Over weight, sagging bodies, and swinging

[SnozzberryBlu]

This thread has helped me feel so much better!

I have had two kids, and my breasts are ok just not where I think they should be.. then there's the stretch marks, etc.. and the couple I think we are going to be playing with a while, well she looks great! I hold my weight well, no one can ever guess how much I weigh. And I have lost 35 pounds in the last year.. still things are not firm anywhere... sigh...

yet I read all this and I know that what you are all saying is basically true... especially if you are already aquainted with someone and your personalities click (which ours do). I am a very sensual person, I love to have fun, I'm adventurous, and I ain'ts so bad on the eyeballs ... so tomorrow night, after a few more shots of tequila, I am going to proudly march my butt into that hottub like I'm Charlize Theron! Cuz if I'm feeling it on the inside, that's just GOTTA show through somewhere!

Thanks again ya'll!

[charlie77]

Thank you for this thread.

My wife has been overweight her whole life, until we married and she started taking advantage of the military's great medical benifits. First she had a gastric bypass which reduced her breasts and left her with loose skin, then the doctor botched the tummy tuck to the point that you'ld never know she's ever had one. Its left her with lower self esteem than she had when she was overweight.

I think she puts too much stock in her body's shape and she feels no one would want to have sex with her. I may be biased but I think she is amazing.

I hope this thread will make her feel better about herself, it would be a shame to leave the lifestyle before we even start because of the way she feels about herself and her preconcieved notions of how other couples(read: the male) will not be attraacted to her at all.


D&P

[Mike and Jan]

Now that's the attitude Mrs. Snoss! And I'd love to be the luck guy who gets to sit beside 'you' in that hottub!

[20ishCouple]

Mike & Jan....

I really like what you just said. I am an overweight girl in my 20's and in the vanilla world I have found that most guys don't think I'm attractive due to the fact that I am bigger. However, I think that I'm pretty darn good looking. I try to take care of myself, and make myself more appealing to the eye...but don't seem to turn many heads...Mr. 20ish, seems to think that I'm sooo Beautiful, and that any single guy would be crazy not to show interest in me...Yet I still worry about what is thought of me in the swinger lifestyle. All of our experience that we have had with swinging, has come from vanilla world partners....so We have never met a guy from the actual lifestyle, who has been interested.
But what you just said made me feel a lil more comfortable about the situation...so I just want to say thank you....from deep within my heart.

R (the she of the we)

[HotCoupleGnS]

I think the people in the lifestyle are more realistic then people that are not. Most everyone accepts that everyone is not perfect & everyone's body is not perfect. I think a lot of the men are more mature in that sense too. I think men in the lifestyle look at women that have had children & are not as tight & fit as they were before, & think they are still are incredibly attractive. I think people in the lifestyle look for more than just outside looks, although they are important. I think your attitude & they way you can make people feel when they are around you is more important.

I am not over weight, but sometimes I do feel self conscious. Normally when you think of a 22 yr old female, you think of young tight bodies. Well, I have had 2 kids. So things are not the way they are on most 22 yr olds. But I have felt more accepted by people in the lifestyle then people that aren't.

[ALilOEverything]

Originally Posted by HotCoupleGnS

I am not over weight, but sometimes I do feel self conscious. Normally when you think of a 22 yr old female, you think of young tight bodies. Well, I have had 2 kids. So things are not the way they are on most 22 yr olds. But I have felt more accepted by people in the lifestyle then people that aren't.

You've described me here, just add one more child and 8 years. I've never had a firm body since I had my first son at 16 and after the 3rd my skin is quite a bit more loose. I've been self-conscious about it but not as much as I would be in the regular dating world. I feel people want to be with me because I have this sexy attitude, not because of whether or not they like my body.

[HotCoupleGnS]

Originally Posted by ALilOEverything

I feel people want to be with me because I have this sexy attitude, not because of whether or not they like my body.

EXACTLY!!!!!!!!

