How do I tell my wife she's gaining weight?

[dave110256]

This one will get me in trouble............
How do I tell my wife she is gaining weight without hurting her feelings or pissing her off. Lately she has been eating like a cow and I don't like what I'm seeing.....can someone give me some advice?

[biblonde]

Well if you like breathing! you dont say she is eating like a cow. Not nice!! As for telling her..Not a good thing. If she is gaining she notices it herself and the last thing she needs is for you to tell her she is getting fat. She may be going through something that is making her eat or who knows but I'm sure she realizes it and it is up to her if she wants to loose weight or not. If you are smart you would leave it be after all when you married her it was because you loved her and not how much she weighs. We all change with age and that includes our sizes!

just my 2 cents for the day!

[Vespertine]

I agree that you shouldn't flat out tell her she's eating like a cow, but if you're concerned about her weight gain, I think you should tell her.

Perhaps you can do it in a round-about way. Tell her you've been feeling unhealthy and would like to start living a more healthy lifestyle. Mention to her, that you've noticed she's gained a little weight and you feel you have too (lie if you must). Suggest that you both start eating healthy meals and become more active, ie: walking, etc..

Whatever you do, don't say SHE'S the only one that needs to change her habits, it should be a joint project. I'm sure you'll agree.

[ALilOEverything]

I wouldn't bring it up. But maybe check and make sure she isn't stressed out about something, or feeling depressed. Make sure you're being attentive and she's feeling special. A lot of people turn to food when feeling down and if that's the case help her feel better.

And really, I don't know a woman who doesn't know she's gained a few pounds so she probably doesn't need anyone pointing it out. I like the above suggestions too.

[fungal1234]

My husband mentioned my weight problem to me. It was very hard to hear, but I am greatful that he did. Just be ready to weather the storm if you do dicide to tackle this. I am not sure how over weight she is, but I was and still am (but not for long) extreamly over weight. There could be a major issue gonig on in her life that is making her feel that she has no other recourse. I know my reasons were emotional...

Well, what ever you dicide good luck.

[EvilMJ]

Gotta agree with the girls on this one. You are only going to hurt her feelings by saying she is eating like a cow.

Best way to do it is as suggested, find out if there is something else that is bothering her. I have battled weight all my life and have had my ups adn downs...One great thing I can say about my hubby..he has loved me no matter what size I was, he never made me feel bad about myself...and when I was ready to do something about it he was very supportive.

He never brings up my weight (even when I need to lose some), I never bring up his (little middle aged spread).

I think Vespertine has the best advice on how to approach it...got with that

[fun_pairTX]

By a telegram sent from another state and preferably not an adjoining one.

Seriously, be tactful and pray a LOT.

[good times]

I think your approach will have to be determined by the ability you have to communicate frankly with your wife. I guess my wife and I are really lucky that way as we both have no problem saying to one another "Honey, I think you need to jump on the old treadmill and hit the diet program again." Both my wife and I have also noticed that while it may be true that we know we have gained a little weight or have been bellying up to the food trough a little to much, we actually have a pretty poor idea of how it effects the way we look to others. I gained a couple of pounds in the last month or so and couldn't tell any difference in the mirror but my wife picked up on it right away.

[Alura]

Mrs. Alura and I discussed this very subject this morning. We've recently picked up a new line in our business, Gourmet Chocolates and candies, including caramels and toffees. Problem is that it tastes really good and the manufacturer keeps sending samples "to share with your customers." It's just not right to "share" unless you have a nibble yourself, now is it? Consider also that you're calling on four to six customers a day. That's a lot of sharing...

I don't mean to make light of being overweight. Mrs. Alura's only risk factor for breast cancer was being overweight. She did everything else that's supposed to help you not get it, from the proper use of birth control pills to breast feeding our kids. It scares me when she gains.

Berating her is out of the question. First because we don't berate each other, and second because my waist-size is up a couple of inches.

We should never have taken the chocolate line!


Mr. Alura

[JustAskJulie]

You don't!

She already knows she's gaining weight. Your time would be better spent trying to figure out what is bothering her and causing her to eat like a cow. I can guarantee she is either stressed out about something, and you can help, or she is depressed about something... and you can help.

[Alura]

Mrs. Alura here:

On the semi-serious side.....I don't know what is going on in your lives.....I don't know if your wife has a high stress job.....I don't know if somebody's In-Laws are coming for the holidays.......

Perhaps you could ask your wife "Is there some way that I could help alleviate some of the stress in your life? Seriously, tell me what I can do."

If she asks "Why do you ask?" you might reply "You are not eating the way you usually do and that can be a response to stress. So, I was just wondering..."'

And then shut up.

Good Luck......and remember the "Shut up" part. That's critical.

Smiles!
Mrs. Alura

P.S. You could give her sugar free chocolates for Christmas, and then again for Valentines. Check with your local gift shop. facelick

[Miss_Piggy]

Originally Posted by dave110256

This one will get me in trouble............
How do I tell my wife she is gaining weight without hurting her feelings or pissing her off. Lately she has been eating like a cow and I don't like what I'm seeing.....can someone give me some advice?

Wow! I have to say I'm a little shocked by this. Even though your wife probably won't be reading this I think you're already walking in danger zone when you say that she is eatting like a cow. In my opinion you need to think about what leads you to talk about her in such a derogatory way. Even if she is gaining weight there is no reason to say that she is eatting like a cow. I've struggled with weight issues myself I have so say that the bulk of the problem is usually psychological. You can't start thinking about her that way without it having an effect on her. As well, that kind of thinking will be refected in the way you act towards her. In short, it's not going to help and it stands a good chance of making things worse. Take a step back and forget about the weight. Look at your lifestyles together. Do you eat well? Do you exercise regularly? If not, start suggesting fun things you can do together along these lines. I wouldn't say anything about weight to her. She knows her own body better than anyone else. If you're noticing extra weight now chances are she noticed it a long time ago. She'll hop on the scales and take aggressive action against the weight if and when *she* wants to (with or without your comments).
I might have rambled a bit here but I really feel strongly about the weight issue and I find comments like, "she's eatting like a cow" to be quite offensive.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by dave110256

Lately she has been eating like a cow...

You mean - swallowing, coughing it up and rechewing it for hours?

That can be a turn off...



Everyone is right - she knows it - women can tell by their clothes if nothing else. My advice - get YOURSELF on a fitness program and a diet. Lead by example. That will take care of stress AND extra calories.

I'd add my advice to the rest of the advice above.

Spoomonkey

[DBL D]

Take some photos of her and then KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!

If she doesn't like them ask her if she can tell you why?

BTW,There are a lot of beautiful BBW's out there. It may be that is what she thinks is best for her.

Male D

[BeachBaby612]

Originally Posted by Vespertine

I agree that you shouldn't flat out tell her she's eating like a cow, but if you're concerned about her weight gain, I think you should tell her.

Perhaps you can do it in a round-about way. Tell her you've been feeling unhealthy and would like to start living a more healthy lifestyle. Mention to her, that you've noticed she's gained a little weight and you feel you have too (lie if you must). Suggest that you both start eating healthy meals and become more active, ie: walking, etc..

Whatever you do, don't say SHE'S the only one that needs to change her habits, it should be a joint project. I'm sure you'll agree.

Exactly what I was thinking.

Especially if you want her to lose the weight and you truly love her than you will be willing to do whatever you need to together to help her. But remember that if she is not bothered by her change in weight you cannot force her to change her body. Just remember why you married her in the first place.

BeachBaby