How do I tell my wife she's gaining weight?

[curious24]

I always say lead by example. Why don't you change your diet and then suggest to her to join you? Why don't you go for walks and ask her to come with you? There's a lot you can do other than saying "yo yer get'n fat"

[LikeMinds321]

Dave -

She is probably eating more because something is bothering her, a stressor. When she gets a handle on what it is, and comes up with a solution, she will change her eating habits and start losing weight IF she wants to make these changes. You can help her by setting an example and being supportive. But ultimately, it's up to her.

One idea: If you keep foods around the house that are challenges for your wife, don't buy those any longer. I ask this of Mr LM and he does this for me; it works in our house, no storage of cookies or chips, or boxes of cake mix or junk food. We buy those things only on rare occasions when we decide to treat ourselves.

Another idea: If you aren't getting out together to walk or get involved in physical activities that are fun, start doing so. You don't even have to mention weight loss. Just getting out could help her mood, or spur her to talk to you about what might be on her mind if something is bothering her that is causing her to eat more. I know that when I am more active, I eat less. Even when my mind is more active, I eat less, as long as it is enjoyable mental activity.

Show your wife you love her and care for her. Look into her eyes when she talks to you. Too often husbands and wifes carry on a conversation without even looking at the other.

Some people have suggested telling your wife that you think you're gaining weight, even though you haven't. I don't agree with this approach. I think it would be wiser to say to your wife that you noticed her eating habits have changed and you're concerned about her, and wondered how she's been feeling lately.

Then, as Mrs. Alura said, "Shut up," silence is most important. Wait for your wife's reaction. She may yell at you, or cry. No matter, be calm, wait, listen until your wife is through. She may go on for a long time pouring her soul out to you. She may even blame you. Just listen. This may be the first time she's had a chance to verbalize thoughts that may have been troubling her for months. You may be surprised what you will hear. In the end all she may really need is for you to put your arms around her and be there for her.

The next day things start changing for the better.

LM

[DBL D]

I'm sorry board!

My wife once asked me if I would still love her if she weighed 300 pounds.

I, solemly, shook my head.

See, I fell in love with her at the size she was at that time and while I expected time to take a small toll on our bods I didn't ever want to have to think of getting fat. (She weighed around 105 then.)

At the same time, lot's of us feel that personality is as important as anything else. If her, and your, attitude is that way then I say why not let it go. But, if one of you is bothered by it, then it's discussion time. soapbox

Male D

[RW1F]

DBL D, an honest answer.

Like everyone else said, I wouldn't advise telling her she reminds you of a cow but if it bothers you that she's put on some excess weight she oughtta know. If you suddenly began loudly belching at the dinner table or chewing with your mouth open she'd probably let you know about it, and rightly so. Use tact, but let her know you ain't happy with her "new" body.

[dave110256]

Thank you for all your advice............now a little history.
I do think I lead by example. I am 48 years old, work out every day, weigh 180 pounds, 5'11", and eat much less than my wife. Lately she has bringing home pies. cakes and other ggodies and asks why I don't eat them when she breaks them out for desert. I always say that I don't want to gain weight over the holidays. As far as excercise, I work out daily and have suggested for US to start walking in the evenings and on weekends. And for the record, I would never tell my wife she is eating like a cow.........but she is.
I still love her as much as I always have and always will. All I'm saying is that she has gained about 20 pounds in about two months and she's only 5'2". Afew months ago she weighed in at 118, now she must be over 140 (but I would never dare ask).
Please don't be too judgemental of me here, I'm just asking for a little advice on how to approach this. I was and am so attracted to my sexy wife and she says that she is to me also.......I'm just trying to figure out how to slow this down a little without hurting her feelings.
Regardless of what anyone says here (especially the politically correct crowd) most (not all) men I think would be concerned if this were their wife we were talking about. I will love and stand by my wife regardless of her weight but I don't want this to go too far........thank you

[Vespertine]

If it's a recent weight gain Dave, and she's only just begun packing on the pounds....I'd tell her right quick before her metabolism changes and it's hard for her to lose the weight.

That's a lot of weight gain in just two short months. You might express your concern and suggest to her that she visit her doctor.
Just in case some underlining medical condition is the cause.

My husband and I have no tact with eachother. If my husband looks like he's putting on weight, I only give him salads for dinner. If I dip into the Twinkie box too often, I'm met by little snorting noises from him. It works for us to motivate eachother.

Once again, good luck.

[EvilMJ]

use.