[yesplease]

If it matters to you, then it matters. I am overweight and sagging but very happy with myself and confident of my sexuality. The important thing is to have a good time and as long as that happens, you're doing it right.

[J & K]

Great thread!!!

What puts a big complex on some folks is the way they describe themselves on their profile. They say "fit and attractive". Well...now we all assume they only want fit folks to meet or gym rats. We see that and tend to press on to another profile to look at because we are "ave" body types. Not extreme overweight or pencil thin. We look great standing up, but once we sit down a roll on the belly flops out and that is what we worry about how someone is going to look at us. Even your top models have a belly, but they pose in ways to make it look like nothing in pics. Arch back and hold your hands up high in the air.

"K" is getting a tummy tuck in the Spring because 3 kids destroyed her tummy/skin. Men love the way she looks, but she hates looking in the mirror. Most men accept ladies for whom they are, but women hate looking at themselves because they want to be perfect in a man's/woman's eyes. I can understand because I like what I see when I look in the mirror, but as soon as I sit down I go....yikes. Then I worry about this hot looking lady seeing me naked when I sit down and say to myself, "she thinks I am fat". I stand-up and my mind thinks the other way.

We tell the TRUTH on our profile with our weight and if it goes up we put it down and vice versa. If swinging was all about weight then we think swinging wouldn't be around because the gym rat body in swinging is rare. So for those who are only looking for the fit body to swing with I feel sorry for because nobody is perfect. We ALL have flaws and must accept that. We can pick and choose in this lifestyle of course, but being more open to different body types expands the possiblities to meet more great people.

[fun_pairTX]

Oh hell, how would y'all like to be 50, with the height of a giraffe and the weight of a gorilla? But ya know what, I have one hell of a good time, and the people we socialize with seem to have one too. The best description of me I have ever heard is "Jerry Garcia only alive". How is that for a confidence builder? We are all what we are and we alr liable to stay that way no matter how rich we make a plastic surgeon. Use what you have, I'd be willing to bet a moustache ride, it is more than enough.

[mustang3]

When I was pregnant with my son (8 years ago), I gained 65 lbs. The doctor threatened to put me in the hospital for the remainder of my pregnancy if I gained anymore. I lost most of it after the birth and eventually got down to a respectable 115 lbs. Imagaine my surprise when I went to the gyno last week and learned that I GAINED 22 lbs in 1 1/2 years. Kinda just snuck up on me. You know what though, I like my body. I'm happy and content in my relationship and that's the excuse I use for gaining the weight. LOL. In my limited experience, I've found that guys like curves more often then not.

[Couplehavingfun]

Ya know, we are far from perfect, but I notice we get a lot of attention at parties...and people want to see us again, and again. If anything swinging has taught both of us to like ourselves as we are more than we ever did before, made us more comfortable within our own skin, and made us realize that not everyone is so shallow that they only want the "perfect ones." And if they do--they can have each other. Don't get me wrong, we care for ourselves and are working on ourselves constantly, BUT we are not into anyone so wrapped up in themselves or SO MUCH into appearances.

Calista Flockhart will never have to worry about either Mrs Fun or myself stalking her, Kate Moss is safe too.

Ha ha ha ha ha! We feel the same way!

[easygoin]

i think with me its always whats within the person..if the person is fun and just down to earth then everything else is irrevelant...i agree with what miss piggy said...im not into looks Im more into what the person is all about on the inside and how their attitudes are

[Southern Lady]

Yall made me feel like I will fit in, but I have two question what do you wear to these parties when you have do not have a 20 year old body? And where do you buy your clothes?

[fun_pairTX]

It has to be a gene and it doesn't seem to cross over the genders. Ladies have you ever wondered why you view your 20lb gain to 140lbs as becoming a "load", while most males view the trip from 225lbs to 300lbs as a metamorphasis into a SEX-MO-CHINE!!!!!!

It is all in our heads, worry less be happy more.