Are we attractive enough to swing?

[JulieNTom]

Hi Folks,

Julie and I are started talking about swinging this year. But we are not really ready for it yet I guess. The wired thing is that jealousy is – even if we talk about it too – not our main concern. We – and Julie more than I – do both have doubts about not being attractive enough any more. We may be still kind of good looking and we work out 3 times a week now and we are both not heavily overweight (35y6f/240pd 29y5.8f/180pd) but the more we talk about swinging the more we notice stuff that we don’t like, my belly her cellulites. This is all stuff that does not bother us if we make love but showing of like that for others? We both would – I guess - feel a lot easier to do it if we would feel completely comfortable with our bodies.

Right now we are in a mode, were we are postponing it until “we are good-looking again”. The positive side effect is that we started living a healthier lifestyle again, working out etc.
But is this the right motivation for swinging?

Should we stay on it? What kind of activity should we look at first? Julie and I are both same sex curious and would love to travel to one of those Caribbean Resorts.

[dutch51]

Hello JulieNTom, Attraction is one of those topics that is so subjective, what's attractive to one person may or may not be attractive to someone else. The best thing you can do is take care of yourselves, be happy and comfortable with yourselves and realize that there are people who will find you attractive. We can't deny that there are people out there who go solely on physical appearance- you have to have a certain look for them, etc. but there are a lot of people for whom there's more to it than that. For us, it's a combination of physical appearance and attitude. You guys obviously care about yourselves and that goes a long way toward being attractive to others-if you don't care about your bodies, you can't really expect others to do so.

As for things like bellies, cellulite, wrinkles, stretch marks, etc- we all have things like that. None of us has the perfect body all the time- hubby and I don't, nor do we expect others to. Seems like most people have things they're self-conscious about, but it's always more noticeable to them than it is to anyone else who might be looking.

It sounds like you guys are doing a good job. Just remind yourselves attractiveness is more than what you can see in a glance and if you feel good about and take care of yourselves, others will see it too!

[JustAskJulie]

Everyone has things they don't like about themselves and we are more likely to notice those things about ourselves than others will notice. The biggest problem is that the more you allow those little things to get to you and affect your self-esteem the more it will affect your personality. If you don't feel good about yourself that will transfer to your actions and to how others treat you. When you feel attractive then others see you that way.

The best thing I can suggest is to take some time and first go through ads, not just ones near you but in general and look at the pictures. You'll quickly see that most swingers are far from perfect and we all have things that no one can see until we take our clothes off... and once the clothes come off how many of us are really paying attention to someone's scars or stretch marks... typically there are other things on our minds.

From there, take a trip to your local off-premise club and take a look around, worst case you'll feel quite normal in looks... best case you'll look around and say "what the hell were we worried about?".

[looking2swing]

I think that a lot of people don't think that they are attractive enough. At the club we attend, there are people of all shapes, sizes and colors. It makes it a lot of fun to see people have fun and forget about their imperfections. Go to a club and just see others that attend and you should feel a little more relaxed. Good luck and I hope that both of you embrace what makes you who you are.

[badgirl0372]

I'm not perfect for sure. Of course, my man says he thinks I look great... but he has to say that!!! But really, sometimes just getting out, even to a regular niteclub or bar can make you feel better when you notice you are getting attention. We were hesitant too until we went to our first swinging bar, but from the attention I got, my self-esteem was boosted and I have more confidence. Now I believe my husband when he says I look good! Just dress up so that you both feel sexy and go out, maybe to an off-premise place, and see what kind of reaction you get. It will be fun!

[parcarcaliente]

Most swingers don't pay too much attention to physical appeareance or at least not 100% for choosing their partners, some do of course and you have to respect that, I think everyone has been rejected once (at least) for someone that wants playboy material, but the important thing is that you like yourselves, go out, dress as sexy as you want, and your opinion will change when you receive the first ad, or the first insinuation from other couple or people.
There's physical attraction in most swingers situations, but it's not a contest where someone is ready to count your flaws and asks for perfection.
Enjoy yourselves and I'm sure you'll find someone else that will do the same, loosen up a little, you'll be quite fine

Hugs

[intuition897]

JulieNTom, I don't think it's something you need to stress over. There are lots of other people out there in WAAY worse shape. There's no doubt if you go to a club dressed to the nines and a confident attitude, you'll attract attention. That can be a boost. It's a good feeling to know that, yeah! you ARE attractive. And not just to your own partner; he thinks you're beautiful because he knows everything about you and loves you. Other people reaffirm the fact that you are still sexually attractive - even if you don't look like Barbie or Ken. Actually, we tend to seek out people who are a little more 'normal' looking. Mr. likes a woman with a nice round butt and I don't mind if a guy's got a little extra padding around the middle if he's got pretty eyes and good bone structure. Just our preferences.