Originally Posted by Vespertine

My husband and I have no tact with eachother. If my husband looks like he's putting on weight, I only give him salads for dinner. If I dip into the Twinkie box too often, I'm met by little snorting noises from him. It works for us to motivate eachother.

Once again, good luck.

Ouch !!! Remind me never to have you over for dinner !! (kidding of course).

It is a very tricky situation for sure. It's funny in our house because I am the one who is always trying to get hubby to eat healthy (yes the pasta and the rice are whole wheat..but he hasn't figured it out yet...he he) and I am the one who struggles with my weight.

Whatever you do please do it with compassion. In my case weight has been a source of a lot of emotional distress. It has played on my self estime, it has definiately affected my self confidence. It wasn't until I was older that I realized that I had to love and accept myself, that I finally became a confident and sexy person. But it still makes me sad at times, when I am sitting in my office eating my salad and fruit and drinking a gallon of water, watching the size two woman next door noshing on pizza and chips with pepsi. Life is definately not fair.

So I think it would be a good idea to tell her to stop bringing sweets in the house because you don't want the temptation around and you are concerned that if you don't eat them, then she will be the only one left to eat them and that can't be good for her health. Support and love I guess is all I can suggest....not much help I realize but.....I tried.

[HornyCouple]

I am recently divorced, my ex went from 140 to about 250 lbs over time, years. this is not a small gain, when one gains an excessive amount of weight, you are not the same person any more. There were significant problems but she was unwilling to do ANYTHING and only thought that love was unconditional. When one gains that much and cannot walk a flight of stairs easily, cannot fit in an airline seat and on and on it takes it toll. On her and the marriage. I felt that she did not care about herself so why should i after awhile. This might seem shallow but it was not the same person i married.

It is a loose/loose deal in my opinion, if nothing is said and she continues to gain and gain, it will take its toll on her physically and him mentally. If he says something it may only make the situation worse and she gain more.

I now do what Vespertine does, if my mate gains I can say something and moo and she gets the hints and appreciatest the heckling. I also in return appreciate her telling me NOT to order the desert at dinner.

dave110256, you have a difficult road.

[fun_pairTX]

Mention any terms related to the bovine and you are likely to find out just what Mad Cow Disease is all about. Tread softly and be encouraging.

[DBL D]

Well, I think I came across the wrong way or said something the wrong way. Of course I'd love Fem D but it would not be the same.

I hope everybody understands what I meant. I wouldn't leave her because of it but you are right, HornyCouple, when you tell how it changes a persons life. So too does losing that weight!

BTW, these are not the "inches" I was referring to in my signature!

Male D

[HornyCouple]

DBL D, in my previous situation it was the attitudes and actions that got her that heavy was more of a stressor on the relationship than the weight. That much weight is literally killing someone, bone joints, heart and so forth. The marriage broke up because of the attitudes more so than the weight but i am talking significant weight gain not 20 or so pounds.

[dave110256]

Hello again all...........Just got back from grocery shopping, maybe it will help if I do most of the shopping. I bought all healthy foods including fruits, vegetables, lean meats and no sweets............maybe this will help. Just hope she doesn't stop at the bakery on the way home from work.

[HornyCouple]

good luck, in my situation she was closet eating. Had friends tell me how much she was eating when nobody was supposedly looking. Either she will want to do it or not w/o your prompting.

again, I can sympathize.

[JustAskJulie]

Dave, I still thinking you are missing the most important issue and that is WHAT is causing your wife to eat so much more?

I brought this topic up with my boyfriend last night and we had a discussion on how to a guy the problem is "she's getting fat", whereas in reality that is just a symptom of a bigger issue.

And his words: "If this guy is too oblivious to see that there are bigger issues going on then he is going to end up losing his marriage. They need marriage counseling".

Now I thought this was a bit harsh initially and then he pointed out why he feels this way....

regarding his first marriage: " I came home one day and my wife was taking a cold shower fully clothed, I didn't even notice or realize there was a problem and at that point it was really too late to save the marriage because I had been too oblivous for too long".

Make sure you don't continue to blame the symptom for being the problem, and take some time to find out what the real problem is and fix it instead of trying to fix the symptom. From the sounds of your responses here though, it doesn't sound like you are willing or interested in that and would much rather be concerned with her weight than more important factors and issues in her (and your) life.

[fun_pairTX]

There is always the laizzez-faire treatment. Let her grow, there are lots of worse conditions that people can get that don't promote heat in the winter or provide shade in the summer.