize that when you meet someone for the first time, they are NEVER what you expect physically (for better or worse). There may be absolutely no physical attraction there for either of us lol.

**This is a note to everyone who wrote and had concerns about my safety**
The man in question lived in Baltimore until last week (he sold his house this past Monday and is heading back to NC this evening). He has bought some land in the mountains there and is getting ready to build a house. Until he gets his house built he is staying with his mom because she lives in the same town. He has a 13 year old that I've talked to several times on the phone who always asks when he and his dad can come down to my house lol. He also has 2 year old twins that he has custody of. I suggested that I drive up there instead of him coming down here because it was a 10 hour drive for him to get back to NC from Baltimore already. He thought that was a great idea because I could hang out with his mom and bond while he's at work during the day. We plan to meet in a public place and spend some alone time getting to know each other before we go over to his mom's and I get to meet the whole crew lol. I didn't put anything about this in my intial post because it wasn't relevant to my question. But since it seems to have become more of a safety issue than a tummy issue, I thought I would post this to put everyone's mind at ease. I hope that helps and thank you to everyone who gave such great advice about my original question .
-Jennifer

[WiserNow]

Originally Posted by BradAndJanet

Being a dumb guy myself, I'm wondering if he didn't just say a dumb guy thing. We do that sometimes without meaning anything by it.

You might as well meet him, 'cause otherwise won't you wonder for the rest of your life?

-B

From the viewpoint of another dumb guy, I have to agree with Brad. If you're thinking what he said may mean trouble down the road, you could be right. However, men are still very simple creatures and often much too direct.

Words make some of the most effective weapons I've ever known, but what he said just doesn't seem to have that kind of tone. It's possible that by 'working on it' he may not mean anything physical at all.

Add me to the list of those who advise meeting him, but as always, with due caution. Never allow anyone into your inner circle until you trust them, no matter how much you may want them.