I'd suggest hitting the gym, treat yourself to a manicure/pedicure, get a waxing, stock the fridge with healthy food... Do things to make yourselves feel good about yourselves. Losing a few pounds may seem daunting, but a solid effort of one month of working out and conscientious eating (Eat for fuel, not for fun) can work wonders. Mr. and I lost a combined total of about 30 lbs. within two months when we did this. You'll find that you're happier with the way you look, proud of yourselves for taking the bull by the horns and living well, and more at ease with yourselves in swinging situations. It's not about vanity or the relentless pursuit of perfection; it's about living to your potential and being happy with what you see in the mirror.

[bear_and_babe]

JulieNTom-

I know how you feel. When Bear and I started talking about swinging, this was my major problem. I was so scared that no one would think I was attractive. I am a BBW and worried that every man in the lifestyle would be looking for the thin Barbie type. But I have found that most people are attracted to someone who puts forth a confident attitude. Someone who smiles with their whole body and are having fun.

To give you an idea on how little body size matters. I was at our club this past weekend. Bear and I ended up in a room with a total of 10 people. I would guess that all 5 of the women weighed between 180-230LBS. And of the 5 men there, 2 were what I would call skinny, and the others had a few extra LBS on them. And no one in the room was worried about body size. All we cared about was having fun!

I have found that the lifestyle has kept Bear and I in better health. We get more exercise and watch what we eat. I have lost some weight, but due to a health problem, I will never be skinny. And that is ok. I have more self-esteem now and that shows in the way I carry myself.

If you feel conifident in yourself, body size will not matter.

[good times]

A lot of good advice here so far, as most of us have found, attractivness is in the eye of the beholder. Everybody has their preferences in looks and body type and I am always surprised that it isn't always the "model" types that are most sought out. As someone said before attitude has much more effect on how attractive you are to others than looks.

Originally Posted by JulieNTom

The positive side effect is that we started living a healthier lifestyle again, working out etc.
But is this the right motivation for swinging?

I don't know if it is the right motivation but I can say that this isn't unusual. My wife and I have experianced the same thing, we have become much more conscious of our appearance and have lost those extra pounds and tend to put more effort into staying in shape than we did before we started swinging. So I look at it as just a little bonus to being in the lifestyle, and maybe I'll even live longer.

Swinging - Lots of fun, and its good for you too.

[dave110256]

We're all different sizes , shapes and different degrees of attractiveness. But who's to say what is attractive anyway? Just be the best you can be and treat people well, you'll make lots of friends in this or any other community.

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by JulieNTom

We – and Julie more than I – do both have doubts about not being attractive enough any more. We may be still kind of good looking and we work out 3 times a week now and we are both not heavily overweight...but the more we talk about swinging the more we notice stuff that we don’t like, my belly her cellulites.

Just GO! My guess is that most of the nude people you've seen in your life were in magazines, or in videos and on movie screens. That's not what they look like in real life! In real life, people come in all sizes, shapes, and colors. Some have scars, most have cellulite, all have imperfections. None of us is as tall and good looking as they'd like to be, and few (especially middle-aged women) are as unnattractive as the media has convinced us we are.

We both would – I guess - feel a lot easier to do it if we would feel completely comfortable with our bodies

It doesn't matter whether you're carrying a few pounds or drop dead georgeous...the first time you're naked around other people, you're likely to be a little uncomfortable. I know this isn't the best time of year to be contemplating a visit to a nude resort, but learning to be comfortable in the buff was a big help to us in becoming comfortable in the Lifestyle.

The positive side effect is that we started living a healthier lifestyle again, working out etc. But is this the right motivation for swinging?

Anything that encourages you to take better care of your health is the "right" motivation. For my dad, it was a heart attack at 42. For my ex-, it was creeping up on the "Big 5-0" with a week at Hedo coming up 6 months away. Whatever it takes, do it...but don't put your life on hold while you do.

Besides, who's gonna know how much better you look in 6 months, unless they know how far you've come to get there?

[Vespertine]

Wonderful post JnCC!

[EvilMJ]

Originally Posted by JnCC

Just GO! M

Besides, who's gonna know how much better you look in 6 months, unless they know how far you've come to get there?

How True!!

[CowboynVixen]

You're only gonna be dissapointed if your looking to hook up wiht Ken and Barbie, cause it seems they dont swing

[jcbicouple]

You should take a trip to your local swing club, just to go in and have a look around. No pressure on each other to do anything but sit together, and discuss what you see, like, dislike. Most clubs have a "No pressure" atmosphere around here, you may want to make sure the ones in your area do as well. Maybe check out the reviews section. Why do we recommend this? Because you will be pleasantly surprised to find that we are all "normal" looking. You will find all shapes, and sizes. All of the things that make people insecure seem to go away, for some reason. Good luck!